Authors Note: Well, as with all things, this story is coming to its end (sometimes I tell myself its been none to soon to get to it!). There will be a short epilogue, but this is the last chapter. I hope its what you have all been waiting for.
As always, This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Any characters or situations that are unknown in the HP series are the author's intellectual property and should not be used without permission.
Chapter 11 - Turn and Turn Again
Harry could feel Hermione's gaze on him as they sat in a rear booth of the Three Broomsticks waiting on Ron and Luna to join them for lunch. He nonchalantly turned another page and caught her chewing her bottom lip and fidgeting from the corner of his eye. Hermione was struggling to glimpse the title of the book that he'd picked up in the local bookstore, but Harry kept the cover flush with the tabletop for the most part just to keep her guessing.
Since Harry was not one to often purchase a book or read one willingly in her presence that did not deal with Quidditch, he suspected Hermione's curiosity was building to a fever pitch to know what he was reading. He had never dreamed that this type of gentle teasing of her would be so much fun.
Glancing towards the door, Harry saw Ron and Luna were still nowhere insight. Hermione dove back to her own book as he turned back. Harry hid his smirk as he went back to his page.
The amount of interest the book held for him was a bit strange, but the concepts for the practice of meditation to clear one's mind were fascinating. Harry could see applications that could be made from it for mastering Occulumency, but more importantly, it could be Hermione's last chance at completing a vision quest successfully.
The ancient clock on Madame Rosemerta's mantle gave a loud asthmatic wheeze followed by a feeble announcement of the hour. Ron pushed open the door just then and ushered Luna through, then stood aside as several other students piled in after her. Harry smothered a laugh at his disgruntled expression as Ron found himself holding the door for several more students who took advantage of his politeness without so much as a by your leave. Luna stepped to the side and waited patiently for her escort to free himself from door duty.
"Oi, enough already!" Ron snapped as another group of people tried to duck in. Being Third Years, they sprang back in some alarm rather than taking the advantage of forward momentum and making good their entrance. Ron simply grunted in approval and let the door swing shut.
Harry leaned to the side to watch the chastened quartet of Third years creep through the door with wary glances at his red-haired friend, who had spotted his friends at the back table and was leading Luna to them. He gave a small wave of greeting to Luna, who returned it before sliding into the booth next to Hermione.
"So, how was the bookstore?" Ron smirked. Luna slid over to let him sit beside her and Hermione slid further along the bench to allow them room.
"Enlightening," Harry shot back cheekily.
Ron looked askance at that, and then narrowed his eyes. "Don't let her rub off on you, mate. Next thing you know, you'll be studying during Quidditch practice just to keep up with her."
Hermione's face darkened. "Oh, you really are too much, Ronald! Paying more attention to your classes would benefit you more than you realize." She sat back huffily, then grabbed Harry's book from his hand.
Harry watched her face intently as she ran her finger over the title of the book. Her glance was surprised as she questioned. "Zen Meditation for Beginners?" It was obvious to the both of them that the book was Muggle in origin. Ron just cocked his head with a blank look.
Luna looked up from her purchases. "Zen Meditation? Well, that would be a benefit for you, Harry, given your need to practice Occulumency and your developing Animagus skills. Very centering," She finished with a nod and misty smile.
Ron looked a bit defensive as Luna first spoke, but on not hearing anything that would be construed as mad or strange from Luna, shrugged in acceptance and waved for one of Rosemerta's wait staff.
Harry watched a thoughtful look cross Hermione's face. He wondered if Ron would take it amiss if he reached over and hugged the blonde Ravenclaw for her impeccable comment and timing.
An older witch with a passion for purple, given most everything she wore from head to toe was of one or another shade of the color, bustled up to the table in response to Ron's signal. "What's your fancy today then?"
Hermione handed the book back to Harry a bit reluctantly while Ron ordered a round of butterbeer and shepherd's pie for them all. Harry stifled a sigh and hoped that Sirius' advice in the journal would be enough to help Hermione.
