Misconceptions
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Summary: Even super-heroes are not safe from the horror's of puberty, as Harry must discover. Indecision, break-ups and make-ups, strange trains of thought, and rather delicate problems, all seen through the perspective of Harry's diary.
Author's Notes: This is a silly little plot bunny that hit me over the head today, when I was innocently eating breakfast. It's set in Harry's 6th year. Funny lil fact: it seems like MS word doesn't know the word 'snog'.
Chapter 1/4: Back to school
September 1st, somewhere around 11 o'clock in the morning
Ah, finally back to the world of magic! Survived another horrible summer with the Dursleys. Don't know when I got the idea of writing a diary, but I know why: I need something to help me get nice memories while being locked away in the hellhole all summer. Why didn't Dumbledore let me go to Grimmauld place this summer?
Wow. My writing looks even more like hieroglyphs with the train bumping all the time. Wonder if Hermione would scold me for it if she saw it. "Teachers need to be able to read what you're writing, you know Harry. You need to practice some more!" The nerve! She never comments on Ron's writing, which is ten times worse than mine!
As might have been obvious, I'm on the Hogwarts Express at the moment, and I'm bored out of my wits. Hermione apparently didn't get to finish reading all of the new books we need to read this year - said something about Bulgaria. Wonder if she ran into Krum? Nah, doubt it. Looked Bulgaria up the other day, and it's quite the big country. The chance to run into somebody you know is quite slim there. Anyway, she's reading the History of Magic textbook at the moment. Naturally I haven't even bothered to take a look at that one.
Ron and Ginny are playing chess in the corner, arguing about her relationship with Dean - as always. Don't know why Ron has a problem with it, as Dean is really nice. Nicer than Michael Corner anyway. Ron seems to be winning.
Still September 1st, 11:15
Luna Lovegood just paid us - or better, Ginny - a visit. She kept giving Ron these really strange looks. Wonder if anything's in the bush there. Ron looked thoroughly creeped out though. After Luna left, his chess skills seemed to deteriorate quickly. Funny thing. I think Ginny just checkmated him.
Wha----
11:17
Er, sorry. Ron just threw the diary to the floor. He seemed to be in a rush to go to the bathroom. Talk about somebody not being able to lose. Expect more later.
16:00. I think, at least.
I just had an experience that seemed to be otherworldly. Hermione put her book away for - I know, that' strange too, but that's not it - to play a game of chess with Ginny. Hermione playing chess is not the strange thing either, by the way. But it was kind of hot in here, after Neville, Seamus and Dean decided to join us. You know, too many people cramped in too little space. Anyway, Ginny stripped out of her cardigan, and was sitting there wearing just a rather tight top, and then Hermione did the same thing, and suddenly I found myself confronted with two chests that seemed to have filled out over the summer. Well, er, at least, I think they must have. I don't think I ever paid much attention to them.
The mean thing was, I didn't even get a nice view, because they were both kind of slumped over that darn chess set. Although Ginny yawned and stretched her arms at one point - Dean is so lucky to have a girlfriend like her. He must have thought the same thing, because I noticed that he looked like he was about to drool.
16:15
He just drooled. On my diary. That's really, really ewwww.
20:00
Is it weird that I'm already in bed? Well, it has been a rather tiring day. And the sorting ceremony… just don't mention food.
Enemy check: Sadly, Malfoy has not been swallowed by a giant monster over the summer. A pity. Saw him and his stupid goons at the feast, looking as stupid as ever. Malfoy got a new hairstyle though: no hair gel for him, anymore. Well, either that or somebody poured a bucket of water over his head. I just hope it was ice water.
Another frightening fact is, that my scar hasn't hurt for ages now. Is Voldemort up to something new? Of course he is! What is it?
Wait! I hear a creaking sound! Have to check where it came from! Might be Voldemort.
20:05
Was just Neville going to the bathroom. I think my stuffed stomach is playing tricks on me. I should get some sleep. Good night. I did not just say good night to a piece of paper, did I?
