a/n: I needed to finish this… the ending felt a bit rushed but it was killing me just having it sit in my book. So please feel free to comment…. Constructive criticism please…. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it.
Breathing
Eyes are feeling heavy
But they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin
But the air is never cold
Harry potter lay in his bed wide-awake. His body felt his fatigue but his mind just wouldn't let him sleep. He kept thinking about her, the true love of his life. He was never happier or more at ease until he was around her. His life wasn't complete until he was finally with her. Everything seemed to fall in to place eight months ago when he finally told her how he felt, and to his surprise she admitter her feelings to. Granted they were drunk, but it happened and nothing could have changed that it was the truth.
Harry stared at the ceiling fan; even though he was in boxers he was still hot. He just couldn't cool down. He threw the covers off and lay in the circulating air. His mind thought back to his second night with her. They went outto dinner and went to the park. They sat and talked and watched the sun rise. Then he came home back to his....
He heard it at the thought. A light inhaling and exhaling right next to him,He rolled on his side to watch the small red head next to him
And even though you're next to me
I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything
For you to cal your own
Harry watched Ginny in silence as she slept. He did love her, but something changed, something big, after she moved everything she owned in to his small flat. Harry wondered how a poor girl like her could own so much stuff. He didn't know what changed, maybe it was the constantly being around her, or the way she put her towel up after a shower, or it could have been how she left just a little milk in the carton and put it back in the fridge. He couldn't put his finger on it but whatever it was, it was causing him to fall slowly out of love with his beautiful red head and quickly falling deeply and hard for his best friend.
Harry couldn't quite remember when it happened or truly started, but if he had to put a time frame on it, he would have to say it was around the time of Ginny's quiddich accident. It was about four years after Harry finished school. His team, England, was out of the running for the world cup, so he decided to support his girlfriend during the semi-finals of the cup. Everything was going fine until Russia got far behind, very, far behind and they decided to take it out on Ireland's chasers.
One of the beaters pelted a bludger directly at Ginny. She tried to dodge it but she wasn't quick enough. The ball hit the bottom of her boom causing it to splinter in to pieces. Sending one of the larger pieces of wood shooting straight through her lower abdomen.
She was taken immediately to St. Mungos and was admitted. Ron and Hermione showed up shortly after Harry. Ron ran in dragging Hermione close behind by her hand. He spotted Harry and quickly ran up to him, questions flying before he even stopped in front of him.
"Harry is she OK? I just heard. What happened? Who did it? What are...?" Ron continued to ramble on questions that didn't quite hit Harry's ears.He didn't know why he couldn't takehis eyes off of Hermione. He felt guilty for thinking what he was, considering his injured girlfriend was in the other room, but he couldn't stop looking at her.
Finally Harry snapped out of his daydream and finally acknowledged Ron.
"She's fine." Harry paused glancing quickly from Ron to Hermione and back. "She is stable but,"Harry took a deep breath it hurt just as much to say it as it did to hear it. His voice became shaky and he began to cry a little. "She won't be able to have children." He finally stammered out.
Ron's face became bright red and it looked as if his eyes were about to burst out of his head. He didn't say a word and just stormed over to the window and just stared out. Hermione stepped closer to Harry and reached her arms out to him.
"Oh, Harry, I am so sorry." Shesaid sweetly wrapping her arms around him.
He continued to cry as he drew her closer to him and breathed in the scent of her hair. She felt so good in his arms, so right. They stood there for a long time just wrapped up in each other's arms. Harry crying and Hermione comforting more than she could ever know.
The doctor came out through the large double steel doors causing the two to jump awkwardly apart.
"You can see her now." He said holding open one of the doors he had just come through.
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My hear sinking
Like a weight
Harry must have dozed off because his eyes snapped open and his dream or memory, you choose, faded to the back of his mind again. Ginny had rolled over and was cuddled up next to him. He could feel the fabric of her nightshirt against him and he could feel her chest rising and falling lightly against him.
