The Diary

Chapter Twenty-five - The Execution

Disclaimer: 25 chapters. Wow. A landmark for me. 25 chapters of characters and other things that don't belong to me.

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I've run from these feelings for so long
Telling my heart I didn't need you
Pretending I was better off alone
But I know that it's just a lie
”Need To Be Next To You” - Leigh Nash

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“So, Ms Prefect Evans, what illustrious career have you chosen?” Emily played with her boyfriend Rob's shoelace. Rob was leaning against a tree by the lake, with Emily resting her head on his shoulder.

Lily stretched out on the grass in front of them and sighed. She'd just returned from her scheduled meeting with Professor McGonagall concerning her life after Hogwarts, which hadn't gone as well as Lily had hoped. “Haven't. Still don't know what I want to do. That career session only confirmed it: I am completely without plans. I am destined to do nothing for the rest of my life because at the oh-so-elderly age of fifteen, I know not what I want to do with my life.”

“That makes two of us,” said Rob. “I don't know what I want to do, just that it shouldn't involve Transfiguration in any way, shape or form.”

Emily laughed and threaded her fingers through his. “For shame, the both of you. Rob, you know you're going to end up doing something with magical creatures. And you, Lily…” A small crease formed on her forehead.

“See?” Lily remarked. “Not even my best friend knows what I'll do.”

Emily's face brightened. “I don't know exactly, but it'll be something where you'll make a difference.”

“Oh, thanks for that, Emily,” Lily said with an eye roll. “Now all I need to do is get an OWL in Superheroing and I'll be set for life. Why didn't I think of this earlier?”

“It's my job to think for you. After all, I've got an O in Best Friendship,” Emily said, her smile belying her serious tone.

“Speaking of grades, I've got a long Potions assignment ahead of me,” Rob said, resigned. “I'll see you two later.” Emily sat up and Rob got to his feet, stooping down to peck Emily on the lips before heading into the castle. Emily's eyes trailed after his departing figure and a smile crept onto her face.

“Things are good with him, then?” Lily asked, pulling Emily out of her reverie.

“Hmm? Oh, definitely. He's just so… perfect.”

“Perfect?” Lily raised her eyebrows. Ever since Emily had revealed Rob's new status, he'd taken to hanging around Emily and, by default, Lily, as much as possible. They were very good together, but they were not immune from the ups and downs inherent in every relationship. Just last week they'd argued; about what, Emily had refused to discuss, but it had something to do with socks and the statue of Gregory the Smarmy.

“Well, maybe not perfect, but he's close enough,” Emily said.

Lily lay back and placed her hands behind her head, listening to the gentle lapping of the lakeshore. Several birds hopped from branch to branch above her and chirped merrily. Lily smiled. Her peaceful moment was, unfortunately, disrupted by someone calling out, “I got it!” She turned her head in time to see a large red object coming her way. Lily quickly rolled away, trying to cover her face with her hands.

The expected thud never came. Lily removed her hands and saw Emily standing where Lily had been, a Quaffle in her right hand.

“Quidditch is for brooms, you twat!” Emily shouted.

Potter came running up to Emily and grinned. “It's only for brooms if you limit yourself to that.”

Emily lobbed the ball at him. “I can see why you'd need to practice on the ground if your aim is so bad you almost hit people in the face.”

Potter effortlessly caught the ball one-handed. “We'll see if that's true at the next practice.” He winked at her and ran off.

“Stupid sod,” Emily said, scowling. She plopped down next to Lily.

“Agreed.” Lily sat up and folded her legs in. “As much as physically possible, agreed.”

An impish glint formed in Emily's eyes. “While we're on the subject, what's been going on with you two lately?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for the past month he's been ignoring you. He just came over here, and he didn't even look at you.”

Lily picked at the grass absently. “Glad to know you're keeping track for me.”

“Don't tell me you hadn't noticed.”

Lily shrugged. “No, I had, but I'm not complaining. If he'd only be like this all the time, life would be wonderful.”

Emily laughed. “Because your life is so hard right now.”

“Point taken. It would be even better if I didn't have to worry about whether he was ignoring my existence or making my existence a living hell,” Lily said. “I would like it to be the first option, of course, but if he wants to ignore me, I can very easily do the same.”

“At least he makes life more interesting,” Emily commented. “If he weren't here, what would we talk about?”

Lily gave Emily a knowing look. “The last Quidditch match, I'm sure.”

“I think we deserve to gloat about our victory.”

“To an extent, yes,” Lily said. “The Hufflepuffs were glaring at you in the hallway for weeks after.”

“It's all right to celebrate for a couple weeks after the match,” Emily said defensively.

“Yes, but it's been five weeks,” Lily pointed out. “I don't think Rob appreciates it.”

