Love's emotions-- by sunshinebelle
A/N: This is my story; Love's Emotions. Im not quite sure how long it will be, I suppose it will depend on the amount of reviews I have had. I wrote the first few chapters in September and posted them then, but somehow they got deleted. So here they are again, now.
I haven't been here at Portkey in a while until recently, so this was the first chance I have had to send them in. I hope you enjoy this story, and please review so I am encouraged to write more.
Thanks! ~*Amanda
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters (obviously) I am only a fan. If I did own Harry Potter, would I really be here posting my stories on this site, when I could be getting them published? *raises eyebrow*
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INSPIRATIONAL WORDS: "--Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.--"
~Part of Desiderata by Max Ehrmann
Love's Emotions Chapter one: Butterflies in my stomach
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Autumn leaves floated gently from the trees gently. A fall smell was in the air, which always reminded Hermione of one thing. School. Hogwarts.. her favourite place in the world.
Hermione followed her parents into the train station, casually walked through the barrier to the platform 4 3/4, like she always did. She kissed her mum and dad farewell, and boarded the Hogwarts train along with a few other early students. She had gotten here, to the train, an hour earlier then it would leave for a purpose. To compose herself.
Hermione sat by the window, and watched people go by as she sat and though about things.
She had always looked forward to going back to school each year, but somehow this year was different. Maybe it was because Sirius, a great man, had died in the past year, somehow starting the battle against Voldemort and the death eaters, perhaps it was because she knew somehow that her best friend, Harry, was in danger. He never spoke of it, he never told her, nor their friend Ron, what he had talked about with Dumbledore.. Yet somehow, after that conversation it seemed as if a load had been placed on Harry's shoulders as heavy as time itself.
Even though both of these things were deeply distressing to Hermione, something else was plaguing her, and causing her to dread this first day.
Something much more.... childish and unimportant.
Something had caused Hermione to turn into a blushing, giggling teenager. Somehow, she had turned into a typical girl.. Much like Pavarti Patil, or Lavender Brown, her roommates. This was something Hermione had vowed never to do. She had vowed never to go crazy over a boy, trying out different makeup, fixing her hair, trying to improve herself. And yet, she had. She worried every second if she was good enough for him.. if she was worthy of him.
If he would ever see her as 'more then a friend'.
Hermione told herself-- nay, promised herself, she wouldn't act like such an idiot around guys.
She had promised herself she would try to be a normal person, and try to approach the situation from a mature and intelligent point of view. She thought it had worked, when she had started seeing Viktor Krum, a famous Quidditch player. She realized now, that she was naive.
Sure, she had liked Viktor...
She hadn't felt that sickly bubbling feeling in her stomach. She hadn't had the urge to run her hands through his hair, or touch his skin. She hadn't felt the need to press her lips to his.
She didn't love him.
Now that she had experienced 'love' or at least longing of sorts, there was no holding back.
She was completely overcome with feelings.. She worried about her appearance all the time.
She had never done that before now.
How did Hermione handle her feelings? Like any other love struck teenager would. She wrote it in a letter. A love letter, just for him. Did she have any intention of giving it to him? Of course not.
But she needed to write her feelings down, just the same.
All of a sudden she heard a door slam. Hermione jumped with a start and looked around anxiously.
Was it him? Was he here already?
"Hey Hermione!"
It was Neville Longbottom.
"Oh." Hermione sighed, half annoyed, half relieved. "Hello Neville. How are you doing?"
"Good." Neville smiled at her. "Sorry I can't chat.. I have to go say bye to Gram. I'm sitting with Dean and Seamus today, they're here early too. But I'll talk to you later!"
Then without another word, he sped off.
Hermione blinked, and then finally relaxed, settling back into her chair, with a big sigh.
Oh, what was she to do?? Even the thought of him drove her crazy. How would she react around him? A thought suddenly struck her. Could he notice? Would he be able to recognize her feelings by her face, and her actions? Hopefully not.
She rubbed her eyes, almost in slow motion. What was wrong with her?
It was only him.
She heard a knock on the compartment door.
"Come in." she called, anxiously.
It was him.
"Hey." he smiled slightly.
"Hi Harry." she managed, a huge lump in her throat.
"How are you doing?" he asked her as he sat down across from her.
"Fine." she quickly lied. "How are you doing Harry?" she asked, with concern.
"I've been better." he said quietly. "But I've been worse."
Hermione nodded, trying to study him for something--anything to show what was troubling him, besides the obvious.
"Where's Ron?" she asked, trying to change the subject.
"Dunno." Harry mumbled, as he shrugged. "I came here early to think.."
"I know the feeling." Hermione whispered.
"Hmm?" he asked, looking up, confused. "What are you thinking about?"
"Oh." she stumbled. "Er.. well.. nothing. Do you need to be alone? Because if you do, I can leave." she got up hastily, and headed towards the door.
Then she felt his hand on her arm, stopping her from leaving.
She closed her eyes, sighing deeply. Why did he have this affect on her?