###
After lunch, the quartet visited Honeydukes first, and then Ron pulled Harry along with him into Zonko's while Luna and Hermione waited outside and chatted.
"Well, you haven't run away screaming yet," Ron said lowly as he glanced over the offering of Dung Bombs and other assorted pranks in the corner. "So, how goes it?"
Harry cocked his head at that. Why was he asking about this? "You make it sound like it would be torture to be alone with Hermione, Ron; it's been fine so far," He watched his friend make several selections with some concern. Was Ron really alright with him going out with Hermione?
"So, Ron, how is Luna then?" Harry asked.
"Not bad," Ron muttered and ducked down the next aisle.
Sensing his friend's discomfort, Harry pursued him. "No crumpled-horned snorkack sightings then?"
Ron ignored that sally, but tips of his ears flushed; he quickly grabbed a pouch of dung bombs and headed to the counter. Harry gave up on the effort to take the mickey out of him. His volatile friend was being anything but at the moment. Harry suppressed a smirk as they headed back to where the unusual blonde sat outside with Hermione.
Hermione quickly stashed the meditation book back into his bag at her feet when she spotted the two boys coming down the steps. The motion was quick and discreet, but Harry wasn't a seeker for Gryffindor for nothing. The effort to keep his face straight became harder.
He extended his hand to help Hermione to her feet. "What's next on the agenda?"
"Quills and parchment," she responded. "We spent more time in the book store than I intended to earlier."
"Wait a moment, it's still Saturday, right? Then how could you have spent more time than…?" Ron trailed off with a teasing grin.
Hermione shot him a dirty look and Harry moved quickly to intercede before any verbal bloodshed ensued. "I need a few quills as well," he said. "Let's head off then."
The quartet split up into pairs and headed in different directions. Hermione sniffed once, still piqued by Ron's joke and lead the way to the store until Harry caught up her hand and pulled her back to walk beside him. She looked a touch surprised at his action at first then she blushed, but did not pull her hand away. Harry felt oddly triumphant at her acceptance though he still felt very awkward with these dating gestures that others used with such ease.
Before they reached the store's open doorway, Hermione stopped and looked up at him with questioning eyes. Harry smiled a little self-consciously under the scrutiny. He wasn't quite sure what she was about, but he did notice she hadn't let go of his hand yet.
"Really me?" she asked hesitantly.
Harry cocked his head in question. "Yes, really you. Why would you ask something like that?"
"Of course," she closed her eyes, her voice barely audible. "What was I thinking? It's you, for Merlin's sake."
"Hey, what do you mean by that?" Harry steamed.
Hermione's eyes popped open, surprised, before she smiled. "I meant that you wouldn't play with a girl's feelings like other boys; because that's not who you are, Harry."
"Play with a girl's feelings? Why would anyone want…," Harry puzzled, then blanched. "I wouldn't do that to you, Hermione, not ever."
She smiled, and with a sudden burst of enthusiasm, pulled Harry into the shop. But her fear still disturbed his thoughts as he followed. How could he explain his interest in her and make her believe when he could not rightly figure it out how say it aloud?
###
Later that evening, Harry was sprawled in the Common Room's couch finishing the meditation book. He had tried applying some of the techniques earlier and had some success with them. Granted, Malfoy and his cronies were definitely the definition of high stress and distraction once they realized that Harry and Hermione were a couple at Hogsmeade, but the calming mantra to release the thoughts and anger had assisted with holding his temper down. He found that the jaguar's senses also reacted, recalling the sensation of being relaxed and drowsy.
But Malfoy had honed his repertoire of insults and epithets to a knife's edge with respect to Harry, and as always, the insults to Hermione shattered the calmness that Harry had created within. If it hadn't been for Hermione's hand gripping his, Harry might have shifted and dealt with the nasty boy.
Timing and Hermione had saved him from himself at the end.
