A/N: Here's the chapter that you've all been waiting for. Sort of, anyway. Thank you to everyone who's reviewed so far, I love all your comments (and compliments!). This chapter is for all of you who wrote me a review that contained the phrase 'Harry is so stupid!' There's a little shout-out to that at the end.
Two days later and Ron was threatening to go to Hermione unless Harry magically grew a brain and started absorbing things. Harry was very much afraid that he had a point. He was grateful for Ron's support, but Ron really wasn't the best of teachers and as much as they tried, Harry was still miserably behind.
"That's it, then," Harry said, as they made their way down to Hagrid's hut for Care of Magical Creatures. "You're just going to have to find someone to replace me as Seeker. You can take the captaincy… you'd be a great captain."
Ron looked horrified. "Are you kidding? I can barely go out onto the Quidditch pitch without passing out! I wouldn't last five minutes as captain! Besides, how are we going to train a new Seeker in a matter of weeks?"
Harry shrugged. He wasn't any happier about the prospect than Ron was. "Ginny,"
Harry said. "She can do it. She did last year. Finding a new Chaser would be a little bit easier."
Ron shook his head. "There's no way, Harry. We'll never win without you. We both know it."
Harry kicked miserably at a pebble. "I'm trying. I just don't think there's any way I'll ever catch up. And Snape will never pass me."
"Harry," Ron said quietly. "If you really wanted to catch up-"
"Yeah, I know. Let me think about it, okay?"
Ron nodded bleakly as they neared Hagrid's hut. "Just don't think too long about it."
Hagrid beamed at him as he approached.
"All righ' there, Harry?" he asked.
Harry just shrugged. Hagrid knew that things were far from being okay. However, Hagrid certainly seemed cheerful as he swung a large axe jauntily between his hands.
"Today," he said, once the class was assembled in front of him. "We're goin' to continue our firs' lesson on Yarmuchs. Interestin' little buggers. Everyone did the required research on them I hope?"
Most of the class stared at him in surprise. Harry hadn't the vaguest idea of what he was talking about.
Hagrid looked a little dismayed. "Oh, I see," he said, sounding much less happy. "Well, I suppose it was a while ago. How abou' a volunteer pair? We can work from there…"
The entire class backed up a step.
Hagrid looked cheerful again. "Let's see here… Harry and Hermione. That should work nicely."
Hermione gasped out loud. "Hagrid!" she said faintly. "I don't think that's a very good idea…"
Hagrid looked a little put out. "Why not?"
Harry still wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.
"Hagrid, I think she's right," he said quietly. "This probably isn't a very good idea."
Hagrid grinned. "'Course it is! They're just Yarmuchs…"
"Oh, all right," Hermione said crossly. She approached Hagrid cautiously. Harry followed, uncomfortably aware of the fact that he was standing nearer to her than he had in over a month. She noticed, too, and let out a sharp breath.
Hagrid began striking the ground with the axe and Harry's eyes got very wide as the memory hit him. Yarmuchs! The creatures who's colour was based upon feeling…. Suddenly panicky, Harry's wide-eyes met Hermione's.
"I know!" she hissed quietly. "That's why I didn't… oh no…"
A ball shot up in the air and hovered for a moment before disappearing.
The class o'd and ahh'd. "D'ya see the colour it turned?"
"Looked like bright red to me…"
More round balls shot up in the air. Most of them were pulsing red. Others were black, while others still changed from red to black and back again as if trying to make up their minds.
Harry didn't think it took a genius to figure out what the colours stood for. He began to wish he hadn't gotten out of bed that morning.
Hagrid looked ecstatic. "Workin' perfect-like!" he declared. "Who knows what emotions the Yarmuchs are standin' for"
Hermione had gone very pale. "Please, Hagrid…" she whispered. "Please, don't…"
"Harry?" he prodded, as if he hadn't heard anything Hermione had said.
Harry just shrugged helplessly. "I didn't do the research. I'm sorry, Hagrid."