She turned slowly around, to meet his eyes.
"Don't leave." he said, his brow furrowed. "What makes you think I want you to leave. I just don't want to be around Ron while I think, because he can't stay still and quiet for long. I have no problem being around you."
"Well... okay then." she whispered, blushing, as she looked down at his hand on her arm.
He hastily removed it, grinning.
"Sit." he commanded with a smile.
She did so, feeling as if she was going to pass out.
They made polite chit-chat, and then suddenly they went into elapsed silence, and Hermione, yet again, stared out the window, letting her thoughts wander.
When had she realized she loved him? This summer. Quite by accident actually..
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July 11th
"Mum!!" Hermione called, as she ran down the stairs, finally stopping to pull on her jacket.
It was windy out.
"Yes?" her mom asked, quickly as she walked into the living room where her daughter, Hermione was quickly pulling on her sandals.
"Has it come yet?"
Mrs. Granger let out an exasperated sigh. "No dear, it hasn't come. Honestly is that all you think about?" she went off tutting into the kitchen.
Hermione rolled her eyes, running out the door, to wait for Hedwig.
She was expecting a letter from Harry today.. of course her mum wouldn't understand. She never had a close relationship with a friend. Hermione guessed that not many people had.
They were so close that she couldn't believe it. Best friends.
She thought about him constantly, wondered what he would do in every situation, and felt a flutter in her stomach whenever she spoke to him, or even thought of him.
They were as close as two friends could be.
So it was natural that Hermione was anxious for her letter from him wasn't it?
It's not like she was obsessed or anything.
Just then she spotted a snowy owl swoop down from the sky, carrying a parcel.
It was Hedwig! He quickly dropped the parcel to the ground, accepted a light pat on the head and then was off again, probably busy.
Hermione let out a high-pitched squeal, and ran inside, with her parcel under her arm.
"Mum!" she called happily. "It's here! And look! He sent me a parcel with his letter!" she grinned.
"That's nice dear." her mom looked at Hermione with a coy smile playing on her lips.
"What is it?" Hermione suddenly asked suspiciously, glaring at her mother. "What are you giving me that look for?"
"What look?" Mrs. Granger asked innocently, as she began preparing a pumpkin pie, for desert that night.
"That look right there!" Hermione exclaimed, pointing at her mother.
"Well, I was just thinking.." her mother said slowly, still the coy smile on her lips. "That you are never this excited about Ron's mail."
"What are you getting at?" Hermione narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"All I'm saying is, that they are both your friends are they not?" Hermione nodded. "You seem to think of Harry with more--" she paused, to think. "--importance."
"Because we're good friends mum. Honestly."
"Yes, but I never react this way with my good friends, Mione. Do you think you have.. feelings for this boy?"
Hermione's mouth opened with shock. How could her own mother even suggest such a thing? Sure Hermione had thought of Harry as a --boyfriend, more often the she assumed normal, but it didn't mean anything. So she never thought of Ron in that way. It didn't mean anything. She was just going through a faze that was lasting a while that's all. She just liked hearing from him, waited for his reaction anxiously, worried about what he thought of her constantly, felt a fluttery feeling in her stomach whenever she thought of him.. that's all.
Hermione's brow furrowed. Wait.
This wasn't normal. The thought struck her.
She loved Harry.. she had a crush on her best friend.
Oh lord.
Mum was right.. Hermione hated when she was right.
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Hermione glanced at Harry, studying his features carefully.
She loved every inch of him. His green eyes that sparkled when he laughed, his eyelashes, long and beautiful... his skin so soft and pale. He had gorgeous lips... full, and soft, and pink..
And his hair. How she urged to run her hands through it...
What was wrong with her? She blushed furiously and looked away.
This was Harry not some-boy she didn't even know!
"Hermione." his deep voice interrupted her thoughts.
"Hmm?" she looked up suddenly, to see him watching her.
"You alright?" he asked. "You're kind of jumpy today? Any special reason?"
"Y-uh no. I'm just a bit nervous about school that's all."
He gave her a strange look, and Hermione mentally kicked herself.
Nervous about school?? That wasn't her at all! He would definitely suspect something.
Just then a knock sounded at the door.
"Come in." called Harry, before Hermione had a chance.
"Hey guys!" Ron grinned as he waltzed through the door.
"you guys okay?" he asked.
Harry forced a smile, and nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. How are you?"
"Fine." Ron studied Hermione, who hadn't answered.
"How bout you Hermione? What's with the long face?"
"Nothing." Hermione snapped suddenly. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Would you two stop asking so many questions, it's annoying."
"Oh." Ron said, shooting Hermione a strange look. He sat by Harry. "Sorry." he looked sideways at Harry and they exchanged worried looks.
Hermione sighed heavily, trying to ignore their stares, and snuggled against the window, hiding her face from the two boys.
There is no such thing as love, Hermione. she told herself. Just forget about it.
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A/N: Hopefully that didn't suck!! Please let me know what you think.. but be nice!
Thanks a lot! *hugs* ~*Amanda