Unofficial Portkey Archive

The Three Rather Fetching Women in Dress Robes are back! Goodness knows why! Goodness knows why they haven't been thrown off Hogwarts grounds yet! Goodness knows why they haven't got a better name! An acronym you say? TRFWIDR is a really lame acronym!

Explanations? Ah, yes this story has a back-story. It is a sequel to The Senseless Broom Cupboard Ficlet. That also has its own back-story. It doesn't take too much time to read those before returning here. It'd be quicker to do that than for me to explain. This story picks up immediately where its prequel left off. I don't expect you to like it, this is pure silliness. Oh, I'll just shut up now. Read the story.

'What on earth did you do to Lupin?'

'Excuse me Nitya, I engineer other people's encounters, I don't elaborate on mine.' Nielle smiled teasingly.

'Sure, whatever,' Sandra scoffed at Nielle before she made a high pitched yelp.

'What did you poke me for?' Sandra sputtered indignantly, rubbing her side.

'For mocking me. We can't have that, we have work to do,' Nielle answered.

Sandra glared at her as she rearranged her dress robes huffily and muttered something along the lines of 'next time'.

'Enough with the sibling bickering, you two, what are we gonna do about Harry and Hermione?' Nitya hastily putting an end to the rapidly brewing Poking War.

Still glaring at each other, Sandra spoke.

'Let's make things clear. The objective is to get them to shag unreservedly and without interruption. Therefore we need --'

'-- a location --'

'-- well, obviously the Room of Requirement --'

'-- a time --'

'-- Now?'

'-- I told you, I need to get Remus Lupin out first --'

'-- a way to make sure no one bothers them --'

'-- the Room of Requirement can easily ensure that --'

'-- a way to make sure that the Room of Requirement will be ready for Harry and Hermione when they need it --'

'-- I want to make sure that Snape is completely out of the picture this time --'

'WAIT! STOP!'

Silence. They all paused for breath. Nielle spoke first.

'We won't get anything done talking over each other. We need control over the situation. Right now Harry and Hermione --'

'Why can't it be Hermione and Harry for once? Stop being so sexist!' Sandra intervened.

Focusing another already familiar glare at Sandra, Nielle continued.

'Right now Hermione and Harry are feeling pretty horrified and confused. They need to talk, but they need time to clear their heads first so that when they do talk it will most definitely lead to shagging with a clear conscience. So we must make sure they don't talk tonight, Harry is bound to say something stupid.'

'Be careful Nielle, that's veering on Character Bashing!' said Nitya.

'Not really, come on Nitya, look how he handled the Cho situation. Harry should not talk to girls when he hasn't had time to think,' Nielle replied.

'I suppose … I'm just warning you.'

'Er … guys?

'What Sandra?'

'How long does it take to get back to Gryffindor Tower from here? Because if we have to make sure they don't talk tonight, we'd better make sure the common room is busy,' Sandra said worriedly.

There was a collective yelp, and three women were suddenly running down the corridors of Hogwarts at top speed.

They ran and ran. Then they ran some more. It was easier and much more preferable to thinking. Caught by Snape of all people. Mortified. Yes, that was a pretty good word for what Harry felt. Not how Harry would have liked things to turn out. Hermione must be furious with him! Not only had he embarrassed her, he had earned her a detention with Snape. Was Hermione as embarrassed as he was? Harry didn't dare look at her to find out.

If only Snape had waited a moment longer …

Don't think about that. Not right now anyway.

Mercifully, they found themselves in front of the Fat Lady, who smirked at them as they came into sight.

'You two! I say, it's about time!'

'Cauldron cakes!' said Harry, quickly.

'Looks like McGonagall won the bet --'

'Oh, just open up!' Hermione moaned.

The Fat Lady glared at Hermione as she swung forwards. Harry and Hermione started to hurry through before the portrait had fully opened.

As the portrait swung closed, Harry and Hermione stood staring at each other, wide-eyed. Harry tried to read her expression, but being out of the broom cupboard and actually able to see her expression now was not really an advantage. Besides, he was having trouble concentrating. This wasn't surprising since his mind kept drifting to the smell of her hair and his eyes kept falling to that red mark on her neck and remembering how it got there.

Harry mentally shook himself. I should say something right now. What on earth do you say? Same time, same place? Only if he wanted to be hexed.