Hermione sent him a betrayed look. "Don't make me say it!" she said shrilly.
"Aww, Hermione…," Hagrid said, looking a little bit downcast. "Yeh're the on'y one that did the work."
Hermione's eyes filled with tears. "Fine," she whispered. "Fine…" shaking, she pointed to the Yarmuchs. "Red stands for… love… and… and passion…and… trust…." Quivering even more and her voice becoming higher pitched she went on. "Black means sadness or… depression… or…." She shook her head, a tear sliding down her cheek. "It's not a very nice feeling," she said quietly.
Harry felt all the colour drain from his face. He watched Hermione helplessly "Hagrid, stop. Make them go away… this is hurting her..."
Hermione covered her face with her hands. "I can't!" she sobbed. "I'm sorry, Hagrid… I have to…"
Without another word, shoulders shaking, Hermione turned and started running towards the castle. People moved out of her way to let her pass, giving Harry accusing looks as they did so.
Harry watched her stupidly as she made her way to the castle. Feeling completely useless, he clenched his fists. "Hagrid, that wasn't a very nice-"
"Go after her, Harry," Hagrid said quietly, sounding sad.
Harry blinked. "Err… I…" A hundred reasons for why that was such a bad and dangerous idea popped into his head. He ignored them. Without realizing quite what he was doing, Harry tore after her.
He was a faster runner, but she had a good head start on him and when Harry made it to the castle, he found the halls completely abandoned. He looked left and right, frantically trying to figure out where she might have gone. Finally, something in his brain clicked and he chose the left. He ran down it, the pounding of his feet echoing through the hall.
Reaching Moaning Mytle's bathroom he slowed and pushed the door open. Loud sobbing met his ears. Slightly relieved that he'd found the right place, Harry proceeded cautiously.
Moaning Myrtle floated up. "Oh, it's you, is it?" she asked in her hicuppy voice. "Haven't seen you in a while. You never came to visit me…"
Harry pushed past her. "Hermione?" he whispered.
The sobbing stopped. "Go away!"
Harry smiled faintly. "You know I'm not going to."
"Horrible isn't it?" Myrtle asked, not sounding at all horrified. "Probably all torn up about some boy."
Harry swallowed nervously. He approached the stall Hermione was holed up in. Pushing the door open, he found her sitting on the toilet, eyes red and blurry. She didn't look up. Her shoulders shook slightly.
"Please go away, Harry," she whispered.
Harry crouched down beside her. "Not a chance."
She shook her head. "You're only making things worse… there's nothing that you can do…"
Harry shook his head. "Hermione… I hate this. I hate seeing you in pain."
"Then go away!"
She stared sobbing again, drawing her knees up to her chest.
Harry reached out, gently drawing her against him. She went easily, pressing her face against his chest, muffling her sobs. Her tears soaked through his shirt, but he barely noticed. He stroked her hair and murmured things in her ear, not quite sure what he was saying, but hoping they calmed her down, nonetheless.
Her sobs quieted until they became choked cries. Harry continued to rock her, leaning back against the bathroom door.
"It's okay, Hermione," he whispered, holding her tighter. "It's okay…"
"It's not okay," she wailed. "And you know it."
"Shhh…" Harry said desperately.
"No! I WILL not SHHH!" she pulled away from him, her face streaked and angry. "I HATE this! I HATE what this is doing to ME! I HATE WHAT THIS IS DOING TO YOU! I CAN'T do this anymore, Harry!"
Harry felt a pounding behind his eyes. "Okay," he said calmly. "Then… we won't. We'll figure something out…"
Hermione let out a loud shriek of frustration. "Just! JUST SHUT UP!"
Harry, a little taken aback, jerked backwards and banged his head against the bathroom door. He rubbed at it petulantly, staring at Hermione with wide eyes.
"SAY SOMETHING!" she hollered.
"Um… okay… let's see…"
She started sobbing again. "Why? Why are we doing this to ourselves?"
