Hey guys!
I found this story on an old back up disk and thought you guys would like to read it. I don't know why I never got around to posting it. Maybe I just forgot about it? LOL I don't know. Anyway the usual disclaimers apply. I don't make any money off of these stories, they are for fun only, and I didn't invent the Harry Potter world or the characters. If I did you can guarantee canon would be H/Hr.
Love ya all
Manda
Hermione flipped on the lights to their two bedroom flat the muggle way and headed to the kitchen for a cup of tea. It had been a rough day at work and she was hoping to catch Harry before he ran off again on some damn mission. She knew he was unhappy with the position but for some reason he felt obligated to continue hunting down stray death eaters. She could tell the stress was wearing on him, but he wouldn't even talk about switching jobs and Hermione was at her wits end. His aurorship was taking its toll not only on him but their life as a couple. Sometimes she just wished he would say no to the more dangerous assignments, and part of that wish stemmed from a deep yearning for a child. She had hoped Harry would feel the same way but as the years rolled by it seemed harder to talk to him about it. She had a feeling that Harry believed he owed the wizarding world for all the death and destruction that Voldemort had caused years ago. How long would Harry make them both pay for what others had lost? When was it their turn to live a life free of dark spells and curses? He had promised her so much in the beginning.
By the time she was on her second cup of tea she was deep in thought and never noticed the tall dark young man watching her from the doorway. He had come home early and wasn't prepared to see his beautiful wife looking so lost and forlorn at their kitchen table. He had been given the night off so he could prepare for a new job that was classified and required him to leave at 5:00 am sharp the next morning. He planned to make love to her tonight and was looking forward to feeling her warm body snuggled up closely to his. He missed her so much and lately she seemed preoccupied with something, but as of yet she hadn't shared her secret. Of course he hadn't really been home much for her to share anything with him and this realization made him ache somewhere inside.
"How long are you going to stand in the doorway and watch me Harry?" Hermione gave him a sly smile and tilted her head sideways at him. She looked into his eyes and could see his promises shimmering within them. Her body craved his touch but she had something to discuss with him. She wanted to teach more than anything and it was already August. McGonagall would have to know her decision soon if she would take the position. She wanted it so badly and Hogsmeade would be a lovely place to raise a family. She even knew of a small cottage that was for sale with a wonderful view of the castle. She knew Harry would like that. She shivered when his eyes blazed with desire for her and her face flushed heatedly.
"I like watching you when you aren't aware your being watched," he said distractedly and walked behind her chair making her keenly aware of his every move. "Sometimes you look so lost in thought I don't feel like I have the right to disturb you." He said softly placing his hands on her shoulder and leaning down to kiss the soft tender flesh of her neck. She tilted her head to grant him access.
She loved it when he seduced her like this. Harry was always so very gentle with her as if he was still uncertain of the love she gave to him freely. She ached to have him, but the time had come and she knew she would have to share her secret with him at last.
"Harry…I…would you like a bit of tea?" she asked in a high pitched voice that belied her nerves.
He shook his head and grinned at her delaying tactics. "Naw…I would much rather kiss your neck. Besides, I have to leave early in the morning and I don't want to waste any time."
Hermione froze and closed her eyes. "Harry…what do you mean you have to leave? I thought mad eye told you to take a day or two off from work?" Here it comes she thought dejectedly.
"Oh…well, you see Tonks asked for some help with a special case so I volunteered." He yawned and his fingers began to lightly massage her flesh, but she shrugged him off.
"Exactly when were you going to tell me Harry? Or were you just going to leave me a note like before?" She knew she had stung him but she couldn't help herself. He was throwing their life together away.
His jaw hardnened and he backed away from her awkwardly. "What exactly is that supposed to mean Hermione?"
She rose from her chair and turned to face him her heart wilting from what was sure to be a row. "You know full well what that means Harry."
"Mione this is my job. I explained about that damn note and you said it was fine." He almost seemed to plead with her and his eyes told her volumes about what he would rather be doing.
She couldn't help herself. "Yes Harry it was perfectly fine to wake up and find a note pinned to my pillow telling me goodbye and not to worry. It was absolutely fine even though you came back home 3 weeks later with serious scars along your chest with not one explanation. You used to trust me with your secrets." She shook her head doubtfully. "Sometimes I wonder if you even notice how unhappy we are. We deserve more than this. You have given the aurors 5 years of your life and you're always on some sort of mission or training or doing paperwork." She sighed sadly and looked up into his eyes that told her exactly how hurt he was from her words. "You are never here anymore and I need you."
