"Harry? Time to wake up, Harry."
Harry snapped awake and looked around wildly. He was alone in the bed and with a quick turn found himself looking at a very startled and worried wife.
"What's wrong?" She asked concernedly. Hermione brushed the hair off of his sweat laden brow and sat next to him on the bed. "You look like you've seen a ghost!"
Without a word, Harry pulled Hermione into a desperate hug. "I haven't been able to sleep all night." He admitted quietly. "I kept having nightmares ..."
"Harry, don't you tell me that Voldemort ..." She started sternly.
He shook his head and sighed then looked into her eyes. "I kept dreaming of you in the hospital and your ..." He pulled her into another hug and held on to her as if his life depended upon it.
"My what, Harry?" She prompted a little too harshly than she'd intended but rubbed his back in way of an apology.
"It's stupid." He said quietly. "I don't know why I even brought that up ..."
"If it's gotten you so worried then tell me." She prompted quietly.
Harry sighed into her hair and braced himself for the argument that was going to come afterwards. He gulped then took a deep breath. "I dreamt that I was at your funeral." He said in a terrified voice. She stiffened ever so slightly and he didn't miss it. He pulled back and looked into her shocked face.
"My ... My funeral?" She said in a daze. She shook her head and looked at him tenderly. "Why on earth would you dream about that, Harry?" She asked shakily.
Harry let go of her and got out of bed. He glanced at Lily's bed and found it empty. Without a word, he shut the bedroom door and rounded on his wife. "I don't bloody know?!" He snapped. "You're not acting like yourself, Hermione, you're tired, stumbling, and I can tell it's not the pregnancy ... I know you're under stress at work and I know that you're pregnant but even with Lily and the amount of morning sickness you went through compounded with that big research project that got you into the Ministry in the first place have you ever acted like this!"
Hermione flinched at each accusation and opened her mouth to say something but Harry cut her off.
"Damn it! After talking with Annie ... Yes, she talked through Bernie and said you were scared, you know how she is when she does that ... After that talk, I was more worried than ever." He fumed as he paced the room. "I kept wondering if there might be something wrong with the baby or if my job was causing you to worry about me more than you normally do ... I was worried that you might be losing your job and worst of all, I kept thinking you had some degenerative disease that was slowly killing you ... That's what I was dreaming about all night, Hermione. I talked to Mum about what I've been seeing and she said to be patient. I can't be! I don't want to make a mistake and lose you because you think you can handle whatever it is on your own!"
He looked at Hermione finally and saw that she had started crying somewhere during his tirade. All anger forgotten, he sat next to her and wrapped his arms gently around her. "I'm sorry, Love." He whispered to her as he rocked her back and forth. "With the nightmares and worrying ... I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. I'm so sorry ..."
Hermione slid her arms around him and nodded. "You have every right to be angry with me." She slipped back and looked into his eyes. "I've been reading and researching ..." She admitted. "I needed to be sure, I needed to know."
The color drained from Harry's face. "What ... What are you telling me? Is there something wrong with the baby?" He whispered hoarsely.
She smiled at him and shook her head. "No, the baby's fine."
"Is it more serious?" He straightened his back and his face took on a serious look. His eyes locked with hers and the sadness he saw there ripped his heart out of his chest. "You ... You can't be ..."
Hermione's head bowed and she wiped away a new batch of tears.
"Hermione, tell me you aren't dying, please tell me you're not dying." He said quietly. His trembling hands landed on her shoulders and she tensed under his tender grip. "Please, Love ... Tell me what's going on ..."
Hermione buried her head in his chest. "Do you think I'm pretty?" She asked suddenly.
"Hermione? What? I think you're beautiful." He said in a comforting whisper.
She nodded and looked into his eyes and seemed to know he was telling the truth. "I-I don't know yet, Harry." She turned her face from him but he caught her chin and turned her back.
"Tell me, Love, please ... I won't let you face whatever it is alone and I am bloody well not going to lose you if I can help it!"
She kissed him gently then nodded as she let out a shuddering sigh. "I found a ..." She swallowed hard and began to wring the bottom of her shirt nervously. "I found a lump in my breast the other day ..." She finished quietly as a few new tears traced their way down her cheeks.
"A lump? Doesn't that mean ..."
Hermione nodded. "I might have breast cancer." She said in a terrified, small voice.