"Because!" Harry said forcefully. "Because… because of Voldermort and a bunch of other things that makes sense! It does, Hermione, I know it does because… because…"
"BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!"
"BECAUSE I REFUSE TO LET VOLDERMORT USE YOU AGAINST ME!"
Hermione cried harder. "Don't yell at me…" she whispered. "Just… don't…"
"You just yelled at me!"
"I yelled at you because you can take it right now and I CAN'T!"
Harry tried to take in several calming breaths. "I'm sorry," he whispered, tucking a lock of hair between her ear. "I didn't mean to yell."
She just shook her head. "Why won't you just leave me alone?"
"Because… I can't…"
"You've left me alone for a month and that hasn't seemed to bother you," she said bitterly. "Do you have any idea what I've been going through?"
"If it was anything like I was going through," Harry said quietly, "then I have a pretty good idea."
She hiccuped, trying to get her tears under control. "Please… go away…"
Harry squeezed his eyes shut, hating the pain he heard in her voice. "No," he said again. "You're right… we can't let things go on like this. We have to… talk."
Hermione stood up suddenly. "Fine," she snapped, opening the stall's door rather forcefully so it hit Harry in the head. "Let's talk."
Harry rubbed at his head and followed Hermione out into the bathroom. He watched as she splashed water on her face and frowned at her reflection in the mirror. Her red eyes stood out on an otherwise pale face and her hair was matted and limp.
"You look really thin," Harry said quietly. "Have you been eating enough?"
Hermione turned off the tap forcefully. "No, I haven't," she hissed. "But I hardly think you're the one who should be lecturing me on taking care of themselves."
Harry flushed. "I can't help it. I care about you. You know that."
She let out a choked scream. "THAT'S WHY WE'RE IN THIS POSITION TO BEGIN WITH! APPARENTLY!"
Harry winced and backed up a step. "Hermione… I'm sorry. I really just want to make you stop crying… I hate seeing you like this, okay? And I know I'm saying all the wrong things. I'm just trying to be honest with you."
Hermione started crying again. She wiped pathetically at her eyes, and tried to stand up straight. "You wanted to talk," she said in a tear-choked voice. "Then talk."
"I…" Harry stared at her hopelessly
"Then I'll talk!" she snapped, tears still leaking out of her eyes. "I can't watch this anymore, Harry. I'm watching you cut yourself off and it's killing me! I care about you more than anyone and I'm not allowed to do anything about it! How is that fair? How is that fair at all?"
"It's… it's not…" Harry said, beginning to get choked up himself. "But… we don't have…"
"A choice," she finished bitterly. "I know. You've taken that from me."
"Hermione," he croaked. "You don't mean that…"
"Yes I do!" she yelled, her throat hoarse. "Don't you see? The one thing you had that Voldermort didn't-people who care about you! People who love you! You're cutting yourself off so you can fight him… and becoming just like him!"
Harry stumbled backwards. "That's not true," he panted heavily. "That's NOT TRUE!"
Hermione blinked at her tears, approaching him cautiously. "The thing that made you different, the thing that makes you more powerful than him… is your ability to love, Harry. You love deeper than anyone else I know." She reached him and put her hand on his cheek. "You love me… I know you do. You should use that… not run from it."
Harry closed his eyes, acutely feeling her palm pressing against his cheek. "What do you want me to do, Hermione?" he whispered brokenly. "I'm trying… I just… I don't know what the right thing is…"
She hugged him, wrapping her arms around his neck, holding on tightly. After a moment, he responded, cradling her close, pressing his face against her neck. He shuddered and all his pent-up misery burst at the feel of having her comfort him. He let out a choked sob and she held him tighter, silently telling him it was okay. She rocked him tightly as he cried.
When he pulled away, his eyes were red and he was wearing a slightly embarrassed expression. "Sorry…" he mumbled.
"Don't you dare," she said quietly. "Not around me. Never around me."
