But as she had this amazing revelation her inner self was screaming at her. What was she doing? Why had she grabbed the boy she had hated all of her Hogwarts career and then kissed him like she had never done before? Just as when she had gently dipped her hand down his chest, she felt so many complicating emotions. She felt that if she did not stop this reckless display of lust at once that it would have consequences she couldn't deal with. But his lips tasted like sweet butterbeer and his hands wandering her body made these rational thoughts evaporate into thin air.
Her breathing was quickly becoming quicker as James' hand wandered beneath her blouse. Suddenly James stopped. His lips remained motionless on hers for a few moments before quickly being removed and he sat upright in the center of the field. Lily opened her eyes and used her elbows to elevate herself and look at the wonderful kisser beside her. His hair was messier than usual from her wandering hands and his lips were redder from her tinted lipgloss and swollen from the minutes of mouth to mouth action. Overall, he looked even more appealing than usual, actually having the look of carelessness that he had always tried so hard to achieve from purposely messing his hair everyday.
She was smiling from his attractiveness until she caught a glimpse of the expression set on his face. Her grin turned into a frown, reflecting the look on James' own face.
"What's the matter? Did I, uh, did I do something wrong? Did I…"
"No Lily, believe me, that is definitely not the problem. That was… better than I had imagined. I would do it again and again if it weren't for the fact that…"
"What?"
"That you would break my heart."
"Excuse me?"
"Lily, when you kissed me it wasn't for the right reasons."
"James, I think I know the reasons I kissed you! At least I know better than you!"
"Now Lily, don't get angry. I didn't mean it like that. I just mean that you didn't kiss me because you liked me. You kissed me because of what you saw in the locker room and the shock of the out of control broom and…"
"Wow, aren't you cocky. Do you actually believe that your body had that much power over me?"
"Well I did end up making out with you in the middle of the Quidditch field only five minutes of you seeing me without my shirt on."
"That is completely untrue. That is not the reason!"
"So you're saying you did it because you actually like me?"
James waited about a minute as Lily tried to find the appropriate words. He knew what she really felt though before the answer came out of her mouth.
"That's what I thought. This is why you'll break my heart Lily. When I kissed you, it was greater than any kiss I have ever had. Lily, I like you and you kissing me without feeling that back and eventually throwing me aside is not worth me feeling like crap for months to come. I would kiss you everyday but only if you felt the same way towards me. Otherwise, I can't kiss you anymore."
After saying this, he walked off the field, leaving Lily in the middle of the field watching his retreat. She still couldn't form words as to why she had kissed him or how she felt about him. These words had still not been brought to surface as she herself returned to Hogwarts and laid in her bed that evening.
She awoke the next morning, remembering every detail of the most magnificent kiss of her life. But for once she remembered the horrible aftermath of the very same wonderful moment. When she woke, she moaned remembering the sweet taste of his lips and the harsh words he has spoken to her. Her kitten, Calli, jumped forward, pouncing on her forehead. She cursed slightly before lightly picking up Calli, giving her a soft kiss on the nose, and placing her softly on her pillow after rising out of bed. She walked groggily to the bathroom and was shocked to see Rose already awake and combing through her hair. Rose absently spoke a "Good Morning" as she continued to straighten her hair in the bathroom mirror.
Lily let out a grunt in response and walked over to the other sink, setting one hand firmly on each side of the sink before looking into the mirror for several seconds. She groaned, closed her eyes, and dropped her head. This dramatic display caught Rose's attention and she turned from her aimless fixing to look at her best friend.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Um, nothing. Just had a difficult night, er, afternoon, er, whatever."
"Why are you talking such nonsense? What happened?"
For some reason, Lily felt the urge to keep the kiss and their conversation afterwards to herself. She wasn't ready to let her best friend know how she felt about James or how she didn't feel. In all honesty, Lily wasn't ready to admit that to herself much less another human being.
"Nothing serious. Just another tumultuous flying lesson."
"Oh really? What did he do this time?"
"Nothing really. He was just his normal self."
Inside, she only wished that the James she saw yesterday could be the James she saw everyday, walking around half naked and giving her kisses that made her knees weak. She washed her face, hoping that Rose was satisfied with that vague answer. It appeared as if she was. She finished getting ready, fed her small pet, and left for class. She abandoned the thought of breakfast, dreading the idea of seeing James now.
She walked intently to class and entered the classroom, finding herself to be the first one present. She looked around the classroom, examining certain charts and pictures, anything to get her mind away from the events of the previous day.