A/N: In this chapter, Hermione experiences a bunch of memories. This chapter is supposed to explain why exactly Hermione never got together with Harry in the first place...sure, you can say that this and chapter 7 was one, huge filler chapter. Think what you like, I love writing memories.
By the way, if anyone who reads this also enjoys my other fic "To Bring You Back," I'm sorry that I haven't been updating it. I just haven't written a chapter I like enough...god, I hate it when this happens!
Thanks to Kitters, swimchick1614, beautiful disazter, Draco's Gurl, pottergranny, Aundielen, Parvati_Patil, Darcie, LiZz, Peggy_Babcock (I think I saw this name on VH1, maybe on Best Week Ever?...hmmm...), harrynmione, bloodloss, davaca, bluehorse, star22, Harry85, KypDurron, Mochi-Mochie, lirannutian, Usha88, Jenna Kathleen, akjennymay9, belgarath, jenn7747 (I always sucked at scrapbooks...I've always liked them, but when it comes for me to sit down and actually work on one, I can't do it! Very short attention span, which should be noticeable considering my lack of updates...lol), and lylac14 for your supporting comments!
Thanks to the anonymous reviewers as well!
Also, I see that a lot of you believed that bartender to be either Dumbledore or Hagrid...well, I've gotta be honest-I hadn't really thought of either one of them to be the advice-giver. It was supposed to be a rather anonymous character...I usually get my best advice from total strangers (figures.). But I do believe I got inspiration for his character from both Dumbledore and Hagrid...so I guess they sort of are the bartender? Sort of? Yeah, I'm confusing myself too.
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My Best Friends' Wedding
Chapter 8: Home, Part II
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(Hermione)
So I was here. Now...what was I supposed to do now?
A thrashing and a tweet of a bird's shriek disturbed me from my thoughts and I looked over to my left to see the Whomping Willow, branches flailing and slicing through the air. Sighing I cast my wand and magically threw a rock across the lawn, the stone driving the knot on the bark in and stopping the tree's movements. Bloody tree.
The March air was surprisingly humid, and I tried to fan myself despite the heat. Needing some shade, I walked underneath the tree's frozen branches and made myself comfortable as I found a nestle of roots.
Taking in a deep breath I closed my eyes. What memories I had here...
Third year, with Sirius...Ron made me laugh, explaining to me that he was going to die because his leg was useless. Something about a fact of life that Weasleys had to have all limbs intact, or they were cursed for the rest of their lives. What humorous idiocy.
...Sirius...
This was where I found Harry, too, crouched in the darkness against the tree, silent tears trailing down his cheeks.
Ron was the one who had seen him here. But bumbling Ron got caught as he tried to come out to comfort his friend, and he sent me along my way, as McGonagall had cast a placement charm on him. Poor boy.
"Tell him that we're all here for him, okay?" Ron said quietly, peering out the window. "And that we all...yeah."
"I will."
Hidden under Harry's invisibility cloak I got out to the Whomping Willow. Squinting my eyes I could see a shadow next to the Whomping Willow, who was once again thrashing her branches. It seemed almost as if...as if the tree was trying to protect Harry.
I raised my wand and a stone raced across the grounds, striking the knot on its bark and its movements stopped.
"Who's there?" a raspy voice asked, glasses reflecting light. It looked as if two large, pale eyes were looking at me from the shadows. "H-Hermione?"
"Harry," I answered, walking towards him. He didn't move, didn't do anything as I sat down next to him. "What're you doing?"
"Nothing."
"I brought you your invisibility cloak."
"Kind of you."
"Ron wanted to be here, tried to sneak out, too, but then while he was hiding in a suit of armor Snape came by and he sneezed and oh it was hilarious, Harry!"
"I'm sure."
The conversation breached then, me trying to fumble for wards, Harry crouched in the darkness.
"What are you really doing out here?"
"I already answered that question."
"No, you just avoided it."
"What's the difference? It's an answer. That should suffice."
"Harry-"
"It doesn't matter, anyway." And there was something in his voice that made me stop my interrogation.
"O-okay."
We stayed that way for nearly ten minutes, sitting there silently in the darkness.
"What're you doing, out here?" He asked me, startling me as I jumped.
"What?"
"I mean...why're you here?"
"Because you are."
"So?"
"So what, Harry? I promised I'd be here for you. What type of friend would I be if I just left you out here?"
"I don't know," he said, sighing.
