Unofficial Portkey Archive

The Mistletoe Plot

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize. The name of Hermione's patronus comes from the works of apAidan. Excellent author.

A/N: My Hermione's middle name is Jane, didn't care for Jo's ending, and Harry and Hermione are fated in my opinion. Here's a little something in the spirit of the season. Oh yeah, there's a disgusting event that happens a bit later in the story. I apologize in advance.

Thanks to Alix33 for pointing out some typos.

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Magic Mistletoe, what'll they think of next? Thought Harry with a shake of his head. The mistletoe was spelled with a particularly strong but short lasting compulsion charm and for the most part seemed a harmless prank. Except under certain circumstances. He mentally added.

When he'd voiced concerns about them being altered and abused, the Twins had assured him they could only be used for their intended purpose or they'd self-destruct.

Harry Potter's finely honed danger sense pinged once. He stopped walking and looked around with an assessing eye. Spotting nothing, he continued walking toward the door.

Harry's danger sense pinged twice. He stopped and his eyes narrowed. He took an experimental step closer to the door and then felt a low-grade buzz.

Deciding to take an alternate route into the room, with wand drawn, he slipped through a secret passage only to appear minutes later behind a smirking Ginny Weasley.

"What are you doing with that mistletoe?" He asked, trying to keep his voice even and his tone light.

Still smirking, Ginny turned to look over her shoulder. "Think about it, Harry."

Harry's brows scrunched together in sudden, short but intense thought. "Mistletoe... You're going to make me kiss you?" Oh, Ginny, no..."

Looking entirely too smug, Ginny smirked and said, "Oh, you better believe it flyboy. I'm a Prewitt on my Mum's side and a Prewitt always gets what she's after."

Harry's eyes were wide. This is one of those circumstances. Hermione will kill her! He thought even as his head started to turn from left to right and back again.

"Oh, no you don't. Mister-Can't-endanger-anyone-else-by-admitting-I-have-feelings-for-a-witch-but-still-let-Hermione-hang-all-over-you." She poked him hard in the chest and it was all Harry could do not to rub the place that was already sure to be bruising.

"But Gin, be reasonable. Ignoring the danger, you're Ron's younger sister. By all rights, I see--I mean--I should see you as my little sister."

"WHAT!?"

"I mean, if we were a lot older and you weren't so close to Ron in age, then it might be more likely, but..."

"Harry Potter! If you think I'm going to let you dissuade me from my chosen course, then you've got another think coming. And just you watch! I'm going to teach Hermione a lesson for filling your head with that dung that just came out of your mouth."

"Gin--"

"Don't you 'Gin' me. I'll teach her a lesson she'll never forget, see that I don't."

Eyes wide with horror at the dual terrors of Ginny kissing him and Hermione destroying the castle in her wrath, Harry didn't notice Ginny moving her step stool and trying to maneuver the mistletoe on a stick directly over his head.

Suddenly, out of seeming nowhere flashed a single spell burst. It cut through the stick like a chainsaw through a chopstick.

Surprised by the sudden magic, she dropped the bottom half while the upper half was reduced to a shower of splinters.

Ginny was shocked. "This-this isn't over!" she muttered before she turned around and stalked off.

Harry couldn't help but notice that despite being significantly younger and prettier than her mother, Ginny's angry walk was exactly the same. Turning to regard where the spell fire had come from, he walked to the open window and peered outside.

The spell could have only come from one tower and no one was there. He looked hard for a moment. He could almost have sworn he saw the wind make a ripple in the window. Suddenly, a delicate arm appeared out of nowhere. It flashed a quick Victory sign and then disappeared.

The smile on Harry's face was obvious to anyone with eyes. God, how he loved that woman.

Turning on his heel, Harry went back to his errand.

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Moving back to her chair from the window, she placed the map back in her book bag and seated herself on her favorite overstuffed chair. The invisibility cloak was levitated to its place near the door. Picking up her hardbound copy of The Hobbit, she went back to her reading.