“Oh, I know better than to talk Quidditch with Rob,” Emily said. “Besides, he's about as into the game as you are.”

“How on earth did you two end up together?” Lily said teasingly.

Emily smirked. “Magic.”

“You're so witty.”

“Well, people with different interests are supposed to go together, didn't you know?”

“I knew, but I'm not entirely sure I believe it.”

“It's true enough. Take my brother, for example. Simon's been the biggest fan of the Appleby Arrows since he was five. His new wife, however, doesn't know a Bludger from a Quaffle, but they're having a kid in a few months, aren't they?”

Lily lay back down on the grass and examined the clouds. “I suppose. But is that true for everyone, or just them?”

“Depends on how you look at it.”

Lily let out a faint chuckle. “That, my friend, applies to everything.”

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That night James lay sprawled out on his four-poster, quill and journal sitting in front of him, looking completely harmless. And there wasn't a lot to the diary, he mused, at least not in the physical sense. It was a simple blank book, really, or at least it had been at one point. Now its smooth cream pages were brimming with two sets of handwriting and countless jokes, stories and explanations. The second book he'd bought, actually. The first one he'd stopped using when Evans had made a switch of her own back in September. It was mad that such an innocuous item could cause such trouble.

After his plan to completely ignore Evans had gone pear-shaped, James had settled for pretending he didn't see her in person. He'd hoped that by only writing to her, his infatuation with her would end, but in fact the opposite had occurred. By only communicating with her as Roscoe, he found himself wanting to speak to her face to face, regardless of whether or not she responded kindly. James desperately wanted to stop liking her, but it was of no use. He would stand near her and be very tempted to take actions she would certainly not appreciate.

Today had been especially hard. He'd been tossing the Quaffle around with Sirius when he'd noticed Evans emerge from the castle. It hadn't been hard to accidentally throw it her way. Not even glancing at her during his exchange with Wood had been difficult, but he'd done it. Had she even noticed he'd stopped talking to her? James didn't know, but she probably wasn't clamouring to speak with James Potter.

Just thinking about Evans made James want to go hunt her down and do something outrageous. The first thing that popped into his head was to kiss her, but James wanted to walk away from the encounter with his body intact. No, he couldn't do anything of the sort.

But why shouldn't he at least talk to her? The thought wriggled in from the back of his mind. After all, his original plan had fallen apart over a month ago, and besides, even the modification hadn't worked in the least. He still liked her. A lot. And it wasn't like he ever inspired anything but loathing from her, and it had been almost a year since he'd started writing to her as Roscoe. Shouldn't he do something to celebrate such an occasion? There wasn't much he could do as a diary, but James could do something, even if Evans didn't see it that way.

He hesitantly decided that he could talk to her once. One time couldn't do much harm, could it? Tomorrow he would speak to her.

The prospect of interacting with Evans sent James' heart soaring, and he happily picked up his quill in anticipation of writing to her.

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“Bored yet?”

“Need you ask?”

“Thought so. What can we do to make things more interesting?”

“Oh, I can think of loads of things…” James flashed a grin at Sirius. The two sat in their Transfiguration class with two sets of elaborate opera glasses on the desk. Most of the class still had disgruntled owls in front of them, but James and Sirius had mastered the spell at the beginning of the hour.

“You could help Wormtail,” Remus told them. He had also finished the spell but was looking over variations in his textbook.

“I don't need help,” protested Peter.

“Sure about that?” James asked, eyeing Peter's glasses. They still had moving pupils in the middle of the opaque lenses, creating a vaguely disturbing image.

“Yes,” Peter replied firmly.

James shrugged and turned back to Sirius. “What do you propose?”

“Something with Evans, perhaps?”

James resisted the urge to cringe. “Maybe not right now.”

“Fine. Do you have an alternative, Prongs?” Sirius began to add small, fine feathers to James' opera glasses.

“I could…” James struggled to come up with an idea. “Do it after class.”

“Just you?” Sirius cocked an eyebrow. “Well, if you're sure you don't need me…”

Had it been any other person, James would have overwhelmingly preferred to have Sirius at his side, but maybe he could combine goals with respect to Evans. “No, no,” James said, “I shall be outstanding in my brilliance, just you wait.”

“I anticipate a magnificent performance, Mr Prongs, but what do you suggest we do until then?”

James picked up his wand and turned his glasses from a pale gold to a hideous orange. “Can't do anything by halves, you know.”

“'Course not.” Sirius tinted the lenses of James' project to a light rose colour.

James waved his wand, and the grotesque glasses floated to the next desk and hovered in front of Peter's face.

“Cut it out!” Peter knocked the glasses away and harrumphed.

James and Sirius shared a look of mild surprise. The glasses returned to their desk and began to do somersaults in the air.

Sirius shifted closer to James and whispered, “Who shoved a wand up his arse this morning?”

