What's crackilackin' in the hizow? *cough* Just getting in touch with my ghetto side there.
Anyhoo, hi! I've written something else to tortu - ahem, that is to say, entertain you with. This is a lovely little all-dialogue piece. I stole the format from Grimy Grint over on FF.net. But the plot's all mine.
The timing's a bit off in this one. I have zero idea where exactly it should go. It's cohesive with absolutely none of the books, other than perhaps the fact that these two characters exist. Hmm.
OOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO
"Hello, my name's Draco Malfoy."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Ginny Weasley."
"Oh. A Weasley. Perfect."
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"Shut up, Weasel. I should've known you were one of them. The abominable excuse for hair should have clued me in."
"Says the albino with more gel in his hair than a girl."
"Touché."
"En guarde. You will be devastated to hear that I knew you were a Malfoy the moment I saw you."
"Pff. I am a unique and fascinating individual. My family name cannot be applied to my person uninvited."
"Actually, it was entirely too easy to pick you out of the crowd."
"Because of my devilish good looks?"
"I think not. Because of your blonde hair, gray eyes, hatred of Muggles or Muggle born witches and wizards, repulsive facial feature, etcetera."
"You're not very nice."
"No one ever said I was nice."
"Potter did."
"Harry said I was nice?"
"Well, don't you sound hopeful? Wouldn't your children just look lovely?"
"Oh, please. I do not fancy Harry. Besides, he could get any girl with his beautiful green eyes, messy hair, cute button nose, those positively fetching abs he's got on him."
"I have fetching abs."
"Yes, that's nice. But Harry's - Harry's are perfect. Sculpted and tanned and delectable and -"
"Merlin, Weasel, stop it. I just ate."
"What? I was only talking about Harry."
"In a very descriptive manner!"
"You don't find him attractive?"
"NO! I mean, well, I'm sure he's very good-looking and - AH! Of course I don't find him attractive. He's a guy. I'm a guy. I'd be scared if I did find him attractive."
"I was just asking."
"Yes, thank you for that. Can we just change the subject?"
"Please do."
"Okay, so how exactly did you know I was a Malfoy?"
"You're one of the most prominent families of the wizarding world. Have been for centuries."
"That was obvious. We are the peaks of magical excellence. The purest family line in all England, you know."
"Yes, I know."
"Such bitterness in so sweet a voice."
"Shut it, Malfoy. The whole lot of you are selfish, greedy, and only care about yourselves!"
"…"
"…"
"Is that a bad thing?"
"UGH!"
"Apparently."
"The thing is, none of you care that you hurt people's feelings."
"Like when I call that awful Granger girl a `Mudblood?'"
Ginny cringes
"Must you say that word?"
"What? Mudblood?"
"Yes, that word."
"Oh, I'm so sorry that it bothers you when I say Mudblood. I'll just have to stop saying Mudblood. Don't worry about it, Weasley; I'll never call her a Mudblood again."
"See?"
"See what?"
"See, that's what I'm talking about. My pain is amusing to you!"
"It's not amusing."
"Then what makes you keep insulting me?"
"You are of no consequence to me."
"That doesn't give you the right to call me or my friends foul names."
"It's not a right, Weasley. It's a privilege. And only those of higher class in society have the privilege to speak to those of lower class in such a manner."
"You sound like Professor Binns."
"How could I possibly have any resemblance to that old loon?"
"I didn't say you looked like him. I said you sounded like him."
"Well, at least I don't look like him."
"Oh, no, he's much easier on the eyes."
"WEASLEY!"
"God, Malfoy, calm down. I was only poking fun. I didn't mean it."
"So you don't think that I look like Binns?"
"No. You're…handsome, I suppose. But what do you care what I think of your looks?"
"I don't care what you think."
"Oh, yes, you did a good job convincing me of that one."
"I don't care what you think."
"You've already said that."
"I don't care what you think."
"Malfoy -"
"I don't care what you think."
"If you don't -"
"I don't care what you think."
"I'm warning you, I'll -"
"I don't care what you think."
"Shut up, you prat!"
"…"
"Well. That worked."
"You yelled at me."
"No, you think, Einstein?"
"Who's Einstein?"
"No idea. Hermione said that once. I think it's a Muggle thing."
"Apparently."
"What's with the obsession with the word `apparently'?"
