Unofficial Portkey Archive

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the original characters in Harry Potter, J. K. Rowling does. The plot and any extra characters belong to me :)

It was raining. Not drizzling, but pouring rain. It would probably turn to snow as the temperature dropped steadily. Harry shivered as he stared blanky at the flickering fire of the cozy Gryffindor common room. He had decided to come back here instead of his dormitory, perhaps he felt alone there. And he felt very alone at the moment. Alone and lost. The fire wasn't helping either- he felt cold nonetheless.

"First of all, you are Lily and James Potter's son."

He glared at the fire, the flames reflecting in his glassy emerald eyes and the frame of his glasses. He felt dull and numb. Of course, Hermione had been right. He was Lily and James Potter's son. Harry Potter. And that was enough for him to flip. But no, there had been more. More hidden from him for seventeen years. For seventeen years he had walked the hallways of Hogwarts, not knowing. Not knowing who he truly was. Not knowing the past he could have had. If only. If only his parents had not died.

"Voldemort killed them..."

Voldemort. He laughed. A cold, hollow laugh. He was their son, and he had never known of their names or the truth behind their deaths. A car crash. I've always known they couldn't have just died...because of a car crash. Why didn't I ever...try finding out the truth. All I ever did was ask questions. I had countless questions, all unanswered.. and now...they're all answered. But why do I still feel so...unfilled.

He shut his eyes. Sleep. He needed sleep. But he didn't want to sleep, not now.

"You were the only survivor."

"...Why?" He had asked.

Dumbledore was expressionless, perhaps there was pity in his clear blue eyes. Harry didn't know. "Your mother. She protected you.."

And everything came flooding back. His dreams. The green flash of light that repeatedly haunted him eversince he could remember. "She..protected me from dieing..and there was a green flash, wasn't there?"

And that made him special. But no, it had never gotten out to the wizarding world that a little baby boy had survived from Voldemort. No one knew except Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, and now, he supposedly had a godfather- Sirius Black.

His head pounded furiously as he gritted his teeth. He felt utterly stupid. He had always felt alone. But being alone was ok for him. He was use to it. Being alone, sitting alone, working alone, passing time alone. He had felt safe, safe from anyone. He felt a sense of power that being alone- no one would know him. Know his secrets, know his desires, his fears..but he was wrong all along. There was the great Dumbleodre that he looked up to. McGonagall and his so called godfather. They all knew his life better them himself.

It wasn't fair.

This was his life. Why didn't they tell him sooner? So he could feel complete. With a past that made sense, a past where his parents weren't a mystery. So they thought he wouldn't be ready for the bloody truth then. When he had been a baby, of course he wouldn't have understood. When he was eleven, his first year at Hogwarts, they had all felt that little Harry Potter was not ready to hear the truth.

And so it was hidden from him. Any hints, any evidence that he could be Lily and James Potter's son. Until now of course. The night of his parent's murder, the little baby boy was thought to have died with them. Lost under the debris of what Voldemort left. Dead of course. But no, he was sitting right here. Alive.

And so it made him special. He was the first to survive the killing curse. If that had leaked out, Harry Potter would have been famous. The famous..boy-who-lived? But no, Dumbledore had decided it was better off hidden. The wizarding world never knew of a boy named Harry Potter. Lily and James Potter was just like the rest of the lot. Attacked by Voldemort and his Death Eaters and had died.

Harry sucked in a sharp breath, willing himself not to cry. Dumbledore and McGonagall had left him on the doorstep of the Dursleys, and so began his first eleven years of life in hell. Even Hagrid knew the truth, and Harry had never known. His uncle and aunt must've loved it. Loved knowing something he didn't. Loved knowing more about his own parents than he did. They all lied to him.

All these years, had he lived a lie?

What he could've been...what he could've had.

He lifted his clammy hand, and traced a finger down his jagged scar. His scar. The only thing that Voldemort left on him. It wasn't any ordinary scar after all. It was a cursed scar, a dark mark. It linked him to Voldemort, and Dumbledore even knew why it burned; Voldemort had returned, and was back.