He hung his head and nodded. "Hermione… what are we going to do?"
She let out a deep breath. "Honestly? I don't know."
"Well, clearly," Harry said, trying to sound lighthearted. "This whole 'not talking' thing isn't working."
"We were friends for five years, Harry," Hermione said quietly. "And we managed that well enough, goodness knows, without snogging. We can do it again."
Harry cracked a smile. "Yes, but you always wanted to snog me."
"So I'll keep on wanting to snog you," she replied lightly. "I just won't. And… we'll see."
"Okay," Harry said, rubbing at his eyes. "Okay. Friends. That can't be too hard, right?"
Hermione snorted. "Oh, yes. It'll be bloody fantastic. It'll be the easiest thing we've ever done."
"I'm sensing a little bit of sarcasm… and did you just swear?"
Hermione shot him a murderous look. "I'm not going to lie to you, Harry… the stuff I've been through in the past month… it's been…"
"Painful," Harry said. "It's been really… painful."
Hermione shifted closer to him, looking like she wanted to reach out, but restraining herself. "Yes, it has." She sighed and looked at the ground, a look of misery passing over her face. "And I wish I could blame you, but I don't… I can't."
"Maybe you should," Harry said quietly. "It might make things easier."
"Stop it," she said, sounding dangerously close to tears again. "It's unfair for you to ask me to suddenly just… just cut myself out of your life. It's… impossible." She looked up, meeting his eyes, a look of complete understanding flashing between them.
Six years. They'd been friends for six years. It didn't matter that what they both felt transcended friendship. It didn't matter that being friends now would only complicate things farther. Harry knew she was right. To just ignore each other in hopes that six years of shared experiences would go away… it was impossible.
Harry sucked in a sharp breath, feeling a void in his stomach begin to fill, but another, much different hole, opening in its place. "Even by being my friend-"
"Best friend," she interrupted. "Best friend."
Harry smiled. "Right. Being my best friend… it still puts you in danger. More so than Ron because I…" Harry blushed and stared at a spot on the ceiling. "Because I feel much differently towards you than I do Ron."
"What?" Hermione said, feigning surprise. "You and Ron haven't kissed in the common room yet?"
"Funny," Harry said, glaring at her. "That was very amusing."
Hermione laughed. "Oh, I'm sorry, Harry, but you were asking for it."
Harry couldn't contain his grin, the sound of her laughter after a month apart making him feel deliriously happy. "Hermione, I…" Harry trailed off, not sure what he wanted to tell her. How could he explain how relieved he was to have her back in his life? And how that relief made him feel selfish and guilty? But he couldn't imagine life without Hermione by his side-it was unthinkable. At the same time, a niggling part of his brain was warning him that he and Hermione would never be able to just be friends again.
Hermione just looked at him, her face mirroring his emotions. "I know," she said simply. "But I don't think we should just rush back into anything. I know that I…" she paused and took a deep breath. "I'm not… willing to… open myself up again like that. And you… well, honestly, I think you have quite a number of things you need to sort through."
Harry wasn't sure what she meant by that, but decided not to bring that to attention. "Actually, Hermione, I really need your help." She looked eagerly up at him, her eyes red and hopeful. He told her about how far behind he was, how McGonagall had kicked him off the team, and his worry that he wouldn't be able to come back next year if he didn't pick his grades up.
Hermione chewed her lip thoughtfully, a speculative look on her face. "Three weeks until your next game?"
"Give or take a couple of days."
"And you haven't done any work since we broke up?"
"Ron's been… attempting to help…"
"Right. He's probably been loads of help. Nice bruise on your face, by the way. How did you get that?"
"I… err… there was this door… and it was… I ran into it."
"As long as you and the door worked out your issues," Hermione said with a straight face. "That's the important thing."
"I'm pretty sure the door released whatever remaining anger it had stored up."
Hermione nodded, eyes glinting in amusement. "So… three weeks. Give or take a couple of days."
