Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, he sure enough wouldn't have married Ginny…*rolls eyes*
A/N: Just a one shot that tries to explain why Harry and Hermione don't talk to each other in the epilogue, so this start immediately after it, and when I said immediately, I mean it! *laughs* Affair!fic, kind of.
I had written this some time ago but never posted it, I'm doing that now as you can see! And, as usual, if you read, review and let me know what you think of it, please!
Strained Friendship
As Harry looked at her, he lowered his hand absent-mindedly and touched the lightning scar on his forehead.
"I know he will"
The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well.
Harry Potter gathered his youngest child in his arm as he and Ginny made their way out of the station. Just a nod was exchanged with the Weasleys, and Harry didn't even bother searching for Hermione's eyes, instead he directed his greeting to Ron.
Driving back home wasn't long as one would have expected, considering that the Potters' car was enchanted and Harry had really got the knack of driving. In barely over one hour they were back to Godric's Hollow, and as Ginny opened her door, Lily scurried into the house to go play in her room, or maybe read a bit. It was her way to cope with the departure of her brothers, as she tried to not feel alone now that they weren't there to play with her, especially Albus.
She had somewhat become used to James being away most of the year, but it was a first that Albus wouldn't be there too.
Ginny busied herself in the kitchen, preparing lunch, and Harry tiredly walked up the stairs to his study, sighing.
He locked the door behind him, clear sign that he didn't want to be disturbed.
"Every time's the same" he muttered, closing his eyes and rubbing them. He really missed his best friend, and no, he didn't mean Ron, thanks.
The other best friend was the one he was talking about. Hermione and him had not been on speaking terms for a long time now. At first, it had seemed strange to their friends and families, but with time they got used to it. Nobody tried to investigate the reasons, though, because they knew those two were stubborn as mules and would never tell them.
They would usually confide in each other but since now it was the two of them who weren't on speaking terms, they were just destined to keep the reason to themselves.
Harry could tell that while she tried not to show it, Ginny was quite pleased by this turn of events. She had been far more understanding than Cho about Harry's link with Hermione, but this didn't mean she was thrilled by it. The raven haired man rolled his eyes at the thought.
Ron, for his part, knew better than tick off one of them on the subject, so he just kept whatever he thought of the matter to himself.
And so, every time they met with the Weasleys, for Christmas, Easter, or like today accompanying the kids to the Express, once they were back home Harry would lock himself into his office and wouldn't come out for hours.
Ginny had tried more than once to confront him on it but to no avail. He wouldn't tell her what was wrong, which enraged her lots. But his redhead wife had never been the one he would trust with his secrets, or feelings, as strange as it might seem.
His bushy haired best friend, or ex best friend as it was now, instead, was the one he had always turned to. Now he couldn't, and was left to figure out things on his own, for once.
It had been eleven years now since their friendship had become strained. If one was to pay attention he would notice it was exactly Rose's age.
As Harry closed his eyes once more, a smile, the first of the day, tugged at his lips as he remembered with an hint of sadness, but never regret, the night when this mess all began.
"Hermione?" he called, stepping out of the fireplace.
"In the kitchen, Harry" he heard her voice.
He quickly walked there, and greeted his best friend of so many years with a dazzling smile. Hermione smiled back, pushing one tendril of hair out of her face, as it kept falling down while she was working on dinner.
"So, what brings you here, Harry?" she asked, curious. "Not that I mind your company, of course…"
"I just wanted to see how you were doing. I'm leaving for a two weeks mission tomorrow at dawn, and I won't probably be there when you'll get in labour, so I thought it would be nice to visit you now that I can"
"Oh, Harry" she said, the mood swings of pregnancy kicking in. She wiped away the tears falling from her eyes, and grinned at him. "You're so sweet at times"
"By the way, you shouldn't stress with preparing dinner this late into pregnancy" he mock scolded her, and she good-naturedly rolled her eyes. "Yes, Dad" she mocked him, and he stuck his tongue at her.
"Where's Ron by the way?" the raven haired man asked.
"He's gone to help George with the shop, he should come back soon" Hermione said.
"Well, I'll just have to help you in the meanwhile then" he grinned, and stole the pan from her hand. She started protesting, but he silenced her placing a finger on her lips.
Hermione closed her eyes as she felt an well known surge of electricity pass through her at his touch.
