Title: Anachronism
Author: Miranda Aurelia (Blue Lady)
Summary: The Marauders steal a copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban from Dumbledore's office and
they react accordingly, ie. panic. Chaos ensues. Mostly L/J, numerous references to H/Hr. Based on a challenge at the
PK Forums.
I've seen lots of "Marauders read the HP series" fics on fanfiction.net, but most of them seem to be MST's of the books than anything. I don't think that any HP reader really needs to have the whole book written out interspersed with comments from MWPP and Lily.
harry-mione posted a challenge on PK where she wanted to see one of those fics but with an HHr slant to it, so here
is my take on "the marauders read PoA". This is my first time answering a challenge so hopefully it turns out
okay!
Btw, I'm still in shock over how much I've written this weekend.
Chapter 1
"Of all the things you could have taken, you took a book?!" Sirius looked at James with a disappointed expression.
"C'mon, it's not a though he could have made off with the Sorting Hat," injected Remus.
Sirius ignored him.
"I had a good reason!" James tried to defend himself, "It was a book about Harry Potter!"
"So you took a book about a guy that may or may not be related to you?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"I was curious!"
"Jamie," Sirius shook his head, "Let me get this straight. The one time we successfully break into Dumbledore's office and you take a book?!"
"You broke into the Headmaster's office?!!" shrieked Lily.
Sirius, Remus and James all froze before slowing turning around to face the fuming redhead.
"Well," James tried to explain, "We didn't so much break in as we decided let ourselves in-" he trailed off at the expression on Lily's face.
"James Harold Potter!"
Sirius winced, "All three names!" he whispered to Remus, "Evans must be getting really worked up by now. Bloody good thing she doesn't know my middle name."
Lily narrowed her eyes at him, "And you! Sirius whatever-your-middle-name-is Black!"
"Sod it," muttered Sirius.
"What were you three thinking?!" Lily was on a roll.
However, the three boys were used to her lectures (seeing as they received one almost every other day) and they proceeded to tune out the rest of her rant.
"-Is that understood?" she glared at them.
"Yes."
"Can we read now?" asked Sirius.
James and Remus looked at him in shock.
"I thought you hated reading?"
"I thought I might as well see what we nearly risked our necks for," Sirius grabbed the book from the table. "Hmm, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."
"Long lost relative of yours, James?" Lily inquired from her seat in front of the fire.
"None that I know of."
"Okay, this is way too long for me to read," Sirius flipped a few pages before tossing the book at Remus, "Moony! How about you read it and then give us a summary of the book?"
Remus shrugged before opening the novel. "Alright, it starts of with a boy named Harry Potter….he's a wizard, it's summertime, he's doing his history of magic homework…"
"Sounds boring."
Remus ignored him, "Apparently he lives with his Uncle Vernon and his Aunt Petunia after his parents, who were wizards, died. They seen to be very anti-magic and they lock away his Hogwarts stuff to prevent him from doing any magic at home."
Unbeknownst to the others, Lily had frozen in shock after she heard the words "Aunt Petunia". She knew that her sister hated magic and if this Harry boy was living with his magic-phobic relatives…that poor, poor boy! She just had to find out who this Harry person was, NOW!
"Remus!" The boy in question paused as all three marauders turned towards her.
"I think you must be tired from all that reading," Lily said, holding out a hand for the book, "I'll continue from here."
"If you're sure," Remus looked at her dubiously.
"I insist," she said firmly.
"Alright," she continued on from where Remus had left off, "Okay, it talks about a phone call that Harry received from one of his best friends, a Ron Weasley, which upset his uncle, his other best friend is named Hermione Granger… I'm guessing she must be his girlfriend as well-"
"Does it say that?" cut in James.
"Well, it's kind of implied, isn't it?"
Remus looked over her shoulder, "Lily, you're only on page 9."
She dismissed that notion with a wave of her hand. "Don't you know?" Lily said in a matter-of-fact kind of voice, "In 92% of cases, the first female character to be mentioned is always a love interest of the main character…that is, if said main character is male."
"Where do you get these stats from?" Sirius scratched his head.
'Of course I made it up," thought Lily with an internal smirk. However, all she said was, "People do surveys of everything. I think I must have read it somewhere."
"Oh."
"Anyways, continuing on, Harry just turned thirteen in this book…his birthday is on July 31st and oh! The poor boy!" Lily looked up from her book with a murderous expression, "His blasted relatives never bother to acknowledge his birthday! It's as though they hate him or something! The nerve of those people!"