It was too bad for Malfoy really that he hadn't waited to be sure there were only students about who would possibly overhear him. Harry chuckled as he recalled McGonagall's outraged expression just before Malfoy got his comeuppance.
Two weeks detention with Filch was rather harsh, but then Filch took great enjoyment at lending out the Slytherins to Hagrid for the entirety of the detention period, much to their dismay.
The portrait hole opened and Hermione crawled through the passage into the Common Room. Harry glanced up at the clock which read fifteen minutes to midnight; Hermione's last patrol was done for the night.
"Harry, what are you doing still up?" she queried softly as she sat down next to him.
"Was waiting for you," Harry answered.
Hermione blinked owlishly. "For me?"
Harry was starting to suspect that he might be a bit more knowledgeable about this relationship stuff than Hermione. "Yes, for you," he said with a grin. "I know it's usually the other way around, but go with it, eh?"
Cheeks pink, she looked down at her folded hands and silence fell between them that pulled uncomfortably.
Grasping for anything to dispel the distance, Harry held up the book for her attention.
"Want to read it? I just finished it."
Hermione picked the book up. "You've read the whole thing already?"
"Yeah, it's not bad, and the techniques are pretty simple, even for someone as dense as me," Harry quipped.
"You're not dense, Harry," Hermione assured him, paging idly through the book.
Taking a gamble, Harry reached over and took her hand in his. "Read the book and let's try the vision quest for you one last time, ok?"
Hermione's head shot up from her perusal of the cover, her eyes filled with fear and something else that made Harry's gut clench painfully, but he refused to look away. It was important that she know he would do everything he could to help her.
Hermione's eyes filled and a single tear fell to her cheek. "What if I can't do it?"
"We'll worry about that if it happens," he answered, brushing the tear away. "It doesn't change the fact that I'll…we'll… still need you, you know."
Hermione turned her face away and tried to pull free of his grasp. "I'll still be a liability," she spat.
"What's the real problem here, Hermione," Harry pulled her forcefully around to face him. "Is it just becoming an Animagus is that important to you, or is it something else?"
Her eyes flashed at his question. "How dare you? Of course becoming an Animagus is important…it's an amazing accomplishment…what are you trying to say? That…that I don't know my own mind?"
"You tell me; you're actually close to failing a class for the first time in your life I would wager," Harry's eyebrow lifted in question and Hermione's mouth, open to rebut his observation, snapped shut and she slumped back against the back of the couch.
The crackling of the dying fire was the only sound for several minutes. Harry began to worry that he'd just queered their fledgling relationship. He should have just kept his mouth shut.
"I don't want…I can't…fail at this," she finally whispered.
Harry hesitated. Should he pursue or just let be? Hermione was hurt over this and he didn't want to make it worse. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but finally decided to go with his gut response.
Harry slid over closer and matched her slumped position on the couch so that their sides touched and simply gazed at her. After a moment, she relaxed and placed her head against his shoulder. The simple gesture reassured him more than any words could do, and he let his head lean down over hers.
"Can we try tomorrow night?" she ventured softly.
"Tomorrow night it is," Harry answered. "Room of Requirement should be perfect for it."
###
As with all great plans, their design to quietly work on Hermione's vision quest did not survive contact with the enemy, or in this case, their friends.
Harry simply told Ron that he and Hermione would be off working on the quest that evening and not to expect them in the Common Room. Of course, Ron promptly invited Luna to come to the Gryffindor Common Room to help him study, which lead to Ginny learning that Harry and Hermione would be working on the latter's vision quest. Exactly how Neville learned of the activity was still a mystery however.
Unable to stem the flood of "helpful" advice from the four of them, Harry waited as patiently as he could before finally resorted to pulling Hermione behind him and out the portrait hole.
They set up the Room in a very simple style and proceeded to work through the instructions given in the text methodically.
Harry began to suspect the problem came from the methodical aspect. Hermione did everything described in as perfect a manner as could be done, rather than relaxing her, the effort was ratcheting up her tension even higher.
