Unofficial Portkey Archive

If You Don't Want to Love Me by xCailinNollaigx

If You Don't Want to Love Me


A/N: Hi all! My first attempt at a chaptered fic here on portkey. I feel the need to clarify though: Draco/Ginny is kind of a side-ship for the first while of this fic. I mean, she's not with anyone else, but it takes a while for them to get together. I hope you'll give it a chance though, I'm excited about writing it!

Chapter title and quote bellow is from The Killer's song "Dustland Fairytale." which is an amazing song by the way. I don't own it, or Harry Potter for that matter. And now, onto the story! Chapters will be longer than this one usually by the way.


29th December 2008

"Don't you go to sleep, it's such a bitter form of refuge,"

She ran blindly through the house, unable to see due to the tears blurring her vision. Her chest heaved and ached, though she felt completely numb at the same time. Her movements were jerky and to any outsider, her eyes would look wild and frightened. Ginny scampered up the stairs, tripping dangerously several times on the way. Once she reached the top, her immediate reaction was to burst into her bedroom but she fell short outside the door. Staring at the closed door, her chin began to wobble and her resolve crumble as the tears she held back were allowed to flow from her eyes.

She cupped her hand over her mouth and shakily turned around, leaning against the wall so that she could slide down onto the first step of the stairs. Ginny glanced down the stairs and briefly wonder what it would be like to let herself fall; to feel herself slip in and out of consciousness and eventually succumb to the darkness waiting; to feel numbness and absolutely nothing instead of the unbelievable pain she felt at that moment.

Just as she was contemplating throwing herself down the stairs, there was a frantic knock on the door. Ginny remained where she was.

It was no one she wanted to see. It was impossible to see the one she actually wanted to see.

She gazed at the front door blankly from the top of the stairs, her tears now drying as she emptied her mind.

The door was broke down with a reducto and in stepped two figures.

Ginny pulled out her wand and put up a shield, warding off everyone and preventing them from speaking or touching her. She was making her stance clear; I want to be alone.

She painstakingly pushed the memories from her mind, concentrating hard on keeping her thoughts blank. It was so difficult.

"Oh, Ginny," Came a voice filled with pity, sympathy and sadness. Ginny felt as if she were blind as she stared at the brown carpet, ignoring any movements towards her of the people. She could only feel them trying to break down her shield with their attempts to hug her. Ginny shifted to escape their prying eyes and arms. "Ginny, please. Please, say something,"

She recognised the voice; but it wasn't his. Nothing could ever measure up to him or give the same measurement of comfort. What Ginny did recognise, however, was that it was her mothers voice. Somewhere deep in her mind, something echoed to reply.

This was lost on Ginny.

"Ginny?" It was a new voice. Gruff, deep and that of a man's. It had a undercurrent of warmth that she knew, and instantly realised it was her father. "Are you alright? Come now, let's put down this shield and.." He trailed off then. Ginny didn't know why.

She sat on the stairs, counting the single strands of carpet surrounding her as the numbers grew larger. She found it oddly comforting and occupying. She brushed her fingers along the carpet, feeling as if nothing were there. She brushed harder again, but there was no carpet burn and no hurt.

She withdrew quickly as she realised her hand was still not hurting. Ginny frowned; she was numb to that pain, but not the one that was enveloping her entirely. Why?

"Oh, my little baby, Arthur! She--she's … do s-something. M-My baby.." Molly wailed, and Arthur's attempts to calm her were fruitless.

Ginny made a grave mistake then and raised her eyes to the ceiling, allowing her eyes to rake over the walls as her stare moved upwards. She hadn't blinked in what felt like years.

And then she froze. In her haze and derailed thought process, Ginny had completely forgotten the photo's. They were all there; her and her husband at balls, parties and friends houses; pictures of him with friends; pictures of all their friends and the happy couple.

Ginny drew her knees tighter into her chest, as if squeezing the pain out and distancing herself from the happy memories donning the walls. Ginny wanted to smash it; she really did, but there was no energy to do so. Everything felt pointless, and everything felt so relentless and laborious.

There were more voices now, but they were fading as Ginny felt herself growing faint. The increasing number of voices were reduced to a low buzz in her ears as she focused on their wedding picture.

It was over. Their marriage was now nullified -- it was like divorce. Ginny was no longer married. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. Why did this happen to her? Why did he get the illness, out of all the people in the world? Why couldn't she have gone instead of him?

Ginny didn't register the number of people downstairs now fighting, and instead stood, her shield still standing.

"Ginny?! Ginny, what are you doing?"

"..Answer me, Ginny! I am now ordering you to answer me."

"Please listen, Ginny!…We love you, so please respond.."

"I know it's hard, Gin, but think of all you have. It's okay, just listen to me and.."

"Can you hear us, Ginny?"

" … not even responding to our voices. Don't you think she needs to be brought to the hospital, Mum? Mum! She--she's--"

Still staring at the picture, Ginny closed her eyes and pictured him. She envisioned his smiling face, his warm, brown eyes and brilliantly white teeth. His affectionate nature and loving disposition..

She let out a potent sob, racking her small frame. Ginny lost her footing then, and fell down the steps as her wand dropped and shield collapsed…

They all sprinted, and even apparated, to catch her. They screamed and shouted, and the house had a roar of loud noises for the moments of her fall. Each and every one of her friends and family scrambled to grasp her tumbling frail body.

Ginny wasn't so sure that she wanted to be caught.