Unofficial Portkey Archive

Chapter 8

Hermione held Harry's hand as they apparated to her home. So much work had been done to the interior that she didn't want Harry to end up inside a wall that wasn't there the last time was inside. They stood hand and hand for a moment until Hermione ended the silence by asking, "Can I get you anything? I just made some iced tea a few hours ago."

"That sounds good," Harry replied as Hermione started to walk to the kitchen. She was only able to take a step before she noticed Harry was still holding her hand. He noticed as well and started to walk with her, trying to cover his behavior. "I'd like to see what you've done with the place."

Hermione smiled. "Alright. But you're going to have to let go when I get the tea."

"I just can't believe it's really you. I'm afraid that if I let go, you'll disappear." Harry admitted.

Hermione felt like she was melting. She gave him a quick hug. "Harry, I'm not going anywhere, promise." She broke the hug, but they continued to hold hands has they walked to the kitchen.

They reached their destination, Hermione gestured to a chair. "You sit right here where you can keep an eye on me, and I'll get some glasses and pour some tea for us." She smiled sympathetically. "I'll be right here." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze before she let go and realized that since their first hug, this was the first time that they had broken physical contact since 4 o'clock.

Harry looked around and noticed the white rose he had sent in a pretty bud vase on the table. If he didn't know better, he wouldn't even know this was the room where the Order of the Phoenix used to meet. It did have an old-fashioned kitchen look, but modern conveniences were built in so it contained the best of three centuries. It was also very light and airy with a comfortable place to eat an informal meal. Harry watched as Hermione selected some tall glasses, added some ice, and then took out a pitcher from the refrigerator and poured the tea. To that she added a sprig of fresh mint and selected several long iced teaspoons. She placed his drink in front of Harry and sat next to him with hers. "It has a touch of sugar, but if you want more, the sugar bowl is right there in front of you on the table."

Harry made sure he was sitting close enough to Hermione for their knees to touch. At this point, it was not just a matter of physical attraction though he had to admit it was a factor, he hadn't been exaggerating. He truly had the irrational fear that this was all a dream and that if he blinked too long or if he let go, she'd go away. He tasted his tea. Sometimes he drank it sweeter, but it was very good this way. "This is perfect." He paused for a moment. He had so many questions to ask her and had no idea how to start.

Hermione smiled and said, "Thank you," and went back to sipping her iced tea. In fact, she began to gulp it before putting it down to talk. "I have so much to say. I almost wish I had added a shot of Fire Whiskey to this, but then again, at least this way you will not have any doubt about my sincerity. I'm not really sure how to start, but I'm going to be brave because last time I didn't have the courage to just jump in and tell you how I felt, and it might have changed my life...our lives." She paused and took a deep breath. "I have always loved you, Harry Potter." She put her hand on his arm and looked into his eyes. "I can't say for sure if I did when I was eleven because I don't know if that is old enough to have such feelings. The first time I knew absolutely for sure was when we rode the Hippogriff together to rescue Sirius." Hermione felt absolutely naked and exposed jumping right in like that so soon. She watched Harry closely for any reaction.

Harry had been listening very closely to her confession and one thing had stood out to him. It was in the past tense. Not that he had wanted her to have spent her life pining her life away for him, but if she was over him now and this was an old friend remembering her school crush, it certainly had a different dynamic. He reached out and stroked the top of the hand touching his arm, then moved his hand to the side of her face down to her chin, making sure to hold her face to make it almost impossible to avoid eye contact. He asked his question with one word, "Loved?"

Hermione blushed. Something she hadn't done since she was a teenager! "Past tense...present tense...future tense." She answered and kissed him gently. "The infinitive, 'To Love,' has some interesting possibilities for the future." She shyly looked down at the table for a moment. "That may be rushing things a bit though." She saw the look of joy on Harry's face. "So now you know my biggest secret, Harry. The rest is just the logistics of what happened over the years."

Harry put down his tea, stood up and pulled her up into his arms. "Wait a moment." He looked puzzled. "I know women have this way of knowing things before men do, but you seem to have this extra knowledge about my feelings for you that I've never shared with anyone. Is this just a gut feeling or is there something more to it?"