An hour later, she felt she'd read enough. Now that her reading quota had been made, it was now time to work on her Harry snuggle quota. She heard the portrait door to the Head Boy and Girl common room open and she repressed a smile. Harry was early.

She closed her book loudly enough that her inner bibliophile nearly rebelled. Fortunately, the part of her that loved Harry wasn't going to let a little thing like heinous desecration of reading materials get in the way of her happiness.

She turned and was ready to latch her lips onto his when she came face to face with a wand and a cloaked figure. "WHAT!?"

"Not just a bint. Overconfident, too. Stupefy."

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"Welcome back to the land of the waking, Hermione."

Hermione, who felt as if she'd been stunned, quickly assessed the situation and slowly opened her eyes. She was in one of the upper tower rooms and seated on the floor in the center of the room with only a candle to throw a little light. "Ginny." She acknowledged the doomed girl. "You realize you're going to lose so many points for this."

"Ah, ah, ahh. Little miss perfect-I mean-PREFECT!" She hastily amended. She internally fumed at herself for the slip of the tongue. She'd meant to say Head Girl, but the pathetic attempt to cover her mistake had completely ruined the atmosphere she was trying to create. Tilting her head an exhaling in a sort of abbreviated shrug, she continued with her pre-written dialogue. "Do I look like I care about house points? This is about making a declaration for everyone to see. This is about me staking my claim and taking what I deserve."

Allowing herself a slight lip twitch at the sight of her abbreviated shrug, but not a full smirk, Hermione declared, "What you deserve, Gin, is a swift kick in the arse, but barring that, I think some time spent as a statue might change your way of thinking."

Ginny smiled like a cat that already had a canary in its mouth and was just waiting to swallow.

"No way out."

Ginny pulled out her wand and cast a light spell that settled near the room. The illumination showed a veritable forest of mistletoe that had almost certainly been charmed to be unmovable and impervious. The mistletoe completely covered the room except for two small bare patches. One right near the only doorway and the other barely covering the center of the room. She was trapped.

"No wand."

Hermione didn't bother checking her robes.

"And certainly no chance that you're going to take MY Harry from me."

Hermione stared at her captor with narrowed eyes. "He isn't yours. Remember that, Ginny. And besides, your trap is incomplete. Even with thousands of magic mistletoes, they don't mean a thing if there's no one here for me to kiss."

"As if I'd make such an amateurish mistake." She pointed her wand and incanted, "Enervate!"

To Hermione's surprise the spell impacted directly behind her.

"Gawd... I'm so hungry..." came a voice.

Without even needing to turn around, she recognized that voice.

"You're a real bitch when you want to be, you do realize that don't you?"

"Yes, I'm a bitch, but I'll be a bitch that Harry smothers in kisses in front of everyone."

"What do you hope to accomplish with this? Even if you get him to kiss you dozens of times, everyone will know it was because of the mistletoe."

Ginny couldn't have looked more smug. "See this?" She held up a tube of innocuous looking lipstick.

"That's..."

"Yes, it's the tube of lipstick you gave me for my birthday. A short trip to the Restricted Section and now it's a potion delivery system. Care to guess what's all over your lips as we speak?" She applied the lipstick to her own lips. It was obvious Ginny really needed a mirror.

"And what's to stop me from removing the lipstick?"

"You'd need a wand." Ginny sing-songed.

"And going to warn Harry?"

"Please, Hermione. Don't be deliberately dense. You've said it often enough. 'You can't apparate in Hogwarts.' So, basically," She leaned forward and her face became very serious, "I'd like to see you try."

Flashing a quick smile, Ginny turned and left the room. The door shut with a loud and final sounding bang.

Hermione stared up at the door where her unworthy adversary had been. "I'm going to tear her into so many pieces that even Reparo won't work."

-Yawn- "'Ermione? What's goin' on?" He noticed the lipstick. "Oh ho! Wearing makeup. If you wanted some Ron time, all you had to do was ask." He moved to wrap his arms around her.

Still looking at the door, her buffoon sense pinged and without a conscious thought, her right arm swung forward and then back in two quick jerks. There was a satisfying crunch as Ron's nose was flattened and he fell back into unconsciousness. "Git..." she muttered under her breath.

