A/N: I don't own Harry Potter. I also don't own Shrek 2, which this is loosely, and I mean loosely, based on. I also don't own the references is to things like Halle Berry and Brandy. None of the insults in this are meant to be personal. This is not to be taken seriously. It's also in the point of view of the poor, pathetic Narrator, in case you were wondering. Leave reviews, they are good for the soul.
A Fairy Tale Story
Once upon a time in a land far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far (alright we get the picture!) away, there lived a King James, his wife, Queen Lily, and their son, Prince Harry. Due to some insane plot twist, King James and Queen Lily were murdered, leaving Prince Harry all alone.
However, the people in the kingdom had a problem. Due to some ancient law no one's heard of in centuries, Harry can't become king unless he marries a princess. But he was only a year old, he couldn't get married! James and Lily, being the sweet, affectionate couple we all know and love, decided NOT to give away their only son. Which, by all right, is a good thing, just not for Harry at this particular time.
And so the people of the kingdom sent Harry away to live with some bastard step family and they installed some mindless bureaucrat by the name of Fudge as their ruler.
Harry's bastard step family consisted of his step father, Serverus Snape, and his two step brothers, Draco Malfoy and Dudley Dursley, who, in reality, couldn't possibly be related, but who cares about such a minor plot hole?
In an effort to save his godson's fate, fairy godmoth-er, I mean, fairy godfather, Sirius Black went on a perilous journey to another kingdom. (Which happened to be right next door, but Sirius likes to be dramatic and take two years to get there.) And the first thing he did was go to the bar.
"Two Mai Tai's, and make it quick!" He told the barmaid, who, he noticed, had a lovely backside. Not that he was looking, mind you, the only reason he was here for Harry's benefit alone. Remembering that quickly, he looked around until he found some poor, ungrateful sod.
"ARTHUR WEASLEY!!!" He called out, flying towards him with his tiny little fairy wings. Arthur Weasley jumped up quickly, yelling, "It's not what it looks like, Molly!" before he realized that it wasn't his wife who caught him with a lovely brunette. The lovely brunette scowled before turning away. "Damn." Arthur said, before looking at the man who called his name with a death glare.
Sirius plopped himself down right next to Arthur, putting his arm around the older man gently. Arthur simply looked at him. "Um, do I know you?"
"Sure you do!" Sirius said, taking a sip of his drink. "I'm Sirius Black!"
Arthur stared at him blankly.
"You know, Fairy Godfather and awesome do-gooder?"
Arthur continued to look at him blankly.
Sirius sighed. "Never mind. It doesn't matter. Listen, you have a daughter, right?" Arthur raised an eyebrow.
"What's it to you?" Arthur said.
"Well, it just so happens, Arthur, that I'm in need of a princess to marry my godson so he can be king. You're a king, aren't you?"
"My name certainly isn't Arthur for no reason."
"Good! Then my godson can marry your daughter and become king of your country!" Sirius exclaimed.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Sirius." Arthur said, being truthful. "I mean, Molly and I have already planned for Ron to become king when he's of age. It's only fair. Bill gets money, Charlie gets the dragon, Percy gets the library and political power, Fred gets our land, George gets the castle...It's only fair that Ron gets the be the king."
Sirius grinned. He pulled out two sacks of gold. "This change your mind at all?"
Arthur quickly grabbed the money. "Well, you know, we could always use women as powerful political figures, and they don't get more powerful than my little Ginny."
"Glad to see we see eye to eye, Arthur. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get friendly with that barmaid..."
"Wait a tick." Arthur said, looking Sirius over quickly. "I need to send your godson on a quest."
"A QUEST?! WHAT KIND OF QUEST? I'M NOT SENDING HARRY ON A DANGEROUS QUE--"
"Oh, it'll be simple. And certainly not dangerous. All he'll have to do is rescue her out of a tower when she's eleven. Then they can have seven years to get to know each other before I declare them King and Queen of my country."
"Oh." Sirius said, looking a little crestfallen. "Oh, I see. Well, you strike a hard bargain, Weasley, but I'll take your deal." He said, shaking his hand.
"Good. Now, what's your godson's name?"
"Harry. Prince Harry James Potter." And so the two left it at that.