Warning Sign

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and company.

Author's Note: Title of this chapter comes from a Frou Frou (Imogen Heap) song. I believe that it fits but hey, my opinion only. Thank you to each and every reviewer out there. I love the comments and tips! Keep them coming!

Chapter 8

Let Go

Three weeks. Three whole, very long weeks have passed since our argument. Three miserable weeks—Harry was right about that. I was miserable I could only hope that I wasn't the only one. It's scary how dependent I have become on him being around. For three weeks I have not had a decent night's sleep. I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around at work. I can tell by my coworker's actions and a few have told me. I feel so lost, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen. While trying to protect myself from pain and heartache, I've managed to create more. And this time it's my fault not Harry's.

It should be so easy. Just call him, show up, send a smoke signal and say `Yes, I'm ready'. I've made actual pro/con lists about this. I've thought about all possible outcomes. It's the glaring negatives that keep me from contacting him.

I've talked to Ginny about it, but she refuses to tell me anything about Harry. She won't say a thing since she's been sworn not to. I can assume it goes both ways and she's keeping hush-hush about me. I guess Harry has been at the Weasley's a lot. I'm sure they're thrilled to have him around. Hopefully it makes up for me not spending any time with the family. I haven't gone anywhere for fear of running into him. I get up, go to work, and come home. I'm scared of my best friend.

That makes me laugh.

More like I'm scared that he's right. Everything he said is true and he knows it. Harry knows me so well. I just want things to be normal, but who am I kidding, nothing is normal about us.

And once again my thoughts are drawn to `us' and this `situation' as I walk home. I run through the arguments I have daily with myself. I just can't go running into his arms every time he shows up expecting that this will be the time he stays. I can't go in to something without knowing there is a positive outcome. It's just my nature to look ahead, plan, and make decisions based on past experiences. I can't change who I am. I wish I could but I've spent too many years like this and I can't change over night.

The question now is: Do I want to try to change and therefore take a chance?

Why can't I just stop being so obsessed with thinking things through? I over think everything. This time will be the one time it fails me. If I could just stop.

But today I'm so tired and I just want to sleep. Turn off my mind for a few hours and forget it all. It had been a long day. As much as I love books and learning things, sometimes I just wanted to get away. A sigh escaped me as I entered my house and set my things down. `Wait a minute… I immediately felt that something was off and grabbed my wand that was in my bag. Then I noticed it. A jacket lay across the back of my sofa.

I quickly dropped my wand on a table and walked through the house. “Harry?” I received no answer. Where on earth could he be? A glance outside answered my question.

Stepping out into the backyard I was filled with surprise. There was Harry but I was more confused about what he was doing.

“What is all this?” Standing before me was a swing…a swing for two. One could almost picture evenings spent talking or reading or just being together while sitting on the swing. Quiet moments where nothing mattered except being together.

Harry looked up at me. “Surprise?” He stood up and walked over to me. “I thought you could use a new place to read.”

I walked past him and over to the swing. I looked up at him to see if it was safe to sit on. Once he nodded, I couldn't help but sit down on the cushioned seat. I gently gave a little push and smiled. “It's wonderful. I've always wanted one. Come sit down.” I patted the place next to me.

Once he was seated I immediately wrapped my arms around him in a hug. “Thank you Harry.” I whispered to him. I couldn't help but close my eyes and let the hug linger a little longer. It had been too long. I just wanted to cherish these few seconds.

By him showing up like this, I can guess that we're back to ignoring the issues between us.

Harry leaned back in the swing and pulled me with him. I was leaning against him while he gently pushed us with his foot. Sitting there with him made it hard to breath. Everything I was feeling and trying to ignore was there just under the surface dying to get out, to be heard. I was tried and couldn't hold it in. Tears welled up in my eyes and I choked back a sob.

“Mione?” Harry pulled away and turned to face me, his hands on my shoulders.

I looked at him sitting there with a concerned look on his face. The voice returned.`How could you ever doubt him now?'

I took a breath to steady myself as I pulled away. “I'm so sorry.” I quickly looked to my lap.

One of his hands raised my chin so he could he see my eyes. “What's wrong? If you're worried about before, don't. Everything…”

I cut him off. “No Harry. I'm sorry for so much more. I've been a mess ever since you came back, well actually before that.” I couldn't stop the words. “I'm so lost and confused. I've wanted something for so long and just when I give up, you come back, but I'm scared. I'm scared you'll leave again. You use to always leave and I couldn't handle it if you did it again. And you're right. I'm scared of everything, I hate not knowing. For the longest time I didn't trust you when you came back. I just knew I'd wake up and I'd get news that you were gone again. That you'd left me. I couldn't deal with that. And I'm mad because I shouldn't be dependent on you; I shouldn't need you like this. I should be fine on my own.”

Finally I stopped. I was out of breath and practically hyperventilating. Plus I'm embarrassed for saying so much. Harry just sat there staring at me. I couldn't read him. I needed to know I hadn't said too much, that he understood where I was coming from.

“Say something.” Why won't he talk? Good job Hermione. Way to mess things up.

“I wasn't expecting this.”

I coughed at that. Thoughts began racing through my mind. “Expecting?” Was this a joke? “I just put myself out there…” My hands began waving to match my words and feelings. “…told you everything and that's all you can say? I wasn't expecting this?”

Harry ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. “I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say. I'm hurt you'd think that about me, but I understand.”

“Then tell me why you stayed away.”

“Hermione, it's not that easy. I want to tell you and I will. I just want to do it when I'm ready. When you're ready.” Harry sighed and looked at me steadily. “Do you trust me now?”

“What?”

“I asked if you trusted me now.”

“Yes. You know that.”

“Do I?”

“I trust you with my life Harry.”

“Then trust me when I say that I will explain everything. Just not right now. I'm not ready and neither are you. Not until you admit to yourself what you…”

I didn't have to listen to this. Not after I said all that. Cutting him off, I got up and started to the house. “Fine then, Harry. Let me know when you want to talk.” I have no idea what he did after that. I went to bed and cried. I tell him everything and he just sits there, refusing to meet me in the middle. I trust him but I don't like being toyed with. I should have known better than to say all that. I was right all along. Harry didn't feel that way towards me.

`Yes he does. All of his actions prove it.' Shut up! I hated that I was at war with myself.

His actions and words don't mix. He didn't say it so he doesn't feel it. Now was the perfect time to say something but he chose not to. So here I lay crying again.

I hope you enjoy this little dramatic part of the story. I just keep causing more for them. If you have the time, don't forget to leave a review! I love hearing from everyone.

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