Harry looked at her pleadingly. "Can we do it?"
"Yes," Hermione answered shortly. "We'll make it. But…"
Harry groaned inwardly. "What?" he asked suspiciously.
"If I'm going to be devoting so much time to you in the next three weeks, you're going to have to do something for me."
"Like…?"
"I don't know yet. I'll let you know when I do." Seeing his widening grin, she frowned. "Not a sexual favour, Harry! FOR MERLIN'S SAKES! WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!"
"Fine," he grumbled. "I know."
"We have to get to class…"
Harry paled. "Oh, no! Transfiguration… I'm in so much trouble…"
"Oh, it hardly matters. You wouldn't have the faintest idea about what was going on, anyway."
She had a point. Harry rubbed blearily at his eyes.
Moaning Myrtle chose that moment to make an appearance. She floated up in between them, her head craning back and forth. Harry stumbled back a step when her face hovered just inches in front of his. "You look terrible," she said in her whiny voice. "All red and splotchy…" She whipped around to stare at Hermione. "You look even worse. All that emotion," she squeaked. "Leaves a mark on the skin…"
Harry didn't have time for this. He scowled. "C'mon, Hermione, let's go."
Hermione looked unsure. "She's right… we do look awful. Maybe we should try and clean up a bit first…"
Harry stared at her. "Since when does personal appearance come before classes?"
"Oh, all right!" she snapped, stalking out of the bathroom and slamming the door in his face again.
Harry followed her, ignoring a blinding headache. "You're still beautiful," he said quietly. "Even with the splotchiness."
"We're friends," she hissed.
"What? I can't think my friend is beautiful…"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because… because… it makes you see me in a non-friend way! And we're not going there!"
"Fine," Harry said huffily. "Then I think you're ugly. I'm not attracted to you at all. The very last thing I want to do is touch you."
Hermione stopped and looked at him dangerously. "You don't mean that!"
Harry scowled. "Of course I don't! I'm just trying to see you in a 'friendly' way…"
"Potter, we're going to make this 'friends' thing work if it's the last thing we EVER do!"
"It probably will be. I think it might kill me."
"Then do you want to stop talking again?" Hermione asked softly.
"No," Harry answered stiffly.
"Then stop thinking I'm beautiful!"
"You don't know what I was thinking!"
"I've known you for almost six years. OF COURSE I KNEW WHAT YOU WERE THINKING!"
Harry took a deep breath. "Look, I can't change the way I think about you. But you're right, okay? We may want to snog… we just can't."
"Believe me, the very last thing I want to do is snog right now!"
Harry stared at her. "Seriously?"
"Yes," she said firmly.
"You're lying. You want to snog me."
"No, I want to kill you."
"You don't mean that."
Hermione stopped suddenly and Harry had to swerve to the left to avoid crashing into her. "Harry," she said in a dangerous voice. "Stop flirting with me."
"Flirting? I'm not flirting…"
She scoffed. "You were."
"No… you were flirting with me."
She frowned. "Well… it has to stop. Now."
"Just answer me one thing first," Harry said. "And then I'll stop."
Hermione cast him a suspicious look. "What?"
"Did you really mean that the last thing you wanted to do was snog?"
She huffed out a breath and blushed. "Did I hurt your ego?"
"Actually…" Harry thought about it for a moment. "Yes."
"Well, if you must know, it's not exactly the last thing on my mind."
Harry let out a groan, followed by a string of curses that would have made Ron proud.
Hermione watched him, eyebrows raised in slight curiosity. "Yes?"
"Well… it's just that… this whole 'being friends' thing… it's awfully difficult." Harry glanced at his watch. "And we've only been at it for 15 minutes."
"You started it."
"It was your suggestion."
"Yes, but you broke up with me." Hermione thought for a moment. "No, it's earlier than that. You kissed me. You put us in this position in the first place. So this is really your fault."
Harry blinked at her. "Hermione, I'm really very stupid."
"Yes, you are."