Special thanks to marie_j_granger for the title!
"Look! Look! Look!" Ginny squealed excitedly, showing off the fourth finger of her left hand. She snatched her hand back, tossed her hair back and sighed happily, holding her hand to her face. "Isn't it gorgeous?" She held her hands to her breast, clasped, and jumped up and down like a little girl finally getting the pony she's always wanted. She squealed again and turned in a circle, smiling hugely, her red hair slapping the faces of those too close to her. "I'm getting married!" she squealed girlishly. "I'm just so happy!" she shrieked.
"And I've just gone deaf," Hermione muttered to herself. She looked around, anywhere but Ginny who was now making a fool of herself, again, by jumping up and squealing again. Her eyes rested on another redhead, Mrs. Weasley, who was beaming and crying and jumping with her daughter. Hermione shuddered at the view and kept her vision moving.
Luna was looking at the shrill bride-to-be with her normal permanently glazed surprised look. Her mouth was slightly open and she flinched when Ginny let out another horrific cutesy noise. Hermione scooted towards the Ravenclaw enigma and asked her about the weather. Anything to keep her thoughts from Bridezilla and Company. Luna failed to keep her entertained, however, and she was forced to look at Ginny again.
And fawn over the hideous ring Harry had let her pick out. Sure it was a perfect, colourless, princess cut diamond no doubt set in platinum and close to six carats. The monstrosity swallowed Ginny's stubby hand and Hermione wasn't the least bit jealous. Of the ring, of course, the ring. She would have preferred something more, well, tasteful, less gaudy. Hermione pretended to tear up at the thought of her friends "finally" getting engaged but inside she was gagging.
Oedipus complex much Harry?
Hermione sighed again and made her excuses the best she could without vomiting all over Ginny's shoes. If she shoved that ring in her face one more time Hermione was sure she would have ripped it off Ginny's stubby finger and shoved it someplace else. Not to mention that she'd probably rip some of her hair out too, give her something to really squeal about.
*~*
Ron shoved another firewhiskey in his hands. "Congratulations on finally plucking up the courage, Oh Mighty Brave Gryffindor." Their company loudly guffawed at Ron's joke while Harry just smiled. "And making her legal," he heard someone mutter out of Ron's earshot.
He was miserable. He again pretended to drink as they toasted him and Ginny and their impending "shag fest". He kept a sour smile on his face, watching his closest friends drink themselves into the night. Any excuse, he figured. He could have told them he was gay and buggering Malfoy and they (except Ron) would have celebrated his coming out. And exchanged a few coins for bets no doubt. Weasleys were always trying to make a few quid.
He dodged the next round and walked to the bar for a glass of water. He watched as Seamus, ever the Irishman, initiated a drinking game involving, well, not too much imagination and way too much alcohol.
Figuring they wouldn't miss him, he walked out to the alley and apparated home. He opened his bureau, shifted around a few things and took out a velvet-encased box. He crossed to his bed and gingerly opened it, sighing.
His mother's engagement ring winked at him. Small, delicate, an emerald matching their eyes, surrounded by two smaller diamonds. Pretty, not ostentatious, like the awful monstrosity he knew Ginny would like better, never mind appreciating the subtle beauty and history of his mother's ring. He snapped the box shut and replaced it before leaving his room.
*~*
Hermione stared absently at the book. She knew she had been on the same page for the last thirty minutes but she couldn't clear the squeals from her thoughts.
She scowled and set the book aside, curling up into the chair. Unconsciously she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at the floor. How could he? How could he possible stand that, those, noises she makes? Hermione smirked. I bet she sounds like a monkey when they have sex. I wonder if she gets everything her way there, too? She brought her hands up to massage her temples. Must…Not…Go…There…
She continued to scowl and stare as thoughts of Ginny's announcement from the day before shrieked and jumped and squealed through her head.
She heard a crack but didn't turn around, knowing she was safe because only two people could get past her wards and one of them was in her chair scowling at the floor. "Hey Harry," she said grumpily.
"Hey" as he sat across from her.
They sat in companionable silence for a while, both staring at the carpet. If looks could kill, the carpet would be on fire, burnt to a crisp, swept up and thrown into the hamper to be taken to the dumpster the next morning before finally coming to rest several hundred miles away, relieved to not be stared at anymore.
Finally, "This quiet is really nice."
She laughed.
"No really. All Ginny ever does is talk. Silence needs to be filled with the sound of her voice," he looked at her, grinning. "Or the moment is wasted or some such crap."
Hermione looked up at him and smiled. "So, tell me, when she said yes, could you understand her at all or was she too busy shattering glass with her shrieks and squeals?"
