Disclaimer: Harry Potter, characters, and all related names and phrases are either copyright and/or registered trademarks of J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros. and/or their respective owners. This is a fanfiction, no copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first part to this story. It means a lot to me. And because I received such a wonderful response so quickly, I'm posting the second part almost immediately. And I also want to give a great big thank you to my beta, Gary Skinner. You're an awesome friend, Gary.
Now for the continuation. I hope you enjoy!
Hermione Granger sat at her vanity table, swiping a brush through her hair, staring at her reflection, but not really seeing it at all. As her hand mechanically moved the brush, smoothing out the tangles and making her curls soft and shiny, her mind traveled.
It had not been an easy day. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she had truly felt calm and relaxed. She supposed it had been a month ago, before Ron's birthday. Before she had stupidly asked her best friend, Harry Potter, his opinion of how she looked, after dressing up specifically for Ron, her boyfriend of 7 months.
And in the end she had received much more than she had expected. The days following Ron's birthday seemed to be some of the worst for Hermione. At least twice daily the same questions would pop into her head unexpectedly:
Am I as beautiful as Harry says? And if so, does that mean Harry thinks I'm beautiful? Or was he just trying to please me? And if he wasn't just humoring me, then why hasn't Ron ever told me that I'm beautiful? Why can't Ron make me feel as amazing as Harry does? Why can't I get a grip on myself?
And then the dreams had started...and Hermione was convinced that she was losing her mind. Harry was her best friend. Ron was her boyfriend. She didn't want to be caught in the middle! She wanted everything to be normal. She wanted her life to be ordered, civilized, and uncomplicated.
It wasn't until the end of March when Parvati Patil (now a very close friend to Hermione), pointed out how exhausted she looked all the time, and how her attention in class wasn't as sharp as it once was. Later that day, Hermione had broken down in the girls' bathroom, and had told Parvati everything. It was then that Hermione knew what she had to do. It was actually getting around to doing it that was going to be the hard part. But she had gathered the nerve, only just moments ago…
Ron Weasley sat in the chair which was perched in front of Hermione's vanity table. They faced each other as
Hermione stood by her bed, her hands folded across her abdomen, her chin resting on her chest as her eyes bore into the
carpet. There was a fierce conviction about her, and a simple refusal to meet his eyes.
"You're right, Ron," Hermione was saying softly. "I haven't been myself lately," and at this statement, Ron stood up, making his way to her. But Hermione shied away, her eyes lingering on her ginger cat, Crookshanks, who lay sleeping on her four-poster. Hermione felt a sharp pang of jealousy, wishing she could feel as peaceful and content as her cat did.
"What are you talking about?" Ron asked, not bothering to disguise the pain which showed clearly in his bright blue eyes.
Hermione drew a deep breath, trying to gain some control over her thoughts and emotions. She had dodged this scenario long enough. She didn't want to hurt Ron. But deep down, she knew it would eventually come to that.
"The other day...you told me that I was acting a bit...off...and I denied it. But the truth is, Ron, there is something wrong. But I'm going to try to make it better," Hermione said, turning to him and finally meeting his eyes, which were narrowed in bewilderment.
"Hermione -- I didn't mean to accuse you or anything...whatever you're thinking...just..." Ron stopped himself, staring at her helplessly. It sounded to her ears as though he already knew what was coming.
Hermione stared at him a moment, choking on her own guilt. Never in her life had she been faced with such a dilemma. She wished she had the strength to handle it better. Why did it have to be so difficult?
She opened her mouth to speak, but Ron stepped in once more.
"Whatever it is, we can work through it. We're a team, Hermione, you and I. Don't you believe that?" he pleaded.
Hermione's mouth slammed shut. She, Ron and Harry were the team. Ron and Hermione were just a couple. And as much as she hated it, she couldn't force her feelings for Ron beyond anything but friendship. Sure, she had thought that there was something...but that was just wishful thinking, really. Everyone in her year had someone. Even Ginny had Neville! And when Harry had started to date Cho, it seemed only natural for her to turn to Ron. But it was never what she wanted.
She couldn't even decide now what she wanted. She just knew that she had to be fair to Ron, for the sake of their friendship.