Harry laughed again. It was unbelievable really. That him, invisble, skinny, weak, Harry Potter, would have defeated Voldemort at the age of one. That he had rendered the Dark Lord powerless. It was rather amusing to picture it. Yet Voldemort had risen again, and somehow, even if Dumbledore had not said it, Harry knew. Voldemort had risen and was back for revenge no doubt.

I guess I'm not so unpopular now then? I'm being stalked by the most feared wizard on earth. Joy! Harry shook his head bitterly, opening his eyes and feeling the tears brimming. He squeezed them shut again, letting the anguish flood in and out of him.

His life was not ordinary at all. Yet he had always lived it feeling ever so ordinary that he felt dull. Oh the bitter truth.

"Harry!"

He opened his eyes. They felt dry now, and tired. An image of a girl slowly became clearer, standing close to the portait hole with an worried expression on her pretty face. It was Hermione.

"Hullo," He greeted dryly.

"You don't look okay.." She walked toward him, her bushy hair slightly damp. She must've been in the rain for a while, Harry thought.

He looked at her blanky, "I know."

She tilted her head curiously, confusion flashed through her eyes briefly before she crouched down to be eye level with him. "Harry...? What happened? Back in your room...when you.."

"Fainted?" He finished. "Oh, it was because my scar was hurting." He replied and reached up to his forehead, jabbing a finger at the lightning-bolt scar. "That scar."

Hermione's eyes darted upwards and quickly back to Harry's glazed eyes again. "Stop acting so...cold."

He shrugged, "Whatever. You probably knew something too, didn't you?"

She clearly looked surprised. "What?'

"Maybe you were like the rest of them. Underneath all of their concerned looks, and their smiles, they all knew the truth. Did you?"

Hermione stood up again, her brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?!"

"The truth," Harry stood up. Although he was a skinny boy, he was tall, and a head taller than Hermione to be exact.

She wanted to step back from his piercing green eyes, but before she could she felt his cold hands on her shoulders, shaking her gently. "Are you lying to me too Hermione? Are you?" His shaking became rougher, his eyes ablaze.

"I don't know what you're saying!" She pushed him back, stumbling backwards from the force. "Snap out of it! You're...scaring me." She bit her lip and willed herself to look him in the eye. "You're not acting like the Harry I met months ago."

"That's because the Harry you met didn't know."

"Didn't know...?"

"Didn't know who he was. Didn't know the truth."

Hermione crossed her arms tightly. "What is with you! And this whole truth thing! I think you must've hit your head somewhere when you fainted...perhaps I should.."

"No," Harry cut her off. "You don't understand." His eyes widened as he stumbled back, almost as if he was frightened. Hermione shivered, he looked so helpless. An eerie light in his eyes...like he had gained some new knowledge that was so overwhelming to his very soul. And suddenly Hermione knew. She couldn't be scared of Harry now. He clearly needed someone at the moment, and here she was, backing away from someone who looked utterly lost and confused.

She stepped forward, "Harry.."

"I should've died.."

Her eyes widened, but she forced herself to reach out to him. "Harry, calm down. Maybe I can.."

"There's so much I have to understand," He mumbled anxiously at her. "And think I'm suppose to do something, but I don't know what I'm suppose to do."

She was a feet away from him now, and she could clearly see the sweat forming on his forehead and that his shoulders were shaking slightly. Hermione swallowed and reached for his hands, grasping them tightly in her own soft ones. "Harry, I'll help you. I'll help you try to do whatever you're suppose to do."

"I don't know.." He muttered under his breath.

"I don't know either," She replied, feeling her mind spinning in confusion and agitation. "But if you tell me what's the matter, I can help." She said in a strangely steady voice.

Harry stopped shaking for a second and looked her straight in the eye, as if he was trying to see into her. Read her emotions and thoughts. He gulped and sank weakly down on the couch behind him and let out a breath. "I'm sorry."

Hermione relaxed, a small smile on her face. "It's alright."

"I must've scared you," He rubbed his temples furiously and glanced up at the girl standing in front of him. "Thanks."