"You know, we all care about you."
"I know that. Everyone's been saying that ever since Sirius di...ever since then."
"Then what're you doing? For Merlin's sake Harry, what do you think you're accomplishing?"
"Nothing. I don't plan on it, either. I just wanted to be alone."
"But you don't have to push us all out of your life. You don't know what this is doing to Ron. He's miserable Harry, he-"
"Well Ron doesn't know the meaning of miserable. He's got everything, he-"
"Needs you! I need you!"
"No one needs me. The only reason I'm around is to save the world, even if it kills me. No one cares, either, if it does. As long as I take Voldemort down with me, everyone will be okay with it."
"You really think that?" I stood up, enraged, my hands curling into fists. "You think that's the only reason you...just bloody look around, Potter!" Even in the darkness I could see his surprise. Maybe it was because I was yelling. Maybe my choice of...words. I didn't know. "For bloody sake, you stupid, idiotic, ignorant..." I stopped, biting my tongue quite forcefully. This wouldn't help the situation. "Yes, I will admit, the public might love you because of that. Because you could rid them of an evil that only you could, Harry. But that's not why I love you. Why I need you."
He stared up at me, and for once, I saw him for what he truly was right then. A scared little boy, lost and innocent.
"You shouldn't," he whispered, maintaining eye contact. "You know, you really shouldn't."
"But I do," I replied gently, kneeling down to rest in front of him. "There's just so many things to love, Harry. Both Ron and I know that."
"You shouldn't," he muttered again, looking down at the ground. "Really shouldn't."
"I know. Don't you think I of all people would know that?" I tried to joke with him, but he wouldn't look up. It was as if he didn't want to look at me, anymore.
"You and Ron have each other," he finally said to me. "So go make him happy."
"Harry! You-"
"He loves you, you know." He looked up at me then, those green eyes blazing at me even in the darkness. "He'd do anything for you."
"What makes you think..." I bit my tongue again, but Harry had already heard.
"What makes me think what?" I bid my time, weighing my choices. Do I ask him? "What makes me think what, Hermione?"
"What makes you think you won't?"
"Won't what?"
"Do anything...for me." I looked down at the ground; I couldn't look at Harry. "Because, well...I'd do anything...for...um...you..." No! Hermione! You stupid girl! You just almost maybe possibly just told Harry that you might have feelings for him!
He stared up at me, his eyes darting around my face. Finally, after gritting his teeth, he muttered, "Because I wouldn't."
I ran. Ran away from him, but he didn't stop me. Didn't even move. I even left the invisibility cloak there; when he said that, all reason left me.
Before I knew it, I bumped into something. Looking up, startled, I knew I began blubbering excuses through my sobs, begging to Merlin that I wouldn't have to explain what I was doing, I knew I couldn't do it, I just-
"Hermione?" Blinking I recognized the person standing in front of me. Ron was cradling my face in his hands, his eyes wandering around my face. "What happened?"
"He...oh, Ron!" I dove at his chest, clinging onto his robes and crying my heart out. Ron made shushing noises into my ear as he picked me up, holding me gently and walking up the stairs. After a few minutes I felt myself being laid onto my bed, my comfortable, warm, wonderful bed...he pulled the sheets out from underneath me and pulled it up, tucking it in under my chin and stroking my hair for a few seconds. He knew this was what I needed, somehow. My image of Ron changed that very moment.
"Sleep tight, 'Mione," he whispered, kissing my cheek and wiping away my tears with his thumbs. As he got up and made his way to the door, I whispered, "Ron?"
"Yeah?"
"...thanks." In the darkness I couldn't see anything but a shadowy figure, yet I knew he was smiling...
That was when I began to go out with Ron. Ron had a bone to pick with Harry, and near 2 a.m. Ron's shouting wafted up to my dorm. I didn't hear Harry's reply, but whenever Ron was quiet, I assumed Harry was talking. After he was done, Ron would begin yelling again, and I could see him in my mind's eye, pacing up and down the common room.
Harry and I didn't talk for two weeks.
But then suddenly, suddenly it returned to normal. A morning came and we just fell back into our familiar, comfortable routine...and all was normal. Except now that Ron and I were an item, Harry and I hung out less. But that was fine by me.
I finally understood what Harry did that night...he thought he was protecting me, and in my stupidity and girlish antics, I couldn't see past it and instead flew into Ron's arms. What would have happened if I hadn't...if I had somehow stuck to my instinct, bent down and kissed Harry? Would we be together now?