Harry looked round nervously. The common room was empty except for Ron, who seemed to have fallen asleep in his armchair. He looked back at Hermione. Well, best not put it off.

'Hermione --'

'Harry --'

They both spoke at once. Then both coloured slightly and looked down.

'You first,' Hermione said.

Harry took a breath. 'Hermione --'

'There you are! Where have you two been?'

The one time Harry was counting on Ron's ability to sleep through a goblin rebellion he just had to wake up. He was looking at the pair of them through half open eyes.

'Er --'

'Oh! Ron! Hello! It's really late isn't it? I think I'll go to bed -- goodnight!' Hermione dashed towards the stairs and out of sight before Harry could think to say or do anything to stop her.

All that was left in the common room was a baffled Harry and Ron.

'What was all that about?' asked Ron.

As these three women, glorious as they are, are not terribly fit, they were quite breathless when they finally arrived in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. She looked unusually huffy about something.

'Password?'

'It's OK, we're not students, we're FanFiction Authors,' Nielle told the portrait after getting her breath back.

The Fat Lady wrinkled her nose in disgust.

'Oh, you're one of them,' huffed the Fat Lady. 'Can't you just leave them alone? I'm tired of all the soap operas, the tears, the angst, the smut -- alright, maybe not the smut -- but you don't know half the things I see --'

'Oh, just open up!' Sandra spat at the Fat Lady.

Infuriated, the Fat Lady swung forwards.

'Honestly, Mary Sues give us Authors a really bad name,' Nitya muttered as they climbed through the portrait hole.

When they entered, they slipped into the shadows, out of sight. The common room was empty, save for one. Harry was sitting on the couch with his back to them. Since they only had a view of the back of his head they supposed he looked contemplative. He certainly didn't seem to have heard the portrait open, or Sandra's spat with the Fat Lady earlier.

'Where's Hermione? Do you think they talked? Are we too late?' Nitya asked.

'Harry, are you coming up to bed?'

The ladies all bit back a gasp. Ron was calling to Harry from the stairs, so he couldn't see them.

'Hearing that phrase out of Ron is wrong on so many levels …' Sandra breathed.

'Some people like Slash.'

'Nielle, do I have to remind you that this is not a Slash Fic?'

'No, but --'

'Be quiet you two! Do you want to be spotted?' Nitya hissed.

While resuming their mutual glaring, the three women waited for Harry to speak.

'Yeah … in a minute Ron,' Harry answered distantly, not even turning to look at him.

'What was up with Hermione before? She was in a big hurry to get upstairs, didn't even stop to talk after she came in,' Ron asked.

From where the three women were hidden, they could clearly see Harry shift uncomfortably.

'I … suppose she was just tired, from trying to get away from Snape. Yeah, getting away from Snape. He gave us both detentions, you know.'

'He did? Oh, rotten luck mate, getting caught by that git.'

'Gee, it's easy to distract Ron isn't it?' Nielle whispered.

'Shh!' replied Sandra and Nitya.

'Why didn't you have your Invisibility Cloak?'

'Er … I didn't know I'd be gone that long.'

'OK …' Ron sounded rather dubious. 'Well, don't stay up too late, alright?'

'Sure.'

The women heard Ron yawn and the sound of his bare feet moving up the steps. They watched Harry closely. After about ten minutes of watching him run his hands through his hair and grunting in frustration, he stood up and headed towards the stairs leading to the dormitories, not even looking up. This was convenient for the women who did not want to be seen. However they were a tad displeased when they distinctly heard him mutter 'bloody Portkey people'.

Once he was gone, Nielle spoke.

'Bloody ungrateful sod, we're doing him a favour, it's not our fault Snape caught them like that …'

'Er, Nielle, you wrote it.'

'Nitya does have a point.'

'Yeah, well, I didn't hear any complaints from you two when I wrote it! Anyway, we're veering off-topic. What have we learned?'

Smirking, Sandra answered, 'Going by Harry's answers and behaviour, seems like Hermione and Harry ran back here and didn't speak to each other at all. Maybe Harry thought they could talk here. But Ron must have been here, and Hermione ran upstairs like a scared rabbit.'

'I agree with Sandra, but do you think Hermione is upset about what happened in the broom cupboard?' said Nitya.