"Why? I haven't done anything."

"Well, you have," Harry blushed. "I think you've done more than anyone else I've ever met. Just by simply being there.'

Hermione looked away, "I came here to find my quill. I'm sure I left it here.."

"Is it this one?" He lifted his hand and showed her a petite eagle feathered quill that Hermione hadn't realized was in his hands all along.

"Er, yes. That one." She took it from him and awkwardly placed it in her pocket. She sat down next to him.

"So what's new?" She asked lightly.

Harry sat back and smirked, "Alot."

"I kind of guessed," Hermione answered. "You looked kind of..."

"Crazy?"

"Yeah."

Harry looked at her sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Enough with the apologizes." Hermione silenced him and that was how they sat for quite a long time. In silence except for the pitter patter of the rain pelting against the windows. There was no light in the room except for the glow of the fireplace which casted eerie shadows across the common room. Everyone was probably at lunch now, except them of course.

"I know now." Harry finally spoke up in a soft voice. "I know who my parents are, how they died, why I'm even still alive."

"That's a good thing isn't it? To know?"

"Yes...but they've known all along. Everytime I've been in detention, everytime I've had a conversation with them, they've always known."

"Who's 'they'?" Hermione questioned.

Harry sighed, "Dumbledore...McGonagall, Hagrid...and some guy named Sirius Black who's supposedly my godfather."

"You have a godfather?!"

"Exactly," Harry scowled. "I've never known. Nothing. I've just been an empty shell with a blank for my real life. For who I really am- I've never known..."

Hermione glanced at the fire, looking at it for comfort. "Well...don't say that. You know who you are. You're Harry. Even without knowing your parents and not knowing other things, you've still become Harry. You're still yourself, because you've still become a person with your own unique individuality."

"Maybe I could've been different..." He uttered.

She turned her head and stared at the boy sitting next to her with a dazed expression. "Why would you want to be any different?"

"...You know why."

"No, I don't," Hermione stated firmly.

"I can't do anything," He said helplessly. "I'm not..noticed. I'm not popular like you. I'm not anything out of the ordinary. I can't achieve anything, I haven't actually. Except for becoming Seeker possibly. Other than that, I've just spent my life wallowing in nothingness. I've never done anything to get other people's attention. I'm invisible and I've never been useful."

She stared at him incredously. Harry looked at her quickly and looked away, sighing. "Ok, so now you probably think I'm a loser. Ha ha..."

"Harry Potter, don't ever say that again!" She snapped, and Harry noticed she almost seemed angry. "You're not useless. You're not invisible, and you're not a loser. Goodness, if you're looking for pity then.."

"I don't want pity," He interupted.

"Fine, scratch that out, but what you're doing is exactly that. If you're dissing yourself, then no wonder you feel like you can't achieve anything. That's because you probably don't believe in yourself." Hermione huffed and fell silent. "You're smart." She added and felt awfully stupid.

Harry turned crimson, "Er.."

"And who cares about popularity!" She threw her arms in the air. "Being popular isn't everything. People talk behind your back, and no one is ever really a friend to you. They all just want to benefit from you. I can throw away all the popularity just for a couple of real friends."

Harry sat in silence, absorbing her words in astonishment.

"And you know, I feel like you're a real friend to me," Hermione leaned forward a bit and propped her elbow up on her knee to let her chin rest in her palm. "Like Ron, and Ginny. I know we haven't known each other for the longest time, but...ok this is silly, but I feel like I've met you longer than a few months." Her cheeks burned. "Don't laugh."

"I'm not going to," Harry said softly. "...Hermione?"

"Hmm?"

"How about I tell you what happened?"

"Sure," Hermione beamed.

"I trust you," He added in a whisper.

Hermione blinked as a bright smile lit her face. "Good, because I trust you too."

Harry nodded and smiled, "So, I had this talk with Dumbledore..."

"So he's not going to say anything?"

Harry shook his head, "Yes, it's just between him and me, well, and perhaps the other few people that know about this."