"That's why you winced when I hugged you." He said distantly. "And you've been so exhausted because of ..."
"My extra research into the matter." Hermione finished quietly. She looked into the shocked face of her husband. "Please don't be mad with me ..." She whispered quietly.
Harry looked at her properly and felt his heart sink. "C-Cancer?" He asked quietly. He pulled her into an overly-gentle hug. "I'm not angry with you." He whispered quietly. He was still shaking and he fought with himself for control. The only thing that was flashing through his mind was his withered wife in a coffin before him and he couldn't hold back the tears.
Hermione hugged him for all she was worth. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." She said with a sob. "I needed to know everything I could ... It might be benign or even a fibrous growth because I'm lactating." She explained. "It could be a milk-filled cyst or a normal cyst and not cancer at all."
"When can we find out for sure?" He asked quietly. "How soon can we know?"
Hermione pulled away. "I set up an appointment with Susan for Wednesday. We should know then."
Harry looked to her lovely chocolate-brown eyes. "What happens if it's cancer?" He asked bluntly. "What do we have to do? What do you need from me?"
Hermione smiled and cupped his cheek with her hand. "How did you become such a wonderful man, Harry?" She asked tenderly. "Why did I think I could do this on my own?"
He wiped away the new tears that were streaming from her eyes and pulled her into a tender kiss. "I'll do anything, Love, anything to keep from losing you. I need you in my life, Lily needs you, so whatever it takes ..."
Hermione hugged him again but he could immediately tell that she was relieved. Her secret was out and he knew that she had been falling apart by keeping it. "Harry, I've read and researched and the number one thing I should have done, I didn't. I should have told you straight away ..."
"You should have but you did and that's what matters." He whispered quietly. "Please don't hide something this important from me again, ok?"
She nodded quietly and sat back again. "To answer your questions ... Well, I have to be treated for it, if I've got cancer that is. We'll have to do it the muggle way because the wizarding world isn't as advanced in that area of medicine yet. Treatment can't start until after my first trimester or the chemotherapy and radiation could harm the baby ..."
Harry winced at the thought of muggle hospitals and what chemotherapy and radiation treatments would do to his wife. He looked her in the eyes and tried to pull forth some of the courage that he was known for during the war. "What do you need me to do?"
She smiled at him and set a hand on his thigh. "Love me, be there for me, be there for Lily ..." She looked down and her smile faded to a trembling lip. "I have to tell Lily." She said quietly.
"We have to tell Lily." He corrected immediately. "We're in this together and I'm not about to let you face any of it alone. We should tell the rest of the family." Harry said evenly. "They deserve to know as well."
Hermione looked to him and nodded sadly. "Can we wait until after we meet with Susan?"
Harry took her hand and squeezed it gently. "Of course, whatever you're comfortable with." He said tenderly. "When do we tell Lily?"
She smiled at the emphasis and returned the squeeze. "Let's tell her that morning." Hermione said quietly. "I don't want her to have nightmares ..."
"Neither do I, Love." Harry agreed. "Would you do me a favor and stop your midnight researching?" He held up a hand to the protest that he knew was coming. "If it turns out to be positive, you're going to need your strength. You're exhausted beyond anything you've been before and it wouldn't do to not be in top form when you need it ... From what I know, chemotherapy and radiation will tire you out and if you get any worse than you are, your body might not be able to handle the strain."
She looked at him with mild surprise displayed on her face and he smiled slightly.
"I did watch some specials on the BBC when I was younger. There was only so much time I had to watch the telly and educational specials like that were always on."
Hermione hugged him tightly. "Just when I think I know you, suddenly something strikes me from out of the blue." She said with a soft laugh. "You never cease to amaze me."
"I try." He said with a chuckle. "Now, how about we get ready for the day? It wouldn't do well to go downstairs and have to answer a bunch of questions you're not ready to deal with yet. Mum might have to know a bit earlier than everyone else especially after the talk we had last night."
Hermione nodded. "After everyone leaves, we'll talk to Molly ... And Ron." She added quietly.
"I think Ron would like to know as well." Harry said with a kiss. "Have you had your shower yet?" She shook her head. "How about saving some water today?"
"I don't know ..." She said quietly and looked to her hands.