"It's not simply a word, Ginny, it's a phrase. A phrase of magnanimous proportions."
"…"
"What?"
"You called me `Ginny.'"
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did, Draco, and don't get an argument started with me."
"Fine. A slip of the tongue is all. Besides, you called me `Draco.'"
"Point being?"
"Doesn't it bother you that you called me by my first name?"
"No. I call you by your first name all the time. Just because you're what some might call my `arch enemy' doesn't mean I can't be civil."
"Your arch enemy? I'm honored."
"Sarcasm does not become you."
"That's only because I am not versed in that menial art of fools."
"Sarcasm is not for fools. It takes wit, talent and a quickness of mind."
"I'm sure that's why you suck at it."
"Your less than eloquent use of the word `suck' is completely revolting."
"Frankly, my dear, I couldn't care less."
"Well, I don't really care what you - wait, did you just call me `my dear?'"
"Yes."
"What was that all about?"
"I called you my dear, what's the big deal?"
"The big deal is that by calling a woman -"
"You're hardly a woman."
"-Calling a woman one's `dear' usually means that one has some sort of affection for the woman. Are you saying that you have romantic affections for me?"
"Of course not! I would never deign myself to have feelings for you, Weaselette."
"Whatever, Draco."
"What?"
"What what?"
"What what what?"
"What what, you said what first!"
"That was only because you said what!"
"I'm getting confused."
"That happens often with you, doesn't it?"
"I just so happen to be the top student in the class. In all of the fifth year, as a matter of fact."
"Fascinating. Your boyfriend must be proud."
"I don't have a boyfriend."
"Oh? I'm sorry; I hadn't realized that you and Potter hadn't become official yet. Do forgive me!"
"An obsession with saying I fancy Harry. Lovely."
"I thought I was obsessed with the word `apparently.' Really, my de - Weasley, you should find a few better comebacks before you face me again."
"You called me `my dear' again."
"No I didn't."
"Well, not really. You caught yourself just before you did. I'm beginning to become suspicious, Draco."
"Well, I for one could not care less. If you want to think that I'm in love with you and follow me around with the other star struck girls, that's fine with me. I could always use another one to hold my Arithmacy books."
"Do girls really follow you around and carry your things?"
"Yes. Would you like to be one of them?"
"Perish the thought. You're sick and twisted - allowing girls to do those things for you. Just because you're smart and talented and charming and terribly good looking doesn't give you the right to degrade your classmates like that."
Draco smirks
"What's that look for?"
"I had no idea you felt that way, Weasley."
"What are you on about?"
"You've just given quite a lengthy list of my attributes."
"I only said you were smart and talented."
"Oh, no, Weasley. You said much more than that."
"Pff. Like what?"
"You said I'm smart and talented and charming and terribly good looking."
"…"
"You aren't going to say something witty and vengeful?"
"Wait a minute. I'm thinking."
"Oh, that's sad. Weasley, that's just really, really sad."
"I've used up a good bit of my store of witty retorts in this conversation."
"You've barely been clever at all!"
"Wait, wait, it's coming…aha! I was only saying that from the point of view from any of the girls that you claim follow you around. That wasn't a good comeback at all."
"Agreed. But that doesn't get you off the hook. You still need to come up with some sort of excuse as to why you said that I'm good looking and charming."
"I told you. I was saying it from a `star struck' girl's point of view."
"And I don't believe it for a moment."
"Well, that's your problem, isn't it?"
"No, it's your problem."
"How so?"
"So glad you asked. From the previous conversation, it has become clear to me that you feel some kind of affection for or at least intense attraction to me."
"Even if that was true - and it's not - why is it my problem?"
"Because I usually enjoy telling my friends about the most recent additions to my extensive fan club. They always find it so entertaining."
"But you can't tell the Slytherins that! They'll spread it around the school!"
"What do you care? You should be glad that your Slytherin Prince acknowledges your feelings."
"Oh, please. `Slytherin Prince?' You are entirely unoriginal, darling."
"You called me darling."
"That was only for effect."
"Oh, right, and me calling you `my dear' was only for effect, too."
"Ha! So you admit it! You really do have some kind of affections for me!"
"What's your point?"
"…."
"I don't think you quite heard the question, Ginny."
"I heard you."
"And your answer?"
"You aren't denying it?"