September 2nd, 8:45
Just a quick note: we just got our timetables. Why do we always have to have Potions and Care of Magical Creatures with the Slytherins? Is this some kind of training from Dumbledore? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger-crap? In that case, I want to stay a ninny. Off to classes. History of Magic. I'll write more after class.
9:10
Okay, this is not exactly after class, but I don't think there's another way to keep me awake at the moment. I can only take so much talk about Goblin Rebellions. Ron is dozing away beside me. I wonder if he's gonna wake up screaming because of Hermione's murderous looks anytime soon.
Hey, what's this? Hermione's blouse seems to have the top button open! She never leaves that button open! This calls for closer inspection. Did she forget to button her blouse correctly? Hermione? I should talk to her sometime today. Something must be wrong with her. Perhaps she has problems with S.P.E.W.
Perhaps I shouldn't tell her though. I can see some skin this way, since her tie seems to sit loosely too. This is scary.
It's always interesting to watch a class in a boring lesson. Neville seems to be really tired today. He almost fell asleep in his porridge this morning! And it was even porridge with bits of apple strewn in, the best way to eat porridge! Now that I think about it, he spent quite some time in the bathroom yesterday. I don't even remember him coming back.
Dean seems to be writing a letter. I bet he's doodling hearts all over it, and it's addressed to Seamus. Stop. This was actually not funny. The human mind works in strange ways when it's bored.
12:34
I guess people should give Ron an award. I guess he's the first person ever to get detention from Binns. Would you believe it? He woke up screaming in History of Magic! The strange thing is, he screamed something that sounded like "aaaaaargh brbl glbs loooooony!" Is Voldemort trying to access Ron's dreams now?
Somewhere between 21:00 and 22:00
Neville must have some bladder weakness. He went to the bathroom again, and hasn't returned yet. That was an hour ago! Maybe I should talk to him, and tell him that he ought to pay Madam Pomfrey a visit. But I have to be subtle about it. Perhaps I could pretend to have some kind of problem too. I should perhaps go to the bathroom too, to make it look realistic.
22:03
Just returned from the bathroom, but all the stalls were empty. Hm. Perhaps he went to another bathroom, so nobody would find out.
On to today's events: Dean's letter was not addressed to Seamus, but to Ginny. No surprise there. Dean sneaked out half an hour ago, mumbling something about the astronomy tower. Somehow I envy him a little. - he gets to snog one of the prettiest girls at Hogwarts. Yes, Ginny is pretty. Well, not really pretty, but attractive, kind of. Does that make sense? She looks a lot like Ron, which would be kind of a turn-off, but then again, but she has something that Ron hasn't, which is a turn-on. And she looks a lot softer than Ron, who is all angles. I wonder if I fancy her a little? Nah, don't think so. I'm simply assessing her assessments. Ron would kill me. Or kiss me - he's not happy with her dating Dean, for some reason. Now that's a gross thought. I'd rather have him kill me, I think.
Speaking of Ron, I think he's losing it now. I was sitting in the common room talking to Hermione - the button was still undone, by the way - anyway, talking to Hermione about S.P.E.W - everything seems to be fine with it, and surprisingly, she didn't really want to talk about it, because she was trying to write a letter to somebody. At first I thought it was to her parents, but then I remembered that she never writes on parchment when writing her parents. I wonder who it is for, then? Does Hermione have a boyfriend? Anyway, I was trying to talk about Ron. He jumped through the portrait hole as if the devil were chasing him, panting heavily, then closing it behind him, and leaning against it, saying something along the lines of "Oh ye gods!" He wouldn't tell me what was wrong though. Am now convinced that Voldemort is trying to get to me via Ron. I need to talk to Snape.
I'm holding that mirror Sirius gave me, right now. But I won't see anything except for myself. I've been doing this all summer now, and nothing ever happens. In times like these, when it's dark, and nobody there to talk to, life looks so bleak. If we could have at least really buried him. But the coffin was empty. I sometimes get the strange urge to strangle Malfoy for it. His father was there when it happened, after all.