'No, I don't think she minded that, I think she's just horrified about the whole being found by Snape thing. But I do think they're both confused. Let's face it, what happened in the broom cupboard was simply making out. Sure, it was fun, but they don't know how each other feels now, hormones aside. So they do need to talk, but thankfully they haven't talked yet. It is up to us to make sure that they have a controlled environment in which to resolve things.'

'You're scary when you make sense. I think I prefer it when you make lewd insinuations,' Sandra said.

Nielle rolled her eyes as she reached into her robes and pulled out three pieces of parchment.

'And what have you got there?' Sandra asked.

'I'm going to scare you again. These are Harry's, Hermione's and just in case, Ron's timetables for tomorrow,' replied Nielle, not looking up from the parchments.

'You're right, you scared me again.'

'How did you get your hands on those?' Nitya gasped.

'A FanFiction Author can get their hands on any information they need. That, and knowing Dumbledore is rather convenient too.'

'And being a FanFiction Author can ensure you are on friendly terms with Dumbledore,' Sandra added knowingly. Nitya smirked.

'That too,' Nielle looked up from the timetables, smiling. 'Excellent. It's a packed day tomorrow, the only break Harry has is with Ron, as Hermione will be off at Ancient Runes then. They can't talk at mealtimes because Ron will be there, and after dinner, our lovely Gryffindor couple have separate detentions with Snape. So now we know the when, and we just have to ensure the how,' she explained.

'Well, we know the spell we are going to use, we just have to make sure no one interrupts them, especially Snape,' Sandra reflected.

One glance at Nitya revealed her mind ticking over. 'There might be a way, but the spell will require some slight tweaking … give me a moment to think this over.'

The other two women raised their eyebrows at each other, and looked back at Nitya. Nielle spoke again.

'You know, it's a shame we have to keep Snape out of the way. I'm quite fond of the greasy haired git,' she mused.

'Don't let Lupin hear you say that,' retorted Nitya.

Nielle's eye widened. 'Oh no! I forgot about Remus! Follow me! Hurry!' and she spun around and headed towards the portrait hole. Nitya and Sandra glanced at each other, both wearing the same odd expression.

'Remus?' Sandra mouthed.

Nitya shrugged in response, before they turned and headed after Nielle.

As they hurried along the corridors after Nielle, Nitya turned to Sandra. 'Do you ever get the feeling we're Mary Sues?' she whispered.

Sandra turned to Nitya, horrified.

'I'm surprised at you! We are not Mary Sues! Mary Sues insert themselves into Fictions when they want to shag the Hero. We have inserted ourselves into a FanFiction because … well, we still want shagging, but the point is it's for them not us. It's completely selfless! That, and Mary Sues are perfect. If you've got a Mary Sue you don't need Harry Potter to save the wizarding world from Voldemort! If we were perfect Snape wouldn't have ruined everything and we wouldn't have needed a sequel!'

'We're just impatient Shippers … helping them along a bit,' Nielle added.

'You mean like catalysts?'

'Exactly Nitya! Why didn't I think of that word? We are catalysts!'

'Just making sure,' Nitya replied as they hurried off to follow Nielle, who was rapidly approaching a door opposite the oddest tapestry of trolls in tutu's clubbing a wizard. The Room of Requirement.

When Nielle reached the door, she at least had the decency to knock first.

'It's me. Are you decent?' she called through the door.

In response there was a muffled groan, followed by a question. 'Is it required?'

The women rolled their eyes.

'Ha-ha for the bad pun Remus, open the door or I will,' Nielle spoke through the door.

'All right, hang on,' the voice answered.

After a few moments of muffled shuffling, the door opened, revealing a ruffled-looking Remus Lupin. He looked at Nielle, then past her towards the two other women. His eyes widened.

'Oh no, she's brought reinforcements!' he gasped.

'Don't get excited Remus, we need to remodel,' Nielle said as she brushed past him. 'Besides, this Fic is PG-13.'

His curiosity overcame his relief.

'Remodel? The Room of Requirement gets remodelled from the outside, have you forgotten? And just what do you plan on doing?' he asked.

Nielle stared. Lupin raised his eyebrows.

'Yes remodel. No, I haven't forgotten. And you'll find out in due time. Meanwhile, wait outside.'