Hermione hugged him closer for a moment. "Let's go sit someplace more comfortable and I'll explain it to you. You did talk about it once that I know of."

Harry was puzzled, but nodded and followed her into her comfortable living room. She had to kick poor Crookshanks off the couch so they could sit together, but cat was not disgruntled for long. He seemed to remember Harry and was soon rubbing his head against his legs to mark his territory.

Harry looked around. It was similar to the kitchen in that if he didn't know for a fact where he was, he would have never guessed that he was at Grimmauld Place. It was so open and airy, but filled with bookshelves, which gave it 'the Hermione Touch.' He had to comment, "Don't you miss the mummy's hands and skulls and all the other dark magic items?"

"Goodness no!" Hermione replied as she sat. "I deal with quite enough of the dark arts in some of the texts I restore, thank you." Hermione was silent, not knowing how to continue her confession.

Harry sensed she was uncomfortable so he cuddled her close. He spoke softly, "Does this make it easier to talk?"

Hermione nodded. Her head was buried in Harry's chest. It felt so safe, like she could say anything. "The night before our mission at the daycare center, I was unable to sleep. I looked to see if anyone else was awake and noticed that you and Ron were missing. I went to find you. I didn't mean to listen in, but Ron was telling you for the first time about his relationship with Luna..."

Harry vaguely remembered the conversation so he softly interrupted, "And I told him about Ginny that night, didn't I?"

Hermione snuggled closer and fought back tears, "Do you remember anything else about the conversation? Perhaps a certain girl that Ron said he loved but wasn't good enough for was now available?"

This was enough to jar Harry's memory and his heart stopped for a moment as it all came flooding back to him. He pulled Hermione on his lap and began to rock her back and forth. "Oh, dear Gods! Sweetheart, you heard that?" Then he continued to rock her gently and every once in a while give her little kisses on the head and whispered, "No wonder..."

They weren't sure how much time had past, but Harry continued to cuddle her close, but did have to ask a question. "Please, don't think I'm placing any kind of blame or anything like that, but I just have to ask. Why didn't you say anything once you knew I felt the same way?"

Hermione had been crying. She reached for a tissue, dried her eyes and blew her nose before she spoke. "When Ron said he was together with Luna and he knew you loved me more, I wanted to run out from where I was hiding tell you that I loved you too, but I was afraid about what you both would think of me for listening in." Hermione sighed. "And then from there it just went downhill. It's so long ago, but it's so clear in my head. I think you felt presumptuous for acting like I was some sort of prize that you and Ron got to fight over. You called me Princess Hermione. You were half right; maybe I wasn't a prize or anything like that, but you had already won my heart years ago so you really had nothing to worry about in that respect. Then you started talking about Ginny and not wanting to break her heart during the war. I think that's what really hurt. I got the feeling that you would have been willing to break her right in two if you knew I was a sure thing. I just couldn't be a part of that."

Harry's eyes didn't hide the hurt he felt. He kissed her before continuing. "You might not believe it, but I'm very ashamed of what I was doing at the time. I swear to God I wouldn't have done it if it weren't during the war. Ginny and I had each been physically using the other as an escape to break the tension at that time; we even had kind of an agreement." He gave her a squeeze and kissed the top of her head. "I can't see your face right now but I can imagine the look you must be giving me so I'll just answer it. Yes, I know it wasn't the smartest thing to do. I didn't realize she was falling in love until it was too late. Even after you were gone the relationship didn't progress until after Voldemort was destroyed." Something then dawned on Harry. "Oh God, Hermione!" He kissed her deeply before continuing. "You tried to commit suicide the next morning, didn't you? But for some reason, Snape's poison, the one we were counting on to keep us from being captured alive, didn't work!" He squeezed her tight and his voice showed how overwhelmed he felt. "I could handle the thought of you making a noble sacrifice for those children, but I'm not sure that I can live with this."