Harry frowned at her low self-esteem and he understood why she was so guarded as of late but wasn't going to let her think he thought of her as anything less than what she really was to him. "Hermione, you're beautiful." He said softly as he turned her face to his. "Don't ever think that you're not. I know you've been letting that old insecurity rule over you the past few days ... I think you're beautiful, Love, nothing will ever change that, nothing."
She smiled at him genuinely for the first time all morning and pulled him into a hug and sweet kiss. "I have got to be the luckiest woman in the world to have landed you, Mr. Potter."
Harry laughed. "It's the other way around, I think ... Now let's go get ourselves cleaned up." He stood and pulled her into his arms as she laughed. He looked into her eyes and the terrors that he witnessed during the night swept through his mind like a flock of crows once more. She saw the fear flash in his emerald orbs and held him comfortingly.
"If I have any say in the matter, I'm not going anywhere for a long, long time." She whispered quietly. "Whatever the outcome of this, I'm going to face it, fight it, and win."
"With me and Lily by your side, we're going to beat it." He added with a kiss to the top of her head. "We'll beat this together ..."
Hermione nodded and hugged him tighter as she released a deep breath. "Let's hit the showers. All that sweating you did last night has you smelling pretty bad!"
Harry looked at her dumbly for a second as she shot out the door into the hall with a laugh. He soon reclaimed his senses and followed after her with his hands up in tickle attack position. Through their laughter, their shower, and getting dressed for the day Harry vowed that whatever the outcome, he was going to make sure that his wife had all the laughter and happiness she could possibly handle and then some. He would make sure that the legendary healing power of laughter would help them all make it through the rough journey they were setting upon. The time to make wonderful memories was still there and he wasn't going to waste a single moment they may or may not have left.
The day sped by with laughter being the prominent feature, thanks to the pranks a pair of Weasley's brought from their joke shop. It started relatively early when Neville suddenly changed into a large, yellow, canary for the second time in his life. The children were in hysterics and one by one found themselves as the target of a prank later on in the day. When Lily turned into a small, brown monkey and squealed in excitement, Hermione and Harry couldn't contain their laughter. Everyone joined in when she returned to normal and demanded to be turned back immediately.
If it weren't for the fact that everyone was having such a wonderful time and her house was full of laughter that it so desperately missed, Molly would have given her twins a tongue lashing to last them the rest of their lives. But as it turned out, she was laughing the hardest of them all. Seeing her large family enjoying their time with her had affixed a permanent smile on her face.
Harry had hunted down Ginny at one point and took her to the side.
"Gin, about yesterday ..."
"I said I was sorry, Harry." Ginny blushed profusely.
Harry laughed. "I know, I just wanted to ask if we could put it behind us. I don't want you to scamper off every time we're in the same room together."
Ginny smiled wanly. "Are you sure? Hermione didn't look too pleased after you two came down."
He nodded. "I'm sure." He said quietly. "She saw the kiss after the ball."
"WHAT?" Ginny's eyes went wide. "Oh, I-I didn't know ..."
"I'm sorry I brought that up, but that's why she was upset. She thought you and I ..."
"I wouldn't come between you two!" Ginny said vehemently. "I love Neville to death, I couldn't ..."
Harry laughed and pulled her into a quick hug. "I know, Gin. Just don't worry about it, ok? I talked with Hermione and everything's squared away." He turned to leave but stopped and turned around. He looked around conspiratorially. "Neville is one hell of a lucky guy!" He whispered quickly and ran off.
"HARRY!" Ginny shouted after him with a laugh.
Harry trotted back to the gathering in the garden, his own laughter trailing after him. Ginny followed shortly and the traditional yearly birthday gift exchange commenced. The squeals of surprise from the younger children and the kisses and hugs of the adults ruled the next few hours as gift wrap and ribbons were thrown haphazardly in the air. Model racing brooms, books, a stuffed monkey, various Quidditch action figures, and other wizarding toys became the new cherished objects of the afternoon.
The day sped by without anyone to monitor the time and bits and pieces of the family had to return to their daily lives. Charlie and his family were the first to leave followed by Wood and Penelope. Maggie didn't want to leave her Uncle Harry but reluctantly left at a promise of a sleep over later in the summer. Bill and Fleur had a long trip ahead of them to visit Fleur's family in Paris and they left just before dinner. Ginny and Neville took their leave shortly thereafter with a promise to visit the Potters the following weekend.