Turning to give the room another quick once-over, she decided that there was no obvious way out. She looked down at the Ginny's brother. "Hmph, of course you can't apparate in Hogwarts. It says as much in Hogwarts: A History," she remarked to the insensate ginger. "But this is a plan thought up by a little girl. I've led men into battle and I will not allow her to get the best of me." She pursed her lips and suddenly had an idea. "No, you can't apparate, but you can; however, be apparated." She kicked Ron once in the stomach. Not quite fair play; perhaps, but better than castration which would have been her next choice. "Winky" she called.

-Pop-

"You be calling Winky, Miss Grangey?"

"I need you to bring me my wand and then I'll need you to bring me to Harry in just a moment."

"Yes, Miss Grangey."

-Pop-

Hermione waited patiently for Winky to return. She had every confidence in the little elf. Once she had her wand, she'd have Winky take her to HER Harry. Her thoughts were interrupted when a glowing stag bounded through the wall.

It trotted up to her and nuzzled her cheek for a moment while Hermione scratched behind its ears. Finally, it stepped back and Harry's voice could be heard.

"I told Prongs not to approach you while Ginny was around. Obviously, you can take care of yourself, but I got worried when you didn't show up after class. I'd apologize, but I can't be sorry for loving you." -Ahem- "So, I can see your location on the map. Do you need help? I'll be awaiting your reply. If I don't hear back in ten minutes I'm coming after you whether you want me to or not. I'm not going to the Yule Feast without you."

Harry's message ended and Hermione breathed a sigh of relief.

-Pop-

"Here you are, Miss Grangey. It was on the other side of the door."

"Overconfident. That'll be the death of her."

Winky grinned.

It was a little disturbing.

Now Hermione had a very wicked idea. Perversely, she found herself wondering if this would qualify her as a wicked witch. She found herself not adverse to the idea. On a whim, she tried cackling wickedly. It didn't feel wrong.

However, it made Winky wrap herself around Hermione's leg. All right, and that's the end of wicked witch Hermione's cackling days.

She gently pried Winky off her leg and then summoned a wonderfully happy memory of Harry celebrating her birthday by giving her a full body massage with scented oils. "Expecto Patronum!"

Starlight, the otter burst from her wand. She did a circuit around her mistress and then came to a stop atop Prong's head. Prongs looked very happy to see Starlight.

"Okay, Starlight, I have a message for you to give to Harry."

The beautiful otter nodded her head and Hermione began her message. "I'm fine now, Harry. Ginny's gone round the bend, so here's what I want you to do..."

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Harry tugged nervously at his necktie. He was where he was supposed to be. He'd taken his usual seat at the Gryffindor table and as sometimes happened; a space had been left next to him for Hermione to occupy. However, this time, he wasn't expecting Hermione.

"Hi, handsome. Is this seat taken?" came a squeaky voice. Ginny had arrived.

Gulping silently and praying that nothing would go wrong, he pursed his lips and tasted the lip balm he'd used just in case. Well, it was now or never. "It is now." He smiled woodenly. Have a seat, Ginny."

"Don't mind if I do." She sat and Harry noticed she had her wand in her hand.

"Expecting trouble?" He asked, motioning at the drawn wand.

"Expecting, no; anticipating, always." She said with a wink. "My, don't you look especially handsome tonight, Harry."

"Thanks, you don't look bad yourself." Harry's eyes flicked upward and spotted Winky perched impossibly on the ceiling. He also noticed a large floating bunch of mistletoe, evidently being levitated by Ginny's wand. It was too far away to affect anyone now, but he could see it lowering toward his head. He gave a nod to Winky and Harry received thumbs up in return.

"Careful, Harry. You'll spoil a girl with compliments like those." Suddenly, one hand came up and covered an eye. "Oww..."

Suspicious, Harry asked, "Something wrong?"

"I think something landed in my eye. Could you be a dear and have a look please?" She leaned toward Harry and tilted her head up.

