The Diary

Chapter Thirteen - The Solution

Disclaimer: Wish I may, wish I might, I still don't own Harry Potter.

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There were times when I wanted to hurt you
And there were times when I know that I did
There were times when I thought I would kill you
But can you blame me I was only a kid
Tell me why we never respected each other
And tell me why I never believed that you were a person too

“Enid” - Barenaked Ladies

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It was the last night the students would be spending at Hogwarts. Everyone in Gryffindor Tower had spent the day packing and enjoying a few last minute pranks (the Marauders doing more of the latter). Evans had been later than usual writing to James that night; he assumed she had been talking to Wood or packing.

You there?

No, I'm away.

Right.

You're late.

You're hilarious. Now stop complaining, I have a question for you.

Oh? Ask away, Ms Evans.

Would I still be writing to you if I bought another diary?

No, it'd be someone else. Why do you ask? Getting tired of me already?

No, I'm just planning ahead.

What do you mean?

Well, I just noticed that at some point or another I'm going to run out of pages, and I'd like to keep writing to you next year.

James whacked his palm against his forehead. Was there no end to the complications?

I'm touched.

You're one of my closest friends now. Funny, isn't it? Am I allowed to be friends with an inanimate object?

James considered this. Evans had brought up the issue of friendship before, and he knew she thought of Roscoe as a friend. A knot formed in his stomach.

I'm not sure. I don't think so.

Well, why not? Don't all diaries eventually become friends with the person they write to?

It varies a lot, but most are content to just advise without really bonding. `Friend' might be stretching it a bit.

Coming up with an imaginary world was more difficult than James would have thought.

Maybe… I mean, what is a friend, anyway? Someone you can trust?

Yes…

Someone you can rely on, someone you can talk to about anything without fear of judgment. Someone who has your best interests at heart. You, Roscoe, definitely qualify.

The knot in his stomach tightened. She thought he was her friend, but he was going to take that friendship and throw it in her face. Evans would not be happy about that. He'd built up her trust and he was going to shatter it.

Are you there?

Just thinking, give me a minute.

All right.

More curses ran through James' head, but he didn't feel like he expected he would. There was mostly guilt, as previously identified by Remus. Your best interests at heart… That wasn't true. But then again, he had helped her out several times.

“Damn it all,” James muttered. He was her friend. How had that happened? He did fit that description, or at least “Roscoe” did. With that reminder of his alter ego, James regained some semblance of serenity. At least enough to last the rest of the conversation.

I suppose I am your friend, then.

Took you long enough to catch on.

I needed to mull things over. Anyways, back to the issue at hand.

Ah, yes. Well, is there a way to transfer you to another diary?

Not really. Although…

Have any brilliant ideas?

Yes, actually.

Oh? Do tell.

You'd have to purchase a new diary. A Muggle one. Then cast a spell on it when you get back to school in September.

How would that help?

I can stay in this diary until then. When you bring me back to Hogwarts, I can try to jump into that other one.

Why the spell?

Then I can track it. It's hard to explain, but I can sense it, in a way.

That makes sense, I suppose. Well, that shouldn't be a problem then.

A faint wave of relief swept over James; he'd just recast the Charm on the new diary.

It might take a while to find it, but I'm fairly sure I can.

Great!

He was in a trance for the rest of the conversation and responded to her summary of the day absentmindedly. When Evans finally said goodnight, James didn't shut his journal. He stared at her words, lost in thought.

In short, James supposed, he felt trapped.

Why had he come up with that idea for next year? Why had he decided to continue this charade? His opportunity had been right there, and he had missed it! Why? Why why why?

He knew the answer, though. Because the thought of ending their writings felt… wrong. But he couldn't keep up this pretence, couldn't be friends with her.

Why not? a voice in his head asked.

Because it's Evans, that's why! I can't be friends with someone who hates me! he answered back.

Ah, but the other voice replied, she hates James. Roscoe is her friend.

But I'm not Roscoe! he yelled internally, refusing to hear anything more from the rebellious voice by planning out Quidditch strategies.

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On the train ride to King's Cross the next day, James was feeling much better, the thoughts of the previous night temporarily forgotten. The four Marauders sat in a compartment laughing, having just finished pranking Snape one last time.

“How long until the charm wears off?” Sirius asked, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“A couple of days, I think,” James responded from the opposite side of the compartment.

Peter smiled and fidgeted in his seat. “He'll have to cut it off, won't he?”

James nodded. “That's the idea. Did you recognise the curse he tried to use?”

“Dark Arts, I'd bet,” Sirius said darkly, his mood changing palpably at the reminder of where the train was headed.

“It won't be that long before summer's over, and you can Floo over whenever you feel like it. Mum and Dad don't mind,” James said.

Sirius gave a flicker of a nod but remained silent. Peter and Remus began to chatter about their plans for the summer. James watched the landscape fly by, and his thoughts began to trickle back to his conversation with Evans the night before.

The concept of friendship with Evans still seemed somewhat insane. These were his friends. James tried to get Sirius away from his derisive family as much as possible. He looked out for Peter and helped him with his homework occasionally. Remus…

James realised he didn't really do anything for Remus. He'd tried to become an Animagus, but that was still a work in progress.

“This summer, we are going to become Animagi,” he announced suddenly.

“Did you find something new?” Sirius asked.

Remus and Peter paused their game to join in the conversation.

James shook his head. “Remus, we've failed you, but I won't have you going through this alone. We're your friends. That means we do whatever it takes to help you. Since the only other option is to find a cure for lycanthropy, we have to become Animagi.”

His friends were slightly stunned at James' sudden serious demeanour. After a moment of silence, Remus spoke up. “It's illegal. I don't blame you for not doing it, and you tried your best.”