Harry looked stunned by this revelation and his heart began pounding like a jack hammer. He blinked his eyes and Hermione held her breath waiting for him to say something. However instead of explaining himself he turned and walked out of kitchen without a word. She slowly followed wondering what they were to do now but when she found Harry in the lounge he had a steely look to him. It reminded her how he looked when he returned from defeating Voldemort. Harry had tried to shut off his emotions which was what he always tried to do when things got unpleasant. He had come a long way in healing though and Hermione sighed. He was standing by the Grandfather clock he bought her when he was on some mission in the black forest. She could hear his heavy breathing from across the room and she knew he must be crying a little.
"Harry…I…Love you I do but we can't go on like this. I've been offered a teaching position at Hogwarts and I thought that now would be a good time for us to…to…make a change…for us."
"You don't understand Hermione." He interrupted her with a sob that tore at her heart.
"There are so many people who lost someone because I couldn't rid the world of evil soon enough. So many
people who…who…were hurt and…and…killed because I wasn't strong enough sooner." He turned to her then and this
time instead of heartbreak she saw determination. "They deserve some sort of consolation don't they? How can
you be so selfish?"
"Selfish…you say? How can you even say such a thing after everything I have done for you?" She crossed her arms and stood before him defiantly. "I gave up everything for you and you promised me the world Harry."
He was pacing in front of her slowly. "Oh yeah? Well who promised? Was I really meant to face a monster as a kid Hermione?" He shook his head violently. "I promised nothing. It was taken out of my hands. I had no choice but to promise everyone a good life. I had to save the world because I was Harry Bloody Potter! A Seventeen year old kid has no business having the weight of the world on their fucking shoulders."
Hermione shook her head. "I meant you Harry. I meant you promised me your love…forever remember? Just you and me you said. You…you told me…you told me we would have a family…a…normal life together; without all of this darkness."
"Well maybe I can't be normal Hermione."
Hermione could feel the anger welling up within her. Anger that had been building up inside of her with every minute he was away from her. Anger that festered and boiled up to take hold of her and she couldn't let it go. Not this time.
"I don't want this anymore Harry. I want to have a family and a husband that comes home from work without having to worry about where that horrible scar came from or if you'll come home at all." She was trembling now and for once Harry seemed unable to look her in the face. She knew he blamed himself but was she supposed to be responsible for that?
"Ever since we were eleven years old, Voldemort has been a part of our life. I'm sorry if I seem selfish but I think it is time for this to end. It can't continue Harry. We can't continue like this. I know you are not happy. How could you be what with the expectations of the Ministry and the people? They are asking more than what you can give!" She wiped her hand over her eyes wearily and he turned his back on her.
"Well, I only wanted your love Harry." She dropped her head and almost wished she had kept silent. "I'm going to bed. It's been a long day." She looked up at him miserably and realized that he would not be there when she awoke the next morning.
"I don't suppose you can tell me when you'll be back so I guess I'll see you when I see you." She slowly made her way down the hall and as she closed her bedroom door she heard Harry curse before a large crash and then all was silent. She fell into their bed sobbing with grief and prayed that he would understand that she still loved him more than anything. After what seemed like hours of crying she fell into a fitful sleep full of dreams that had her chasing something in a golden mist.
Harry watched her slowly walk down the hallway and he wanted to go to her. He wanted to take her into his arms and beg forgiveness for everything he had ever done to her. Everything she had said was true even if he didn't want to admit it, and what really hurt was the fact that he had put her last. He closed his eyes and felt his emotions building up inside of him and this time he made no effort to control the effects. His heart was pounding and when he opened his eyes the grandfather clock was the first thing he saw. He spoke a curse almost without thinking and it exploded right there on the spot. His breathing was erratic and he knew he couldn't follow her to bed until he had calmed down. He had to do something. Without drawing his wand the remains of the clock disappeared. He glanced down the hallway where his wife lay crying probably and it was all his doing. Everything was his fault. "She deserves more from me." He whispered before walking out into the night.
When she awoke Harry's side of the bed was empty and she sobbed into her pillow despairingly. He was gone and she didn't even get to say goodbye to him. She would never forgive herself if something happened to him. Their last words were spoken in haste and anger and in the light of day Hermione realized that perhaps she was a little hard on Harry. She knew she had to be honest, but perhaps she had approached it in the wrong way. The only thing to do now was wait however long it took for him to come home.