"I care about you, Ron - so much," Hermione told Ron, feeling her courage rising within herself. She could do it, and she would.
"And I care about you, too, Hermione," Ron said, looking earnest and sincere.
"But...it has to end," she said, her insides squeezing with dread. And then she had to watch as Ron's face switched from a hopeful smile, to a heart-broken frown.
"I'm so…so sorry, Ron," Hermione quickly added. "It's just..."
She heard herself trailing off, and Ron looked at her expectantly, waiting to hear her rationale. But Hermione couldn't offer a reason. Ron was still her friend, (she hoped), and she wasn't prepared to tell him the truth. She wasn't even prepared to handle the truth.
"It's just what, Hermione?" Ron wondered, his tone colder than ice.
"I don't know," she admitted, wishing Ron would just throw a temper tantrum, his usual resort. That was an area she could handle. She could deal with an angry Ron. She couldn't handle a hurt friend.
"I thought we had something good," Ron said, his voice rising slightly higher.
Hermione felt her face grow hot with embarrassment. How could she explain to Ron that over the 7 months they dated, she hadn't felt for him what he had obviously felt for her? I never should have stayed with him in the first place, Hermione thought in a lecturing tone.
"Sometimes, Ron, things might look good if you don't look for the… not-so-good stuff," Hermione told him, feeling quite inarticulate at the moment. "Sometimes, people will fool themselves into believing that everything is OK, when really… things aren't alright. Do you see?" She looked at him, her eyes pleading for him to understand.
"Actually, I don't see," Ron admitted, and Hermione believed that he wasn't trying to be a git here, but that he actually didn't understand what she was trying to say. She sighed audibly.
"There are times, Ron… when you don't…notice me. There are times when… I try so hard to gain your attention and approval… that I'll literally go out of my way to change my appearance, or do special and different things for you. And not once did you ever notice. Not once."
Ron's brows furrowed in concentration, his mind apparently searching for those times Hermione was speaking of. But he shook his head and gave a shrug of his shoulders, which, to the surprise of Hermione, infuriated her.
"Last Christmas, Ron. Remember? We stayed here at Hogwarts, and that upset you, because you wanted to go home. Do you remember that?"
"Sure I do," Ron said, his expression turning to puzzlement.
"I felt horrible, because you wanted to go home so badly, but I made you stay behind… because even though Harry had Cho at the time, we were still his best friends, and he needed us here, whether or not he realized it. On Christmas Eve, I sneaked into the kitchens and personally cooked you your favorite meal, your mother's recipe, I might add."
"And it was delicious," Ron told her, still quite puzzled.
"But you didn't tell me that then. And I can almost understand it now. After all, I did make you stay behind, and you probably resented me during that time," Hermione said, realizing the memory of that guilt had never been laid to rest.
"I was angry at first…but I got over it," Ron told her, shrugging nonchalantly.
"Did you?" Hermione said doubtfully. "Then how do you explain the following few times that exact same thing happened?" she said before he could deny what she was accusing him of. "How do you explain your birthday? And all the attempts I made to please you?"
"I noticed, Hermione," Ron said softly.
"A little too late, don't you think?" Hermione countered. "The truth is, Ron, you have no interest in me. You never have. I've seen the girls you've goggled at over the years, and you've built these unrealistic expectations of what your ideal girl should be. I'm most definitely not that girl."
"You are that girl -"
"Oh, no I'm not. If that were the case, then you would have made it known to me that you thought I was at least pretty. But not once have you ever told me that I'm beautiful."
Ron stared open-mouthed at Hermione, anger flashing in his eyes. "How was I supposed to know? And besides, I thought you were above all of that. I thought you would realize that I never needed to say all those mushy things just to please you."
"I'm still a girl, Ron!" Hermione exclaimed. "How many times do I have to tell you? Girls like to feel appreciated and noticed. And you're supposed to be my boyfriend! I shouldn't have to ask you to tell me when I look good, or if I look good. And if other guys can say it to me, surely you can!"
"Oh, like Krum?" Ron sneered, and he laughed bitterly as he rolled his eyes, which only infuriated Hermione even more.
