Unofficial Portkey Archive

This is my first time writing in 1st person POV as well as my first time writing drama. It's a sad short story about how James feels about Lily. Please review cause I want to know how bad i did for my first time with this writing style. Many thanks to Raluca, Henrietta, Christina and .o.O..o.O.o. for reading and beta-ing my story. Major virtual cookies to ya!

I'm sitting here at the Gryffindor table, gazing over at the girl with blood red hair sitting a few seats across from me, hoping she looks back. But she doesn't look back. She never does.

She's sitting with her friends chatting the day away, but she's unaware that every second she spends hating me, I spend hating myself. Why did I get off on the wrong foot with her? What part of me actually thought that acting like a complete jerk would win her over? I regret my decisions every day but it's too late now because she won't even spare a passing glance.

She's no longer sitting at our table now. She's walking over to her boyfriend Amos Diggory at the Hufflepuff table. I've tried to convince myself that he's no good and that she deserves better, but the truth is I'm just lying to myself. Amos is a very nice bloke who treats her well, and with respect. Something I didn't seem to do in the past. It pains me to see her with him but I'd do anything to make her happy. And if her being happy means her not being with me, then so be it.

But that doesn't mean I can stand to look at them. I shoot a glance towards my friends, the Marauders, that says that I need to be alone for a while. They each give me understanding nods, and I leave the Great Hall as fast as I can; anything to get away from the sickening sight of Lily and Amos.

I run towards the grounds, my feet pounding repeatedly on the damp grass. It had rained yesterday and the weather today definitely mirrored my mood. I run all the way towards the broom shed. I need to fly. It releases all of the pent up anger and frustration I have inside of me these days. I wrench the door open and grab my Cleansweep 5 from the rows and rows of brooms. Mounting the broom, I take off into the air.

The wind blows harshly against my face but I take no notice of it. I need my freedom and nothing is going to stop me. But I also need to think. I need to get my thoughts in order, so I fly up all the way to the highest tower of Hogwarts: the Astronomy Tower. Landing on the roof, I dismount my broom and just sit there; emotions and thoughts swirling around in me but I don't let it show.

I think about her, as I always do when I'm in these moments of peace. I think of how much I love her, and how she may never know that. The very idea of me repulses her, and I don't want to tell her I love her because I know she'll just throw it back in my face and break my heart again. She does it unknowingly though, breaking my heart I mean. She thinks that I'm just interested in her for the chase. For the thrill of trying to get something I can't have. She couldn't be more wrong.

What she doesn't realize is that I've always been there for her and I always will be. When she was having trouble heaving her trunk into the train compartment on the very first day of school, I helped her push it in. When, she lost her Arithmancy book, I looked for it day and night until I found it, and returned it to her. Anonymously of course otherwise she would probably never touch it again. When she was in tears when she got a letter from home saying that her mother died of cancer, I held her tight until she stopped crying. Only now realize that that was the only physical contact I've had with her that didn't involve slapping, kicking, or punching.

The sound of laughter interrupts my thoughts. I look down over the edge of the roof and see Amos and Lily on the Grounds. They're almost as tiny as ants from here but I know that laugh anywhere. I watch as they hurry off into Hogsmead, completely unaware that a saddened fifteen year old boy is looking at them from high above.

She thinks she'll finally be rid of me now that she has a boyfriend. But know this Lily Evans: You'll never be rid of me. Not until someone says I do. But until then, I'll always be there. When you cut your finger in potions, I'll be there. When you have your heart broken, I'll be there. When you fight bravely in the war that Voldemort has started, I'll be there.

But most of all, when you finally realize that a messy haired, arrogant, teenaged boy might actually love you and you're wondering if it's too late to return that love, I'll be there…

…waiting.

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