Harry just looked at her, then hung his head. "I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have let it go this far."
Hermione reached over and patted his hand. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions, Harry."
He sighed. "My own personal hell. One big happy Weasley family. I can see it in Molly's eyes." He paused and looked her over. "How'd you escape it?"
She laughed. "I have balls, Harry." She shrugged. "The sorting hat put me in Gryffindor for a reason."
Harry chuckled. "Maybe I should think of why it wanted to put me in Slytherin and come up with a way out of this."
She smiled sympathetically. "You could just say you were gay and buggering Malfoy. They'd leave you so fast you wouldn't have to explain."
His jaw dropped, then they both collapsed into giggles. "Seamus would just toast me and Fred would make a few Galleons" in between laughs.
She shook her head. "You could leave town, change your name, adopt a disguise."
He smiled and sighed. "Right. I'd have to drag you with me otherwise you'd get hexed to tell where I was."
She shrugged again. "I wouldn't have to know."
He protested, "I couldn't leave and not tell you where I was! You'd worry yourself sick. I'd worry myself sick over leaving you in the dark."
She patted his hand again. "Ginny doesn't deserve you."
They sat in silence again.
"Hey!"
Hermione looked at him. "Oh no." She shook her head vehemently. "I know that look Potter. There is no way you're roping me into anything this time."
"Please?" with his best puppy dog eyes.
She looked at him for a moment, then relented. "What's your brilliant idea," resigned.
"We could elope!"
Her jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"
"We could elope!" He grinned at her.
"Honestly Harry. You just proposed to Ginny. What would the Weasley's-Ron think?"
"Oh, I don't give a rat's arse about Ginny anymore and you know it. At least the way she wants me to. I thought that's what I wanted after Voldemort. I thought she's what I wanted, but it's been three years, Hermione. Things have changed. I've changed. She's changed. She's just not, well, for me, I guess. She's too perfect, at least for me. She needs someone who appreciates her that way, not someone like me. I need someone that will put up with me, the way I am. I don't think she gets me, knows me. I thought we've been happy, but seeing her face the other night, I just can't. This has gone on too long."
"You, Potter, are the world's biggest weenie. I knew you didn't want to hurt her feelings in the beginning. But you should have said something after a year at least!"
He hung his head. "I know. I tried. But every time I tried to talk to her she snogged me and-"
"Ah, yes. You thought with your other head," she snickered. "Too bad it can't get you out of this."
"I didn't even mean to propose! I was trying, honestly, to ask her about where she sees herself in the future and-" He was interrupted by Hermione's loud peal of laughter.
"Oh, Harry, that's classic!"
He frowned at her. "I was trying to give her a hint and tell her she needs to grow up and get a job, basically, but, well. You've seen her. I think she's already set the date." He slumped in the chair.
"How did she get the ring then?"
He sighed and turned bright red. "Uh, well, she realized I didn't have a ring and thought I was so nervous that I forgot it. So, I, uh, told her she could pick one out on her own." He looked up at her. "I am so screwed. Please help me. Please? Elope with me?"
Her eyes narrowed. "And how are we going to pull this off? All of Ginny's stuff is at your flat." She considered for a moment. "And where is my ring?"
He chuckled then got up to hug her. "You're the best friend a guy could ever have. And I'll be right back."
Before she could ask or say anything he disapparated. Hermione sat back in the chair and scowled at the floor again. She got up and crossed to the desk to pull out some parchment and her favorite quill.
Harry cracked back in. "Hermione."
She turned around and stood in front of him. He got down on one knee and blushed. "I didn't even do this for Ginny."
She smacked him on the shoulder and tried to pull him up.
"No, we should do this properly." He cleared his throat and took a velvet-covered box out of his pocket, opened it and held it up to Hermione.
"I know after this I'm going to owe you huge, but Hermione, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife? There is no one I'd rather spend the rest of my life with, actually." He blushed again and looked up at her sincerely, waiting her reply.
She smiled softly as she looked down at him. She nodded and held out her left hand to him. "Of course, you great git. I don't know why I've agreed to this." She felt the cold metal slip over her knuckles to fit snugly against her skin. He kissed her hand and stood up. They embraced.
"Thank you so much for doing this for me." He kissed her cheek and started pacing. "Now what?"
She laughed and sat at her desk, twirling the ring a little. "Oh, wow, Harry. This ring, it's breathtaking."
"It was my mother's."
Tears welled up in her eyes. "Oh Harry, you didn't have to give me this. You could have just, I don't know, transfigured something for me to wear."
"There is no one else I'd rather have given the ring to."
