Chapter 11: The Big Question
The Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin usually had the whole school in attendance to watch these rivals battle for the Quidditch Cup. Unfortunately, Slytherin had lost to Huffelpuff and so they would need to beat Gryffindor by a very wide margin to still be in the running for the cup. So as the teams took the pitch there were fewer spectators for the match. This didn't bother Harry at all. Instead he found it quite convenient as he was able to spot Hermione in the stands much faster than usual.
Harry was surprised that just seeing Hermione in the stands could make him so happy, especially since there was a new tension between them. For the past few days Harry had felt an odd lurch in his stomach whenever he saw Hermione. He wanted to talk to her about the other night but couldn't bring himself to mention it. Hermione seemed to go out of her way to not bring it up in idle conversation but Harry hoped they would get a chance to talk soon.
Harry wrenched his mind back to the match. It was obvious that the Slytherin team was again going for size instead of skill in their clash with their rival house. Harry shook his head, this is exactly what Ron and Katie had been counting on. Little Dennis Creevey looked even smaller than usual compared to the flying hulks that made up the Slytherin team. Dennis wore a very determined expression and Harry was confident that his team had things well in hand.
Suddenly, Madame Hooch blew her whistle and the Bludgers, Snitch, and Quaffle were released. Dennis seemed to be everywhere at once, picking off the Slytherin passes and stealing the Quaffle from the Slytherin Chasers with the ease of a professional pick-pocket. Dennis used his size to his advantage, staying low over his broomstick and presenting the smallest possible target. Once Dennis was on a break-away for the Slytherin goal posts, it seemed as though no one could stop him. Slytherin's defenses quickly crumbled and they had begun to resort to their favorite tactic of simply fouling and out muscling their opponents. Harry had spotted the Snitch and looked up to find that Malfoy was far out of position. The last time they had played against each other, Draco had marked Harry's every move and had worked to block Harry from finding the snitch. This time, Draco had been searching the pitch with a rabid intensity, but it was too late. Harry dove for the elusive golden ball and by the time Malfoy had realized that Harry had seen the Snitch, Harry was snatching it out of the air and holding it above his head in triumph. Gryffindor fans poured onto the pitch to congratulate their team and to carry Dennis elatedly back to the Gryffindor common room for the victory party.
Harry changed quickly after the match. He wanted to get to the Common Room as fast as possible, not only to try to pull Hermione aside to talk but also to get away from Ron and Katie who were attached at the lips and oblivious to the annoyed looks their antics were causing from the rest of the team. Harry darted out the door and quickly made his way to the Gryffindor Common room. As he expected, the party was already in full swing.
Harry maneuvered his way through his housemates towards a lone figure sitting at one of the study tables with a pile of books. Harry's stomach gave a pleasant lurch at the sight of her and he suddenly felt very self conscious. She looked up as he approached and gave him a brief smile before turning once again to her studies. He almost turned around and went back to the party. Instead, he took a deep breath and pulled out the chair beside her. "Do you mind if I sit here?" he asked uncertainly.
"No" she answered without looking up.
"Hermione I," Merlin's hairy balls, why is this so difficult? "I wanted to talk to you about the other night."
She looked at him then and his mouth went dry. "It's not going to happen Harry, so just forget it."
Harry was crushed. He barely managed to croak out "What?"
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Just because you fanatics went out in that cold weather to play Quidditch, it dosen't mean that sane people are willing to go out flying."
Harry felt a surge of relief. She thought he was going to try to convince her to fly her new broomstick. "It is cold but… "
"Oh no! I'm sorry Harry. I know how much this means to you but there is no way I'm going out flying until spring and you're not going to change my mind."
"OK, no broomsticks" he smiled.
"Good."
"But that's not what I wanted to talk about." He had her full attention now. "I wanted to talk to you about what happened, you know, when we were talking about Sirius." He glanced briefly over his shoulder and said, "Can we take a walk and talk about this somewhere a little more private?"
"All right then," Hermione stated as she rose. She placed her books back in her bag and shoved it under the table. Harry led the way out the portrait hole trying furiously to think of how to say what he needed to without sounding like an idiot.
They walked side by side down the corridor and when Harry turned to finally speak to Hermione his mind went blank. He stood there for a moment looking at her expectant expression and then, looking her in the eyes he tried to swallow the lump in his throat and said, "Hermione I was just hoping to explain what happened the other night. I … we…"
"I understand, Harry. You were feeling very vulnerable and lonely. It was just a kiss after all."
"No, it wasn't," he looked away from her, unable to meet her eyes, afraid of seeing pity there. "I had a long time to think about this over the summer and during winter holidays. There are things I need to tell you." Before he could think twice about it, Harry had told Hermione all about the prophecy and how he would either murder Voldemort or be murdered by him. Hermione stepped towards him at this point but he turned away, determined to finish.