'What? Why?'

'We're about to perform a spell, and we don't share our secrets. It's a condition of the Patent.'

'Condition of the what?'

'You know, I don't remember you being this nosy in canon, Lupin. Nielle, what on earth did you do to him?' Sandra wondered.

Lupin stared at the woman before him. 'Who are you?'

Sandra grinned.

'I am the Goddess of All Things Godly. But you can call me Sandra.'

Lupin stared at her. Then looked at Nitya.

'Hey, I'm not going to argue with her, I may be Nitya, but she's the Goddess,' Nitya shrugged.

'I think I'm going to wait outside,' he said slowly, backing out into the corridor.

Sandra fixed a Godly Glare on him before stepping inside the room and closing the door after Nitya. The three women gathered in the centre of the room.

Nielle turned to Nitya.

'Now Nitya, what was this idea of yours?'

Lupin was leaning against the wall next to the tapestry when the door reopened and the three women stepped out looking far too pleased with themselves. He moved to approach them.

'What have you done?'

'Brought the mountain to Mohammed.'

'What?'

'The Room of Requirement is now The Room of Harry Potter's Requirement. It will appear whenever Harry needs it, where he needs it, the moment he thinks it. If Harry is hungry, a door will appear that will lead straight to the kitchens. Once the door closes after him, the room is sealed and disappears until he is ready to leave.'

'So why are you three so smug?'

Lupin had seen that glint in Nielle's eyes before and for Harry's sake he was very worried, especially since the other two women wore the same look.

'Don't you trust me?' she asked, grinning at him.

'After what happened in there? Not in the slightest!'

Nielle rolled her eyes.

'Harry is going to leap at the first chance he gets to speak with Hermione alone. After a night of restless sleep he'll have questions. He won't want to be disturbed. We don't want him disturbed. This way, Harry and Hermione get what they want, we get what we want, and Snape cannot appear to bother them again.'

Lupin smirked.

'Compared to what you did to me, this is quite tame. Nielle, you're losing your touch.'

'Baiting me into another private session is not going to work … immediately.'

'Oh, really Muffin?'

Nitya and Sandra froze. Then turned their gazes to a profusely blushing Nielle.

'MUFFIN?'

'There is a reason I do not elaborate on these things,' Nielle took a deep breath and tried to regain some semblance of dignity. Then she muttered something under her breath about subliminal messages and cursing something called the DLA.

Nitya shook her head as if she was trying to shake out some horrible imagery before speaking.

'Right, all there is to do now is wait until tomorrow evening. We can keep an eye on them during the day, to make sure nothing happens. Meanwhile, how about a visit to the kitchens?'

It's amazing, you know. There have been many times Harry had wanted to avoid an uncomfortable talk with Hermione and luck just wouldn't smile down on him. Now the one time he was trying to find one solitary moment with Hermione so he could have possibly the most uncomfortable talk imaginable, luck still refused to smile down on him.

He'd realised that morning that they had a pretty tight timetable, and there was virtually no free time today that did not include Ron. Harry could not think of one single feasible excuse to get Ron away for even five minutes that wouldn't make him either angry or suspicious. The truth was not a good way of approaching this one. 'Hey Ron, do you mind if Hermione and me talk alone to figure out whether or not there was any meaning behind our snogging last night?' Nope, that would not do at all.

Not that Ron was completely oblivious. Both he and Hermione seemed to fall silent and stare intently at their food, or the grain of the table, whilst Ron was trying to speak to them. It was a bit much to expect Ron not to notice something was off. However he didn't comment. Ron just rolled his eyes and repeated his latest gripes with today's load of homework, followed by his enthusiasm with Quidditch talk.

Harry and Hermione had been equally quiet and distant in classes, and after dinner they headed towards Snape's office for detention in an awkward silence. Although Snape had said yesterday he was going to give them separate detentions, for whatever reason he had them both together crushing scarab beetles with a mortar and pestle, while Snape alternated between glaring at Harry and marking essays.

This went on for about two hours, in more silence. The silence from Hermione was driving Harry mad far more effectively than any repetitive task assigned by Snape that made his arms ache ever could.

