This story is simply a very short and simple one shot. Nothing more.
Having a very Ron moment and listening to Amos Lee, which inspired this little tiny ficlet and I couldn't NOT write it.
Read and review if you'd like. I'd certainly appreciate it. :)
I don't own Harry Potter or words from "What's Been Going On" by Amos Lee.
Thanks for checking this out. - G_D
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It echoes all around me.
The toasts, laughter and ringing recollections of memories.
Yet, no one says a word to me about things that I can see in their eyes.
Not about the obvious devotion the two of them have to one another.
Not about what's been there for years.
I can understand it. I mean, I haven't always been the most consistently calm person when it comes to intense situations.
And she and I did have a run of it once. I mucked it up, of course, but that doesn't mean I didn't try or don't care anymore.
Wasn't meant to be or whatnot, I suppose.
She'd say we were better off as friends, that'd we'd have driven each other crazy with our arguing. That we would never have gotten past the passion of our arguing to enjoy the passion of being together.
That's what she'd say anyway.
I, of course, have a bit of a different take on things, but what can you do about it now, yeah?
That's how it's gotta be from now on.
Still, those are some of my favorite memories. Those precious carefree moments we used to share laughing and just being free.
All right, so they were very few and far between what with a crazy nutter trying to kill everyone all the time, but that just made them all the more special then, didn't it?
We still share those sometimes but it's not the same now. It's tainted with things left unsaid.
At least it is for me.
I'm not a bloody mind reader you know, so I can't pin it on either of them.
Don't get me wrong, I love them both.
They are my best friends, after all.
They've saved my arse too many times to count and I've deserted them too many times to count.
I'm not proud of it, but truth's the truth, innit? Most people don't know it because they're both too noble and wonderful to say it to anyone, but I can't hide it from myself, now can I? And no matter what they say or how many times they reassure me that I needn't worry on it, I know that I won't ever live that down. Makes me sound more noble than intended, trust me.
I can't let myself live it down, because I can't help but wonder what if.
What if I hadn't been an arrogant prick and let my jealousy get in the way?
Of course, I was kind of right wasn't I?
But, that's beside the point.
What eats at me is that I'll always wonder which came first - my jealousy over them or them because of my jealousy.
Neville said something about a chicken and an egg once when I drunkenly mentioned it to him. Speaks in circles, that one. Neville's a good bloke, but he talked and talked about that bloody chicken and I didn't understand it, so I finally said sod it. The conversation only made me hungry anyway.
Bloody muggles and their stupid sayings. Why can't they just say what they mean? Doesn't matter, I suppose. It doesn't change the fact that I will spend the rest of my life feeling silently guilty for a connection that I tossed away and always wondering what could have been.
But, that's the role of the best mate, I suppose. When you've walked away as many times as I have, you no longer get the right to ask questions. You don't get the right to fight. So, I will smile and laugh and slap him on the back during meaningless conversations and as much as it may hurt me sometimes, I will always have their backs.
We are the Trio, after all.
It's as dark as it is comforting to play along.
And I will play along for the rest of my life because let's face it neither of them are ever going to need anyone else.
That's the point, innit?
But, I can't watch her watch him openly with that absolute look of utter adoration she's always reserved for only him. I used to catch glimpses of it towards me… but I never got to see that twinkle that she gets when she looks at him.
And it kills me a little every time she does.
And I can't watch him finally allow himself to love her. Bloody noble self sacrificing prat that he is.
Took him right long enough, didn't it? Just long enough for me to realize everything on my own bloody time and then realize there's nothing I can do about it.
Noble bastard. Figure that one.
It doesn't matter. Cause I know I will watch it every single time. I just don't know what to do about the feelings it gives me.
But I guess that's what they make firewhiskey for, yeah?
And that'll be the way of it. We'll laugh and joke and stand up for one another, but I know there's always a part of us that will sit in thunderous silence playing the part. There's this thing in place now. I don't know how to say it, but it's there and we won't ever talk about it.
Or maybe that's just me. Who knows?
Yeah, we'll always be the Trio, but sometimes one leg has to support more weight.
So, with a smile I raise my drink in toast as the music and sounds of their engagement celebration play around me. I stare at their smiling faces and watch them share a kiss to the egging cheers…
…and I know that's how it's gotta be from now on.