Hermione cuddled back. "It does appear that way, Harry. But I can assure you that is far from the truth, but I did know it was a risk." He took his hands in hers and she continued. "I was so devastated. I have to admit that I was willing to do just about anything to get out of the situation I was in. After that mission, I was going to see if I could leave the field and go back to Hogwarts and help teach, or any other assignment to get me away from you and Ginny, but then I saw the reality of the situation. All those Muggle children under the age of 5 were in there with the Death Eaters and we had blocked their Apparition spells and Portkeys. I offered them the only thing of value we could possibly spare that they would want and trust. Me. They'd never in a million years think that I was on a suicide mission. They were so excited about the prospect of picking my brain that they were careless."

"But Hermione," Harry interrupted, "I thought you said it wasn't a suicide mission?"

"It wasn't, but both sides needed to think it was. Right after I came up with my plan, I checked which potion Snape used to poison us, made an educated guess about the concentration, and emptied my vial so it only had enough to make me appear dead for a number of hours. I got lucky and guessed correctly. I also hid my regular wand in my holster and held on to my backup wand. I think you can figure out the rest from there."

Harry sighed. "You gave up on any chance at us - you and I."

"Harry James Potter," Hermione stood up. Her voice slightly rising in anger, "One of the last things I heard you say was that you had already told Ginny that you loved her even though you told Ron that you loved me more but weren't going to do a damn thing about it. I never had the slightest clue before that night that there could ever be a you and I."

"Hermione Granger," Harry also stood and took her hands in his, "As you were walking out to what I thought was your death and not even looking back, I was trying to tell you that I loved you and not to go. It took four Aurors and a stunning spell to hold me back."

Hermione spoke quietly, "Once I took over, we saved all 78 remaining children and took down all 21 Death Eaters with minimal losses. Did anyone else have a better plan?"

Harry dropped her hands. "No, but perhaps the one we used could have included us being there when you woke up." He turned away because he didn't want Hermione to see his tears.

"I wasn't even 18 and I made a stupid decision. I thought I'd get away for a while and it just kept getting easier and easier to stay away." Hermione simply stated. "I've wanted to be 'the real me' again for a long time but I didn't have a clue how to go about it. Once you married Ginny there just wasn't any reason to make it a priority. Then my big plan had been to let you know I was still alive if anything ever happened with your relationship, but when your year of mourning was up I didn't know how to do it without making me look pathetic."

Harry dried his eyes before turning back around again. "When you took out Malfoy single-handedly, I hoped you had just dropped to the ground for safety, but when the paramedics took you away, part of me died too." Harry sat back down on the sofa and gestured for her to join him. She sat, but not as close as before. Harry looked heartbroken, "Have I ruined everything already?"

Hermione looked at him and shook her head no, "I guess I sort of assumed the other way around except that I thought you weren't going to forgive me." She moved closer to him and they curled up together again. "All better?"

Harry stroked her silver grey hair. "If we're going to make a go of this, we're going to have to tread lightly and make sure to talk about this kind of thing, aren't we? We can't be jumping to conclusions left and right."

"Check. No conclusion jumping." Hermione smiled and Harry kissed her nose. Hermione giggled, then recalled the daycare battle. "You know, speaking of Malfoy, you really should have seen his face! He thought he was safe because of having 20 Death Eaters backing him up. It's not like I enjoyed it in spite of all the evil he was responsible for, but there was a certain level of satisfaction there when I think of the children they had been holding captive."

"I never talk about that kind of thing either, but yes, justice can be rewarding." Harry admitted seriously. "We're supposed to be on the good side and we stopped some terrible things from happening, but I always felt that if I expressed anything along the lines of, 'It felt good to see Voldemort fry, it helped me finish up the healing process with Sirius and my parents and let me start a life,' people would think of me as less of a hero or role model or even less of a person."

"What a relief to talk to someone who understands!" Hermione exclaimed. "Since you found me, I'm going to assume you know about my other identity." Hermione stated rather than asked. "There are so many people I'd like to see again, and I think I should find a Solicitor that handles Wizard affairs and look into getting my old identity back."

"I should think so, Hermione. You have an Order of Merlin, First Class with your given name on it! Not to mention a Chocolate Frog Card!"