He thought of how good it felt to have Hermione cuddled up next to him like this. He felt a sudden sinking in his chest almost like going down the first hill on a roller coaster. He realized for the millionth time this past week what he was really doing. Living with his best friends sister, saving face, that he was still in love with her, and having an amazing affair with his best friend's girlfriend.
"Ron is going to kill me if he finds out." Harry thought
Harry began to feel his heart begin to pound in his chest and felt Ginny stir next to him. Could she hear it, his heart?
Something I've been keeping
Locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free
With each and every kiss
Harry thought about the first time anything had actually happened between them. They hadn't taken what they were doing seriously. It was basically spending time together as friends with an occasional kiss and handholding.
Ginny was away visiting Hogwarts as a consultant for the quiddich team. Hogwarts was hosting a quiddich tournament for all the schools and they asked Ginny if she could come help. Ron was away too on business with his brother Charlie in Romania.
Harry and Hermione had met in a small cafe and ate a quick dinner and went to catch a movie. The night was perfect, it was going so great,They had never been able to really relax around each other, and finally not having to worry about being seen by their significant others they were more open when spending their time together.
They had arrived back at Hermione's apartment. They went and sat on the couch just talking and that turned quickly in to a heavy make out session. Harry's hands began to wander to places they had never been before. Hermione pulled away from the kiss and looked deep in to his eyes.
"Is this something you want to do?" She asked breathing deeply for air
"Only if you want to." He replied and with that she removed her shirt and their relationship went over a line they couldn't come back from.
The two days that passed after that were wonderful. The spent almost every minute together talking, watching movies, and making love. They didn't want to go back to what they had before but they did.
Harry had met Ginny at King's Cross-. She came running up and wrapped her arms tightly around him. That he handled just fine, but when she kissed him, that was what made him want to take a step back and tell her everything. She wasn't the one he wanted to be kissing.
From that moment on every time she kissed him he wanted to tell her everything, but didn't, because he didn't want to hurt her, and he didn't want a broken nose from her brother.
I couldn't bear to hurt you
But it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of
They have filled me up with doubt
Harry cringed at the feeling that filled the pit of his stomach as he wrapped an arm around the sleeping beauty beside him. He knew what he was doing was wrong and he knew he should end his facade with Ginny or give up on the wonderful relationship he had with Hermione. It would kill Ginny if he told her what he was doing, and he couldn't do that, and he was falling in love with Hermione so fast he didn't want to end that either.
A distant ringing jerked him out of his thoughts. At first he wondered what the sound was. "Telephone." His mind told him. He slowly slipped his arm out from under Ginny. She mumbled something and he hushed her back to sleep. She groaned and rolled back on her side and fell back asleep.
Harry strode down the hall to the kitchen and the ringing phone. He looked at the clock to see it telling him it was three in the morning. "Who the hell would be calling now?" He thought as he looked down at the small caller ID screen on his phone. Hermione Granger flashed glowing green at him. His heart skipped a beat as he picked up the receiver and placing it to his ear.
"Hello." Harry said as the line clicked on. From the other end was only silence except for the faint sound of breathing and he couldn't be quite sure but he could have sworn whoever it was, was crying.
"Hello?" Harry repeated.
"Harry?" Hermione's voice broke the silence. "Is that you?" She asked every word sounding as if they had been drenched in tears.
"Hey." Harry's voice dropped to a whisper. "Yeah, its me, are you ok Hermione?" He asked becoming more and more concerned. She never broke down like this; she was always the strong one.
After a small pause and a very animated sigh she finally spoke. "No, Harry, I am not ok, and I don't think your going to be either." As the words carried over the phone line he slowly realized where she was going with this conversation. His heart skipped a beat for a moment and sand quickly well below where his feet were barely standing.
"Are you sure?" He asked his voice matching his legs.
"Yeah, I am positive." Hermione suppressed a moan. "I went to St. Mungos and to a muggle doctor too."