"I can certainly sympathize with him," said Sirius dryly, thinking about his own family.
Lily continued on, "He has a pet owl named Hedwig and here, it gives a description of him. He has jet-black hair, it's always untidy-"
"Kind of like James here."
"He has bright green eyes, wears glasses…and he has a thin lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead. It saids here that he got this scar when his parents died, not in a car crash though, but-" James, Remus and Sirius all watched in amazement as a look of extreme horror…or was that shock? appeared on her face.
"Lily," James asked in a wary voice, "Is something wrong?"
"Nothing!" said Lily in an unusually high pitched voice, "Nothing's wrong!"
"I don't believe you, Evans!" Sirius snatched the book from Lily's hands before she could react and his eyes rapidly scanned the page that Lily had just been reading, "…Hedwig…skinny….green….lightning…car crash…Lily and-Bloody Hell!" Sirius looked up at Lily, his shocked expression matching hers.
"What? What is it?" James was getting rather impatient by now.
"Well," Sirius' expression slowly changed from shock to amusement, "Want to do the honors, Evans? Or shall I?"
Lily was horrified to feel her face heating up, "Uh," she squeaked, "I, I-I don't know!"
"What is it, Padfoot?"
"It's like this," Sirius turned to James with a smirk, "We finally figured out who this Harry character is."
"And?"
"He's related to you," Sirius was clearly enjoying his little game of "Avoid-giving-James-a-complete-answer".
Of course, this also caused James to consider if strangling his best friend would be a more productive way of getting the answer he wanted.
"He's your son," Lily said in an emotionless voice.
"You ruined it," complained Sirius.
Lily just rolled her eyes as she watched James' reaction to the news.
"I have a son?" James gulped, "You're pulling my leg, right?"
"Of course we are, Prongs!" Sirius gave James a slap on the back as Remus leafed through the book, "You don't have a son-" James gave a sigh of relief upon hearing this which rapidly turned into consternation when Sirius finished the rest of his sentence, "-yet."
James blinked. "Wow."
"And you and the missus die sometime after he's born," Sirius gave the book a look of distaste, "Morbid, isn't it?"
At this point, Remus had finally read the part which had caused such an extreme reaction in both Sirius and Lily. He chuckled inwardly, "I always knew those two had something between them," he thought as he watched the other three interact.
James was still trying to get over his shock, "I die? I'm too young to die!"
"Prongs! You're not going to die! Plus, don't you want to find out who the mother of your son is?"
"Sirius, shut up!" hissed Lily.
He ignored her as he turned to James expectantly.
"Does it say in there?" James' turned his attention to this newest development, "Does it say what she looks like?"
"Even better!" gloated Sirius, "It tells you her name!"
"Well?" James raised an eyebrow, "Don't keep me in suspense now!"
"I'm waiting for the drumroll."
"Padfoot," Remus shook his head, "Just tell him."
"Jamie boy, meet your lovely wife, Lily Potter!" Sirius stepped away and waved towards Lily with a flourish.
Lily just groaned and buried her face behind her hands.
James was silent for a second before his lips slowly curved into a large grin. "Yes!" he jumped up into the air, "I knew it! You do fancy me, Evans!"
"Sure, rub it in," muttered Lily.
The black-haired boy stopped his importune little jig beside her seat, "So does that mean you'll finally go with me to Hogsmeade now?" he asked hopefully.
"That's the…what is it? Three hundred and sixty-fifth time you've asked me that?" Lily said weakly.
"But you'll agree this time, won't you?" James gave her a grin, "Since you're already having my son, it really wouldn't hurt to go on a date with me."
"There are tons of people named Lily in this world!" she cried out.
"But you're the only Lily I know," countered James, "Go to Hogsmeade with me? Please?"
Lily looked at him from between her fingers, "Oh fine."
"YES!" James gave a whoop of joy.
"That does not in any way indicate that I'm willing to carry your spawn though," she muttered under her breathe, "No matter how much I feel like seeing Harry."
"That's alright," James waved his hand, "As long as you're willing to give birth to him, I'm fine."
Lily's eyes widened, "That's the same thing!"
"I suppose so."
"James Potter, you are impossible!"
0000000000000000000000000000000000
To be continued...
Note: I'm not planning on going through the entire book (PoA) paragraph by paragraph, just so you know. I'll be jumping ahead a few chapters or so in the next post to the HHr scenes in PoA (since that was the point of the challenge). Thanks for reading!