But James was adamant. “We didn't. Sure, we read loads of books about it, but we couldn't pull it off. There isn't a guide on how to do it.”

Peter nodded his head in agreement. “The books I read only talked about the risks and registration laws.”

James sat up in his seat. “Somewhere out these is the information on how to do it. We've looked in our homes and in the Restricted Section and all that, but that's not good enough. This summer, my friends, we are going to succeed.”

He looked around at his friends to see their reactions. Sirius looked eager for a project to distract him over the coming months, and Peter appeared somewhat apprehensive. Remus, though, looked torn.

“I can't ask you to do this for me,” he said quietly.

“You're not asking us to do anything,” James said sternly.

His lycanthropic friend nodded reluctantly, and the four spent the rest of the trip discussing where they could find out more information.

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A few compartments down from the Marauders, Lily sat with her own group of friends. Their Ravenclaw friend Diana had joined them for the time being, and they were all enjoying their treats from the trolley and arranging visits for over the summer.

“So, is our little flower going to be a prefect next year?” Diana asked teasingly. She was a short, dark-haired girl with a knack for seeing what others often couldn't. She rarely had the chance to see the Gryffindor group, but they remained friends anyway. In Lily's fourth year, the Marauders had pranked Diana for some reason or another, and Lily had helped her recover and clean her school supplies. Ever since, Diana had become a satellite of sorts, coming and going as she pleased.

Lily rolled her eyes, but Emily stepped in before Lily could respond. “Of course she is! You know how much she likes shiny things, and that badge practically glitters.” Lily threw a jellybean at Emily's head, but Emily caught it and popped it in her mouth. “Mmm, chocolate. Thanks, Lily!”

Giving an exasperated sigh, Lily leaned against the window. “I hate you, Emily.”

Emily wagged a finger at Lily. “Now, now, Lily. Don't upset me, or there'll be no hiding out from your sister at my house this summer.”

Lily yawned theatrically. “This summer, I am not going to pay any attention to my sister. She can think whatever she wants, but frankly, I love being a witch.”

“So I can't come over and hex her, then?” Diana pouted.

“You wouldn't be allowed to anyway,” Matilda said. “You know we can't do magic outside of school.”

“But does Petunia know that?” Emily pointed out.

They all looked to Lily, who thought about it. “I'm not sure. I don't think I've explicitly told her that, but I also haven't threatened her in the past. Not for lack of temptation, though.”

This prompted a conversation detailing how Lily could keep Petunia away from her, which the group became engrossed in until the train eventually pulled into the station.

“Write me soon, or else!” Lily yelled to Emily as her friend walked away with her parents. Lily took a few steps forward, looking for her own parents. She'd stopped to scan when someone's trunk ran into the back of her legs.

Crying out in pain, she turned around to see what had happened.

“You!” Lily hissed. “You stay away from me.” Giving Potter her fiercest glare, Lily picked up the handle of her trunk.

“Need a hand?” Lily looked up into the face of her father.

“Dad!” she said, her anger seeping away as she hugged him.

David Evans hugged his daughter back. After letting go, he turned to Potter. “I don't believe we've met. I'm David Evans,” he said politely, extending his hand.

Potter looked thoroughly confused, but shook hands with Lily's dad. “James Potter.”

David smiled. “Nice to meet you. Are you a friend of Lily's?”

Potter's eyes shifted from David to Lily. “Er, sort of. Acquaintances, really. We're in the same house.”

“All the same, I like meeting Lily's schoolmates. Have a nice summer, James.” David turned to a very startled Lily and helped her with her trunk.

After a moment of hesitation, Potter replied, “You too.” Lily's father pushed her trunk over to the entrance to King's Cross where her mother was waiting.

“Who was that dashing young man?” Alicia Evans asked.

Lily scowled. “That was James Potter, bane of my existence.”

“He didn't seem too bad to me,” David commented.

“Can we go home now?” Lily changed the subject, not wanting to start ranting about exactly why James Potter was all that bad. She noted that her sister was not present and guessed she was probably off spying on someone.

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James watched Evans and her father walk away, still feeling somewhat off. It was hard to believe that this was the same Evans that had called Roscoe one of her best friends. Why did she have to hate him so much?

Because you've made her life miserable.

“Oh right. That,” James said out loud.

“Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, you know.” James jumped, startled out of his thoughts by the arrival of Sirius. “Nervous much?”

James shook his head to rid himself of any lingering Evans thoughts. “Thinking, that's all.”

Sirius nodded. “It's difficult when you don't do it enough.”

“Speaking from experience?” James mocked.

“No,” Sirius answered. James was confused at the sudden end of their banter but quickly realised that the Black family was gesturing Sirius over.

“You'd better go,” James said quietly.

His friend sighed. “I should. Well, goodbye, Mr Potter. I'll see you soon, if I can.” Sirius reluctantly trudged off to join his family, leaving James alone. He'd already said his farewells to Remus and Peter, and the station was mostly empty now. He looked around and saw his own parents standing by a wall, waiting for him.

“Hello, Mum, Dad,” he greeted cheerfully upon walking over to them.

Theresa Potter looked disapprovingly at her son. “I trust you didn't get into too much trouble on the train?”

“Yes, we've heard rumours that you did something nasty to a boy in your year,” Michael Potter said gravely.

James raised his eyebrows mockingly. “Oh?”

His parents started laughing and James joined in. “James, we've missed you.” Theresa hugged her son. “The house is too quiet without you and your friends running about.”

Michael placed his hand on James' shoulder. “I have to agree with your mother, although I happen to think that's a good thing.”

James smiled at his parents. As much as he loved Hogwarts, he couldn't wait to be back home.