She smiled at his back and turned to the desk. "First, we need a reason why we've decided to elope."
They were both quiet, then
"How about-"
"No, you go first."
She laughed. "It's your game, you get first idea."
"How about," he stopped and turned to her. "I had too much to drink at my celebration, came back here and took advantage of you, got you pregnant, felt extremely guilty yet happy at the same time because I've always wanted a family and now I have to marry you," he said all in one breath.
She looked at him. "I'll not have you be the bad guy in this. Ron would never forgive you; Molly wouldn't ever speak to you again. I don't want you to ruin your relationship with them on my account." She thought, the tip of her quill in her mouth. "Now, what would be a reason for me to become, well, indisposed so we could take advantage of each other?"
He chuckled and struck a pose. "How about you saw my manly physique accidentally in the shower and-"
"Had to get rid of the horrid sight by drinking myself to forget?" She smiled innocently at him while he scowled back. "Actually, I do rather like you're first idea, but we need to come up with a way for it to be consensual. And we can't get eloped right away because you only supposedly ravished me last night and it will take at least a month for me to know if I'm pregnant or not. I mean, I haven't been on a contraceptive for a while and we were both supposedly too drunk to remember a spell, so I say our marriage should take place in six weeks, what say you?"
"You think too much."
She threw a crumpled piece of parchment at his head.
"Hmm… Why would Hermione be drunk?" He shook his head and continued pacing.
They tossed ideas back and forth a bit longer until-
"Okay, it's farfetched, but…" She blushed. "I've always had a secret crush on you and when you apparated into my flat drunk I couldn't resist? I mean, you've just crushed all of my hopes by proposing to Ginny, so I have to get back at her somehow, right? So I seduce you."
He smiled wearily. "Farfetched? That will have to do. I'm exhausted after all of the shagging we've supposedly done. That I'm not supposed to exactly remember, either." He crossed to her. "Thanks again, Hermione. I don't know what I'd ever do without you." He kissed her cheek and apparated home.
*~*
As the six week mark came closer, Hermione's friends and coworkers started getting concerned. Normally Hermione was impeccably turned out in professional robes, always on time and never hurried. Lately her appearance was haggard, as if she'd been sleepless, and she often looked a little green around the gills. "Are you okay?" they'd ask. After her boss heard her vomiting again in the restroom she made her schedule an appointment at St. Mungo's. "And don't come back until you're 100%!"
Their friends noticed Harry and Hermione were extremely awkward as of late and tended to avoid one another as much as possible. They'd jump apart if they happened to touch and they wouldn't speak to each other at all.
In public, that is. They visited each other in a secluded Muggle park to enjoy their exploits. Harry complained about Ginny's pushiness and the wedding plans and Hermione laughed about her boss.
The next Sunday they planned their "big fight". It was the monthly entire family brunch at the Burrow. After the meal and while most of the Weasleys were dozing in the den, Hermione walked briskly up to Harry and asked to have a private word outside, all the while wringing her hands nervously. The Weasley's that were awake noticed her nervousness and Harry's concern for his friend as they walked outside.
They stood in silence, then started yelling nonsense at each other, hoping no one was eavesdropping. Hermione started to cry, then ran back inside through the den, her hair flying and tears pouring before she left. The family was stunned at her sudden departure and even more confused when Harry entered, his expression stony and guarded. He kissed Molly and Ginny both on the cheek, politely said goodbye and left. The Weasley's all stared at one another before returning to their usual activity a moment later.
*~*
"I'd say two more days. That way it looks like you're considering it, then you make the plans to do it. Okay?"
He nodded. "I can't believe it's almost here."
She sighed. "Cold feet?"
He turned to her then took her hands in his. "Not at all." He looked into her eyes. "Actually, I'm a bit excited. We're getting married in a few days!"
She smiled. "So, no guilt over Ginny?"
"I think if I let her keep the ring she'll be a little bit happier. She looked more excited when I bought that than when she said yes. What about you, do you feel guilty?"
She sighed. "No, not really. I mean, I'm helping you out, something I've always done and I've never felt guilty before." She removed her hands from Harry's then stood up. "This is not at all how I pictured I'd get married. I always wanted my dad to give me away and have a pretty dress and flowers and-" she sighed again, then turned a bright smile to Harry.
He stood up and crossed to her, putting his finger under her chin and lifted her head slightly. "You'll still get that eventually." He hugged her tightly. "I still can't thank you enough for this." When he pulled away he was startled to see her crying. "Hey now."
"I'm sorry Harry. It's just that, this isn't real. It's like you said, I'll get my dream eventually. But I want it now. I always pictured finding one man, marrying him and never letting go or looking back. How long is this, our marriage going to last Harry? How long before we dissolve it and go back to our normal lives?" She sobbed and rested her head on his shoulder.
