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Confessions
"These are my confessions.
Just when I thought I said all I could say,
My chick on the side said she got one on the way.
These are my confessions.
Man, I'm thrown and I don't know what to do.
I guess I gotta give you part two of my confessions.
If I'm gonna tell it,
Then I gotta tell it all.
Damn near cried when I got that phone call.
I'm so throwed and I don't know what to do,
But to give you part two of my confessions."
-Usher, "Confessions Part II"
I cheated on my girlfriend, Ginny Weasley, and now I have to pay. I told her I was at work, but I wasn't. I was with Pansy Parkinson, my ex-girlfriend. She found out, and she dumped me. I don't blame her. She probably thought she had a good man, someone who'd never do the things that I've done to her. Now, there's more, and I have to tell her. She's going to hate me even more, but it would be worse if she heard this from somebody else.
My name is Draco Malfoy, and these are my confessions.
Now this is going to be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do.
Got me talking to myself, asking how I am going to tell you.
I don't know how I'm going to tell Ginny. I don't want to hurt her more than I already have. What am I going to say? Should I tell her in person? With a letter? Should I ask her to meet me somewhere? Or should I just go to her house?
Man, I'm screwed. She's usually such a gently person, but when she finds out about this, she'll probably be ready to kill me.
'Bout that chick from part one I told y'all I was creepin' with, creepin' with.
Says she's three months pregnant and she's keepin' it.
You see, Pansy's pregnant, and she's keeping it. I can't believe I was stupid enough to cheat on such a wonderful woman like Ginny in the first place, but to be careless enough to bet Pansy pregnant. It kills me just to think about it. If I would have thought about what I was doing when Pansy flirted with me, I would have told her I was dating someone. It would have been so simple, but no. I had to flirt with her and then ask her out, again and again. Then I had to go and have sex with her. Man, do I hate myself.
First thing that came to mind was you.
Second thing was how do I know that it's mine and is it true?
Third thing was me wishin' that I never did was I did.
How I ain't ready for no kid and bye-bye to our relationship.
When Pansy told me the news, I thought I would cry. The first thing I thought of was Ginny. I could just see her face crumple, and her eyes fill with tears. My next thought was, how do I know it's mine? Then denial. It can't be true, I told myself, can it? That's when I started wishing that I hadn't cheated, and I'd just sent Pansy away. I wasn't ready to totally give up my relationship with Ginny. She'd already broken up with me for cheating at the time I found out, but I think I still had a chance. Once she hears this though, it's over forever. I don't want it to be over.
Plus, I'm sure as Hell not ready for a baby. I can't be a father. Look who I have as a role model. Lucius bloody Malfoy. The bloody wanker is in Azkaban. He used to beat me for Christ's sake. I have no idea how to be a father.
Sitting her stuck on stupid, trying to first out,
When, what, and how I'm going to let this come out of my mouth.
See it ain't going to be easy,
But I need to stop thinking, contemplating, be a man and get it over with.
I have to tell her, I know I do, but how? She won't want to talk to me. I'll just have to go to her house and make her listen. That's what I'll do, there's no other way.
I'm ridin' in my whip, racin' to her place,
talkin' to myself preparing to tell it to her face.
I've decided to drive to Ginny's. Yes, I have a car. I figured I had to have one, considering I live in a Muggle apartment complex. After the final war with Voldemort, the wizarding world kind of shunned me. Even though I was on Dumbledore's side in the war, not many people believed I was really on the Light side. So, the people on Dumbledore's side refused to associate with me, and the few Voldemort supporters that managed to stay out of Azkaban, who knew I was on Dumbledore's side, refused to associate with me. That's when I decided to move to Muggle London, and that's why I have a Muggle car.
I could Apparate to Ginny's, or course, but I still need a little time to think about what I'm going to say. I jump into the car and begin to drive to Ginny's apartment. "Okay, just tell her the truth. She probably won't want to listen, but you need to make her listen. She's got to know, and she's also got to know how sorry you are for doing it." I know I'm talking to myself, but I don't care. I can't mess this up.
She opened up the door and didn't wanna come near me.
I said, "One second, baby, please hear me.