Wearing an oddly unsatisfied expression Harry vaguely noted, Snape informed them they could return to Gryffindor Tower. A part of Harry was surprised that Snape had not attempted to tease them about the event that had led to Harry and Hermione serving detention in the first place. Thank goodness for small miracles, he supposed as he and Hermione walked out of Snape's office.

They walked towards Gryffindor Tower in silence.

I need to talk to you Hermione.

Portraits watched them curiously as they walked along the corridors.

Why is she so quiet? I need you to talk to me Hermione.

He quickly glanced sideways at Hermione, whose eyes were firmly trained on the floor.

She won't even look at me. We need to talk Hermione.

Their footsteps echoed and bounced off the walls.

This is driving me insane. We need to talk Hermione.

Out of corner of his eye, he saw a door in the corridor that he had never noticed before.

We need to talk Hermione. Now.

Without a word, he grabbed her wrist, pulled her towards the door, opened it and went inside, dragging Hermione with him before she could make a sound.

As the door came to a close behind Harry and Hermione, it began to glow with a brilliant white light, until the door couldn't be seen. The light quickly faded away again, and when it did, the door was no longer there. As this was happening, Nitya, Sandra, Nielle and Lupin came around the corner just in time to see the last of the light fade away.

'Brilliant,' breathed Nielle.

'What was that?' asked Lupin.

No one answered him. All eyes were on Nitya, who was looking at her watch. 'Five … four … three … two … one …'

Lupin followed the women's eyes towards what was currently a blank stretch of wall.

A blue light had appeared in the middle of the wall, and it was glowing and growing brighter until the wall could not be seen. Like the white light before it, this light also began to fade, but this time it revealed a black door with an elaborate lock in the centre, in place of the door Harry and Hermione had disappeared through.

'Nitya it worked! Let's go!' said Sandra happily.

Before Lupin could ask another question, the women each approached the newly conjured door and ran their fingers over the lock. There was a series of clicking noises and the door opened inwards. He looked from the door to the women, who were all grinning at each other.

'How come FanFiction Authors seem above canon?' asked Lupin.

'Well, it's hard to be subject to canon when you're not really a part of it,' Nitya answered, before she and Nielle walked through the doorway.

'Coming?' Sandra looked at Lupin.

A strange look passed over his face. 'I remember when Nielle asked me that question,' he replied.

'Whatever she did to you, I'm sorry,' Sandra said to him.

'Hey! I heard that!' came from inside the room. 'Now hurry up and get in here before you miss something!'

Sandra yelped, grabbed Lupin's arm and pulled him through the door after her. The black door closed and locked. Again, there was a growing white light, and again when it faded away, the door was gone, and all that could be seen was an empty wall. They didn't see the greasy haired man in black robes walk past the seemingly innocent wall.

They stood in front of the door; Hermione staring at Harry, wide-eyed, and Harry leaning his forehead against the door, trying to collect his thoughts. He glanced around at what appeared to be an empty classroom.

'Harry? What are we doing in here?'

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry I embarrassed you,' he blurted out.

'What are you on about?'

'For yesterday, with Snape. I never meant for that to happen. I can only imagine how furious you are, since you've been giving me the silent treatment all day --'

'Furious with you? Harry, that wasn't your fault! How could you possibly have known that Snape was going to open the door? Stop blaming yourself, I'm not angry with you. I mean, I was embarrassed of course --' colour crept onto Hermione's cheeks, 'but I was not giving you the silent treatment.'

'You really aren't angry with me? You don't blame me at all?' Harry asked desperately.

'No,' she answered firmly.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Hermione wasn't angry with him …

'If anyone is to blame for yesterday, it's those insane women that trapped us in the cupboard in the first place,' Hermione added.

A troubled expression came over Harry's face.

'Are you alright, Harry?'

He sighed. 'No, Hermione, I'm not.'

'What's wrong?'

Harry gathered all the courage he had before he spoke.

'I'm exhausted, Hermione.'

'Well, that's to be expected Harry, we've had a full day of classes, and we've just come back from a detention of powdering scarab beetles manually --'

'That's not what I meant Hermione. You know that's not what I meant.'

'What do you mean, Harry?' she asked quietly.

Harry closed his eyes and breathed deeply. His eyes met hers as they reopened.

'I've hardly slept,' he started.

Hermione opened her mouth to speak but he silenced her with a look and continued.

