A/N: My first dark fic. You can read the fully updated (but still not finished) version on ff.net at my supergirl aka sky is blue account.
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1142505
Summary: 16 years old, and no longer a child. She never was, come to think of it.
The world she lives in is on the brink of war, and she's about to fall. Fear over takes her, because her life is so wrong. Falling in love with Draco Malfoy. Because he sees her; he notices through his ever-changing eyes.
Posing a threat to her-and more importantly, the whole world. And he has power greater than her imagination. What does this have anything to do with her? Every day the tears fall, because her mind, heart and soul are corrupted-confused, constantly falling. His spirit still lingers deep in her years after, a constant reminder of who she is.
'I don't want the world to die.'
She must stop him, though he makes her weak. Though she loves him dangerously. Stop him from becoming what he was destined to. But how can she even begin to, when she must first win the battle within herself? A battle she is losing…
-Though My Heart Is From Hell-
Introduction
He was perfect in every single way. In ways that I knew I would never be. And some may choose to call me crazy, thinking so about such an antagonistic man-but what do you think of it? Do you, as well, think me a freak? You soon will.
And now you wonder how I ever came to admire him. Notice the word I choose to use: admire. I do not think I love him-not yet, anyway. And that's why I must stay away from him, for I fear his charm will take my senses over. I'm afraid, to tell you the truth. Because I fell in love with him one fateful day; the world was still spinning round, and the sun was still shining. And everything was wrong.
Did I just wake up one morning with the notion that he weren't such an arse after all?
Or was it something gradual. It does not make sense. And this creepy, shivery, chilling feeling that I get whenever I think of him, or whenever I'm near him-it's the same feeling I experienced in my first year in my horrible state of trance. Sometimes I would break free of it, and I would get the most horrible shivers.
And now, when I look at him, he shines in my eyes.
You think me crazy, don't you?
I think I am.
He was perfect because he did not see me as everyone else did. Look at yourself, now, and you'll realize you see me as a shy, boring girl.
You know what the difference is between you and I? You, you might be one of them. The loved ones. The happy ones, with the smiles; the popular ones. And I'm not. And do you know what that does to a person? I see things differently than you do. Because I do not have a filter withstanding between dream and fantasy. I see reality, and I hate it-because all the while I watch myself fade away with the hurtful words and actions, I must keep my fake façade. Just because no one cares to look beyond it, doesn't mean I don't want them to. And Draco Malfoy, he did. He very nearly saw me for what I was, who I wanted to be, and he saw the greatest desires within me.
You think me crazy, don't you?
I think I am.
~*~
"Ginny!" Her voice rang throughout the empty corridors and of course I turned around. She was beaming at me, waving a piece of parchment in the air.
" Oh, Ginny, look! I aced that test!" she chirped cheerfully. And though I did not feel any rush of excitement, I was a good actress. So once again I put on my mask that I had so skillfully created, smiling that winning smile.
" Oh, Amelia, that's wonderful!" And even to my own ears, the honey covered voice that was unfortunately mine-it sounded so sickly, so fake. Yet once again, no one noticed. No one cared to look into my eyes just once-just long enough to see who I really was. They were all too ignorant. My thoughts unwillingly wander toward him. How perfect he is. You surely must have noticed how different his eyes are from the rest. You surely must have observed them once or twice, afterwards pondering under the starlit sky what was so different about him. How they were ever-changing, perhaps due to his mood, or even depending on the weather. But they were a truly the eyes of a fey-a great and powerful wizard with many secrets hidden within his walls.
Perhaps that's what is so different about me. I don't think the way you do. If your mind were a sunny day, mine is the most dangerous of storms, not because it destroys everything in its path, because it is sneaky, cunning, and strikes when you least expect it…
I cannot think of cheerful things. It's like a shadow, a shadow that was placed after my first year. Trying to remember past my first year; I can't. The incident overtakes my mind and heart and soul.
His leering face forever remains in the depths of my body, and I can still feel his weak spirit linger inside of me. That spirit is always there, sometimes stronger than normal. It is what causes me to become the dangerous storm, and isn't it ironic? It grows stronger with every naughty deed I do. Every sin, every dark thought. Because then he knows I am slowly falling.
And sometimes the temptation to be a destructive storm is great. And when that spirit is completely rekindled, I will be gone. Ginny Weasley will be lost forever in a sea of confusion. When that spirit grows strong, the world will be in deep turmoil.
I have powers greater than any man on Earth-and now they're partly bestowed upon you.
Doesn't it seem almost hopeless? Don't you think that one day, I will indeed be the cause of the end of the world? Already I do deeds that I dare not speak of, deeds that Ginny Weasley would be appalled of.
You and I will do great things together, and others will follow, others who have great power.
Should I fall into Draco Malfoy's abyss; I shall be far lost than I already am. To fall in love with a dark and brooding creature is dangerous, is it not? Surely then, I will grow weaker, for love can do that to the strongest of men, and then what? He is already his father's identical man, and surely just as faithful to Him as his father will be. And nothing makes sense. Because though my heart is from hell, I do not want the world to suffer. I want to relieve myself from this burden.
I want to stop him from becoming what he will soon be, so that I will not become that someone I had always destined to be, so that my heart will no longer be corrupted. And should I try to help him, he will see the desperate tone in my quiet, calm voice. His eyes will shine with concern, and for a moment his cold exterior will be gone. For he does not see things the way others do. Or perhaps this too is a fantasy.
I have great desires; some I dare not mention because I am still in denial. But above all, I want to escape. Escape these dark shadows that call me with such luring voices, escape the corrupted thoughts that haunt me.
My greatest fear
Losing the battle within myself. The temptation of power is far too great. Maybe I'm not strong enough, maybe I'll fall just like so many others have.
I fear that soon the darkness will be all around me, nothing there to help me out of the dark.
Love will always help you.
The lonely words of my foolish mother. Love is such a trivial thing in the world I live in. Love is weakness.
I am on the edge of the cliff. Just give me one more push.
To be continued….
A/N: R/R