Godric's Hollow, July 31, 1997
Harry didn't know what exactly he expected to find.
He had been drawn to Godric's Hollow, knowing that somehow it was the right place to be - to start his quest for the remaining Horcruxes, and to begin his life as an adult wizard.
He stood where his parents' last home used to be. After sixteen years, there wasn't much left to see. There was only a pile of rubble that looked like it was probably a hearth, or fireplace. The rest was overgrown with bright green grass and a riot of wildflowers.
Harry took a deep breath, placing his hands on his hips. The sun was shining, a pleasant breeze was blowing. The area was beautiful, really. There were rolling green hills to one side, the rest of the picturesque village tucked in a small valley on the other. A lush forest began where the back garden of the cottage would have ended. The quiet song of a happily babbling stream could be heard in the distance.
The tranquility of it all just accentuated the turmoil Harry felt. On the surface was disappointment. He thought more of the cottage would be left, at least something more to search. It seemed highly unlikely anything would by lying about on the ground. Harry was surprised to find anger simmering just below his disappointment. He had lived with his parents' loss his whole life, lived in the shadow of Voldemort's evil for so long, that he didn't think he would feel such acute rage at this point. However, standing here, right where his mum and dad were murdered, Harry realized that he would gladly kill Voldemort, and would not feel one bit of remorse about it.
Below that anger and rage was something almost worse - emptiness.
Knowing that losing himself in his emotions wouldn't help, Harry tried to clear his head. It was something he still wasn't very good at, but he tried anyway. It seemed to help somewhat, because he realized he felt something coming from the old fireplace. He walked over to it, knelt down, and ran his hands over the weathered stones. There was definitely something magical there. He took out his wand, trying to pinpoint what it was he was sensing. Without realizing what he was doing, he starting waving his wand in lazy, sideways 8's. Something was on the tip of his tongue, like the answer to a question he was trying to remember. "Infinitas." The word slipped out of his mouth. He had no idea where it came from. Before he could wonder about it, the air in the hearth started to shimmer. Harry stepped back, his wand at the ready.
~~~~~~~
Godric's Hollow, October, 1981
It was a gorgeous autumn evening. A sunset in brilliant shades of gold, copper, and bright pink blazed across the western horizon. The air was crisp. There was a hint of the scent of hearth fires carried on a slight breeze. Leaves crunched under Sirius' feet as he approached James and Lily's home.
"Thank you for coming on such short notice, Sirius." Lily smiled from the doorway of the cottage. Her mouth smiled, but Sirius could see the strain of the last few months in her eyes.
Sirius returned her smile, wondering how it was she and James were managing to hold it together, with baby Harry to take care of, and Voldemort on their trail.
James appeared behind Lily. "Come in, mate!"
Sirius entered, Lily closing the door behind him. As the three of them moved to the lounge, Sirius thought of how homey and welcoming James and Lily had made the place. There were soft carpets in earth tones over the hard wood floors. There were plenty of comfortable places to sit, with warm throws draped casually over the backs and arms of squashy chairs. There were candles in simple sconces on the walls, along with various framed wizard photos of the couple, their friends, and now of course, baby Harry. James and Lily's love for one another - and now for their son, too - seemed to infuse the very walls with a subtle cheer and hope. It felt safe, like a sanctuary. It seemed impossible that any harm could find them there.
An inviting couch took up one end of the cozy lounge. Lily and James sat, Lily gesturing for Sirius to sit down next to her. There was a tea service set out on the table in front of the couch. "Cuppa, Sirius?" James was already pouring the steaming liquid into mugs, and handed one to Sirius without waiting for an answer.
"Where's Har-" Sirius was interrupted by a hearty cry that seemed to emanate from upstairs.
Lily smiled. "Up from his nap. I'll go get him."
A couple of minutes later, Lily sat back down between her husband and her best friend, with the love of her life bundled in her arms. Sirius watched Lily and James as they cooed and fussed over their son. He couldn't help but smile to himself. It was obvious how happy Harry made them. Maybe one day, when this Voldemort insanity is done with… But Sirius pushed thoughts of a family aside. He was very content right now to be godfather to Harry. "Let me hold my godson. You two have to share him once in a while!" Sirius grinned as Lily carefully handed him Harry. It never ceased to surprise Sirius how good Harry's soft, warm weight felt in his arms. Sirius never thought himself to be the paternal type, but Harry set something off inside him that he just couldn't deny. Harry looked up at his godfather, his emerald eyes sparkling. "Merlin, Lily. He's got your incredible eyes!" As Sirius spoke, Harry produced a face-splitting grin, giggling enthusiastically. "And your killer smile, James!"
Harry started to wiggle energetically, so Sirius set him down to play. They all watched Harry toddling around happily, for a moment or two. The sound of Lily choking back a sob made Sirius quickly turn his head to look at her. James put his arm around her comfortingly. Lily reached out and took Sirius' hand in both of hers. He covered both their hands with his, his voice soft with concern. "What is it, Lily?"