Hermione nodded in amazement. "Then, are you going to get to meet your godfather?"

"Dumbledore said...as soon as he can get in contact with him," Harry replied.

"That name is awfully familiar...Sirius Black..." Hermione mumbled thoughtfully as Harry watched her. "Oh! Isn't he...I mean wasn't he the one who got blamed...er..." She fell silent.

"What?"

"Well...he was blamed for murdering your parents. For telling where there location was, since your parents were in hiding! It was all over the news last year, when Sirius Black got a trial, and his name was cleared." Hermione explained. "This is awfully complicated.."

Harry paled, "What? He killed my parents?!"

"No, he was thought to have betrayed them," Hermione reassured. "Oh, it's old news. You can probably ask him yourself when you meet him!"

Harry smiled softly, "Thanks for listening."

No words were exchanged, just knowing glances.

Eversince Harry had spilt his heart and soul out to her, she had felt...happy. In fact, she felt a special kind of bond between her and Harry now. She even thought that she could tell what he was thinking of, read his expressions, tell if he was down or up. And she liked that special little bond.

It also made her feel happy in a way that she was the first person Harry had ever opened up to. First person that he ever confided in, and the first person he let to see the real Harry. The Harry who liked the same things as everyone else, had dreams, and had goals. A typical teenaged boy. And she was the first one to meet him- Harry Potter.

She was humming a little tune to herself now as she waited for breakfast to appear on the golden plates and goblets, but just as she thought they were to appear, Dumbledore stood up from the head table with a wispy smile across his features.

"As we all know, the re-match between Gryffindor and Slytherin is just around the corner, as it is being held on Christmas Eve." Dumbledore's eyes swept across the room and Hermione thought that he was eyeing Harry especially. "And it is tradition at Hogwarts to have a feast on Christmas Day, yet this year, the staff and I have decided to add a little treat to it."

The Great Hall fell silent as all the students from first year to seventh sat with anticipation.

"There will be a ball. A Winter Solstice Ball."

At once the Great Hall was silent no more. Whispers and murmering abrupted fom cluttered groups of friends, squeals of delight from girls and blank stares from the males. It was obviously something the students had not suspected. A ball! They hadn't had one since the Triwizard Tournament!

A boy stuck his hand up. "But don't we get off of school on Christmas?"

"Precisely," Dumbledore replied and recieved confused looks from all the students. "It is optional of course. If you wish to attend the ball, you may leave a day later. If you wish not to attend the ball, then you may leave on the original date. But first of all, the ball is for fourth years and up."

The first years didn't seem to mind, nor did the second years. Some of the third years groaned and went back to staring at their empty plates and goblets.

"Formal dresswear will be required. Now, let us eat breakfast and have a delightful day," Dumbledore sat back down and at once breakfast appeared on their tables.

"Oh no! I don't think I've got any robes for this ball..." Ginny cried in despair.

Hermione picked at her bacon. "Hmmm..."

"Ooooh I can't wait!!" Lavender squealed in delight. "It's alright Ginny. I'm sure we have some extra robes for you." Lavender smiled along with Parvati as they giggled crazily. "I bet Seamus is going to ask you!"

Parvati stuck her tongue out. "No way! He hates me."

"That's a sign," Lavender piped knowingly.

Hermione rolled her eyes as Ginny looked at her curiously. "So who are you going to go with?"

"Oh nobody...perhaps I'll just stick with the books.."

"That's a conspiracy!" Parvati cried out in alarm. "I mean, you'd be missing the ball! And second, it would be Christmas! Books and Christmas just don't miss!"

"You just voiced my thoughts," Ron murmered and grinned at Hermione. "But it's just like Hermione. Books on all occasions."

She shooked her head lightly, pouring pumpkin juice into her goblet. "Well it's just a ball. What's all the fuss?"

"Just a ball?" Lavender looked like she was going to faint.

Lavender and Parvati spent the next few minutes blabbering on about the importance of balls, though Hermione was not really listening. She was staring off, and to be exact, she was staring in Harry's direction.

