Unofficial Portkey Archive

Hogwarts Online Chapter 16

Author Notes: Don't kill me. If you don't I won't be able to write the next chapter. Hopelessly short I know. There were….issues in the real world I've had to deal with that have stopped me from fulfilling my duty to you in finishing this story. THIS HOWEVER IS NOT THE END. I know…it's short etc…but really wouldn't you all rather I had this out then waited for goodness knows how long to get the whole thing out?? I know….I'm hopeless but I'm working on it. There are numerous reasons I could tell you about WHY this is so late…and short however I don't want to bore you with the details.

To all my reviewers (and there are so many!) your reviews sparked this little update. They made me feel so guilty! ESPECIALLY Ana.

I'll just say this for everyone to read now

I'M SO SORRY!!!!

There'll be more soon. Don't worry. Just remember to update. Not kill me if there are some errors in it because I wanted to get this out to you all fast…and well…review for me!

~0~

He let out a loud sigh, and watched as his breath turned to smoke from the icy air. He wrapped his arms around his knees and let his head drop back and rest on the tree behind him.

`Everything is so screwed up.'

The dilemma that ultimately had screwed up his life? Oh just a little thing called Voldemort.

`Why me? Why now?'

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, messing it up more than usual. He was felt torn, his love or his life? There was no doubt in his mind that he would die for Hermione but the problem with that was that then he couldn't protect her from Voldemort, he'd never see her again, never be able to have a family with her and watch as their children grew and be able to be the real kind of parents he never had.

`What am I going to do?'

If he didn't go to war with Voldemort then Hermione would be even less safe. He'd always be looking over his shoulder. Hermione would never feel safe again. He couldn't do that. He knew it but he really didn't want to go to war with Voldemort. It was that stupid prophecy that was screwing up his life. It was either him or Voldemort. It made such a burden for such a young man. Either be murdered or become a murderer. Not that the whole of the wizard population would be any less adoring, more so because he would have finally defeated Voldemort but could he really do it? Could he really kill another being? Besides no one even knew if Voldemort could be killed. If he had passed into the realm of immortality too much and was now invincible. He didn't die when Harry was a baby, what made them think it'd be any different now.

Harry let out a soft moan, he was screwed either way and he knew it.

"Hermione," He whispered softly, staring out at the completely still lake, "Forgive me."

~0~

"I've made my decision."

Dumbledore looked at him over his half-moon glasses, "I see. Please sit down." He said gesturing to one of the seats in front of his desk.

"Would you like a sherbet lemon? Or perhaps a hot chocolate? I find these mornings rather cold myself."

Harry shook his head, "No. I want to get this over and done with now."

"Very well. What is your decision? You do realize that this isn't a game, you cannot merely change your mind and expect everything to go back to normal."

"I am well aware of the consequences headmaster." Harry said coolly, he didn't have the time or the patience to listen to him.

Dumbledore stared at him for a moment, his eyes trying to search Harrys, "Alright Harry," he said wearily rubbing his brow, "What is your decision?"

"I don't really see that I have much of a choice. I will go to war." Harry said, his voice stiff.

"Of course you have a choice my dear boy." Dumbledore said quickly but the look of relief was apparent on his face.

"No…no I don't." Harry said slowly, "But you have my `decision' and if you don't mind I'm going to go spend what little time I have left with my friends before my departure."

Dumbledore watched the young man walk out the door, a look of sad determination set firmly on his youthful face. His eyes were weary and tired. He rubbed his brow again and absentmindedly petted Fawkes.

"He's still so young." Dumbledore murmured to himself, "So young…"

~0~

Harry slowed down when he neared the Gryffindor common room. He knew Hermione would be inside, arguing with Ron, and he knew he had to tell them. He didn't have much time but with what little time he did have he was going to show them how much they meant to him. How much Hermione meant to him.

"Oh. It's you." The fat lady said sounding disapproving, "What mischief have you gotten yourself into?"