"I'm sorry," she sniffed, pulling back one hand to wipe her eyes. "It's just, I look at Harry, and my heart just bursts at the thought of anything happening to him."
James looked at Sirius, their eyes meeting. Both of them wanted to tell Lily that of course nothing would happen to Harry. That they were all safe, and everything would be alright. But both men knew it would be an empty reassurance; until Voldemort was defeated, no one was safe, and nothing was sure. To say otherwise would just be insulting to Lily.
Lily sighed, pulling herself together. She looked at James, then at Sirius, giving them a sad, knowing smile. Because she knew them both so well, she knew what they had been thinking, and was grateful for the honesty in their silence. "You know I also worry about something happening to me and James. I can't stand the thought of not being here to raise Harry. To love him, protect him, to be there for him."
Harry continued playing happily, his laughter and baby chatter floating pleasantly in the background of the adults' conversation.
Lily looked at Sirius. Green eyes met grey ones. Lily's love for Sirius, and her trust in him were so clear in her gaze, he almost had to look away. It was almost too much for him to take, knowing the way both Lily and James felt about him. They were the only people he truly considered family. They knew Sirius would do anything for Harry.
When Lily spoke, her voice was soft and quiet, thick with emotion. "Sirius, I know you would move heaven and earth for Harry, and would take care of him as if he were your flesh and blood." Sirius squeezed her hand. Lily smiled, then continued, "I know we've made arrangements with you, but there's something else."
Lily got up and walked the short distance across the room to a framed Muggle oil painting hanging over the fireplace. It was a rather unremarkable still life of a bowl of fruit. Lily produced her wand, seemingly from out of thin air, and began to wave it gracefully, the tip tracing the sign of infinity. She murmured, "Infinitas," and the painting began to ripple and shimmer. Lily stilled her wand, and a three dimensional image was revealed within the frame. A simple wooden chest was guarded by four dragons, each a different vibrant color; sapphire blue, ruby red, emerald green, and shining gold. The dragons at first looked very fierce and threatening, the red and gold ones snorting small flames, while the blue and green ones flapped their wings and roared. Lily pointed to the gold dragon and said, "Lumiere," then the blue dragon, "Rire," next the red, "Amour," and finally the green, "Famille." The dragons settled down, backing away from the chest as it slowly opened, revealing a scroll of parchment. Lily removed the scroll from the chest, handing it to Sirius as she sat back down on the couch.
He turned it over carefully, then looked at Lily and James. "What is this?"
"It's something I hope Harry never has to see," Lily looked on the verge of tears again. James put his arms around Lily as she continued. "Promise me, that if anything happens to us, you'll make sure Harry gets this."
Sirius nodded, puzzled. "Of course. Anything for you three."
"Thank you," Lily said. "Shall I show you the charms on it?"
"Got it right here," Sirius tapped his temple with his index finger. "But why French?"
Lily smiled. "Before Hogwart's, I went to a Muggle school. We had to study a foreign language, and I just always liked French. I figured using a different language for the dragons would be one more layer of protection. And as for the words themselves - light, laughter, love, and family - well, I know those are things that would never cross the mind of someone like Voldemort, or of anyone who would follow him."
~~~~~~~
Godric's Hollow, July 31, 1997
Something had guided Harry through the charms on the wooden chest that now sat open in front of him. He couldn't say for sure what it was, but it had felt good and right, and had somehow seemed to come from his very heart. Harry reached for the scroll inside the chest. As his fingers first brushed it, he began to feel something radiating from the scroll. Somehow just touching it put him at ease. He carefully picked it up and unrolled it. There was beautiful loopy, yet very neat writing, in sparkling green ink. Harry began to read.
My dear, sweet, Harry…
Harry stopped, stunned. He thought he heard his mother's voice as he began to read the letter. He shook his head and was going to continue reading, but something was happening to the scroll. It began to glitter and glow, thicken and expand. It burst open, gold-tipped pages rustling into order amid golden binding. Moments later, a large, heavy book rested in Harry's hands. The cover was gold and red, in a very subtle pattern of lions and hearts. Harry opened it, to find the same handwriting inside that had been on the scroll. There was an inscription on the overleaf:
To my darling Harry,
I may be gone, but my love is with you, always.
~Mum
As Harry's eyes read the words, he heard his mum's voice in his mind. It was a bit strange at first, but he read more, eager to hear her voice again. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. Even more incredibly, he could feel her emotions behind the words. Somehow Lily had charmed the book so that Harry could feel everything that she was feeling as she wrote it.
I wrote this in the hope you would never have to read it. I cannot tell you how much I dearly wish I could be with you, and how much your father and I love you. Within these pages is everything I could think of to tell you. I have poured my love for you into it. It is my gift to you.