But then everything I had with Ron, every memory...gone. As much as part of me wanted Harry now, as much as I was stuck between the two of them...I wouldn't give Ron up for the world.
Maybe this was meant to be, Ron and I, then. Maybe.
I had talked about destiny with Harry two nights before our graduation. I had gone up to the astronomy tower to get a breath of air, but found him instead.
"Harry?" I whispered, noticing him sitting with his legs dangling off a broken part of the tower. "Get away from there!" He laughed at me, turning his head to look at my horrified expression.
"C'mon Hermione, you know you want to join me."
"I don't do well with heights."
"That would explain the fear of flying."
"Sod off," I muttered, but I could see the grin on his face. Patting the spot behind him he said, "You can sit here, rest your back against mine." Looking around the tower I noticed that there wasn't anywhere else to sit; why had I come here in the first place?
After a battle at Hogwarts, most of the towers had been destroyed. Particularly the astronomy tower. Gryffindor Tower also had its scars-most of the students had to be moved to other houses temporarily while it was repaired. Thankfully, the head girl and head boy rooms hadn't been touched-Draco had proved to be...helpful. He actually saved me from a deatheater while I was trying to protect an unconcious Ron...I knew he'd hold it over my head for years to come, if not forever.
I stepped in and took my seat, resting my back against Harry's. A slight chill went up my spine but I ignored it, just welcoming body warmth against my cold shivers.
"Cold?" he asked me, and I could just see that grin.
"Not at all." I wrapped my arms around my legs, trying not to lose any warmth.
"I sort of like the cold," he said, staring into the darkness.
"You do?"
"Yeah...it numbs everything." Normally, any person would agree that you lost all feeling to your limbs and fingers. But I knew better...I knew what he was referring to.
"I know what you mean. But for me, I always just preferred to sit in places that I was comfortable in, you know? Places that felt..." I stopped, fishing around for words.
"A little bit like home?" he finished for me, and I nodded, smiling.
"Yeah."
"You know, if we lie down on our backs, we can look up at everything." Looking up myself I noticed he was right-nearly 3/4 of the ceiling was gone.
"I don't know, the stone floor is cold."
"That a problem?" he asked, grinning at me. I smiled back; it had been too long since I had been with Harry.
We both crawled into positions, lying down and staring up at the sky. Harry had his hands behind his head, a small grin flirting with his lips. My hands rested on my stomach, my hair creating a soft pillow for my head. I really had too much hair...
"Hermione?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you...do you believe in fate?"
"Absolutely not."
"No? Why not?"
"Well because...that would mean that no matter what I do, I'm not in control of my future. And I don't like that...it makes me feel like I'm just some pawn, that living my life to my fullest would be the same as me deciding to sit on a couch all day, eating chips and getting fat. It means that things have to happen for me...and I've lived my life believing that life is about going out and making things happen." Harry remained silent after my speech, staring up at the sky.
"I think I know where you're coming from," he whispered, blinking. "But sometimes it feels like...like no matter what I do, these things just...keep happening..."
"Well," I started, nibbling on my lip as I once again tried to fish for words. "Decisions, what we choose to do...it all accounts for something. But I guess we were all put here to accomplish something...but that doesn't necessarily mean that we will. You know?"
"Yeah."
"Just...don't worry, Harry." He looked over at me, his green eyes clouded. He looked so frightened, so lost... "It'll be okay."
"How can you be so bloody sure, Hermione? Surely this doesn't calculate correctly, Voldemort up against Harry Potter and a bunch of puny Orders-"
"I'm sure I've said this before," I said, almost joking. "Harry, I may not believe in fate...but I do believe in you. You're meant to do great things, and I know that although lots of people have told you, you don't believe them. But..." I smiled at him slightly, finishing, "but the least you could do is believe in me. In yourself."
He stared at me unblinkingly for a few moments that I was scared he had forgotten exactly how to blink. Before I was going to ask him if he was allright he had rolled over onto me, his face buried in the crook of my shoulder.
"Harry! I-"
"I just don't know," he whispered, trembling. I felt tears slide into my hair. "Sometimes I just want to run away...but then..."
I shushed him, holding the trembling man close to me as he cried silently into my shoulder. I knew what he meant, what he was trying to say. He didn't have to voice it. Sometimes...things just couldn't be put into words.