"No!" Hermione insisted. "Like Ha-" Hermione stopped mid-way, seconds from saying Harry's name. That would lead them to a whole other area that she did not want to travel to.
"Like who, Hermione? Who were you going to say?" Ron asked.
Furious with herself, Hermione folded her arms across her chest and breathed loudly through her nose. "That's not important. What's important is what's happening here and now. I don't want to lose your friendship, Ron," she said.
Ron took a step backwards, bitterness etched all over his face.
"You have a funny way of showing it," he replied coolly.
Hermione stared at him, feeling utterly alone and helpless. And it wasn't until then that she realized that she was alone. And far from helpless, she reminded herself.
"I'm sorry that you're angry. And I understand if you don't want to stay friends. I just hope that you can forgive me someday," Hermione finally told Ron.
She wondered if Ron expected her to take back the break-up. The look on his face suggested that thought. It was as though his last ray of shiny hope had just dissolved. His face broke into a sour expression.
"Yeah..." Ron said, stepping backwards toward the door. "Good luck with that," he added, before turning and slamming out of the room.
Hermione abandoned her brush on her vanity table and rested her head in her hands, trying to take some deep, reassuring
breaths. She was surely going mad. She just had to be. Breaking up with a boyfriend, because she had a silly
little crush on her other best friend? It made no sense. And she was Hermione. Hermione was the logical,
dependable, realistic and reliable one. She could make sense out of anything. She could certainly provide answers in
any given situation, when no one else could.
So where was help when she needed it?
Just as she thought this, a loud knock came at the door, jerking her from her own frustrated circle of thoughts. She was glad for the opportunity to talk to anyone at this point. She made her way to the door, opened it, and revealed her fellow Gryffindor and friend, Parvati Patil. They stood facing each other for a moment before Hermione crumbled and Parvati stepped inside the room, instantly wrapping her arms around the sobbing girl.
"It's alright," Parvati promised, closing the door behind her with one kick of her foot.
"No... it's not," Hermione choked in a harsh whisper, her head buried in Parvati's shoulder.
The darker-haired girl led Hermione to the bed and they sat down together, where Hermione brushed away her tears and tucked her hair behind her ears. They sat still and silent for a moment, both trying to think of what to say. Finally Parvati spoke.
"I saw Ron."
Hermione gave an uncharacteristically bitter laugh, having no idea what else to say.
"I take it things didn't go very well?" Parvati asked.
Hermione lowered her head, staring at her hands which were now resting on her lap. "He despises me more than Draco Malfoy ever could."
Parvati looked at Hermione sympathetically. "You don't really believe that. And you know he'll get over it, right? Did he really expect it to last forever?"
Hermione shrugged her shoulders lazily. "I don't think he really understands the reasons for the break-up." Hermione gave another bitter laugh. "Even I don't understand! This is insane, Parvati. I'm losing my mind."
Parvati took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and softly. "One way or another, breaking up with Ron was the right thing to do, honey. Not because you have feelings for Harry...but because you weren't really happy. You were doing everything in your power to ensure his happiness, and you let yours suffer because of it," Parvati told her. "Believe me, I know. I've watched you, and I only recognize it because I did the exact same thing with my first boyfriend."
Hermione sighed heavily, feeling a shiver run through her whole body as the scene with Ron replayed in her mind. It could have gone worse, she told herself. And for some reason, that made her feel slightly better about things.
"I can't believe...I let it drag on for so long...I can't believe I was such a fool! And I'm still a fool. Trading one best friend for another...and losing one in the process. And the whole idea is so ludicrous -- it would be different if I knew Harry had feelings for me... but I don't. And I know he doesn't. He couldn't like someone as mentally unbalanced as I am..." Hermione laughed again, this time more sincerely. "That would make him just as crazy! What a fine pair we'd make."
"Believe what you want, but you two would make a fine pair, deranged or not," Parvati said with a smile and tilt of her head. "We all think so."
Hermione glowered at her friend, not wanting to believe in her words, but finding her heart beating more quickly than ever at the idea of she and Harry being a couple.
"Exactly who are 'we'?" Hermione wondered.