After that introduction, there was a table of contents. Harry scanned it eagerly, extremely excited to see what all his mum had written for him. Lily seemed to have organized the book chronologically. The first chapter Harry saw was, "Your First Years." He flipped straight to it, not waiting to read the rest of the contents page.
As I write this, I am watching you sleep. You are peaceful and precious, an amazing gift, a treasure. Watching you, I feel like my heart will burst with my love for you. Before I had you, I never imagined this kind of love, how deep and beautiful it is. How powerful. I am moved to tears thinking that if you are reading this, then I am no longer here. But I am writing this, because that might happen, and I want to leave you with something tangible, something you can hold in your hands, as well as in your heart. I hope you know that I am always with you, in your heart, in your soul, in your blood. My love is always with you, surrounding you.
Harry's head was swimming. He was completely overwhelmed, and utterly undone by his mum's words. He was lost in the swells and waves of her powerful emotions, feeling euphoria at such intense love - for him! A dam had burst inside of him, and all the aching, empty, neglected chasms were being filled with Lily's voice, with her love. Harry couldn't have stopped his tears if he had wanted to.
As I write this, you are only a year old, still so new in the world. I can only imagine how you'll change as you grow, what kind of boy, what kind of man you'll one day be. It seems like such a long time off, and yet, this first year with you has passed in the blink of an eye. My heart aches at the thought of not being there for you, not being able to see you grow up, not being there to hold you, comfort you, protect you.
My hope is that if I must be parted from you, that you will always know that I love you, and that you'll always feel that love.
I also hope that one day, you will have a child of your own to love.
Following was a section of lullabies Lily had sung, with instructions to Sirius on how to activate the charm for a baby Harry to hear them. Sirius… A brief flash of anger pulsed through Harry. For an instant, he raged at how he'd been robbed of a decent childhood. How all these years, he should have been with Sirius, he could have grown up if not with his mum, then at least with her voice in his ear, and her love in his heart. And then he realized, that her love had always been there, such a fundamental part of who he was, that he usually completely overlooked it. "The power the dark lord knows not…" Harry knew that his mother's love for him would somehow be what would put an end to Voldemort, but for now, this was just for Harry. He took a deep, calming breath. After a few moments, he smiled to himself, diving back into the book, much like he would have dived into his mother's arms.
He scanned the table of contents again. There were chapters for birthdays and Christmases, for things like losing his first tooth and comforts for nightmares. There were sections for his first day of school, and for his first term at Hogwart's. There was an advice chapter, one section of which in particular made Harry laugh: "Avoiding/Detecting/Breaking Love Spells, and Antidotes to Love Potions." Because after all Harry, the girls will be after you!
There was advice on every topic under the sun, both magical and non-magical.
…If you live your life with an open mind and an open heart, and strive to follow your heart and do what's right, then you'll be fine. Believe in yourself, and trust your instincts. They will guide you true…
Lily shared her hopes and dreams for Harry: love, friendship, good health, happiness, safety, a family of his own, and of course, to live in a world free from oppression and evil. "I'm working on that last bit, mum," Harry said to the book.
Hours slipped by as Harry devoured every page of his book. He was so deeply absorbed in it, he didn't notice the passage of time, or hear Ron and Hermione when they apparated just a few feet away.
"Harry?" He didn't respond. Hermione smiled when she saw it was a book that held Harry so rapt.
Ron shook his head then said loudly, "Oy! Birthday boy! We were worried!"
Harry jumped, startled. "Hey! Don't sneak up on me like that. I could've hexed you into next week!"
Ron snorted. "I highly doubt that," he grinned.
"We were worried about you," Hermione said. "You just sneaked off without even leaving a note!"
Harry cocked an eyebrow at Hermione and Ron. "And yet, you found me."
"After checking the usual places, it wasn't too hard to figure out where you'd gone off to," said Ron.
"So," Hermione eyed the book in Harry's lap with great interest. "Did you find something?"
Harry grinned. "You could say that…"
~~~~~~~
Epilogue
Godric's Hollow, October 1981 (Not long before Sirius' visit…)
Lily sat on the couch, waiting, fidgeting, as James sat next to her, reading. "What do you think?"
James closed the golden book. He looked at his wife, the mother of his only son, and smiled, his eyes bright with unshed tears. He took Lily's hand, looking into her shining emerald eyes. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever read."
Tears spilled down Lily's cheeks as she threw her arms around her husband in a fierce hug. After a long moment, she pulled back, her arms still around him, her eyes searching his face. "Did you want to add anything?"
James smiled. "You are the eloquent one in the family. You've expressed it all better than I ever could."
Lily glowed, kissing James softly. A quiet sense of peace and reassurance crept into her heart. If the worst happened, she knew at least she had left a piece of herself behind for Harry, for always.