"What? Denying that I have affections for you? That I love you, to make it simpler? I'm not saying that I'm in love with you, Weasley.
"Then what are you saying?"
"That it's not really a big deal if you think that I fancy you."
"But do you?"
"No, but I do find you rather attractive."
"…."
"Is it so hard to believe?"
"Well, yes. I mean, for every ounce of time we've spent together, you've done nothing but express feelings of animosity and hatred for me."
"What a scandal."
"Draco, it is entirely unbelievable that you would cause that much pain and grief to someone that you really loved. When I love someone, I don't try my best to make them cry."
"I already told you that I don't love you. Besides, I never made you cry."
"Yes, you did."
"When?"
"That one time when you said that thing to me and I cried."
"So unfailingly detailed."
"I said before that sarcasm does not become you. I stand by that argument."
"Well, maybe sarcasm doesn't become me -"
"You got that right."
"But I certainly become me."
"That made no sense."
"Well, dearest, that was the point."
"I don't believe you. I think you only said that to recover from your nonsensical sentence."
"Ooh, nonsensical. Big word. I'm so proud."
"God, I hate you."
"The feeling's mutual, darling."
"Now you're contradicting yourself."
"Am I?"
"You said just a minute ago that you found me attractive. Now you say that you hate me."
"There's a fine line between hate and love, my sweet."
"Stop it with the pet names, Dra."
"You called me Dra."
"That's only because Draco takes too long to say."
"It's two syllables!"
"Your face is two syllables."
"What kind of comeback is that? `Your face' doesn't work here."
"What are you talking about? `Your face' always works."
"I think you've been spending too much time in `da hood.'"
"You did not just say `da hood.'"
"So I did."
"You're much too white to say `da hood.'"
"Yeah, well…your face."
"I do believe you've lost it."
"But I hired a P.I. to find it."
"Are you mental?"
"Quite. Has it taken you that long to figure it out?"
"No, I figured it out long ago. I just never chose to voice my thoughts before now."
"Back to the subject of you calling me Dra -"
"Not a subject! I called you Dra. End of discussion."
"A shortening of a person's name usually brings evidence to one's feelings of affection for the other person."
"I do not feel any kind of affection for you."
"That is hard to believe."
"Is it now? I hate you. Well, technically, I greatly dislike you, but that's too hard to say."
"So you don't hate me?"
"Hate is an awfully strong word for someone."
"Someone you love, you mean."
"I don't love you. We already deemed it true that you don't love me. So, you should believe me when I say that I don't love you."
"You said I was attractive."
"Don't forget that you also said the same about me."
"Well, that was different."
"In what way?"
"When I said that I find you attractive, I meant that I think you're pretty."
"And when I said that I find you attractive, it meant that I think you're handsome."
"That's not what it sounded like."
"Then what did it sound like?"
"Well, it sounded like…like…ah, never mind, it sounded exactly the same."
"My point exactly."
"You are incredibly aggravating."
"And that's why I'm loveable."
"You, my dear, are not lovable."
"You did it again!"
"What?"
"You called me `my dear!'"
"I've told you this before: it's only for effect."
"And I've told you this before: I don't believe you."
"You never said that you didn't believe me. Only that you were becoming suspicious."
"I also said `whatever.'"
"Brilliant deduction."
"Is it a crime to state all of the details of a particular situation when said situation is the topic of conversation at the given time?"
"My brain hurts. Stop talking like that."
"Talking like what?"
"Like `state all of the details' or `when said situation' and `at the given time.'"
"There's nothing wrong with speaking correctly!"
"True. But there's something slightly aggravating about it. Especially to all of us with poorer grammar skills."
"Well, that explains why you got such a bad grade on the written parts of the exams."
"How did you know that I got a Troll in that part?"
"I didn't. I was only guessing. But thanks for that tidbit of information. It'll be most useful in blackmailing."
"You are not a very nice person."
"Nobody said that I was nice."
"Now you're referring back to old comebacks, Weasley? That's sad."
"You're also using old comebacks, Dra."
"You called me Dra again."
"I did it on purpose."
"And what purpose was that?"
"To annoy you, of course."
"I'm hardly annoyed. It's quite endearing, really."
"Endearing? What is it with you?"
"What is what with me?"
"Well, first you called me `my dear' several times. Then there was `darling,' `sweet,' and now I'm `endearing?' Make up your mind! Do you or do you not have feelings for me?"