Parvati waved a hand in dismissal. "Oh, everyone... Seamus, Dean, Lavender, Neville, Colin...the Weasley twins, Oliver Wood…"
"Oliver doesn't even go to Hogwarts anymore, Parvati," Hermione interrupted.
"Exactly!" Parvati chirped. "This has been going on for some few years now... I guess it started in second year. We all saw how concerned Harry was over your safety, you being Muggle-born and all. I don't think he even realized it. That's the beauty of being on the outside. We notice things -- things that people on the inside would never notice at first. So you could imagine our surprise when you ended up with Ron. If I may be so bold...you two were extremely wrong for each other. There's no other way around it."
Hermione took a moment to absorb what Parvati was saying. Then, after a moment: "You were all gossiping about us?" she asked sharply.
"You're missing the entire point, Hermione."
The Prefect sighed, bowing her head again. "What am I going to do? I can't...do anything. Even if there was a shred of hope where Harry is concerned, it would be wrong of me. I have to keep Ron's feelings in check."
Parvati sighed, shrugging her shoulders. "Once the rumors start up, Hermione..."
Hermione's head shot up at this vague statement. "Yes?" she asked sharply.
Parvati raised her left hand defensively. "I'm not saying that I'm going to start any rumors. I'm saying that our classmates are not stupid. Think of it this way, Hermione: Last Fall Harry started to date Cho. A month later, and you were suddenly -- and very unexpectedly, I might add - paired up with Ron. Harry broke up with Cho a month ago. A month later - today, to be exact -- you broke up with Ron. What makes you think that people won't put two and two together? What makes you think that Harry and Ron won't assume that you broke up with Ron to be with Harry?"
Hermione felt her face grow hot in embarrassment. The thought of Harry catching a hint of those rumors... She couldn't bear the humiliation.
"People have too much time on their hands," Hermione grumbled.
"Yes. I agree. My best friend is one of them, remember? She's made a lot of enemies because of her mouth, and after all this time, you'd think Lavender would learn her lessons," Parvati said.
Hermione didn't answer. She was too caught up in what could happen, that she found it difficult to think of anything else. Would her classmates figure out her reasons for breaking up with Ron? Would Harry believe them, if it came to that?
"I know I sound harsh, Hermione. I just don't want you to get hurt by what the kids around here might say about you. I guess…I'm just trying to prepare you for the worst. And I will do everything in my power to squash any rumors, whether they're true or not," Parvati assured her with a kind smile. "I'm one of your closest friends, and everyone at Hogwarts knows it. They have no choice but to believe what I tell them."
Hermione felt herself on the verge of tears again. "What am I going to do, Parvati? How did I get myself into this mess?"
The other girl sighed, slowly shaking her head from one side to the other. "That's what happens when you choose two guys to be your best friends," Parvati said, a teasing grin lighting up her pretty face.
Hermione glowered. "You're not helping," she muttered.
Parvati straightened her back, her deep brown eyes growing serious. "Then listen to this, Hermione: Ron loves you. He is and always has been your friend, and always will be. He truly respects you. And if he cherishes your friendship as much as I think he does, he won't let you go so easily. Let him lick his wounds for a few days, a couple of weeks...however long it takes. It's important to give him his space. But don't wait too long. Eventually, things will go back to normal for you both."
Hermione nodded.
"As for Harry," Parvati continued, "you need to talk with him. You need to tell him."
"I can't!" Hermione exclaimed. "After what just happened with me and Ron? I can not risk losing another friendship. I can't jeopardize my friendship with Harry."
"And what makes you think you will? You and Ron didn't work out because you had feelings for Harry. If not for that, who knows where you'd be right now?" Parvati said.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Not here," she mouthed.
"The point is," Parvati said, "you didn't follow your heart with Ron. You love him as a friend, but unfortunately, that's not enough. And for a long time now, your heart has been elsewhere."
"With Harry," Hermione whispered.
Parvati nodded with emphasis. "With Harry. Exactly. And of all people, he deserves to know. He needs to know. And you need to tell him."
Hermione raised one eyebrow skeptically. "How do you know that I do?"
Parvati gave her a confident grin, reflecting knowledge and wisdom. "Trust me, honey. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't tell him how you feel. Do you really want that?"
