Chapter 3: Hermione's Paradox
It's a Little Too Little
It's a Little Too Late
I'm a Little Too Hurt
And there's nothin' left that I've gotta say
You can cry to me baby
But there's only so much I can take
Ah, it's a Little Too Little
It's a Little Too Late
-Pat Benatar "A Little Too Late"
Stupid \Stu"pid\, a. [L. stupidus, fr. stupere to be stupefied:
cf. F. stupide.]
1. Very dull; insensible; senseless; wanting in
understanding; heavy; sluggish; in a state of stupor; --
said of persons.
A quill quickly penciled in below that, "See: Hermione Granger."
Idiot \Id"i*ot\, n. [F. idiot, L. idiota an uneducated,
ignorant, ill-informed person, Gr. ?, also and orig., a
private person, not holding public office, fr. ? proper,
peculiar.
Again, the quill penciled in "See: Hermione Granger."
Hermione certain that she adjusted the definition of every synonym of the term 'Dense, Idiotic Prat' she could find in every dictionary in the Hogwarts Library, she closed the large book, and slammed it against her own forehead.
It has been a few hours since the rescue, and as soon as she was released from the hospital wing, she made a beeline, being careful to avoid Harry's hangouts, and grabbed every book she could find with any and all references to her current nightmarish situation.
"The Nightmare of Love Triangles" by Fabio Romancer, "When the Heart's Path Hits A Fork" by Harvey Twinpath, and even the "Karma Sutra" out of desperation.
"What the bloody hell is that book even DOING in a SCHOOL library in the first place?" Hermione shook her head, before returning to the issue at hand. Hermione sat there with her face in her hands, discovering her hindsight was flawless, all the signs were there. Small, but they were there. Harry if he were to become an actor he would be an Oscar winner in no time.
She has researched for hours, and dug in every book on the topic, and came up with the same conclusion.
"We're just screwed …" She then sat back and rubbed her forehead, "Ok, let's look at this, Hermione. You can solve anything with equations … here goes: Guy 2 confessed his feelings for Girl 1. Girl 1 returned them. Dated. Had sex, slightly disappointing, but sex nonetheless all in all happy relationship. Guy 1: Mutual best friend, hides away feelings, pretends to be happy for Girl 1 when in fact Girl 1 and Guy 2 relationship was causing him pain and leaving him to believe Girl 1 and Guy 2 were leaving him out and/or betraying him. If Guy 1 loves Girl 1 and Guy 2 loves Girl 1 then Girl 1 loves … oh bloody hell."
Hermione sat back and stared at the ceiling of the library. The trip back to Hogwarts was a quiet one. Ron just glared at Harry and Hermione sobbed not letting either of the boys close enough to comfort her.
"Crying time is over. Time to figure out how to fix this problem," Hermione stated determinedly, "Maybe if Harry and I were to take a walk around the lake so we can … oh damn it." She hit herself in the forehead yet again.
"That mind of yours is very valuable, Ms. Granger, I'd not try to injure it if you can help it." Professor McGonagall's voice startled the teenager.
"Professor!" Hermione squeaked, turning to face the head of her house.
"I apologize for startling you, Ms. Granger," Professor McGonagall said as she took a seat beside the girl. The old professor looked around the table to see the books scattered around on its top. "Love life troubles finally caught up, have they?"
"You knew this was coming, didn't you, professor?" Hermione asked sadly.
"I had a feeling when you and Mr. Weasley came back to school hand and hand and Mr. Potter's eyes had an almost dead look to them," Professor McGonagall sighed, letting her eyes rest, "When I had to comfort him during his outburst some few months ago I had no doubt the tension would snap eventually. But never once did I assume it would happen as it has."
"Why did you not warn us then?" Hermione asked, tears sting her eyes, "If I had known we were hurting him …"
"What would you have done?" McGonagall asked the teenager, "Would you have told Harry to grow up? Get out of your business? Would you have broken up with Mr. Weasley, dumped him so you wouldn't harm your friendship with Mr. Potter, and possibly even took up a courtship, thus hurting Mr. Weasley as you have hurt Mr. Potter?"
Hermione just looked down at her lap. Then, with a sigh of regret she looked up at her mentor, "Professor, what would you have done … would do if you were in my position right now?"
"I'd do what you need to do, dear," McGonagall said placing a calming hand on the girl's slightly trembling shoulder. "Follow your heart, do what you feel is best and let it run." She gave the girl's shoulder a comforting squeeze before standing up. "I must go. I trust you will find what needs to be done in time."
"Thanks," Hermione gave a small disappointed smile as the Deputy Head Mistress walked away.
A few moments later, Hermione shoved the books into her bag and made her way out of the library thinking about what Professor McGonagall had said.
She wondered the halls, being careful to avoid Ron and Harry's favorite hangouts.
Hermione then passed an empty classroom where several girls have gathered in. She never cared about girl talk, but for once she thought perhaps it could be useful.
Hermione walked in timidly to find the Patil Twins, Lavender Brown, and Ginny Weasley seated cross-legged on the floor.
"Told you she'd come for our help eventually," Ginny said unsurprised by Hermione's presence.
"I figured it would be another week at the least," Padma said, as all four girls looked at Hermione expectantly.
"Come, Hermione, dearest, come, we'll help you sort your romantic issues!" Lavender grinned motioning for Hermione to enter.
As soon as Hermione walked in, Ginny got up and shut and locked the door. Once Hermione saw this she got a sudden feeling this was a bad idea. A VERY bad idea.