The remaining Weasleys and Potters sat down to dinner and enjoyed the light conversation. Harry was flanked by his daughter, Mary, and Elizabeth throughout the night as he read stories from the muggle book Mother Goose to them and his wife when whines of discontent went up in protest to Fred and George having to return home.
Harry caught them all in a tight hug and Hermione got her fair share of hugs from Alex, much to Harry's amusement. He picked up Annie and her perpetual friend and gave her a tight hug.
"Thank you, Annie." He whispered to the little girl. "Thank you for telling me about Aunt Hermione."
"Bernie says she's not afraid any more, Uncle Harry." She said with a smile and a big hug. "Did you hug her to make her feel better?"
Harry laughed as he set the little girl down. "You bet I did." He said with a twinkle in his eyes. Annie smiled and joined her family outside. She turned to him and waved goodbye just before the portkey activated and they were all whisked home.
Harry looked at the woman in his arms and gave her a kiss on her temple. "You ready to tell them, Love?"
Hermione's smile faded and she nodded. "Thank you for today." She whispered to him as she slipped her arms around his waist. "Thank you for the memories."
"There will be more where those came from, Love, and don't talk like these are the last one's you'll have." He scolded lightly. "We have quite a number of years ahead of us and I reckon we'll see each of those years together."
He felt her embrace tighten for a moment before she stepped back and kissed him lovingly. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"
It was close to the children's bed time when they had reentered the house and spent the next hour in preparation and after the kisses and goodnights were in place, Harry and Hermione found themselves sitting in the kitchen with Molly, Ron, and Luna.
"We have to tell you something." Hermione said quietly between sips of her tea. Molly glanced at Harry and his quick nod told her they'd finally talked. "It's not going to be easy for a while."
"What's wrong?" Ron asked. Luna looked from her husband to the rest of the people in attendance with a discerning eye. Molly, having talked with Harry earlier, was showing signs of worry and it could be seen that she'd sprint to the first person that looked like they needed a hug.
Harry took Hermione's hand in his own and prompted her to continue. He leaned in and whispered. "I'm here, Love."
She smiled slightly and looked to the table. "I have an appointment on Wednesday when we'll find out for sure." She started. Her shoulders slumped and she looked to Harry for more support. He kissed her on the forehead and nodded. With his reassurance she looked to the other three. "I might have breast cancer." She said quietly.
Luna's eyes widened momentarily as Molly's hands shot to her mouth. Ron looked at her dumbstruck as if he didn't hear her properly.
"What?" He asked shakily.
"Hermione might have breast cancer, Ron." Harry replied for her. He knew it was hard enough for her to announce the possibility in the first place and took over.
Molly didn't say a word, she was out of her chair and wrapping a motherly embrace around Hermione before any protests could be made. She whispered something in her ear that caused Hermione to let out a sob but no further words were exchanged. Luna rubbed Hermione's back and whispered to her as well. Ron, however, seemed to become angrier and angrier as the minutes passed by then suddenly shot from his seat and stormed out of the house.
"I'll go talk to him." Harry said quietly and followed his best friend. He caught up to Ron at a bench in the garden. He was leaning on the backrest and cursing under his breath.
"Ron? You alright, mate?" Harry asked tentatively as he stepped up behind him.
"Does it look like it?!" Ron spat back. "What in the bloody hell, Harry?" Ron wheeled around and glowered at his best friend. "Why Hermione? This woman who survived being crushed by V-Voldemort?" Ron wiped away a set of tears that had started to run down his cheeks. "Why does it have to be her?"
Harry shook his head. "I don't know why." He whispered quietly. "I wish I did, I really do."
"Is there anything you can do?" Ron asked hopefully.
"Like what?" Harry looked to his friend's face and winced at the innocent hope he held in his eyes.
"You're the most powerful wizard of the age, Harry! There's got to be something you can do!" Ron clapped his shoulder and smiled brightly. "There's got to be!"
Harry shook his head slowly. "If there were, I would have done it by now, Ron ... You of all people should know that there are some things that even magic can't fix. I can't wave my magic wand and make this problem go away ..." Harry slumped onto the bench and looked at his feet. "If the tests she needs come back positive, we'll have to go to a muggle hospital, Ron."
