Return to Normal

Disclaimer: I own nothing but teaching supplies and far too many books and CDs and an odd sense of humor.

Author's Note: The song is Hotel Paper by Michelle Branch. Gasp, this is not morbid and no one is dead! I can explain….this was written in either May or June (probably June). The ending is lacking and I have no idea if I want to leave it like that or try to come back and fix it. I probably won't fix it……..it kinda makes sense.

Return to Normal

Hermione looked out the window at where Harry stood in the backyard of the Burrow. She could tell from the way his shoulders sagged that he was thinking about the past month. She'd do anything to get him to smile again, even that small crooked one. It had been so long since she'd seen it that sometimes she wondered if it had been a figment of her sometimes over active imagination.

Since their return to normalcy life had been difficult. That went without saying for Harry. Ron had adjusted fairly well; she attributed that to his large supportive family he was able to return to. She, herself, was doing as well as could be expected. There were moments of course where she became lost in her thoughts--memories, but she pulled herself from them quickly when she caught him staring. She knew she needed to be strong for him still, especially since they returned and discovered…

I'd be out of line telling you, "leave her"

When she awoke and was greeted by the familiar faces of friends who were now the only family she had, she never expected to see the large space separating Harry and Ginny. Everyone assumed that once the war was over, the whole ordeal put behind everyone involved, that they would naturally return to what they had. It seemed forever before she was able to get Harry alone to question him about it, and then, of course, he didn't want to speak about it. Why would he? Finally, after enough badgering (he probably just told her so she'd leave it alone already) he explained that Ginny simply didn't want to get back together.

Hermione had always had many secrets. All girls do and they would continue to have them until the end of time. Of course the one secret she held close to her heart and never thought about (except every other minute of the day) was that she might love him. Yes, him. She tried to never put his name with it because that made it too real and she didn't need anymore disappointment in her life. By not saying his name made it more of superficial type of crush. Something her dorm mates would partake in. She was smart enough to know that there was nothing superficial about it though.

So when she heard those words leave his mouth, the fluttering in her chest she always ignored could not be ignored anymore. Could there be a chance?

The heartbreaking look on his face made her think not.

Lately I can't be happy for no one
They think I need some time to myself oh
I try to smile but I can't remember
I know tomorrow there'll be nothing else

So now it seemed that Hermione was falling deeper and deeper into her depression. Ron told her she needed a vacation. Somewhere with a beach and sun.

“Go away somewhere with your books.” Yes, that will fix her. Ron seemed to think that spending some time with beloved books would solve whatever problems she was having in her life. She truly appreciated Ron's concern and told him that she was fine.

People were beginning to notice that she was avoiding spending time with Harry though. At first it was just anytime alone with him, but even with others around she was quiet and brooding. Once he even said something surprising her.

“I'm suppose to be the moody, despondent one.” He had had joked while draping an arm around her shoulders.

So now she just avoided him period. She hated being rude, but she didn't know how to deal with this. No book could help her and there was no one to ask without implicating herself. Situations with boys were never her strong point even though she spent most of her life dealing with two very different ones. One would think after the two of them, she could handle anything, but being friends with them, and loving one are completely different things.

She kept trying to convince herself this would all go away if she avoided him long enough. Give herself enough time to move on and focus on something new. Sadly Hermione was too smart to believe that.

and I wanted to be
giving you everything that she's not giving

you turned out to be more than I bargained for
and I can tell that you need to get away

Hermione isn't surprised when Harry shows up at her door. She is surprise at how late it is even though she shouldn't be. When Harry gets it in his mind to do something, he isn't known for thinking things through. Always been a spontaneous kind of guy; its part of his appeal. So seeing him standing there in slightly rumpled clothing isn't shocking at all.

When she's sees him standing there, she realizes it's been weeks since she's actually laid eyes on him. His face shows how tired he is and his hair is messier than usual (he's definitely been running his hands through it). She can tell immediately that he hasn't been sleeping properly or eating right. She wonders if he'll ever be able to remember to take care of himself first (not all the time of course) and not always put others before him.

Seeing him in this state, her immediate concern is that something has happened, to him, to Ron, to Ginny, to someone; but when he pushes his way into her flat, she knows it's nothing life threatening.

Before she gets the door shut, she hears him.

“I've spent weeks thinking about it and I've asked everyone we know. I can't figure it out. And I know I should know what it was that I did, but I don't. And I miss you.” She watches as he paces around her living room, his arms making wide gestures as he rambles. “It's been hell these last few weeks without you around, and before that you were around but you weren't. Merlin Hermione, coming back from all of that has been hell on everyone, but I'm trying here. People expect this kind of behavior from me, not you.” He finishes, pointing at himself.

All she can do is stand and continue watching at he walks towards her. “I don't know what I did to make you mad Hermione, but whatever it was I'm sorry.”

Forgive me if I admit that I'd love to love you

Hermione knows she could put it all out there right now. Let him know exactly what is wrong and why she's been avoiding him like the plague. This is her chance. She couldn't ask for a better opportunity. Why couldn't she say it? She could feel her mouth opening and closing, trying to form the words she's been needing to say for months. What happened to that girl she use to be? The one who always spoke her mind? The tears are welling up in her eyes and for the millionth time in her life she curses her self for being so emotional when it comes to him.

When she's suddenly wrapped within his arms, she can't hold back the sobs. She can feel him running his hands up and down her back and she swears he kisses her temple once or twice. This of course makes it harder for her to stop crying. She knows he's saying things to her, but she can't hear him since his voice is so quiet. All she can do is try to stop the wretched crying and enjoy the feeling of being taken care of.

and I wanted to be
giving you everything that she's not giving