"Ok, let's look at this," the Twins said in unison, all four girls grinning at Hermione.
"Umm … k …" Hermione meeped.
"We shall begin with my idiot prat of a brother whom is also your current respective boyfriend and I dare say lover?" Ginny asked with a faint giggle.
"How do you know we've … I mean, I don't know what you're talking about with lover!" Hermione turned scarlet.
"You two spent the night at Hogsmeade the night …" Parvati shivered, "Harry had his temper tantrum, didn't take a witch as smart as you, Hermione, to put two and two together to make four."
"Oh …" Hermione gulped looking down shamefully.
"It's ok, Hermione," Padma said patting the girl's shoulder.
"Yeah, you had a boyfriend, and you've been going out long enough it's in your right to shag him senseless," Parvati continued, "How was you to know it would cause the most delicious specimen in our house to go and do something so … manly …" She finished with a dreamy look very much like Luna Lovegood's usual expression.
"What the heck do you mean by that?" Hermione snapped jealously.
"Oh I was afraid of this," Parvati said, her dreamy look vanishing in a moment, "Makes things so much more difficult." She mused with a serious expression.
"We wanted to know if you had any feelings for Harry," Ginny said twirling a lock of red hair with her fingers, "Jealous reaction proves that you do in fact have feelings for Mr. Potter, thus making our work so much more difficult. Thanks for giving us the fun challenge!"
"That was a set up?" Hermione asked outraged, "You could have came right out and asked!"
"I tried before," Lavender said, scratching her cheek and chin with her thumb and forefinger. "But, you were too head over heels for Ronniekens."
"Since we heard what happened with you, Ron, and You-Know-Who, we thought you may be more open for us to find a way to help you, Ron, AND Harry." Padma said, nodding determinedly.
"You're going to all be happy, Hermione," Parvati grinned evilly.
"Even if it kills you all." Ginny finished, all four grinning wickedly causing Hermione to be very much afraid.
---
Hermione walked out of the room several hours later, the four witches (Hermione uses this term in every way possible here) were still debating on what she should do about her romance novel worthy love triangle, and it was more bickering over what she should do then offering any worthwhile advise.
She felt the beginnings of a headache transform into a full blown migraine.
This can't be possible.
There is no problem she can not find a solution to.
She's dedicated her life to be the smartest witch she could possible be.
She WILL fix this. She WILL.
"Excuse me, Hermione?" a dreamy voice spoke behind her and she turned her attention almost angrily toward the dreamy looking Luna Lovegood.
"Can I help you, Luna?" Hermione asked, forcing a friendly smile.
"No, Love, no but I believe I can help you if you will allow me to." Luna said, her deep blue eyes gazing at Hermione through half closed eyelids.
"I'm not sure I can take anymore advice today, Luna," Hermione groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"You have strong feelings for Harry and Ronald, correct?" Luna stated as if she hadn't heard Hermione turn down the advice. "If you care for them both there is something several girls find enjoyable. Have you considered a threesome? It had already been rumored years ago that you three have taken part in such activities. And take word from one experienced in such activities, it is fun."
Hermione had no idea how she did it, or if she could do it again, but the suggestion Luna gave her made her pale and blush almost at the exact same time. "Luna! I can't possible … I … me and Ron and Harry together … I mean … LUNA! Where would both their … uh … 'things' go?!?"
"Hermione," Luna closed her eyes and clicked her tongue, "You do have more then one 'entry point', love." Luna then turned to leave the flabbergasted Gryffindor who was doing a very good expression of a gold fish. "Oh and Hermione, should you take that option, keep me in mind if you should decide to take it up to a four way."
Hermione stood in that spot for an uncertain amount of time, just trying to process Luna's suggestion and force the idea and images out of her mind. She unconsciously rubbed her rear end, sore from the mere thought. 'I wonder who would take what … umm 'port'?' she mentally asked, before slapping a hand over her mouth, "Hermione Jane Granger! You will NOT think that way! Eww!"
"Having a conversation with yourself there, Granger?" Draco Malfoy smirked walking past the bushy haired teen. "Great sign of sanity there, you know?"
"Sod off, Malfoy!" Hermione snapped.
"Testy today, ey, Granger?" Draco grinned, "Seems that time of month has come then. That's good, no more Weasleys dancing around the school."
"I aught to hex you into next month," Hermione growled, narrowing her eyes on the blond headed Slytherin.
"Seriously, Mudblood," Draco chuckled, "If you want some advice on your horrible excuse of a love life, why not dump both the losers and go back to your own kind where you belong." Draco sneered before spinning on his heel and walking off.
Hermione sighed and continued on to the Great Hall to get a bite to eat. Every so often she would pass someone who would offer their advice on her situation. Fellow students, professors, ghosts, and paintings, few gave advice Hermione liked, and some were so outlandish she wouldn't even give it a second thought.
Hermione was getting more and more frustrated by every person who offered their 'profound expertise'.
By the time she walked into the Great Hall she was absolutely fuming. She sat down roughly at the Gryffindor table by a third year she didn't know very well.
"Hi, Hermione, my I advise …"
"I'M TIRED OF ADVICE!!" Hermione yelled out drawing everyone's attention, "I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT I NEED TO DO BUT ME!!!!" Hermione finished breathing heavily.
The blond headed third year just stared in shock. "I was just going to say the chicken is really good today and was going to advise you to try it … sorry …"
Hermione stared at the girl for a moment before slamming her head down on the table so hard most of the plates jumped.
To Be Continued …