"You see, what I realized is that I had two choices. I could push everyone away from me so that Voldemort would never be able to use anyone else against me like he did last summer. Or I could do the opposite and depend on those I care about for strength and support. I can't tell you how appealing the first choice looked as I sat alone in my room in Privet Drive, I was sure that would be the best course. If I pushed everyone away then no one would be close enough to hurt me and no one else would be in danger. I was determined to face him alone." Hermione started to say something but Harry pressed on, "Wait, let me finish." He looked at her then and smiled. "I was thinking about all the things I had done here at Hogwarts. The Sorcerer's stone first year, the Basilisk second year, saving Sirius and Buckbeak third year, the Tri-Wizard Tournament fourth year and last year at the Ministry of Magic. I realized that without my friends I would never have survived any one of them and, more importantly, I need my friends if I'm going to beat Voldemort."
Harry paused briefly and then turned to look into Hermione's eyes. "When we kissed I realized something else. I realized that more than anyone, you have always been there for me. When the rest of the school turned their backs on me, there you were with a kind word and a stack of toast. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need you, Hermione. I need you in my life. But what's been burning in my mind since that night is that at the moment we kissed, I knew I had fallen in love with my best friend."
Hermione's mouth dropped open and she blurted, "You're gay?"
Harry was rocked back on his heels. "What?" he managed to choke out a moment later.
"Well everyone knows Ron is your best friend and since you just said that you were in love with your best friend it's only logical to assume you meant Ron." Harry stared at her in horror as she continued. "Have you told him yet?"
Harry looked away from her in disbelief. His mouth was moving but nothing was coming out as he tried to formulate a coherent response. He couldn't believe he had finally told Hermione how he felt and she had totally misinterpreted what he had said. He looked back at Hermione desperate to explain away her mistake and he noticed she had her jaw clenched and her lips pressed firmly together. "You're teasing me, aren't you?" he asked hopefully.
"Of course I am you great prat! Now hurry up and kiss me, I still have homework to finish."
It took a little while but Harry eventually became comfortable not only with Hermione but also with other people knowing that they were a couple. He had one bad moment when the day after he had told Hermione how he felt, Seamus walked into their room and said, "So Harry, you finally asked Hermione out?"
Neville sat up at the news. "What? Nobody tells me anything. When did that happen?"
"Yesterday after the Quidditch game", Seamus had laughed.
Harry paled. "If I find out you have another pool going … "
But Seamus was shaking his head and interrupted in protest, "No. No pool, Harry. We swear", he looked over at Dean who was nodding emphatically in agreement and maneuvering for cover behind his bed. "Lav and Parvati cornered Hermione in their room last night and wormed it out of her. They saw how pale you looked when you dragged her away from the party and they also saw you two holding hands when you came back in. They put two and two together, and came up with … love!" As he said this last word, Seamus folded his hands under his chin, put an enraptured look on his face, rolled his eyes and batted his lashes. Everyone laughed and Harry threw his pillow at Seamus who easily ducked out of the way.
The Slytherins, lead by Pansy Parkinson, had some choice words to say about Harry and Hermione being together but Harry found that he really didn't care what they thought. Malfoy was strangely silent, but Professor Snape had given Harry a disgusted sneer when he saw Harry and Hermione holding hands as they waited to enter his class. Harry gave him a 'you're just jealous' smile and strolled past the sputtering git. The jibes quickly subsided when it became obvious that they were having no effect whatsoever.
January made way for February without much change in the weather. Harry was in the Common Room studying. He smiled as he looked over at Hermione who sat hunched over methodically scratching precise little characters in her Ancient Runes essay. Ron was off studying with Katie, unless they were fighting again. In the few short weeks they had been dating, Ron and Katie had fallen into a cycle of breaking up then making up. Harry had to admit that there was a lot of passion in their relationship, though. When they were in a make up period, they were unashamed in displaying their affections for one another. They were often found snogging in the halls. They were equally unashamed when they fought, which they did with equal enthusiasm.
How different from his own relationship, Harry reflected. Harry and Hermione were much more discreet. Holding hands while walking through the halls or a chaste kiss before class was about all they would do in public. Anything more intimate was kept private, not that there was much more Harry thought. Harry had let Hermione determine how far they went physically when they were getting frisky. He sometimes suspected that Hermione had some kind of timetable she was following. So far he had not gotten past the barrier of clothes she wore under her school robes. Harry wanted more but he was willing to wait. It just wasn't that important to Harry. He was happy just being with her.
Valentines Day was coming up and Harry had been trying to think of something special he and Hermione could do together. The problem was that Valentines Day fell on a Wednesday this year. Not the most romantic day of the week but Harry was sure he'd think of something. He just needed to work out a few more details and then he'd have a talk with Dobby in the kitchens.