I've arrived at Ginny's. I take the elevator to the third floor. I've done this many times before, and the familiar setting soothes me a little.
I'm in front of her door. This is it, the moment of truth. I reach out my fist and knock on the door a few times. Then I step back and wait. I wait for a few minutes before I hear her footsteps approaching the door. Then I hear her unlock the door. She opens it, takes one look at me, and doesn't want to come anyway near me. It hurts, but I come to my senses.
"Wait, Ginny, please. I need to talk to you. Please," I plead, hoping she'll comply.
She glares at me coldly for a minute. "Why should I listen to you, you lying scumbag?" she growls coldly, and I know I deserve it.
"I told you I was sorry," I reminded her, but, of course, she knows that already.
"I know you're sorry, but sometimes sorry just doesn't cut it," she informs me. Believe me, Gin, I realize that now. Just because I'm sorry none of this will go away, as much as I wish it would.
"Ginny, I'm not here to fight and yell, I'm here to confess something else," I tell her trying to keep her from getting angry before I tell her the news.
"There's more? Fine," she concedes stiffly, letting me in.
Now, this, by far is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do.
To tell you, the woman I love,
That I'm having a baby by a woman that I barely even know.
I hope you can except the fact that I'm man enough to tell you this,
and hopefully you'll give me another chance.
This ain't about my career, this ain't about my life, it's about us.
Please.
"Okay, Gin, this is really hard for me to say," I begin slowly.
"Get on with it," she snaps irritably, obviously wanting to get me out of her house as soon as possible.
"I love you, Ginny, really, I do, but Pansy's pregnant. Three months pregnant, in fact, and she's keeping it. Please, accept the fact that I was brave enough to come in here, and tell it to your face. I also want you to know that the reason I'm telling you this doesn't have anything to do with my job or my reputation or anything. This is about us and our relationship. I wanted to try and salvage anything I can from our relationship. I didn't want you to hear this from someone else. I want to try and regain your trust," I said all of this as sincerely and quickly as possible, but so it was still understandable.
"Let me get this straight. You cheated on me with your ex-girlfriend, who's a total slut I might add, and you got her pregnant. You bloody idiot, I hate you. I hate you!" she yells at me as she bursts into tears.
"Gin," I reply, hesitantly touching her shoulder.
"Go to Hell," she snaps. "And don't touch me."
I quickly retract my hand. "What's wrong?" I ask gently.
"What's wrong? What's WRONG?" she screams, borderline hysterically. "What do you THINK is wrong? The love of my life cheats on me, and now there's going to be a baby to show for it. I wasn't going to tell anyone that you cheated, but now I have to admit that I was used. I have to admit that you played me for a fool. And now, my baby is going to grow up with no father!"
"What?" I sputter. Had I heard her right? No, I couldn't have.
"That's right, I'm pregnant. I found out yesterday. Isn't that just fantastic? It's a good thing I have a loving family to help me when it comes because we're over, Draco Malfoy. I was going to give you another chance if you were willing to stay faithful and help with the baby, but now we're over. Over! For good! I never want to see your smug face again!" she began to cry harder as she pushed me out the door.
"Gin, I-" I start to apologize.
"Get out," she whispers softly but dangerously.
I give her one last pleading glance before turning away and walking out of her life. Forever.
I really screwed up my life, and I know it. I regret my actions, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I know the consequences, and now I have to live with them. I don't know why I decided to take up Pansy Parkinson offer. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. I couldn't tell you.
Now, I slowly drive back to my apartment. I listen to Ginny's words over and over in my head. "We're over, Draco Malfoy. I was going to give you another chance if you were willing to stay faithful and help with the baby, but now we're over. Over! For good! I never want to see your smug face again!" It hurts, it hurts something awful and it will for awhile, but time will take away some of the hurt. Eventually. At least I hope so. If not, I may just have to kill myself. It would be so simple. All I have to do is utter two simple words. I wouldn't have to deal with any of the pain anymore. All my problems would be gone for good.
THE END
A/N: Don't forget to review and tell me what you thought. Also, check out my other D/G fic, The Dragon's Savior.