'Because I didn't get to talk to you last night all I've been doing is tossing and turning, trying to forget long enough for me to get to sleep. Trying to forget your scent, your taste, the feel of you. Only to find that when I did get to sleep I just ended up dreaming about all those things. As far as my dreams are concerned, we've been in that broom-cupboard no less than seven times. And yet …'

Harry looked down and ran a hand through his hair, until it rested on the back of his neck, as though he were massaging it to relax himself enough to continue.

'… I -- as much as I enjoyed it -- I -- I don't want what we have to be nothing more than a tumble in a broom cupboard. I want there to be an us and I want it to mean something.'

'Oh, Harry …' breathed Hermione, knowing how hard it had to be for Harry to say that.

In response, he took her hand in his and looked at it carefully, squeezing it.

'I need to know what you're thinking Hermione, what you're feeling. When you ran upstairs last night I didn't know what to think, what you were thinking --'

'Ron.'

'What? You were thinking about Ron?' Harry looked up at her quickly, a mingled look of alarm and horror crept onto his features. 'Don't tell me --'

Hermione squeezed his hand back. 'No Harry, I meant … when we entered the common room, I knew we needed to talk, but I didn't see Ron there, I only saw you, so when he spoke, I panicked. I was not going to have this conversation in front of Ron. So I … ran.' She finished lamely.

'You ran because of Ron?'

'Yes Harry, I needed time to think about what happened, and I couldn't do that in front of Ron, not until I sorted things out in my head, and talked to you. By the time I was done with my fair share of tossing and turning, I felt so stupid! Oh Harry, you thought I was furious with you, I thought you were angry with me!'

Harry stared at her.

'While I'm still trying to understand how you could possibly consider yourself stupid, do you want to explain to me why you thought I was angry with you?' he asked her curiously.

Hermione shot him a look. 'Yes, I was being stupid, because I thought you were angry with me for the way I scarpered last night.'

'Hermione, I was too busy thinking you were angry with me! When you ran up the stairs, sure I was confused, but angry, not at all! I'd chalked it up to your anger with me! You're right Hermione, you are stupid,' he smirked at her, earning himself half-hearted scowl which quickly became a grin.

Harry realised he was still holding her hand, and only one thing remained. He spoke again as he raised the two entwined hands higher to study.

'Now that we have all that out of the way … you still haven't told me how you're feeling about this whole thing. Hermione, what do you want to happen now?'

Harry caught her gaze, but once again she was unreadable to him.

'I want the same thing you want, Harry. I want there to be an us as you put it, and not just a moment of heated snogging. I don't think I could bear anything less.'

In reply, Harry did not speak, but pulled her to him and hugged her tightly, which she gladly returned. Hermione shivered as she felt him nuzzle her neck and smile against her skin.

'So we're more than just two horny teenagers then?'

'Of course.'

'But I'm still free to have my wicked, wicked way with you?'

'Certainly.'

'Excellent.'

And with a kiss, Harry embarked on his newfound favourite pastime, making Hermione whimper.

'Thank heavens that Rowling created the Room of Requirement. Where would FanFiction Authors be without it?' Nitya murmured.

'Meanwhile, I'm not sure how to take being labelled "insane" from someone who has a habit of imprisoning people who annoy her in jars,' Sandra growled.

'Er, I know you made changes to the Room of Requirement but is the bed really necessary? While we're here, should we really be able to see this?' Lupin asked.

'We wanted smut; you're not going to begrudge them creature comforts, now are you? Anyway, we didn't put the bed there, Harry did. He required it,' Sandra explained. 'Thoughtful boy,' she snickered.

'You would think they'd notice a bed appearing in the middle of a classroom, but I guess they have more important matters at hand. I must thank Kalie later,' Nielle smirked.

'Who's Kalie?'

'Our partner in crime,' Sandra answered. 'We all helped to put together the spell, but as the Interior Decorator, Kalie designed the look and made it work. The three of us are hopeless with colour schemes. Not to mention Kalie not only owns the Patent, she is the reason it is possible for us to get a peep show.'

'It's a good thing Kalie ignored Nielle's suggestion about the shag carpeting though,' Nitya added.

'But she kept the mirrors on the ceiling!' Nielle retorted. 'Anyway, enough chat, we're missing out on the good stuff.'