I think my heart reopened for Harry Potter that night as he cried in my arms.
Although...me and Ron hadn't been together continuously since sixth year. We had broken up and gotten back together...we believed for a period of time that we were better friends than anything, at least in Hogwarts. But then on Graduation Night...he came up to me, kissing me tenderly and while holding me had said that he loved me.
I wanted a guy like that. Someone who wasn't embarrassed to be all corny and lovey-dovey. Someone who would give up anything for me.
That was Ron...
...wasn't it?
"Happy Birthday, Hermione."
"Oh, Ron, you shouldn't have..."
"Are you kidding me? Of course I should've." I smiled, fingering the wrapping paper. I could tell immediately it was a book.
"What is it?"
"Well, open it and find out!" Biting my lip I carefully peeled the muggle tape off, making sure I didn't tear a thing. I heard Ron chuckle at my antics; I was very conservative.
"Oh, Ron," I moaned when I saw it. A beautiful leather bound book with golden engraving on the cover. Opening it I found that it was the diary of Rowena Ravenclaw, the one I had been searching for to add to my collection ever since I knew it existed, back in my sixth year. "How-"
"I knew how much you wanted it and you know, I just saw it in passing..." He grinned at me, rubbing his hair nervously. "If you don't like it I could just give it back..."
"What did you give for this, Ron?" He stared at me, his mouth slightly open. I smirked. "I'm not that stupid, you know..." There was a woman known throughout the wizarding world who could give you anything you wanted, as long as you paid the appropriate price. There was only one existing authentic Rowena Ravenclaw diary...how else could he have gotten it?
"Nothing too important."
"Ron..."
"Well, it's nothing, 'Mione, all that matters is-"
"Ron!"
"It was just my Chudley Cannon robe, okay?"
"Your...your sacred robe?" He shrugged, fumbling with the edge of his shirt.
"It wasn't that big of a deal..."
"Oh, Ron...I don't know what to say..."
"At least say you like it," he whispered, grinning at me. "Or else I gave up that bloody robe for nothing."
"Of course I do. I love it."
"Good."
Ah that diary was amazing. Filled with the founding of Hogwarts and all of Ravenclaw's findings...I loved every second of it. Ron would beam whenever he saw me curled in my armchair reading it, and a small part of me read it just to see that smile.
Peering down at my hand I noticed my ring, which now fit perfectly against my finger. Ron always overdid himself with the big things, embellishing birthdays and planning Christmas presents the second the New Year came around. But when it came to small things like knowing my ring size...the poor bloke was clueless.
Harry, Harry was a man of small things. Excuse the pun. I wouldn't know about that...
But that's off topic. He was always about the small, significant things in life. Understandable, considering the things he had to go through. He appreciated a light, comforting conversation more than he did an extravagant present.
Both Harry and Ron were perfect.
And imagine, frustrated that I had two beautiful, perfect men wanting me! When had my life turned so horribly upside down?
"It's so weird, Hermione," Ginny whispered, twirling the ring around her finger. "The moment he asked me...the very, exact moment he asked me, I knew. Absolutely knew."
"Why would you think you wouldn't?"
"It just seems so surreal, me and Draco. Too...fairy-tale. Normally, shouldn't I have taken a day to think things through, to wonder if we would be compatible and happy together? But I didn't...because I don't think we would be compatible, happy...we'd be perfect. That's more than enough for me."
"And you worry about that?"
"Well...yes. I'm just...nervous, I guess...that I'm falling into a trap. Nothing could be this perfect."
"Well, I'm thinking love just might be."
What had happened, when Ron asked me that night? I couldn't quite remember, somehow...had I had any doubts?
...Ron, Harry...why was I stuck on both of them? Was it that I truly was in love with both of them?
No, it couldn't be.
Then what exactly was it?
...Throughout the past few days, I've been telling myself that they're both perfect men. They would be perfect...
...For me? Or just...ideal...
I stood up, gaping as it hit me. It was as if a sudden realization had washed over me, igniting the very blood in my veins as it coursed through my body. Suddenly, I knew what to do.
I had to get back home.
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(Sorry for that horrible, utterly horrible cliffy y'all, but I had to write a chapter about how she got her decision, not that she GOT her decision...hoped you liked it, and sorry about how long it took! It still isn't to my standard of satisfaction, but I can live with it...if you didn't like it, PLEASE TELL! Don't try to be nice-it'll help me more if it's constructive!)