"Not those feelings again" she silently admonished herself. They were both married to other people now, she was pregnant with Ron's child, and Harry had one of his own already. Plus, he didn't think of her like that. He never had.
The brunette somehow managed to calm herself, and opened her eyes to see Harry making dinner, humming softly to himself.
Hermione resigned to sit and watch, musing that Ginny was a lucky witch to have an husband like him, and sure enough not for his money or fame. That had never mattered to Hermione.
"You know, you worry about me so much one would think the baby is yours and not Ron's" she playfully said, and was surprised to see him stiffen the slightest bit. It was gone in a flash, but she had spotted it. She always did.
Harry turned, forgetting about dinner, and knelt by her side, gently resting his right hand on her swollen belly.
Hermione thought he was extremely cute the way how he was gazing adoringly at her tummy, where a little life was almost ready to come out, and that thought had her again fighting against her long-buried feelings for Harry, that kept resurfacing often when he was around, especially since she had got pregnant.
Suddenly she was tore from her reverie by something he had been whispering.
"Should have been mine" he mumbled again, lost in his thoughts and suddenly oblivious that he wasn't alone, utterly fascinated with her belly that he kept caressing lovingly.
"What did you say?" Hermione gasped.
Harry looked up, almost surprised to see her there, then he smiled sadly. "Nothing" he shrugged, but she didn't let go. Not something of this importance.
Finally Harry ran an hand through his unruly jet black hair, and sighed.
"Hermione, we will have this conversation, I promise. But not now, you don't need to stress over this when you're so close to deliver"
They didn't speak of it for the rest of the night, but it kept nagging at her mind. She wondered what he might have meant.
So, one week after Rose was born, she cornered him in his office, just before he was going to head home.
"Harry, remember that conversation we had before Rose's birth?"
He gulped. He had hoped she would forget, but she obviously didn't and now he knew he would have to tell her everything.
So, he started. "That night, I said I wished the baby was mine" he admitted. "See, I'm completely in love with you, Hermione Granger" he sheepishly grinned, and she looked at him in shock.
"But…but…what about Ginny?"
Harry frowned. "I thought I loved her, at the time. I never really knew what love was, so I thought what we had was it. I was wrong"
Hermione's heart melted at his honest confession, and she moved closer to him, holding him tightly. It was true, he had never truly known what love was in his childhood. They looked into each other's eyes and neither could have stopped what was about to happen more than they could stop breathing. Their faces inched closer and closer, till Hermione could feel his hot breath tickling her. Harry didn't know who did the next move, but their lips found each other, gently at first, tentatively, discovering this new experience. He buried his left hand into her brown curls, pulling her close with the other one, which was resting on her back.
As their tongues clashed for the first time, both knew this was completely different from what they had with Ron and Ginny. They kept coming back for more, and only their primal need to breathe brought them to end the kiss.
Hermione rested her forehead on Harry's.
"What are we doing, Harry?" she asked softly.
"I don't know, Mione" he admitted, hugging her tightly. "But it feels good"
"Harry, we can't!" she protested. "We both have families, we can't hurt so much people! And the kids!"
Harry huffed, pacing his room. "I bloody well know, Hermione!" he sighed in frustration. "Believe me, I know. I wish I wasn't so thick many years ago, and that I hadn't said those words…" he finally crumbled on his seat, his head in his hands.
"What words, Harry?" she inquired.
And so Harry told her about the Horcrux Ron had destroyed, what it had shown to the redhead. He told her how he couldn't risk losing his best mate just after having found him again, so he blurted out the first words that came to his mind, words that seemed appropriate to the situation, trying to reassure him, telling him he had only brotherly feelings for her, and how he guessed she felt the same.
Eleven years after, Harry still cringed at the memory of Hermione's rage.
"Harry James Potter!" she shouted, seething. Harry cowered behind his table, he had never seen her so enraged before, and an enraged Hermione Granger was not something to mess with. He may be an Auror but he wasn't stupid, and knew she would kick his ass if she wanted to.
"You had no bloody right to make that assumption for me! You had no idea of what my feelings were, how could you tell Ron that!"