“Merlin knows,” James murmured. “He's been acting funny since… Well, since he got his form, I suppose.”

“He's still sulking about that?” Sirius scoffed. “Why? We got to accompany Moony, didn't we? And it was brilliant, I might add.”

“I think he disliked our methods.”

“Just because we helped him along—”

“You tricked him into getting drunk,” Remus chipped in quietly, leaning across the aisle.

“So what? It worked, just like Prongs and I knew it would.”

“So—nevermind.” Remus' face was expressionless as he returned to a more comfortable position in his seat.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the bell. He grinned. “Showtime, Prongs.”

James quickly packed up and weaved across the room towards Evans.

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“Hey, Evans!”

So he was talking to her, was he? Lily pretended as though she hadn't heard him and continued to neatly pack away her belongings.

“Evans!”

Repeating yourself isn't going to help, Potter. In went her notes, then her quill. She was not going to succumb to his provocations.

He walked around to her side. “I know you can hear me, Evans.”

She began humming and slung her bag over her shoulder. Potter, of course, followed her like a stray puppy out of the classroom and continued to pester her down he entire length of Transfiguration corridor.

This wasn't working as well as she'd hoped, she supposed—he wasn't letting up in the slightest—but Lily hadn't exactly expected instantaneous results.

His entreaties fell on deaf ears and he became noticeably more agitated. Once they reached the corner, though, he stopped. Lily's mouth quirked. Perhaps she'd spoken too soon.

But no. A quick glance to her side showed Potter with his wand pointed at a passing Slytherin.

“Furnunculus!” he cried, and ugly, painful looking boils burst out over the young girl's skin.

The girl's jaw dropped in outrage. “You fucker,” she said icily, pulling out her own wand in defence. But before she could cast anything, Potter had Summoned her wand and it soared into his palm.

The girl's equally petite friend, this one in pigtails, had drawn her wand, and it, too, was quickly in Potter's hand.

“Tosser!” she yelled, charging at Potter.

With a deftness Lily didn't think possible, Potter pocketed the two spare while simultaneously firing off an Impediment Jinx at the oncoming Slytherin. He looked like he was going to cast it again, this time on the girl covered in boils, so Lily marched over and ripped his wand out of his hand from behind.

He whirled around and beamed. “Hullo, Evans.”

“What on earth do you think you're doing?” Lily exclaimed. “They can't be older than first-years, for one thing, and they didn't do anything to you!”

“Well, I'd happily return their wands if you'd only speak to me, Evans.”

Lily's eyes hardened. “Don't you dare pin this on me, Potter.”

“You could have just said `hi' or something, and I wouldn't have had to resort to such extreme measures.”

“Oh, that is rich!” Lily took a step forward. “There's no way this is my fault, and I won't have you trying to make me believe otherwise,” she finished angrily.

While Lily had been speaking, the mobile girl had crept up behind Potter, and she leapt onto his back. He made a strangled noise and attempted to unclasp her hands from around his neck.

Lily could have done something to help Potter untangle himself from the blonde, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. In fact, small chuckles began to escape through the frown she'd donned for Potter's benefit. It was a ridiculous image: a girl who couldn't have been more than five feet tall was thrashing about on James Potter's back.

A small crowd had gathered around, and many were snickering at Potter's misfortune. Lily immediately sobered. Humorous or not, Lily was still furious with him. She raised her hand and slapped him soundly across the face.

“And don't ever try to do that again, you arrogant twat,” she finished bitterly.

“Miss Evans!” Professor McGonagall's voice boomed over the crowd. Lily's eyes widened and she reluctantly turned around. “We do not use violence, especially when we have the power to deduct points,” she said sternly.

Lily looked at the ground and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I know. Sorry.” She could feel McGonagall's eyes fixated on her, and Lily's cheeks began to heat up. Stupid, stupid! Never use violence, particularly when it's about time for a professor to show up!

“And Ms Greengrass!” McGonagall continued. “Please let go of Mr Potter immediately!”

“But he-” the girl began to protest, but cut herself off. She grudgingly released her grip and slid to the ground. “I want my wand back,” she announced.

Potter quickly stretched out his arms before handing the two wands back to the girl, who shoved them in her own robes.

McGonagall waved her wand and the other Slytherin regained proper use of her limbs. “Ms Foster, if you would please accompany Ms Greengrass to the Hospital Wing. And please make sure both of you stop by my office later today.”

The girls grumbled and headed off with the thinning crowd.

“Now, Potter, Evans. Would you care to explain yourselves?” McGonagall peered over her spectacles. “Lily?”

“Potter was hexing those girls for no reason, so I…” Lily couldn't finish the sentence.

“Assaulted him?”

Lily scuffed her foot on the ground. “Er, yes.”

“Miss Evans, I'm disappointed in you. You received that badge for a reason.”