Hermione laughed. "I do already have one of my Frog Cards, but it would be nice to actually be counted among those with in the 'Order of Merlin, First Class' club."

Harry smiled as well. "Come to think of it, you might take that back after attending one of the gatherings, they can be quite boring. But it is quite fun to make faces at people in Second Class and Third Class rooms as you pass by. I hear they make them actually pay for their drinks."

This made Hermione laugh out loud. "I'm starving. I seem to remember you being quite the cook. Are you up to helping me make some dinner, or do you have other plans?"

Harry smiled. "I'm a man of leisure. I have nothing scheduled until this Saturday; it's my Grandson Michael's second birthday. Other than that, I'm a free man."

"Well, into the kitchen with me then, free man, and help me cook some dinner!" Hermione teased.

***

After enjoying a meal cooked together, Hermione decided to show Harry her new Theatre room. Harry looked through her collection of movies. He had a look of exaggerated horror on his face as he turned to her. "Oh no, I'm not sure I found you in time!" he stated melodramatically.

It may have been years, but Hermione recognized his teasing tone and decided to play along, "What is it that you didn't arrive in time to save me from, Harry?"

Harry pretended to get quite dramatic. He held up the Digital Media case to Titanic. "This!"

Hermione laughed. "Harry, it was quite popular when we were still school. You should have heard Lavender go on about it. She must have seen it 50 times that summer though I didn't see it at all at the time. It's not like I was watching it or anything..."

"Hermione Granger, the Media is still in the player!" Harry admonished her.

Hermione blushed, "OK...you caught me. I guess the whole 'doomed hopeless one person has to go on without the one she loves' romance was kind of hitting home."

Harry ejected the media and placed it back in the case trying his best to touch it as little as possible. He tossed it over his shoulder and across the room as Hermione looked on with a half shocked, half amused expression. "You don't need that kind of movie anymore," He stated firmly and grinned while continuing to skim through her collection. "Chick movie, Chick movie, Documentary, Documentary...Hello, What have we here?"

Hermione laughed at the way he was categorizing her movies. It may have been years, but she knew that when he called a movie a 'chick movie,' he was just teasing her.

Harry smiled like a Third Year visiting Honeydukes for the first time as he picked up a Digital Media case, "Star Wars, A New Hope on Digital Media with all 8 Definitive director's cuts and also including the 'Make your own version' feature!' Harry jumped around like a kid and popped the media into the player. "Let's make our own version!"

Hermione laughed. "Set it up however you like, but Han better shoot first!"

Harry's eyes lit up! He turned and looked at her and really saw Hermione and what she had become. He fell in love all over again. He also found The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. "Hermione, you haven't even opened 'Jedi' yet."

She smiled and laughed, "I can't abide those Ewoks, disgusting creatures!"

Harry laughed as well, "You're mixing up your quotes, but I understand your point of view!" He opened up the package and set up the player for all three movies, selecting a ready-made version of Episode 4 that met her criteria and dimmed the lights. "Which one do you like best?"

"I'd have to say The Empire Strikes Back, though I've never had a thing for scoundrels. Luke is more my type, but then the whole Luke/Leia sibling subplot is disturbing." Hermione admitted.

Harry thought about it. "Hmm, Harry Potter, Scoundrel. That could be my new persona. Any idea where the Spice Mines of Kessel are? And while we're at it, what was Spice anyway and why did it need to be smuggled?"

She laughed. "Let's just watch the movies."

"Alright, but you have just ruined my perception of the infallibility of your brilliance." Harry stated.

Hermione tilted her head to the side. "That is a good thing to get over with now, Harry. I enjoy being well thought of, but it can be lonely being high up on a pedestal with no one for company." And with that, Hermione pressed 'start' on the remote control.

She had huge matching easy chairs in front of her large screen television, but Harry squeezed in together with her and they cuddled and kissed while watching classic movies from a few years before they were born through their early childhood. They fell asleep a few minutes into the third film surrounded by popcorn, empty tea glasses and a very content Crookshanks curled up on top of the two of them.