'Again, should we really be watching this?' Lupin asked.

'We didn't go to all this trouble so that we couldn't see the results!' Nielle replied, 'anyway, I don't see you averting your eyes, Remus!'

Lupin's eyes rolled in response as they all directed their attention to the two Gryffindors.

'Oh. My. God. I didn't know that was possible …'

'It is if you practice yoga.'

'Rowling never said that Hermione took yoga classes …'

'Well, Rowling never tells us anything about Hermione, so that works, doesn't it?'

'Where Harry's hand?'

Four pairs of eyes simultaneously focused intensely on the location of Harry's hand and four pairs of eyes simultaneously and very suddenly widened.

'OH MY GOD!'

Giving Potter detention just wasn't quite as satisfying anymore, Snape thought to himself as he made his way along the seventh floor corridor. In fact, it's becoming downright dull. A golden opportunity to humiliate him, and he didn't take it. If Snape didn't know better, he'd have thought he'd fallen ill.

He arrived at a familiar blank stretch of wall. With a look of deep concentration, he started pacing in front of it. After three paces, he stopped and turned.

Nothing happened. It was still a wall.

Snape glared at the wall and resumed his pacing, again concentrating hard. He turned to that wall again.

Nothing. Just wall.

'Good evening, Severus,' spoke a voice behind him. Snape whirled around.

'Good evening, Headmaster. What business brings you to this part of the castle?' asked Snape calmly, carefully disguising his annoyance at being disturbed.

'I desired a walk, I was having trouble sleeping. Perhaps a trip to the kitchens for some hot chocolate. I was walking the corridors thinking of something to do until I was ready to sleep. At Hogwarts, you never know what may pop up,' answered Dumbledore cheerfully. 'Like this for instance. I never expected to bump into you, Severus, as I wandered the castle, and here you are! What brings you to the seventh floor? It's quite far from your quarters.'

'I came here to admire the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, it never fails to amuse me,' Snape replied carefully.

Dumbledore watched Snape steadily.

'I believe that the Room of Requirement is required somewhere else tonight, Severus,' Dumbledore said calmly, but firmly.

Quickly, Snape disguised his surprise, and this was followed by a look of revulsion overcoming his features.

'And you allow this behaviour to continue?' Snape asked in a low voice.

'Considering what you intended to use the Room of Requirement for, Severus, I really do not think you are in a position to judge,' the Headmaster raised his eyebrows. Snape paled considerably. 'You need to relax, Severus. Would you like to accompany me to the kitchens for some hot chocolate? It does wonders for the nerves.'

Snape fought down a scowl.

'While I appreciate the offer Professor, I don't believe a hot chocolate would agree with me at the moment. I think I will retire for the night. Goodnight, Headmaster,' and with that, Snape headed down the corridor away from the Headmaster.

Dumbledore smiled to himself, glanced at the tapestry, chuckled a little, and then headed downstairs to the kitchens.

'Severus amused at anything, would be a surprise.'

'You know, Kalie really should be here to see this,' Nitya mused.

'Don't worry she can see it, and she is making screencaps and avatars of it as we speak,' Sandra answered.

'I bet you can't wait for those, Nielle. Nielle?' Nitya looked round. 'Where did Nielle and Lupin disappear to?'

Sandra turned around also to find them gone.

'I … I … really do not want to know.'

'Good point.'

They both turned back to enjoy the fruits of their labours.

Sandra snickered. 'Muffin …'

A/N: You're still here? Wow! While I was writing this, I was informed that unlike their portrayal in this story, Sandra and Nitya are far from unfit, and therefore I have made them OoC. While I was trying to present them accurately, I thought it would be funnier if they remained unfit. And I bet you never thought a H/Hr story would end in Muffins! What has become of me? Thanks should go to everybody who hassled me to finish this (you know who you are, and you may now lay down your pitchforks). Believe it or not there were times I wanted to abandon it, but for better or worse I am glad it's finished now. Hope you're glad too. :)

I should apologise to the RFWIDR for the lack of RFMIDR. I know you asked for them, but I couldn't think how to fit them in. Perhaps one of the RFWIDR would like to attempt a sequel to rectify this? :P

Nielle, who really should be working on something that isn't a sequel.