She was trying to follow the advice of their friends and the text at the same time, and he couldn't even imagine how to do that himself without going completely barmy, since it was often contradictory.
Needless to say, the first two hours were extremely unproductive.
Hermione had taken to sniping at him, but Harry knew it was just frustration. What he didn't know was how to help her get around it. She didn't want to accept help or any further advice, and he was carefully biting back any impulses to offer any. It was difficult for him, as her comments and his own sense of lacking made the situation more and more painful for Harry.
Finally, he was jerked back out of his partial meditation state when Hermione spoke.
"It's getting late. Let's call it an evening, shall we?" Her voice had a muffled quality to it.
Harry closed his eyes in despair. He was failing to help Hermione, and he was at a loss to think of what else he might do.
Hermione stood up, picked up the book and slowly headed toward her bookbag in the corner.
Harry racked his brain for something, anything; she could do this, he was sure of it in his bones. Hermione's back was hunched, her movements slow and shaky. She was giving up.
Then, inspiration struck for Harry. "Hermione, I'm having some trouble relaxing into my normal focus. What are you using as a calming visualization?"
She was reluctant to respond, but Harry knew his girlfriend well enough. Hermione was passionate about learning, and equally driven to help those she felt were in need of her academic knowledge. Shamelessly, Harry was appealing to both these personality aspects to draw her back into their effort.
"I visualize a calm lake, mirror-like," Hermione said softly, pausing momentarily in her rearrangement of the bag's contents.
"Hmm, I usually see a jungle," Harry cocked his head as if considering the merit of her image.
"The image is personal," She pointed out as she returned to her pillow with the bag and perched beside him. "It should correspond to the inner self of the person."
"So, why the lake then?" Hermione looked taken aback by his question.
"I consider it to be a very good image for stillness."
"But, is it truly the image that you find in your inner self?" Harry turned to her. "It's not what I would think would be in you."
"What do you mean by that?" Hermione's cheeks flushed a bit and her eyes narrowed.
"A lake may be alright for some people, but I don't think it's right for you. You are more…erm, active than that; more passionate, let's say."
Hermione inhaled sharply and just as she would have flown into him, Harry interrupted.
"You aren't still waters, Hermione. Don't cage yourself to preconceived notions of what would be better theoretically. Let go of everything else and find yourself inside."
She pursed her lips, vexed for a moment, before she gave in with a poor grace. "Very well, I'll try once more, but don't think I don't know what you're trying to do, Harry."
He suspected that he couldn't keep a good look of innocence in the wake of his success, so he just settled into a comfortable seated position and closed his eyes. The stillness of the room settled over him like a warm blanket, and with a deep breath, he let go of his thoughts and the tensions of the day.
The jungle appeared, misty and green all around him, distant bird calls and cries of other animals in the forest canopy sounding all around him. He found it somewhat surprising to notice he kept to his natural form in this visualization, rather than shift to the jaguar.
How much time passed, Harry was unaware, but when he surfaced from his introspection, Hermione was lying beside him, her head resting on the pillow and her breathing was slow and deep. Not wanting to disturb her, Harry shifted only enough to relieve the worst of the cramp from his legs and stayed silent, watching her peaceful expression.
Suddenly her eyelids showed rapid eye movement and her hands clenched tightly as she gasped. Harry leaned forward, thinking to wake her at first before remembering the warnings in the textbooks about prematurely terminating the vision quest.
Hermione's eyes snapped open and her hands flexed as a strip of what appeared to be tawny fur rippled across the back of them. She sat up and stared in wonder as the manifestation faded back into her normal skin.
Harry waited impatiently for her to say what had happened, but Hermione seemed transfixed by her experience.
"So?" he queried anxiously.
Her head shot up at his voice and with a sudden lunge, she hugged him tightly and buried her face against his shoulder. Harry could feel silent sobs running through her and shut his eyes in defeat, assuming the worse even though he had seen the change manifest. It was clear to him that Hermione was unhappy, given her response.
