Hey, Harry!

1. Chapter One - The Troll and the Gryffindor Claws

Notes: This was originally posted as a challenge, but it won't leave me alone. It's a "Hey, Arnold!" influenced story.
This is AU Seventh Year. Voldie was killed off ridiculously easily in my story, maybe you can laugh at that.
Warnings: OOC-ness, and canon was thrown to the toilet.
Pairings (eventually): Harry/Hermione, Ron/Luna, slight Neville/Ginny.

Chapter One - The Troll and the Gryffindor Claws

Harry Potter was a young man, just starting his seventh year at Hogwarts. Behind him were the days of worries about Voldemort and prophecies. All that had been taken care of in the past year. Now, all he had to do was relax and enjoy a Voldemort-free life.

The capture of Peter Pettigrew in his third year had led to the uncovering of Voldemort's slow process of returning to a physical body. Fortunately, Dumbledore had sprung into action and within three years, they managed to destroy five Horcruxes (pieces of Voldemort's soul that he inserted into random objects). Finally, a minimum Reductor had killed the grotesque baby-like creature that was the once feared Dark Lord.

N.E.W.T. level Potions class proved to be as cruel and painfully slow as it had been on his previous years. And, if you added spit balls being thrown at you all day, it only made it worse.

Now, Professor Snape rarely missed anything that could disrupt his classes. He lashed out on the Gryffindors, students rivals of his own House, Slytherin, as if it were a sport. But it seemed ironic that he would allow a Gryffindor to behave so... questionably during his classes.

Of course, Harry thought bitterly. If Hermione did this to anyone else, she'd be in trouble. It was no secret that Professor Snape didn't like Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. He would allow a Dementor glide into the classroom and perform the Kiss on Harry, continuing on as if nothing were happening, if he could.

For the last seven years, Hermione Granger, the Gryffindor Claws (as students, including her Housemates, not-so-fondly called her), had been annoying, belittling and shoving him around. Why? Harry didn't know the reason for her behavior. Heck, he and Ron Weasley, his redheaded best friend, had saved her from a troll in their first year! She never thanked them, instead, she started acting mean to him after that.

On their second year at school, despite her teasing and mean attitude towards him, Hermione had been one of the few to believe that Harry wasn't an evil wizard because he was a Parselmouth. In her own strange way, she supported him.

That same year, a basilisk had been on the loose. It petrified unsuspecting students, and also a cat and a ghost. Since no one knew what it was causing this, Harry was blamed for it (he seemed to have an awful timing, always finding the victims before anyone). Among the petrified students had been Hermione. But what most surprised him and Ron was the fact that she had been investigating and had realized what it was before anyone else.

In her hand had been a piece of parchment with the information Harry had needed to go after the creature and find his deadly enemy, Voldemort, in the form of a Horcrux and memory. Of his friends, only Ron knew about that.

Harry often wondered what had gotten into him the night he went to see the petrified Hermione Granger in the Hospital Wing. He had held her hand and had asked out loud why did she hate him so much...

It was one of those mysteries that would never be solved, Harry figured.

As Potions class came to an end, he and Ron packed their things. "Out of the way, Four-Eyes!" Hermione snapped as shoved past him as she headed out of the classroom, with a chubby young man quickly following her, carrying her heavy bag and his own, with great effort.

One peculiar thing about Hermione Granger was that, despite her icy attitude, she had two friends (if you count being ordered around as friendship). Her friends were a chubby Gryffindor boy of their same year, and a blonde Ravenclaw of a year below. They both had one thing in common: they were outcasts.

Neville Longbottom had always been picked on by the Slytherins. And, while his fellow Housemates defended him, they had not tried to become his friends. So Hermione had "Marked Him As Her Property" (as Ron jokingly used to say, paraphrasing the prophecy that had doomed Harry before his birth) at the end of their first year.

Even though she ordered him around and treated him as a slave, Neville had gotten good grades since then. He was slightly more confident, even. When Luna Lovegood, the young Ravenclaw, had become another friend (or slave, depending on your point of view) of Hermione's, he had another person to talk to.

Luna was another thing. She had been called crazy by her own Housemates and others. She never got defended, until one day an older girl saw a group of Ravenclaws making fun of her. Hermione Granger had made sure they'd never do that to the blonde again.

In gratitude, and because Hermione had demanded so, she became her best friend. And Luna found out that even if the bushy haired witch seemed mean, she was a good person, and heavily insecure. She had found a real friend in Neville, and an escape to Hermione's frequent mood swings.

Over the years, they both got used to it. And, over the years, Hermione slowly opened up to them and didn't snap at them as much. Especially after they found out her deepest secret...

Hermione Granger, who publicly hated Harry Potter... was actually deeply madly in love with him. Since her first year.

Harry sighed as he rubbed his arm, before swinging his backpack over his other shoulder. "You'd think she'd loosen up a bit," he muttered to his best friend.

Ron nodded, frowning in the general direction where Hermione had gone. "Mental, that one," he said.