"Muggle?! You're joking, right?!"
Harry looked to Ron with a distinct terror and sadness etched into his face. "They're more advanced in cancer research and treatment." He said quietly before looking back to his feet. "We're going to do everything we can to beat this, Ron ... I can't lose her. I can't live without her, Ron, she's everything to me."
"Oy, mate." Ron didn't know what to do, he'd never seen Harry upset much less cry and here he was on the edge of becoming a broken man. Ron took a seat next to him and clapped him on the shoulder. "You won't lose her, Harry."
Harry looked to the stars and saw a familiar constellation high in the sky. He followed the imaginary lines until a certain bright spot was firmly in view. Ron followed his gaze and smiled. The two friends sat in the darkness for a few more minutes, reveling in the comfort that only the company that best friends and brothers could provide. Harry was the first to break the silence when he sighed and stood.
"I reckon Hermione will need me now and an apology for you storming out." He said with a slight grin.
Ron looked ahead and nodded. "I'll be there in a minute. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all of this." He waved his hands in front of him as if he were indicating the garden.
Harry clapped him on the shoulder. "Take your time, Ron, take as much as you like." Ron nodded absently and Harry made his way back to the kitchen. The three women hadn't moved an inch during his time outside with Ron and it broke his heart to see the three of them hugging and crying. He cleared his throat and put a hand on Luna's shoulder. "I think Ron needs someone a bit more huggable right now." He said with a slight smile. Luna smiled back and with Harry's help stood then left in search of her husband.
"Anything you need, dear, anything at all and I'll be there." Molly said quietly as Harry took Luna's vacated seat. Harry rubbed his wife's back and found himself in a crush of arms and bodies a few seconds later as Hermione and Molly pulled him into the group hug.
"Things will be alright." Harry whispered in an attempt to be strong for everyone. Hermione caught a sob in her throat and focused her hug on him while Molly made some fresh tea.
"Thank you, Harry." She whispered to him. "Thank you for not letting me do this on my own."
"You're a nutter if you thought otherwise, Love." He said with a smile and a kiss to her neck. "You never have to face anything alone as long as I'm alive." He stroked her hair and held her gently.
They were up for quite some time after that discussing the different options available if she did have cancer. Hermione reasoned that they should all know what she was facing and with that knowledge they could be prepared if something happened. They tried to protest but Harry backed his wife in her assessment. If they weren't prepared for the worst it would be so much harder on everyone. They went over treatments and the effects that chemotherapy and radiation would have on Hermione's body, the different operations that could be performed and their repercussions. Ron had eventually apologized for his outburst and held on to Hermione for a long time. He made no attempt to wipe away his tears and smiled at her afterwards.
"You're not in this alone, Hermione." He said with a smile.
She smiled back at him and wiped the tears from his face. "I know and I thank you all for that."
Harry put an arm around her waist and turned her towards the stairs. "It's time we get some sleep, we've got a long drive tomorrow and I have to floo in to get the next week off."
They said their goodnights and hugs were liberally spread around before Harry and his wife were standing in front of their sleeping daughter. She was curled up with her new monkey and had a content smile on her face. Hermione knelt next to the bed and kissed her daughter on the forehead before Harry did the same. They stayed that way for a few minutes before changing and climbing into their own bed. They were asleep shortly thereafter and with Hermione in his arms, Harry dreamt of an old couple with many children and grandchildren running around their cottage in Godric's Hollow.
A/N: So begins Phoenixwriter's challenge: Heavy On Her Heart. I'm writing the
challenge from Harry's POV only seeing as that is the POV I've chosen for the fic. Despite what some of the
challenge points are, I've decided that it is indeed an emotional issue for everyone in Hermione's life. There
is little to be done about that, I think, because Hermione might hide her emotions behind books and research and Harry
behind work. I chose to write them as human and I know that if my wife were facing the possibility of this desease, it
would be an emotional roller coaster. It's a tough issue to deal with, let's hope I do a decent job with it. By
the way, the jovial scene as she runs from the bedroom to the bathroom was put in to show how relieved she was that
she'd finally told Harry. And I would personally do the same thing he decided: Make sure my wife had as much
laughter and Happiness as I could possibly provide for her. If she did happen to die ... Well, I assume you know the
reasons :)
-Curt