Hermione sighed, feeling exhausted. "I don't know what I want. I want things the way they were. I want... to be with Harry. I want my life to revolve around school, and not around romance ...boys ... Can't I have … any of that?"
Parvati leaned forward, her hand reaching out to smooth down Hermione's hair. "Hermione...honey... You may be a witch. You may be the smartest witch at Hogwarts. But you are still a teenager."
Hermione sulked. "I knew you'd say that."
"You aren't the most intelligent girl at Hogwarts for nothing, hon," Parvati teased.
"I knew you'd say that, too."
"Where is everyone?"
Hermione looked up from her spot on the crimson sofa, where she sat in front of the empty fireplace. Harry Potter had just entered the common room, a couple of textbooks under one arm, a few rolls of parchment in the other. He placed his things on the end table, and dropped down next to Hermione, smiling brightly at her.
"Hogsmeade, Harry," Hermione answered. It was a warm, breezy Saturday afternoon in late April. Three weeks had passed since her break-up with Ron, and she couldn't find it in herself to head into the wizarding town with the rest of her classmates. She told everyone that she needed to catch up on her schoolwork, and get down to some serious studying time, as the O.W.L.'s were fast approaching. But she found she didn't have the energy to actually study.
Hermione wished she could be more like Harry, who lately seemed to devote virtually all of his time to studying. She had never seen him like this before. At the beginning, she knew he was focused on studying only to keep his mind off Cho, the break-up, and to avoid his classmates and their ridiculous questions. Nowadays, things hadn't changed with him. His break-up with Cho and all the rumors had faded only weeks after the actual 'event,' and still, he remained obsessed with studying. Hermione couldn't help but wonder -- more than ever -- what was really going on with him.
"Oh…right," Harry said, peering at Hermione curiously. "Why didn't you go?"
Hermione shrugged nonchalantly. "I felt that my time would be better spent studying."
Harry grinned at her, making her heart flutter madly beneath her ribcage.
"I don't see any school books lying about. Do you?" he observed, still grinning.
Hermione rolled her eyes, slightly horrified that she had been caught in her lie. "I was studying upstairs...I left my books up there, because... I was planning...on...going out for some fresh air..." she told him, silently praying that Harry wouldn't get too suspicious.
"Alright, then," Harry said cheerfully, "let's go for a walk," he agreed enthusiastically as he stood up, looking down at her.
She felt her face redden, picturing the two of them walking hand in hand, outside and around the lake, the bright and warm sun beating down on them...
"Hermione?"
She shook herself from her daydream and looked up at Harry.
"OK," she agreed, and he held out a hand to her, pulling her to her feet.
As they made their way outside, Hermione noticed her mind was wavering over the details of the past few weeks. She, Ron and Harry were back to being the "Dream Team." Ron was still distancing himself from Hermione, but she expected that. There were times when Ron treated her as though nothing had happened between them, and that they were back to being just friends -- in the days before they had dated. It was in those moments when Ron would catch himself, as if he was just remembering that he was supposed to be angry with her. It was also those moments which gave Hermione all the hope she needed to assure herself that things could and would go back to normal.
As far as Harry was concerned, she had not yet told him of her feelings, and she desperately tried to push those thoughts to the back of her mind, so she could forget about them. Parvati had been right about the rumors. As soon as everyone had discovered the latest "news" of Hermione and Ron's break-up, they had all managed to conjure the most ridiculous rumors, all pointing to the idea that Hermione had broken up with Ron to be with Harry. And all of which were true, she added to herself.
The first few days after the break-up were the most strenuous, as Hermione received scornful looks from Ron, and as she continually worried that Harry believed in the latest buzz. Hermione hadn't talked to Harry about her break-up with Ron, and she knew without a doubt that she couldn't face the humiliation of Harry believing in the rumors.
Three weeks had now passed, and all the Hogwarts students (with no lives) no longer seemed to be interested in Hermione's affairs. And as she walked alongside Harry, over the grassy (and sometimes muddy) lawns outside the castle, Hermione realized that this was the first time she and Harry had been alone since her break-up. Maybe now was a good time to bring up the rumors, and discuss them in a mature fashion. It would give Hermione the opportunity to discover whether Harry believed in the gossip or not; and if he did, then she could attempt to dissuade him from the truth.