"Come on," the raven-haired boy said, also leaving the classroom. They still had Divination with those who kept assisting to Professor Trelawney's classes. Sometimes he wondered why he kept going to that class, since he had no Seer powers. But, at least, Hermione Granger wasn't there to throw spit balls at him. She hated that subject with a passion, and he quite agreed with that opinion.

"One more class, and then there's food," Ron said hopefully. "I'm starving!" Harry chuckled. When was his best buddy not hungry?

Hermione stomped through the halls, with Neville closely behind. They were on their usual routine of picking Luna from her class, to make sure no one was stupid enough to make fun of her. Not that there was anyone who would forget who protected the blonde Ravenclaw.

"Luna!" she called out sharply as the younger girl exited from her Charms class.

"Coming," Luna replied cheerfully, following after the older Gryffindors. "Hello, Neville," she said, turning to the struggling boy. "You want me to carry her bag?"

Neville shook his head and smiled. "Don't worry, Luna. I need the exercise."

"Luna, you have Transfiguration next, right?" Hermione asked the blonde, who nodded in response. "And you, Neville?"

"Divination," he answered. "Maybe it's best if I take Luna to her class so you get to Ancient Runes on time."

Hermione looked thoughtful while they reached a point where they would have to split, and finally nodded. "Fine. See you both in the Great Hall," she said as she took her backpack from Neville.

"Bye, Hermione!" Luna said, waving energetically after their friend. "Don't hex too many people!"

Neville took her other arm, gently pulling her so she'd start walking. "Come on, Luna. Or I'll never get to Divination on time..." he said with a tired sigh.

Notes: I've had this idea playing in my head for a while. Only when I finally started writing it did I add Neville, though. Initially, it was just Hermione and Luna as friends.
There might be flashbacks to other years as Harry remembers all the weird things done by Hermione. :P

2. Chapter Two - The Crush and the Slytherins

Notes: I warn you that corniness follows Hermione in this story. :P If you're familiar with Helga Pataki's monologues, you know what I mean...

Chapter Two - The Crush and the Slytherins

Ancient Runes turned out to be another uneventful but informative class for Hermione. She made her way to the Great Hall, where she'd find Neville and Luna waiting for her. But before she reached one of the frequented hallways, she darted into a dark corner and took out a picture from underneath her robes.

It was a still picture of Harry Potter, looking up with a surprised expression, taken by Colin Creevey, a young Sixth Year Gryffindor. The Boy-Who-Lived had been sitting in the common room, raking his brain trying to complete an essay, when the Muggle-born wizard had popped out of nowhere and flashed his camera.

Hermione had made Neville pay Colin for that one.

She looked at the boy in the picture and sighed. "Oh, Harry! If only you knew how much I love you! Your green pools make want to kiss you every time I look into them." Hermione brought the picture against her chest and sighed over-dramatically again. "I wish I could be nicer to you, my love. But you'd probably laugh at me..." She knew it could happen...

He had saved her! He had saved her from that huge horrible troll! Of course, she had to stand up for him when the professors rushed into the girls' loo, demanding for an explanation. She had taken the blame, and was sent to the common room.

When Harry and Ron came back, just a few minutes later, she felt like hugging the raven-haired boy. She had a dreamy smile on her face as she looked at him. Two older boys that had bright red hair noticed and whispered to a couple of girls standing near them. They pointed at her and laughed, not knowing that it would seal Harry and Hermione's fate.

Hermione felt as if it were Muggle school all over again. People laughing at her again. No, she wouldn't allow that. She had learnt that before. Hermione Granger would show them who was the boss.

She scowled as Harry and Ron approached her with timid smiles. "Hermione..." the spectacled boy started. "Thanks."

Her heart beat faster, but she had already made up her mind. The group that had laughed at her was looking on with amused smiles on their faces. They thought of her as a weak giggly girl! She knew it, there was no way to back away now. She wouldn't be everyone's comic relief!

"What do you want?" she snapped loudly at Harry. Both his and Ron's eyes widened in shock and the older kids blinked in confusion. "Get away from me you... you... Four-Eyes!" With that, she shoved past them and headed to her dormitory. She didn't want to remember the hurt expression on his face when she called him that. Nor the glares from the rest of the Gryffindors. She just wanted to cry.

There were rushed footsteps getting near her, and she quickly put the picture away, grabbing her bag and setting up her bossy scowl. She inwardly relaxed when she saw Luna approaching her. "There you are!" the blonde said happily. "Neville has saved us a couple of seats at the Gryffindor table."

Hermione nodded, and they both headed to the Great Hall in silence.

"Here come the Claws and the Loony!" Dean whispered to Seamus, and they both snickered. They watched as Hermione and Luna made their way to their usual spot at the end of the large table. Neville was waiting for them patiently.

Across from the two male Gryffindors, Ron Weasley frowned. "Don't call her Loony!" he whispered harshly. His two roommates looked at him in shock, and he realized what he had said. "I mean..." he stuttered. "It's not polite." Next to him, Harry smirked into his goblet. The redhead saw, anyway. "Stop laughing!" he whispered to him.