"And you're sure its mine?" Harry asked slumping down the wall that divided the kitchen and the living room. Something deep in his heart hoped and prayed that she would say yes. Harry wanted nothing more in the world than a real family. Even though his mind kept telling him that this was most definitely not a good thing.
She made some sort of snorting almost hissing sound on the other end.
"Harry I am eight weeks along." She paused. "Do you remember what happened about eight weeks ago?" She questioned. She didn't have to say anything more for him to know exactly how her face looked at that moment. Eyes red and puffy from crying and an expectant look on her face saying. "Harry, don't' be such a git."
But Harry did remember eight weeks ago, he had just been thinking about it.
"Yeah I remember." He paused his heart still hoping beyond hope. "But you did say about eight." Harry couldn't finish before Hermione cut him off.
"I hadn't made love to Ron for two months before and about a month after." She sighed and let out another sob before she spoke again. "Yes, Harry I am sure."
Silence filled the line again. Harry was so happy he almost couldn't contain it but he also felt that deep pang of dread that filled his heart. Harry wasn't sure how long they sat in silence but it seemed like an eternity before she spoke. When she did he jumped at the sound of her voice.
"Harry, what are we going to do?"
He didn't know how he had come to such a quick decision or why he even said it, but it came out anyway.
"Lets get married." His eyes opened wide at the sound of his own words.
"What?"She asked
"Marry me." Harry said. "I love you and I hope to go that you love me to. That shouldhave been enough to make us stop what we have been doing. Hermione you're everything to me, when I am not with you it feels like I can't breathe. A part of me feels like its dieing inside."
There was a moment when he could have sworn she had hung up on him.
"Hello?" He asked the silence. In those few seconds his mind ran over a thousand reasons in his mind
"She hung up, I pushed her away"
"She hates me for what I have done"Then he heard it a sound reaching his ears from the other end. He couldn't quite hear what she said.
"But she defiantly said something." He thought.
"What was that?" Harry asked. He heard Hermione take a deep breathlike she had just swam up to the surface from the bottom of the black lake.
"I said yes,"She paused happiness now etched in every word she spoke. "Of course I will marry you Harry, I love you."
Harry felt like he could face anything in the world. His life would be perfect and he would have everything he could ever want.
"God, Hermione, I love you so much, and I love our baby too." Harry smiled at hearing those words. "Our Baby." He never thought he would ever say that. He heard Hermione giggle on the other end but it suddenly stopped. Harry began to become worried. The quick and sudden silence was followed by a whisper.
"I have to go." And click.
He looked at the receiver hoping that everything would be ok for Hermione. He couldn't go back to bed. He could never go back. He stood up and walked back into the bedroom to get dressed. He knew he wasn't going back to sleep now.
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart sinking like a weight
Harry sat in silence in the living room, dressed now in a t-shirt and jeans, staring at an empty space on the wall next to his television. His mind going over the conversation he would be having with Ginny a few hours from now.
"God what am I going to do?" Harry thought to himself.
How am I supposed to feel
About the tings I've done
I don't know if I should stay
Or turn around and run
Harry watched the sun rise in the windows of his small apartment. His heart pounding harder with every minute that passed all he wanted to do was pack up his things and run away with Hermione, run as far as they could and never look back.
He wasn't proud of what had happened and what he had done and no matter how badly he wanted to he wasn't going to run from his problems. He continued to sit in silence thinking over every reaction Ginny would have. Worst case scenario he would be hexed with a bat bogie hex.
A light pop pulled him quickly out of his thoughts. His eyes flew quickly over to a visibly shaken Hermione standing before him. She was dressed in a black t-shirt and kaki slacks, a backpack slung over her shoulder and a suitcase at her side.
"Harry." She breathed. He instantly jumped up from where he was sitting. If there had been much distance between them he would have ran to her, so his movements looked more like an extended hop. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her lovingly.