"Thanks for taking me out of the castle, Harry," Hermione said, truly glad to feel the warm sun beating down on her. Every time spring started up again, she always felt that unique tingle in her skin. It always made her feel like anything was possible, and everything was beautiful and glorious in the world. For her, it was the start of something new and wondrous. It was an exquisite feeling.
Harry nodded slowly. "I figured this would give us a good opportunity to talk, one on one, where no prying ears can listen."
"We do need to talk," Hermione agreed softly.
"Did you want to go first?" Harry offered, his eyes searching hers.
"I think that's best," Hermione said, tearing her gaze from his own. The last thing she needed was Harry reading her heart through her eyes. She knew he could, if he wanted to. And that terrified her. "There's something we've needed to discuss, and we can't keep avoiding it forever. I need to know the truth, Harry."
Harry's eyes widened considerably. For a brief second, Hermione caught a glimpse of fear in his bright emeralds, but the second ended too quickly for her to get a good reading on it. He masked his fear with indifference, leaving her extremely puzzled.
"I need to know... if you believe the rumors, Harry," Hermione said.
After a moment, a sigh escaped Harry's lips. Hermione could have sworn it was a sigh of relief. Why would Harry be relieved? She was feeling more confused by the second.
"Oh--You mean about you being in love with me?" Harry told her. "Blimey, Hermione. You could have told me," Harry replied while rolling his eyes playfully at her.
She jabbed him in the arm, glaring up at him. "Don't poke fun at me, Potter! I know things about you that you don't want others to know... And I'm not afraid to use that information."
"Blackmail!" Harry gasped dramatically. "I didn't think that was your style, Granger."
"Yes, well…a girl must do what a girl must do in desperate situations." She grew serious again. "And this is something that has been bothering me," she told him. "More than I'd like to admit," she added under her breath.
Harry looked at her, his brows narrowed to show his seriousness. "Why would it bother you?"
"Because...we've been through this last year, with Rita Skeeter, remember? I guess I'm just wondering--"
"I know the rumors aren't true, Hermione. Is that what you're worried about?"
Hermione ducked her head to hide her embarrassment. "Yeah... But can you blame me?" she asked rhetorically.
They passed the Quidditch pitch, where a group of second years were flying around on borrowed school brooms, tossing a Quaffle between them. Harry looked on in the distance, his face fixed in a thoughtful expression. Then:
"Why didn't you tell me you wanted to break up with Ron? I mean, don't get me wrong--" he added, as Hermione's eyes narrowed, "--I know it's none of my business. But I know you must have been hurting inside. Why did you feel you couldn't come to me?" His eyes looked at her softly and pleadingly.
Hermione felt her heart tugging in all sorts of directions. She had never considered that Harry would actually feel disappointed that she hadn't confided in him. In one way, it was kind of sweet. She was not, of course, ready to reveal to him the real reason why she couldn't go to him.
"You were going through your own problems at the time, remember?" Hermione answered. "And besides, the last thing I wanted to do was drag you into my own mess. Ron's your best friend, too, you know."
"And so are you," Harry pointed out. "I don't ever want you to feel you can't come to me, OK? I'm always here for you, no matter what. Alright?"
Hermione nodded. "Yeah. Alright."
"So why did you break up with Ron?" Harry wondered. The words came out so suddenly, Hermione wondered if that was a question he had been dying to ask for weeks.
"Well..." Hermione pondered, wondering what she should tell him. "I guess I'll borrow the same reason you gave me, Harry. I simply don't have feelings for him anymore."
Harry's eyes, which were once trained on hers, suddenly flickered away. His mouth gave a nervous twitch.
"Right..." he said slowly, his brows narrowing. "About that. I need to tell you something, Hermione."
Hermione looked up at him, watching his jaw muscles clench tightly. "You don't sound very enthusiastic about what you want to tell me," she said.
Harry straightened his shoulders and looked at her apologetically. "Well, that's because I lied to you before. And -- I want to tell you the truth, because you deserve to know.