Harry had a strong desire to spit in that eye and turn her lie into a truth. Then a sudden amazingly strong compulsion to kiss her lips descended upon him. In that split second, he marveled that he wanted to kiss her and spit in her eyes all at the same time.

But what Ginny hadn't counted on was Harry's uncommonly strong will. That very same willpower that was preventing him from spitting in her face was also preventing him from kissing her. She realized this as the seconds ticked by.

Closer came the bunch of magic mistletoe and Harry felt the pressure increase. Still, it was nothing compared to an Unforgiveable. He could have resisted, though he doubted many others could, and he trusted in Hermione and her plan.

Harry began to lean ever so slowly closer to Ginny. A hush fell over the Great Hall as people noticed one half of the Diamond Duo about to seemingly lock lips with Ginny 'The Broom' Weasley.

Unable to wait any longer, Ginny finally gave up waiting for Harry to succumb and moved the mistletoe over to cover her as well. She smiled and closed her eyes as she sprang on her soon to be boyfriend.

A chill went through her and then lips met lips. She savored the taste and the victory and congratulated herself on being the future Missus-; she opened her eyes only to find the revolting face of her brother treating her lips like so much a plate of sausages, Weasley... She wanted to scream! She wanted to throw up! She wanted to kill someone! She--felt odd. Kind of flush. And the more Ron pressed his lips onto hers, the more she found herself liking it. She resumed kissing him back. Missus Ronald Bilius Weasley seemed extraordinarily superb to her at that moment.

All around, the half-bloods and muggle born looked on in shock and disgust. The pure bloods clapped enthusiastically and yelled polite encouragement.

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In Magic Mistletoe Tower, as Hermione had mentally christened it, Harry popped into existence right where Ron had been only milliseconds before. He was still under the effects of the compulsion, but now he had no reason to resist.

He wrapped his arms around Hermione and was about to kiss her with a fervor seldom seen by mere mortals when he suddenly stopped.

"You're not going to disappear on me and be replaced by someone I don't love covered in spiked lipstick, are you?"

Grabbing Harry's tie and using it to pull him close, Hermione's forehead touching his, she said, "The lipstick Ginny used on me was transferred to Ron, the house elves are all loyal to us, and I have Luna and Neville keeping Ron and Ginny under surveillance."

"To keep them from going too far?"

"No, my dear, sweet, innocent Harry; to record the event with a scribe crystal."

A sexual thrill travelled through Harry. Here was a wicked witch... a very, very wicked witch. He was so god damned lucky that he almost couldn't believe it.

And as if she could read his mind, she said, "And I'm your wicked witch, just like you're my brave wizard. Now, kiss me quick because I think naughty Harry wants to come out and play, too.

He kissed her deep and long and their hands roamed freely.

Stopping for air, Harry looked at her rosily flushed and beautiful face; her kinky, golden brown curls, and her glistening, chocolate brown eyes and he felt so warm inside, that happiness seemed to be washing over him like the tide. He knew what he had to do.

Harry looked up at the roof and with a flick of his wand brought all the magic mistletoe down to the ground. Several swishes and flicks later and the mistletoe was no more. In its place was a large, almost sinfully comfortable, sofa. He looked to Hermione to gauge her reaction.

"I don't need any extra enticement to want to kiss you. In fact, there are other things I'd rather do than kiss..." He trailed off -- she wasn't smiling.

Hermione was biting her lip. "It's nice, Harry, but I think you meant something a bit more like-- " She flicked her wand and transfigured the sofa into a large, almost sinfully comfy, bed. "--this."

Even without the influence of the mistletoe, Harry felt and overwhelming urge to kiss Hermione. Even if he'd been inclined to try and resist, he knew it would have been utterly futile. He instantly succumbed.

Breaking this kiss, she touched her wand to her robes and then there was a large red ribbon covering her chest. "You've been a very good boy up till now. Time to unwrap your present, and then you can be naughty again."

Picking up the best present he'd ever gotten (even better than the invisibility cloak), he moved toward the bed. Several silencing and privacy charms soon enveloped the room and no one saw Harry or Hermione until the next morning.

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End Note: Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Happy Holidays if that's more your style.

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