Warning Sign

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and anything related to that universe. If I did things would have gone differently. I also do not own any song titles use.

Chapter 3

I'm Not In Love

Life had been interesting since Harry showed back up. Every few days I'd see him. It was hard not to at work since we work in the same building, just a few floors separate us.

Harry takes me to lunch once in awhile or sometimes he will just stop by my office to talk. I think he is trying to make up for lost time.

Things between us are good. We're friends again or still I should say. I'm able to ignore the fluttering most of the time and I've gotten pretty good at convincing myself and everyone else (I think) that nothing is going on. We're just friends. I feel nothing but friendship for Harry. `Yeah right,' says that inner voice that wants to argue with me constantly.

I actually haven't seen Harry in the past couple of days. I guess he's been busy with work or hanging out with Ron. I can't help but panic. I'm still use to finding him gone. I try to remember that he has a job this time. He has a flat. These are things that he had never done in his previous visits. Harry usually stayed at the Burrow or at the Leaky, but this time he's taken steps to show that he is staying. I can't help but wait for the other shoe to drop. To find out from someone that he's gone again, that he left with no word.

I don't tell him any of this though. He doesn't need to know that I don't trust him to stay. Our friendship is fragile as it is, no more needs to be added to it.

When Harry is around his presences makes me all twisted inside. I'm a bundle of confusion. I'm happy that he's back, but at the same time I'm angry. Just when I was beginning to get my life in order and get over him, he shows back up.

It's hard to hold myself together. I want so badly to fall into the comfort of him being here. I want to fill the void he created and made bigger each time he left. To do that though, I need to let go and just let things happen. That's hard for me to do. I like to be in control of my feelings. Being around Harry makes that hard to do.

I should tell him everything. He should tell me everything. Do we keep it from each other because we fear how the other will react? Where is that courage? Do we really think so little of the strength in our friendship? Maybe I'm scared that if I tell him how I feel about everything, he won't feel the same way. There's no maybe about it, I'm terrified that's what will happen.

I'm suppose to be so strong, so reasonable. I'm the voice of reason in our little group. When it comes to Harry though, I'm not that person. I'm unpredictable. I don't want to be anywhere but with him. That scares me. I can't be like this. I need to be strong, independent, and free of these feelings. I can't be consumed by this, because if it happens I won't have the strength to fight it. And if he doesn't feel that way then it will be too much.

The voice in my head that is oddly beginning to sound like Harry, wants me to let go. I'm fighting against it. I must be going mad—that's what we all thought when Harry was hearing those `voices' in second year.

Plus there is this whole new Harry. He's still the same, but he's not. He seem so sure of himself. He knows what he wants and he'll do anything to get it. Harry doesn't need me anymore. He doesn't need me to find the answers. He doesn't need my help. I don't think he needs me at all. Maybe being with me is habit. I hope this isn't true because it works both ways. I need him whether as a friend or….something else.

So I'm building up my resolve still. He is my friend, best friend, and that's all. If I can remember this and follow through then maybe my heart will follow.

The box I packed remains in the closet. I will not take it out. Having Harry back has caused enough trouble, problems, heartache…so putting the photographs back up will only make it worse.

If Harry will just stay and be a friend again, I'll be fine. I'll be able to move on because we'll be friends, just friends, nothing more-nothing less.

I'll keep telling myself that he's back to stay and I need to take it one day at a time. He told me to breath and to just let it go. So I am following his advice. 1…2…3…let go…

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