"Hermione, reason! He left because he thought you liked me and not him, because he thought you were siding with me no matter what because of that, even if it was the Horcrux enhancing those thoughts and making him feel them more real. I had to tell him something to calm him down after what that blasted locket showed him, and that was the first thing that came to my mind. You never openly expressed your feelings for me after all, did you? How was I to guess that you loved me, when the previous year, you were so mad at him, jealous even, because he was with Lavender?" he said, glaring back.
Hermione suddenly left, it was too much and she couldn't handle it. Just before slamming his door shut, she looked once more at him, and his heart broke seeing tears pooling in her eyes. He had never been able to see her crying, it always lashed at his heart, even when he wasn't the reason for it, and this time the feeling was much harsher, as it was him who caused her tears.
"I hate you, Harry James Potter!" she spat at him. "You've ruined my life, I hate you! Don't ever talk to me again!"
And with that, she was gone.
As much as Harry had tried, after that, to talk to her, she would always end threatening to hex him into the next millennium, and after six months of failed attempts, he understood she was not joking when she had said those words. Their friendship was ruined forever, and it was all his fault.
As he remembered that, Harry sighed. He knew he had been stupid, back then, when he had told Ron those things. He had assumed that he felt only that kind of love for her and that she felt the same regarding him, but only when she was under the Cruciatus Curse at Malfoy Manor he realized how wrong he was. He would never forget her heart-shattering screams, and they still filled the rare nightmares he had. They were the only event of the war he hadn't still been able to "forget", in fact.
Harry knew she had a point, though. His acting on instinct, as usual, had led them to be stuck in marriages they didn't want to be in.
He often wondered why she had kissed Ron during the last battle if she didn't feel that way toward the redhead, but he had found an explanation, although he didn't know how accurate it was. He figured she just settled for second best, although he wasn't truly convinced he was the best for her. He had never truly felt himself worthy of Hermione, but at least he knew he usually never made her cry.
One of the few times he did, though, he messed up really bad, as their current situation perfectly proved.
Of course, she was also right about not being able to be together, because that would mean two divorces, five kids in the middle of it, the papers making an huge scandal of the whole ordeal, as always when he was involved, and of course they would incur in Molly's wrath for hurting her two youngest.
It had been so easy to fall into what was expected of them, really. Ginny and him, Ron and Hermione. Everyone thought it would end this way, and it had. Only, the feelings involved weren't exactly what most people expected, Harry thought with bitterness.
And of course, seeing him constantly reminded her of that conversation, of what could have been if he hadn't been so stupid, so it was just obvious that she would feel resentment toward him.
But, he wondered, Hermione Granger had never been one to do what others told her to. If she despised so much the idea of marrying Ron, she could have spared herself, so it wasn't only his fault. At least one o them wouldn't be tied to an unhappy marriage, if she hadn't decided to settle.
Harry knew what he had to do. Dumbledore had once told him that it's choices which tell us who we are, and that one should choose the right over the easy.
The easy way, right now, was to keep pretending he loved Ginny. The right one was to go confront Hermione and convince her they couldn't live their whole lives bound to that façade. They didn't deserve it after the horrors they were through in the war.
Yes, he was being selfish maybe, but then, he had a right to, don't you think?
So, grabbing his cloak, he started walking down the stairs, when he spotted Lily's door open. Peeking in, he saw she was reading Hogwarts: A History, that Hermione had gifted her.
"Feeling alone, munchkin?" Harry said, sitting on her bed, and the little girl looked up.
"Just a tiny bit" she admitted. "The house feels a bit empty without them"
"You'll be at Hogwarts in no time, dear. You will see, it's wonderful, and you'll love it you're your time comes" he said, gesturing toward the book she was reading. Lily grinned.
"I know. I'm so glad Aunt Hermione gave this to me" she squealed, and Harry felt his heart swell. Ruffling his daughter's hair, he kissed the top of her head and left her to her reading, his belief that he was going to do the right thing strengthened.
He called out to Ginny that he was going for a walk and Apparated away, not even bothering to wait for his wife's reply.
Finding himself out of Weasley Cottage, the house where Ron and his family lived, just on the outskirts of London, he nervously walked to the door.
He hoped his redhead best mate wouldn't be around, because he needed an heart-to-heart chat with Hermione, and he needed it now, before he lost his nerve. His instinct had caused this mess so many years ago, his instinct was telling him what to do to right it, and maybe he shouldn't listen to it seeing how it messed up things before, but he felt confident this time it wouldn't be so.