"You remember why I broke up with Cho, right?" He waited for Hermione to nod before he continued. "That's what I lied about, Hermione. It wasn't because I didn't have feelings for her. Well--yeah, I guess I didn't. But there's more. The thing is--I have feelings for someone else."
Hermione felt her heart plummet, her insides twisting with dread and frustration. How could that be his reason? How could he like someone else?
"Hermione? Are you alright?"
Hermione snapped out of her never-ending questions and looked up into Harry's face, which was now full of concern and worry. Oh, great, she thought miserably. If I don't get myself into shape, Harry will figure out why I'm upset. With determination, she screwed up her face into an expression of nonchalance.
"So...this girl. Were you... I mean -- were you... messing around on Cho?" Hermione asked with a shrug of her shoulders.
"WHAT?!" Harry exclaimed, his face growing crimson. "Hermione! Of course not!"
Hermione raised her shoulders again. "OK! I had to ask, didn't I?" she said, forgetting to disguise the bitterness in her voice. She felt the anger eating away at her, and she hated it. "So, who is she? Do I know her?"
Harry waited a few seconds to answer, still trying to get over her last absurd question. "Yeah, you know her," he finally said.
The fury and sourness she had once felt now seemed to triple, as it continued to boil somewhere deep within. It stung behind her eyes, creating tears of rage which she feared she wouldn't be able to control. She had never felt this way before, not even in all the arguments she had had with Ron in the past, or all the things Rita Skeeter had said about Harry, Hagrid, or even herself. She knew this was a different kind of anger. She knew it was jealousy that was now tormenting her, eating away at her.
"You know her pretty well, actually," Harry added.
"So, she's in Gryffindor?" Hermione guessed softly, fighting the pain and the tears which were sure to come. There was only one happy thought floating through her mind: That she hadn't told Harry about her feelings. But the thought was so insignificant, so tiny and useless, that it counted for very little compared to all the other angry thoughts running through her head.
"Yeah," Harry answered, his expression growing more worried by the second.
"In our year?" Hermione wondered.
"You're pretty good at this guessing thing, Hermione."
Hermione took a deep breath. "Is she pretty?" Dumb question, Hermione, she thought angrily. Of course she's pretty!
But Harry's response surprised her. "Anyone can be pretty, Hermione, with the right amount of make-up and the perfect clothes. But this girl is beautiful. Her spirit is what shines through. She's intelligent, and kind, sensitive and thoughtful…"
"She sounds like a real winner," Hermione said, in a deadened voice, no longer caring if Harry noticed or not.
"Oh, she is," Harry agreed with enthusiasm, apparently not noticing Hermione's mood.
Or deliberately ignoring it, Hermione thought to herself. Harry continued talking about the mystery girl, but she was far from interested. She felt nauseated, and wanted nothing more than to escape Harry's incessant ramblings.
"I have to go," Hermione suddenly said, in a voice barely above a whisper. She didn't blame Harry. She put herself at fault, for actually believing that it could ever work out with him. But she was a fool, and nothing less. She was no more than one of Harry's fans, and she despised herself for it.
"What? Hermione -- Why?" Harry asked, puzzlement crossing his face.
"I'm sorry...I just...I should really get back to studying. I'll see you later," she promised as she turned towards the castle.
"Yeah... If you say so..." she heard Harry mutter as she walked away. She could swear right then and there that she heard the door to her heart slam forever. The pain was too much for her. She didn't look back as she walked as fast as possible to the castle.
Harry stared after Hermione, watching her brown head bobbing in the distance. He sighed, running a shaky hand through his raven hair. He had nearly told her everything. From his feelings about her, to how much he wanted to be with her. And she had run away. And his thoughts came to only one conclusion: She knew exactly what he was going to say, and to spare him the rejection, she ran. It would be just like Hermione to figure out that he had feelings for her. And he was a regular crackpot to think he ever had a chance with her.
If we're just going to be friends, that's good enough for me, he thought, while his heart ached at the idea. He didn't feel much like going back to the castle, and Hagrid's hut was only a little way off. He hadn't visited him in a while. Maybe he could help shed some light on the situation.
To Be Continued...