“I know.” Lily's shoulders sagged.

McGonagall turned to Potter and quirked an eyebrow. “And you, Mr Potter?”

He shrugged and flashed his stupid cocky grin. “You know me.”

“Unfortunately,” she muttered. After a small sigh, McGonagall said, “I'm assigning you both a detention with Mr Stoddard, and fifteen points from Gryffindor.”

Lily's head snapped up. “Stoddard?” she mouthed.

“Yes, detention, Miss Evans. Perhaps in the future you will make use of your status. Now, both of you, off to class.”

Lily readjusted her bag before remembering she still had Potter's wand. She thrust her arm out. “Take it.”

“Knew you had a soft spot for me, Evans,” he said, taking the wand and twirling it with his fingers.

Lily sent him a smouldering glare and promptly marched off.

She was still upset when she tracked down Emily in the Defence classroom five minutes later. “I see you're back to two arms,” Lily said, sliding into the seat next to Emily.

Emily held up her left arm and examined her fingers. “So it would seem.” She smiled mischievously. “That was a good idea, by the way. I owe you one.”

“I was joking about that, you know.”

“Oh, I know, but it still worked marvellously. You can't keep a student with three arms in class, now, can you?”

“Don't go spreading it around,” Lily said. “And you shouldn't do it again. Intentionally messing around with Transfiguration is very dangerous. What if you'd accidentally removed an arm instead of adding one?”

Emily shrugged. “Then I could count on you to write my assignments, right?”

“And how would you fly?”

Emily's jaw dropped. “You're right! No more skiving off class like that anymore.”

Lily chuckled. “Oh! You won't believe it. I've got a detention.” She quickly recounted the story of what had happened in the corridor.

“So then McGonagall showed up!” Lily moaned and passed a hand over her eyes.

“Oh no!” Emily laughed. “Of course it was right then.”

“I know,” Lily said despairingly. She leaned on the desk, her chin in her hands. “That was stupid. I shouldn't have hit him.”

Emily raised an eyebrow. “Or you could have just left him to be taken over by those first-years. Ha, I wish I'd've seen that.”

“No, I couldn't have left,” Lily insisted.

“Sure you could have.” Emily shrugged. “They were just Slytherins. And you don't even know their names. I really don't see why you're responsible for them.”

Lily gave Emily a calculating look. “Have you ever been bullied, Emily?”

Emily grinned. “I'm perfect—what's there to pick on?”

“I'm serious.” Lily sat up straight. “You've never been picked on, have you?”

“Nope.”

Lily laughed mirthlessly. “Then you wouldn't understand.”

Emily gave her a confused look and said, “It could have been worse.”

“Well, the fact that the detention is with the caretaker…”

Emily bit her lower lip thoughtfully. “That's a good point. You'll be fine, though,” she said. “I was going to say Potter could've asked you out.”

0 0 0

“Moony?” James leaned onto the back of the armchair his friend was occupying. “Can I talk to you?”

“Mm.” Remus marked his place and closed the book, gesturing for James to take seat next to him. James dropped into the chair and sighed. “So what's going on?”

“It's just… there's a girl.”

“Aha.” Remus smiled knowingly. “The fairer sex can be quite confusing at times.”

“You're telling me.” James ran a hand through his hair. Ever since earlier in the corridor, James had come to the conclusion that not communicating with Evans would be nigh impossible. She'd slapped him, but interacting with her at all had only made him realise how much he wanted her to at least be civil to him.

“Do I know this girl?”

James frowned and immediately replied, “No.”

Remus set the book on the end table. “I see. And you like this girl?”

“Erm, yeah.” James grinned feebly. “A lot.” More than I can tell you about.

“And how does she feel?”

“She… doesn't feel the same way.” She thinks I'm the worst person since Grindelwald.

“That is a quandary,” Remus said, tapping his chin.

“I know,” said James. “So what do I do?”

Remus considered this. “Have you tried just talking to her?”

James grimaced. “That doesn't go over so well.”

“But have you tried being sincere with her, being kind to her?”

James nodded thoughtfully. “I guess I could try that.” It'll probably go badly, but it's worth a shot.

“Why am I not surprised you haven't tried that?” Remus asked with a faint smile.

James hung his head, and the conversation fell into silence for a few moments.

“You never told me what you ended up doing with Lily,” Remus said.

“You mean after Transfiguration?” Remus nodded and James continued, “That was… not my best performance.”

Remus gave him a pointed look. “What happened?”

“I don't want to get into details, but both Evans and I have detention tomorrow. And with Stoddard, no less.”

Remus got a funny look in his eyes. “Stoddard, you say?”

“Yeah. Hate detention with him. Crusty old curmudgeon.”

“You've been saving that one up, haven't you?”

James avoided Remus' gaze. “Maybe.”