She roused herself out of bed and wondered if he was thinking about her. She showered and dressed in a light lavender summer dress before walking out into the lounge. The furniture was perfectly alright except there was a gaping hole where the grandfather clock used to be. Her brows furrowed together as she puzzled that the crash she heard must have been Harry demolishing the clock. She frowned unhappily before going to the kitchen. "Well at least he didn't leave the mess for me to clean up." She said aloud rather harshly.
It was a slow miserable morning and Hermione thought several times that she might be able to talk Mad Eye Moody into telling her when Harry would be home but thought better of it. She gave Crookshanks his breakfast and rubbed the top of his ginger head. "That old man wouldn't break if he was made of glass Crookshanks." Crookshanks studied her intently. "Don't look at me like that Crookshanks, Harry and I will be fine." She worriedly looked at the clock on the kitchen counter and sat down at the table feeling wretched.
It was noon before Hermione looked up from the book she had been reading and began to wonder what to have for lunch. Suddenly, the front door to their flat opened and in walked a disheveled Harry Potter. His shirt was rumpled and halfway hanging out of his trousers which was for some unknown reason torn in a few places. His hair was hanging in strings into his eyes and Hermione noticed that he hadn't shaved. Hermione couldn't believe he was standing there in front of her and something inside hurt that he would rather go off drinking than talk to her. "Well obviously you're drunk." She said nastily before laying her book on the ottoman. She tried to sidestep him but he latched onto her almost desperately. She looked up at him instantly and shook out of his grasp. "I thought you would be off chasing the baddies by now."
"I changed my mind, and I'm not drunk." He said shamefully. "I was but I'm not anymore." He allowed her to go past him but followed her into their kitchen where he sat down at their kitchen table. She smelled so nice and that dress she wore must be new. He felt miserable. "How was your night?" The question seemed stupid once uttered from his lips but she merely shrugged.
"Fine I guess." She poured herself a glass of juice and turned around to stare at him. He could see that she wasn't fine at all. Her eyes held a sadness that he hadn't seen since they were teenagers surrounded by death and darkness. His throat tightened and for a moment he really thought he might throw up. He never meant any of this to happen. He loved her. He wanted her. He had to make her happy. He wanted to be happy with her.
"This isn't working Hermione." He heard a small sob like a hiccup and before he could explain himself she was running from the room. "Damn it…Hermione that isn't what I meant!" He chased after her only to find her in the lounge slumped over. She was shaking her head crying so desperately. "That's not…what I meant baby." He whispered and crept over to her almost afraid it was too late.
She turned around to face him and almost fell into his arms. "Oh God, Harry you scared me so badly…I thought…you didn't want me. I thought you were telling me…" He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her back.
"Never Hermione. How could I not want you? You're everything I ever dreamed about." He held her close while she sobbed on his shoulder and it was as if the previous evening was wiped away, but Harry knew better. "Shhh…..don't cry love. We will work it out. I've been such an ass."
Hermione had needed his comfort like this for so long. "You have been an ass!" She said despairingly. She had felt for months an intense loneliness that she didn't think she could bare. Now here he was whispering sweet things to her which made her heart sing. She had missed his endearments. He hadn't held her like this for so long and it felt unbelievably good to feel his arms around her; Holding her, caressing her. She looked up into his eyes and they sparkled at her. His eyes told her everything she needed to know. He loved her. He wanted her and now all he had to realize was that he deserved to be happy and free from all the pain he had suffered.
"I talked to Madeye and Remus this morning." He said softly. "There is still a lot I still have to finish up, but I'm resigning Hermione.
"Oh Harry…You don't have to resign…"
Harry smiled at her. "Yes I do Hermione. I want to live a normal life and the only way I can do that is to stop trying to be a hero every damn day."
"Harry, are you sure?" Hope was beginning to blossom in her heart and when he grinned at her she knew it to be true.
"I'm so sorry for putting you through all this Hermione." He touched her face and wiped a tear from her cheek. "I love you Hermione." He stated with a certainty she hadn't heard in months.
She smiled at him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I love you too Harry." She said quietly.
Harry looked into her face and lowered his head down to taste her lips. She sighed contentedly and allowed him to guide her to their bedroom. Harry lowered her to their bed and gently kissed her lips once again and they made new promises to each other with each caress and endearment. It was the beginning of a new life for them both. They would grow closer to one another in the following months as Hermione began teaching and Harry began to truly heal. As another year passed Hermione became pregnant with their first child and Harry realized that life could be filled with many different kinds of promises. Ones of hope, ones of love and ones of happiness.
As it turns out Heroes have a right to be happy too.
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