"That's hardly a question I can answer on an empty stomach."
"You just had dinner."
"I know. I'm just fishing around for excuses to not tell you what I feel."
"That statement leads me to believe that you do have some sort of romantic feelings for me."
"Well, it is entirely misguided."
"Then please tell me what you really feel. I am most anxious to know."
"Sarcasm really doesn't become you much either."
"Yes, but it's so useful in times such as these."
"Once again I say it: sarcasm -"
"Does not become me, yes, I know. Just answer the question."
"Which question was that?"
"You are so aggravating."
"It's one of those things that just screams of me."
"You are so aggravating."
"Yes, darling, you said that already."
"I am using every ounce of self-control that I have to refrain from stating that you called me darling again."
"Is it hard on you, dearest? Do you need an ice pack to soothe that pretty little head of yours?"
"It sounds so strange to hear baby talk coming out of your mouth."
"That's only because I spend no time with the little brats of this world. They are entirely too unintelligible for me."
"You are doing a wonderful job of evading the question looming over your head at this moment."
"I've always been good at that kind of thing."
"I'm sure. Will you just answer me now?"
"Like I asked before, which question?"
"Do you have feelings for me?"
"…."
"I'm waiting."
"…."
"You're taking ages."
"…."
"I shall soon be reduced to taking drastic measures."
"Yes."
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"Are you quite sure?"
"Pretty sure."
"And you didn't forget your medication this morning?"
"Of course I di - hey!"
"I couldn't resist. Sorry."
"You're forgiven."
"So you really fancy me?"
"That would be the general assumption."
"Well…it comes rather as a shock."
"Don't worry. Just take your time."
"Since when?"
"I'd say since about…ten minutes ago."
"You've waited for me all this time? How wonderfully romantic!"
"And again with the sarcasm."
"Your hurtful honesty and blatant irreverence call for such words."
"You know, that's not really the kind of thing you say to a man who just professed his undying love for you. It's rather disparaging."
"Sorry. But you deserve it."
"It's true that I was sort of mean to you."
"Try discouraging, demeaning, isolative. Those work better, really."
"Well, I didn't really mean to. I really do fancy you, Ginny."
"I've just heard about so many horrible things you've said and done to my friends."
"I know. And I'm sorry. I was an absolute prick."
"That was obvious."
"Now that we've gotten all of that straightened out -"
"Gotten what straightened out? We haven't talked about anything."
"Shut up. I'm ignoring you."
"Humph."
"You're so cute when you do that."
"I am flattered at the same time as I am freaked out."
"That's nice. Anyway, like I was trying to ask you before, what do you think of me?"
"Like…in a romantic way?"
"That is what I was going for."
"Well, you're usually mean. And it's not easy to have a conversation with you. You have an offensive sense of humor. You don't take schoolwork seriously, and your father was in league with the very wizard that threatens two of my friends' lives. Not to mention my entire family's lives. Things aren't really looking up for you just now, Draco."
"I can change."
"I don't know. All of those things are what make up you. It's nearly impossible to change who you are."
"But I'm not always like that. A good portion of the time I'm good, caring, sweet, nice, sensitive…you know, all that rubbish girls like."
"That is something I highly doubt. Especially the sensitive part. You're not exactly the type of boy to comfort me if my puppy dies or something."
"Is that a terribly important attribute to have? Because if it is I can buy a book or something that would teach me how to be sympathetic of people who have lost their pets."
"See now, that was sweet. Your human side. I like that side of you."
"You like it? Or you fancy it?"
"Hmm…I fancy it."
"That's a very good thing."
"Why, yes, yes it is."
"Does that mean that you fancy me?"
"When you're not being evil, yes."
"So…as long as I'm not evil, you'll date me?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
"On whether or not my brother kills you before our first date."
"Should I go into hiding?"
"No. I think we'll just let him down easily."
"We? Like, together? As in, in the same room with your family who will murder me upon learning that I have captured your heart?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
Draco smiles and takes Ginny's hand
"Only for you, my dear."
OOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO
*giggles* Well, isn't Draco just a suave? He's rather OOC. And so is Ginny. And everything else. Drat. But it's cute.
*sigh*
Just refrain from threatening me as you proceed to tell me how awful this was.
*loves you all*
~ Violet Kefira
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