Taking a deep breath, he knocked, waiting for someone to let him in.
Finally, the door swung open.
"Harry" Hermione said, surprised, before plastering her cold mask on her face, again. "What do you want?"
"Talk to you. Is Ron around?"
"No, he's gone to attend some business at the shop" she said, icily. "I'd like for you to leave, too. I thought I had made myself clear when I told you I'd curse you worse than Bellatrix could if you didn't stop trying to talk to me" she sneered.
Harry grimaced, but quickly regained his composure. "Hermione, I hope it won't come to this, but I won't take no for an answer this time, and I'll fight you if need arises, so you better listen to me" he said, his eyes blazing, his right hand already going to draw his wand.
Hermione noticed, and for the first time in so many years she let her guard down. There was something in his fierceness, his determination, that told her this time she should listen.
"Speak, then" she said.
"Hermione, we can't keep this going, and you know it" he blurted out. Before she could interrupt him, he continued, earning himself a deathly glare, but he didn't care.
"I know, I know, the kids, the Weasleys, and such" he said, rolling his eyes. "Hermione, we went through so much, we deserve to really be happy. Rose is smart, she will understand. James is old enough to handle this, and Albus, he's always liked you lots, you know very well how his eyes lit up at the only mention of your name"
Hermione felt her lips curve in an half smile.
"Lily adores you, just before coming here I found her completely engrossed in Hogwarts: A History and you should have seen how her eyes lit up at the mention of your name. Hugo, well, that's trickier, but I'm sure he would come around. It's not like he hates me anyhow" Harry sighed. "The Weasleys…well, Hermione, it's our lives, we shouldn't let others control them!"
She watched him. She wanted to believe it would be like he said, but the fear of hurting their friends, their family, and their kids most of all froze her. She wanted to be happy with him, and he had a point, they deserved it. But there was too much at stake, and she was afraid.
"We can't, Harry" she said, trying to be cold, but she couldn't. Now that they were finally talking, no thanks to her, she realized how much she really had missed him, talking to him, and well, more or less everything about him being around.
Harry let out a frustrated sigh. Then, he looked at her with determination. Swiftly cupping her cheeks with his hands, he kissed her hard. Hermione stiffened for a moment, then wrapped her arms around him, kissing him back.
Merlin, this was nothing like Ron's kisses. The memory of the other kiss they shared was still fresh in her mind and she often replayed it, but the real thing was a different matter altogether. Her left hand snuck into his black hair, pushing his head more toward her own, her other hand resting on his still well toned chest.
Their tongues tangled together, fighting for dominance, but neither could gain the upper hand, sending jolt after jolt of pure bliss through the two of them. It was like their bottled up feelings were finally erupting, and there was no way to stop them again, they had grown too strong to be controlled. She felt her knees weaken, but his strong arms wouldn't let her fall.
Harry slid one hand down her right side, and then up again, caressing the swell of her breast, and she let a tiny moan escape her throat, making him inwardly grin.
Finally, they parted, for lack of air. As Hermione regained her breath, her lips pink and swollen for the heated snogging, Harry lifted her chin and looked straight in her eyes.
"Tell me you didn't feel anything, and I'll leave, and we will never speak about this again. Tell me that, Hermione, if you can" he challenged her, with a tone of finality.
She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She tried again, with the same result. The third time she opened her mouth, it was not to speak, but to kiss him harder than ever. There was no point in denying it, they were in love with each other and always would be.
Harry was right, they deserved to be happy together, not miserable in marriages they didn't want to be in. It would take time, and lots of pain, but in the end they would be ok, or at least she hoped they would. After all, while she was more or less happy with Ron, there were times when Rose or Hugo would catch them arguing to the top of their lungs and it was happening more and more lately. She wondered if what they were about to do would be the best for the kids too.
She knew Harry and Ginny weren't on best terms too, and their kids weren't stupid, they would pick up soon or later that their parents were drifting apart.
When they finally parted again, he saw warmth fill her milk chocolate orbs, just like when they were at Hogwarts, even more so if possible, and he knew they were ok. More than ok, at least with each other.
"We will find a way" he reassured her, and she nodded, snuggling into his embrace.
"I love you, Harry" she murmured against his chest, and he grinned.
"I love you too Hermione" he said, kissing the top of her head.
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