He was sitting like usual at the end of the table, across from Neville. He too was picking at his bacon and looking extremely bored. "Talk to you all later," she suddenly sat up and left Lavender and Parvati bickering to themselves.

"Good morning, Harry!" She greeted cheerfully as she plopped down beside him.

His head sprung up in surprise as a grin suddenly lit his face. "Hermione!"

"Looks like you like torturing your bacon eh?" She glanced down at his mushed up bacon, noticing that he immediatly stopped stabbing it with his fork.

"Oh, I was thinking," He dropped his fork and suddenly his grin vanished. "So...er...excited about the ball?"

"Not really."

"Oh." He said bluntly.

Hermione smiled, "You?"

"...Not really," Harry wanted to mentally smack himself. "So, who are you going with?"

"I don't know," Hermione replied truthfully.

Harry returned to poking at his poor bacon. "Well you are Head Girl, you'll have boys asking you in no time."

"Well..." She was turning redder by the second. "Oh stop teasing me!"

He looked at her innocently. "Fine."

Silence.

Harry looked up slowly. "So...you...er.."

"Hmm?"

"Eee...errr.....ummmm..."

Hermione quirked an eyebrow at him. "Ok...heee haaa hooo..." She mimicked, breaking into giggles.

Harry blushed and shook his head, "Nevermind."

She didn't know why, but she felt sinking disappointment weigh heavily in her chest. She blinked and shook her head clear. "Oh." Was all she managed to say. "So...who are you planning to go with?"

Harry suddenly took great interest in his beat up bacon. "Oh...well, I don't know if I want to go."

"Well, I think you should go," Hermione shrugged.

"What?"

"I think it would be good for you to go," She repeated. "I mean, some social stuff would help wouldn't it?" She suggested.

Harry finally raised his fork and bit a piece of the bacon off. He munched quietly, staring at the enchanted ceiling which was sprinkling snow at the moment. "Well, it'll be really boring...I mean I'll probably spend the whole time sitting off at the side and my only companion would be the wall and the ceiling."

"Well, ask girls to dance!" Hermione blurted.

Harry stared at her as if she had grown another head. "No way! That would be...plain weird. Crazy. Insane."

Hermione giggled, making Harry stare at her goggle-eyed. "Now you're laughing at me!"

"You just look so silly," Hermione stated. "Ok, ok. I won't force you to go. You wanna hit the books with me?"

Harry laughed, "Right."

"No seriously!"

Harry just laughed a bit more before a sudden figure approached. It was Justin Finch-Fletchley, and he was panting slightly for he had obviously ran over to them. "Hello Hermione," He breathed and gave a side ways glance at Harry. "Hello...er.."

"Hello Justin," Hermione greeted.

Justin smiled slightly, "About the ball, want to go with me?"

"Um..."

"I mean, I really want to go with you," Justin added with a tint of pink on his cheeks. "And it'll look neat..you know...Head Boy and Girl going together."

Hermione bit her lip, which was a habit of hers that Harry noticed she did often when she was nervous, confused, or lost. Right now she was doing just that and she was even fidgeting with the ends of her robes. "Um...well.."

Justin stared at her. Hermione quickly glanced at Harry who looked kind of dumbstruck at the moment, and then back at Justin and his hopeful eyes. "Oh...er...sure?"

His smile broadened, "Great! Then how about I'll meet you at the library at 7, and then we can go to the Great Hall together?"

"Sure.." Hermione repeated as Justin walked walked away with a kind of skip to his steps.

She turned back towards Harry who was staring at his half eaten bacon again. She didn't know why she felt a sudden surge of embarrassement...or was it guilt? She looked at Harry's face, wanting to read his expression but was failing terribly for he was paying all his attention to the bacon on his plate. "Er, so where were we Harry?"

"Um...nothing," He stuttered. "Nothing at all..."

"Oh...ok..."

And the two just stared blankly- Harry with his bacon and Hermione with her robes. Both fidgeting and feeling uneasy, and both suddenly feeling disappointment and annoyance course through them. And both had no clue why.