Which reminds me: enemy check: Malfoy's still not sporting any hair gel. Weird. I bet he's just doing it so he can survey what's going on better. I swear that he's spying for his father. But he choked on his porridge at breakfast. Serves him right.
23:45
Am going to kill Dean tomorrow. Must he make so much noise, just to rub in the fact that he probably just had a hot snogging session?
September 3rd, 0:02
Okay, it's 'tomorrow' now. How shall I do it?
8:15
Dean is still alive, as is Malfoy. Ginny was not at breakfast though. I guess she's too tired because of yesterday night. Dean isn't looking that well either. Somehow this infuriates me. Hermione is writing love letters, and Dean that perv is snogging Ginny - hey, where did that come from? I hope no-one ever finds this. This is serious blackmail material! Just imagine what Voldemort could do if he knew all this! He might try to blackmail me to switch sides! No, I must hide my diary better. Especially from Ron. He has taken to sneaking around the castle now, when he's out of Gryffindor tower. Luna Lovegood just came up to me and asked where he was. According to Hermione, he's taking his breakfast in the bathroom now. Just how gross can you get?
12:30
Survived morning classes! Whoo-hoo, I didn't even get detention from Snape. He just took some points from Gryffindor for Neville walking in a rather dance-like fashion. I admit that it looked rather queer - literally. Speaking of Neville, I haven't talked to him yet.
17:20
Ron's still not walking with us in the hallways. He's taking all his meals in the bathroom now. He told me that he needed to talk to me after classes, but at the moment, he's still in hiding. The good thing about it is, that I can walk with Hermione alone now. Not that I have a problem with Ron, but I needed to talk to her about that boyfriend.
She didn't want to talk about the mystery boy, though. She actually snapped at me, telling me it was none of my business. She apologized for it afterwards, but still won't tell me. She said it had to do with ethics. Is she having a secret affair with Dean, or what?
18:30
Okay, I am in heaven. Ginny broke up with Dean yesterday! And was crying her heart out on my shoulder for almost an hour! Which means that I had an attractive girl pressed up to me, and I could feel her breasts on my chest. I didn't tell her, though, because she broke up with Dean because he wanted to sleep with her yesterday, and she didn't. According to her, he didn't accept her 'no' at first. What a bastard! Neville, who heard Ginny telling me about it is apparently of the same opinion. He looked rather angry and actually stormed out of the common room. Poor Dean. It takes a lot to make Neville angry!
Speaking of Dean: I don't think Hermione has a secret affair with him. She wouldn't do that to Ginny. Those two are becoming a little closer this year, it seems. It's nice to see Hermione to spend more time with a girl, I guess. Especially since I am sometimes involved in their conversation. Like that I can compare them. Whereas Ginny might be slightly prettier than Hermione, all of her buttons are done up. Hermione seems to have adopted a new look, it seems. Is it Seamus?
22:00
Ron finally talked to me. Turned out he's not really crazy, just trying to avoid Luna Lovegood. She appears to have something like a crush on him, and won't stop following him. Eating on the toilet still seems rather drastic to me, though. Ron was not happy when I told him that.
Neville sneaked away again, on another note. But today I caught him, and told him that I needed to go to the bathroom too, and that I would accompany him. Tried to start a conversation on how I was having problems too. He looked slightly panicked. We then spent half an hour standing in front of our respective toilets awkwardly, doing nothing. I told him that I couldn't get anything out either, which made him squeak. We then agreed to go to Madam Pomfrey together tomorrow, although Neville looked rather green in the face. The poor boy. But I'm doing my best to make him feel better about the whole thing.
Enemy check: nothing going on in Slytherin. At least nothing I know of. Well, Malfoy set the date for Slytherin try-outs on the same day as I set Gryffindor, which annoys me to no end. Guess who had to re-schedule: yep, Gryffindor. I'm still not used to being Quidditch captain, I think. It almost makes up for not being made prefect. Almost.
TBC