"Are you ok?" Harry asked his arms wrapped loosely around her waist and leaning his forehead against hers.
"Harry!" She sobbed. He could feel her body shaking.
"He almost hit me." She leaned back and looking him directly in the eyes.
"He called me a slut and a loose woman." Hermione continued to cry loudly. "I only wanted to be honest."
Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry's neck and sobbed in to his shoulder.
"He told me to leave, and he never wanted to see me again."
"That's fine, you don't need him anymore." Harry said kissing the top of her head. She hugged him tighter.
"Have you told Ginny yet?" She asked him.
"Told me what?" Ginny asked standing in the hallway from the bedroom looking at them with an odd mixture between anger, confusion, hurt, misery, and a bit of acceptance.
I know that I have hurt you
Things will never be the same
The only love you ever knew
I threw it all away
He continued to hold on to Hermione. He was never going to let her go, ever. He thought of what he had planned to say, he just wasn't planning on Hermione being here with him when he said it.
"Ron broke up with Hermione." Harry said simply. Hermione looked at him curiously, she was nervous where he was going with this.
"Oh, my," Ginny said quite shocked and concerned. "Why?"
"She's pregnant." Harry said. Ginny looked at him again with that weird mix of emotions again.
"What?" Ginny asked sounding happy but she knew her brother wouldn't break up with the love of his life if she was pregnant, unless…
In that instant Harry conformed all of her deepest fears that she had since their years at Hogwarts and her Quidditch accident.
"Yes, She is pregnant." Harry paused looking at Hermione almost asking if he could continue. Hermione nodded slightly. "With my baby." Harry spoke his voice was proud and strong. Ginny looked almost as if she was about to faint, then in a split second her Weasley temper flared up.
"GET OUT!" She screamed. "BOTH OF YOU GET OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!"
Harry couldn't help but laugh. The house and everything in it belonged to him, aside from the ungodly amount of clothes contained in the closet of the bedroom.
"Your house?" Harry asked calmly. "You honestly have the nerve of all times to call it your house?" Harry wanted to scream but he was going to have to be an adult about this, he knew Ginny wasn't. "Nothing in here belongs to you. Not even me."
Ginny stammered something a moment, looking almost as if she were going to scream again, when she fell to her knees and began to cry.
"Why?" She sobbed looking directly to Harry who still had his arm around Hermione holding her close. "Why?"
Harry wasn't laughing anymore. This was very serious and he needed to tell her everything.
"Gin, you are nothing that I need or want. You only think of yourself and act like a silly little girl that stakes her claim on everything she sees, even me." Harry's heart broke saying this but it was the truth and needed to come out. He saw every word stabbing her through the heart and killing her inside.
"Gin, I thought you loved me for a long time, but now I see you never truly loved me, Harry. You only loved me, the boy who lived, the chosen one, the famous Quiddich star." Harry felt a tear escape from his eye. It hurt him to tell her this but it was the truth and she needed to know. "Ginny I always hoped that you loved me, truly, but Hermione showed me what true, honest, unconditional love is."
Ginny sobbed, stood up and ran to the bedroom. Harry didn't run after her, nor did he want to. He and Hermione just stood in the living room waiting for Ginny to come fling herself at harries feet begging and pleading for him not to go. From the loud noises coming from the small room it sounded as if Ginny was packing.
Unintelligible screams came form down the call accompanied by an occasional cures word and then silence, followed by an unmistakable pop noting Ginny's final departure.
Harry helped Hermione with her backpack and gathered her up in to his arms.
"Welcome home." He whispered in her ear. She smiled at him and kissed him deeply.
"I love you." She said sleepily
"Oh, I love you too!" Harry said smiling widely. "Did you get much sleep last night." He asked noting the yawn escaping Hermione.
"No, not really." She said fighting off another yawn threatening to escape.
"Don't expect to catch up on it either," Harry said scooping a giggling Hermione up in to his arms. "Not for quite some time." With that he carried her into their bedroom and closed the door.