"I can't answer that. What I've said is true, though. I can't honestly think of anyone else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with."
"Right now, you mean."
"Yes, right now. Today, tomorrow." He sighed and smoothed her hair. "Hermione, you're not just my best friend anymore," he whispered.
*~*
The morning of the big day was cloudy and dreary and not what she wanted her wedding to be like. Before she left her bed, she catalogued everything she was supposed to do and say. Midway through her lists, Harry arrived.
"Oh Harry. I'm so scared." She flung herself into his arms.
"Shh…shh.." he comforted. "Let's get married. I'll take care of you and the baby."
"No, I couldn't. This is my responsibility. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. What about Ginny? I can't do this to her."
"I don't know Hermione. But I can't let my child grow up without his or her parents."
She sighed. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted to betray you or Ginny." She dissolved into tears. "I feel so guilty!"
She peeked one eye open when he choked, then swatted his arm. "Oh stop. You know I can't cry convincingly. Let me get dressed and then we'll go."
"Can I watch?"
She swatted his shoulder and shoved him out of the room.
Harry paced as he waited. He walked to her desk and scribbled two short notes, one of apology and regret and on of 'please don't hex me it was an accident but we both need you there'. He whistled for Hedwig and sent her on her way.
"Did you send them?" Hermione asked as she left her room.
"Just now."
"And now we wait."
He nodded tersely and sat down, deliberately keeping his eyes off of her and looking decidedly uncomfortable. She propped herself against the wall and waited.
Soon, a knock, followed by "What the hell is wrong with you two?"
They shared a grin, then sobered as Hermione went to open the door. Ron pushed passed her and punched Harry in the nose. She screamed and crossed to Harry. She helped him mop up his face, then healed him with her wand.
Ron stared at them both, Hermione resting a protective hand on her belly and Harry holding her other hand.
"Ron, I-" Harry squeezed her hand for comfort. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. It just did," she finished lamely. "I did not set out to hurt you or Ginny, especially Ginny."
Harry spoke up. "And I will not let my unborn child be hurt by our mistakes." He stood up and faced Ron. "We're doing this right. We're getting married so we can raise the child to know both of its parents, in the same home, to know it's loved and cared for. And we'd like you to be our witness."
Ron continued to stare. "Bloody hell." He ran his hand through his hair. "You're serious." He turned around, then "alright. I don't forgive you. I can't forgive you, not yet. I mean, Ginny's my sister, and you-" he sighed. "But I'll be there for you. When?"
Hermione sighed and looked over at Harry before turning back to Ron. "Now. We're on our way to the Ministry to get the papers signed, then-"
"Now?" he squeaked, eerily reminiscent of his younger sister.
"Yes, Ron. Now. She's already, what, six weeks pregnant?"
Ron shook his head. "I don't believe you two." He looked from Hermione to Harry, glancing at their clasped hands. "Alright. Lead the way."
*~*
Ron watched as his best friends exchanged vows. His best friends. His best friends. He could have sworn he'd never seen either of them more at peace, though. He thought he saw a glimmer of fear when their kiss was announced, but it could have been her hormones or something. He couldn't believe them but he had to admit, they were happy.
Harry leaned forward slightly, looking into Hermione's eyes. She met him halfway and their lips met in a soft chaste kiss that shook the foundations. Harry suckled lightly on her lower lip before pulling away and taking her hand again. He smiled at her, then at Ron.
"You are crazy. Mum is going to kill you. Ginny is going to murder you."
The newlyweds shared a glance, silently communicating as they'd always been able to. Hermione spoke first.
"You don't think you could get Ginny to meet us later, could you? We need to speak with her face to face."
Ron sighed and scowled at them. "I refuse to be a presence at this meeting."
*~*
Ginny crumpled the parchment angrily before throwing it on the floor at their feet. She walked over to it and stomped on it, squishing it into the floor with her heel, glaring silently at Hermione. She tossed her hair, then looked at the wall, lost in thought, no doubt planning the best way to disembowel her as painfully as possible.
She blinked, twice, then clutched the ring in her hand, the diamond cutting into her palm. She stalked out of the room, tears falling silently as she left the man of her dreams, her fiancé and his wife, her supposed best friend. She started to throw the ring on the ground, just outside their door, but…
"He said I could keep it," she said haughtily, throwing her hair around. "And keep it I shall." She put the ring back on her finger, looking eagerly at it, then flounced away, leaving a trail of sparkles and fairies in her wake, or so she hoped.