With a deep breath, Harry blamed himself. "I shouldn't have pushed this on you, Hermione…please, don't cry."
Her hold on his shoulders tightened and she raised her tear-stained face to smile at him. Confused, Harry leaned back to question her with his eyes.
"I did it," she said softly. "I couldn't have without your help, Harry."
"I didn't really do very much at all," he muttered.
"Yes, you did," she whispered. "You believed in me."
Harry smiled and shook his head. "I haven't always believed, Hermione, but you're one of my best friends and despite everything, I trust you."
She sat up and reached out to touch his cheek. Harry froze at the intimate gesture as she stroked up to ruffle his hair. He liked how the touch made his insides warm, but was afraid to move and scare her off.
Heavy footfalls sounded from the corridor, heading past the hidden door of the Room of Requirement, waking both to the passage of time. Harry gathered his book bag and extracted the invisibility cloak as Hermione cleared the pillows and hefted her own bag over her shoulder.
As they waited by the door for Filch's footsteps to fade, Hermione laid her hand on Harry's arm, and lifted onto tiptoes to kiss his cheek. Harry, thinking she wanted his attention, was turning his head at that moment and their lips brushed softly before both pulled away to gaze worriedly at each other.
They now stood at a crossroads in their relationship. Harry could see the questions that were racing through his mind reflected in her eyes. Did they dare to cross this threshold? Nothing would ever be the same if they did, but what else could come of their relationship if they did nothing?
In the end, the decision to act was mutual.
Harry had only the comparison of the kiss with Cho, and this was much better than that one, yards better, even though Hermione had also been crying. Her lips were softer than Cho's had been, and though both of them were hesitant, it was much more pleasurable.
Hermione pulled away first, and placed her finger across his lips. Harry was sure his expression resembled a surprised owl as he blinked dazedly.
"Filch is past," she said, pointing to the door. "We should get back to the tower so I can do the last round for the evening."
Harry made to slip on the cloak, but Hermione took his hand and shook her head.
"You're with me, Mister Potter," She hauled him through the door as he haphazardly stuffed the silky cloak into the bag with his free hand. Clearly, she was going to use the power of her Prefect position if they were questioned about his presence after curfew.
They had ascended one flight of stairs in companiable silence before Harry remembered to ask about what had appeared as her form in the vision quest.
Hermione began to chatter quite happily about something feline, and a strange locale she couldn't be sure was located. "…something rather dry with lots of brush, Africa perhaps, or maybe India…," she frowned slightly, displeased with not knowing precisely.
They reached the Fat Lady and Harry gave the password, stepping aside to let Hermione enter first. The common room was almost deserted, with only a couple of students still up studying.
Hermione glanced at the clock and dumped her book bag precipitously on the table. "I have to hurry or I'll be late for last round. Padma was kind enough to cover the earlier ones for me."
"You know where to find me when you're done," Harry flopped down on the sofa and swung his feet up.
Hermione nodded and headed off back to the portrait hole. Harry heard the portrait swing open and leaned his head back on the arm of the couch more comfortably, eyes closed, ready to catch a short nap.
He heard the last two Gryffindors piling their books together and heading up the stairs, before he was taken unawares by the sudden shadow swooping down over him and kissing him deeply.
Shocked, his eyes flew open as Hermione broke the kiss with a knowing smile. "Didn't want you to think I don't appreciate you waiting for me."
"I think I could be convinced of that with a bit more appreciation," he answered with a grin.
She shook her head playfully and Harry's eyes were glued to her as she dashed back out the portrait hole.
For once, Harry felt that he was worthy of the happiness he was experiencing. He stretched back out on the couch with a victorious grin.
Crookshanks stalked past the couch with a condescending look at its inhabitant and headed toward the dormitory stairs. Harry gave a laugh when the cat shot him a disapproving look over his shoulder and lashed his tail in agitation.
"Jealous, huh?" Harry growled in amusement.
Crookshanks hissed in anger and bounded up the stairs and out of sight.
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