Harry sighed, if only she knew. Mischief? Hah. He could handle that any day. This was a little more serious than just plain old adolescent mischief.

"Free lancer." Harry murmured.

She pursed her lips at him, "Well honestly."

Harry climbed through the portrait hole and he could hear her still muttering about young people's manners. Or lack there of. Harry's eyes scanned the typically noisy room. His eyes flicked over Seamus, Dean, Ginny, Lavender, Parvati and a group of noisy first years before they landed on Hermione and Ron; who were in a deep argument. Harry watched; amused at their antics. It was just their typical fight. Ron hadn't done some homework due the next day; Hermione would lecture him about the importance of doing his work and then the next thing anyone knew they were yelling. Harry felt all happiness drain away from him. They were his best friends…how could he just give up his new found happiness just because Voldemort snapped his fingers? Harry sighed and resignedly walked over to them and sat down in the nearest armchair available.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, her face flushed with annoyance, "Tell Ron that this yea-"

"We need to talk." Harry interrupted her, his voice grave.

He instantly had their full attention.

"I…okay. Well…I don't know how to say this." Harry ran his hands through his already extremely messy hair desperately.

Hermione reached over and put her hand on his knee, "You can tell us." She said soothingly.

Ron looked anything but soothed, "What's wrong?"

Harry sighed and looked away from their inquiring stares, "I…okay there's no easy way to say this…I went to talk to Dumbledore as you know."

They nodded affirmatively.

"Well…okay the thing is…"Harry shut his eyes briefly, "I…I'mgoingtowarwithVoldemort."

Hermione frowned perplexed, "You're what?" she asked.

Harry looked to Ron to see if he had any idea what Harry had said but the blank look on his face said it all.

"I'm going to war with Voldemort." Harry said; his eyes permanently fixed on the floor.

"You're what?" Hermione repeated; her eyes wide and her voice cracking as she repeated herself.

"You're joking." Ron said, his voice was cold and filled with dread.

Harry looked at them, their faces were scrambled with so many emotions Harry couldn't distinguish them, and shook his head.

Hermione stood up, her hand clutched to her chest tightly, "Stop it."

Harry looked up at her.

"Just stop it." Her face was filled with something Harry couldn't place.

"Hermione," Harry said softly standing up and taking her hands in his, "I'm sorry."

Hermione started to back away from him.

"Hermione, wait." Harry said feebly as she turned on her heel and ran.

Ron was standing beside Harry by now, the silence between them overwhelming. And suddenly Harry recognized the look on Hermione's face; he'd seen it many times before. It was a look of despair.

~0~

Harry knocked on the door to the girls' dorm; he could hear a quiet murmuring inside, "Hermione?" he called, "We need to talk."

Behind him Ron's eyes were firmly fixed on the stairs, but he was shaking softly.

Harry waited for a response for a few minutes then knocked again, "Hermi- oh." He said as the door swung open and he saw Hermione standing there; her face was red and blotchy and she sniffed feebly. Wordlessly she stepped back from the door and closed it behind them. Ron sat uncomfortably on the bed next to Hermiones and Harry perched on the end of her bed. Hermione sat down beside Harry and leaned against him slightly.

"When?" she asked hoarsely.

"Tomorrow."

She nodded wordlessly.

"I'm sorry." Harry said quietly, he could hear his voice breaking slightly, "I'm sorry for everything."

Hermione wrapped her arms around him and Ron moved over and wrapped his arms around them too. Harry could feel his eyes welling up but he quickly blinked them away. He had to be strong. He had to be fierce. Otherwise he'd never get through this. He could feel Hermione sobbing; her tears soaking his top and if he didn't know any better he could have sworn he felt a certain amount of dampness on Ron's side of the hug. They sat like that for goodness knows how long; clinging to each other in the desperate hope that if they stayed there long enough perhaps time would stop and Harry would never have to go.

Harry felt tears brimming his eyes again and he bitterly cursed Voldemort silently; who was he to ruin Harry's life?

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