Harry put his drink aside. "I'm not laughing," he said plainly, as his smirk widened. His chest shook with silent laugher. "Really, if you like her it's okay!" he said in a low but amused tone.

Ron reddened. "I don't like her!" he said. Then he blinked. "I mean, I do, but I don't... Oh, stop laughing! I like her, but not like that!" Harry was openly laughing now. "Geez! I don't know why I bother with you!"

Several seats away, Hermione was watching them as she ate. Her heart raced as she saw Harry laughing. It was like music to her ears! She almost smiled, but then she remembered where she was. Before she could set up her usual cold expression, Harry had calmed down and was looking at her curiously.

She felt her cheeks burn. But with determination, she scowled at him. "What are you looking at, Four-Eyes!" Instantly, Harry flinched and looked away. It broke her heart to do that to him. Some Housemates glared at her, but none dared to say a word about her cruel behavior towards their hero.

Harry sighed. He had to admit he was slowly giving up on the idea of becoming her friend. No matter what he did, she seemed to hate him more and more. There were times when she was contradicting. Like when she stood up for him in their fifth year...

As Harry and Ron made their way towards their Transfiguration class, an annoying voice spoke up behind them. "Oh, if it isn't Scar-head and his pet the Weasel!" It was Draco Malfoy and his two dumb gorilla bodyguards, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle.

Both Harry and Ron turned around to glare at Malfoy. "What do you want, Little Ferret?" the raven-haired boy asked, smirking.

Malfoy raised his chin indignantly. "You think you're funny, Potter? You forget I am a Prefect."

"I think someone forgot to research for new things to say," Ron said barely holding his laugher. "Besides, I'm a Prefect as well," he added, looking at Crabbe and Goyle.

Both gorillas stepped up, cracking their knuckles menacingly. While Ron puffed his chest, Harry looked warily at the three Slytherins. "Go find a Hippogriff to feed, Malfoy," he said as he turned around to continue on his way. He didn't feel like fighting with them now, especially since McGonagall was testing them that day and they were already a bit late.

Someone grabbed him by the back of his robes and pulled him around. "Not so fast," Goyle said, in one of his unusual moments of speech. He drew his fist backwards, preparing to hit Harry, when something completely unpredictable happened.

"Ten points from Slytherin, Goyle!" a female voice exclaimed not far from them. Goyle let go of Harry and paled.

Hermione Granger stopped only feet away from the five boys. Malfoy sneered at her. "Oh, what do we have here? A Mudblood with guts," he said, stepping closer to her.

She smirked at him. "Get your ugly face and your useless apes away from here before I make you feel sorry for yourselves," she said in a cold tone. Even Harry had to shudder at that.

"Then I'll have to start docking points from you," Malfoy said.

Hermione's smirk didn't falter. "Idiot. You can't dock points from another Prefect," she pointed out. She drew out her wand and pointed it at him. "Now, you either get out of here on your own, or..."

Malfoy growled but turned around, and his two gorillas followed him without a word.

Harry looked at her in admiration, but also very confusedly. "Why did you help us?" he asked, and Ron nodded, also curious.

She had frozen, looked almost terrified for a second, and then scowled at them. "I didn't help you, idiots! I simply didn't want you two to make us loose more points. Now get going! McGonagall is already angry as it is!" she barked, and then rushed to Transfiguration. They followed after her, at a safe distance.

"Hey, Harry!" Ron said, waving a hand over his best friend's face. "You okay, mate?"

The raven-haired boy shook his head, snapping out of his thoughts, and blinked. "Yeah, I'm fine. What did you say?"

"I said we should get going to the common room... Like everybody else," the redhead said, motioning to the other Gryffindors. They both were the only ones still sitting at the table.

Someone snickered at them from behind and Harry groaned, recognizing the voice. "Daydreaming about having a life, Four-Eyes?" Harry rolled his eyes and stood up, walking away.

Ron grunted next to him. "She should have a life, really," he muttered.

Hermione shoved past them once again, smirking at them over her shoulder. Neville was not far behind her, and glanced at them apologetically. Luna also followed, but at a slower pace. She looked at Ron and blushed, before smiling shyly at him and hurrying off after her two friends.

Harry grinned as Ron's face became redder by the second. "Oooh! Ronald and Luna, sitting in a tree-!"

The redhead glared at him. "Finish that and you're dead, mate," he growled. The raven-haired boy simply laughed. "Oh, yeah?" Ron said indignantly. "Well, then," he started mocking Harry's lame song. "Harry and the Gryffindor Claws, sitting in a tree!"

Immediately, Harry stopped laughing and glared at his best friend, who was now laughing at him. "Har, har," he said, rolling his eyes. "That's not even funny." This only made Ron laugh harder.

Notes: lol, it felt weird to put those words in Hermione's mouth (the monologue part). But I was laughing like crazy, imagining her holding a picture of Harry and saying that. :P
How's that for some background? Heh, we'll see more of these flashbacks from time to time.
One thing to point out, I labeled this as "books 1-6" because of the Horcruxes, mostly. Not because it follows any book in particular. A lot of things haven't happened to Harry, so his life is mostly drama-free.