New A/N: Heh, heh. You know how it is, when you're not paying attention and you screw something up? Well, that's what happened to the original story. I deleted it right from Portkey even with all the warnings it gave. Been a long, LONG day. Anyway, here's chapter one again. Chapter two is almost finished and there's going to be a chapter 3 to wrap it all up. Sorry to those who reviewed. :-(
A/N: This little fic came to me this morning on the way to work when I heard this song. The song is "The Reason" by Hoobastank. The story is set directly after Order of the Phoenix. Harry writes a letter to Hermione.
As usual, neither the characters, nor the song belong to me. But all of the above are so great, that I had to borrow them. No money is being made from this at all.
The letter is in between the asterisks and the lyrics are in italics.
*****
Harry sat at his desk, absently petting Hedwig, trying to get a hold of the previous year. The events that took place during his fifth year just kept playing in his mind like a movie. Suddenly, Hermione popped into his head, again. He was really confused anymore. He was losing everything … but he couldn't lose her.
Harry grabbed his quill and began to write before he lost his nerve.
*
Dear Hermione,
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
I can't believe what an idiot I've been lately. It's my fault that Sirius is dead.
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
Worst of all, I dragged you into danger and almost got you killed. Hermione, how can I make that right?
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be I've been such a bastard that I can't stand myself. I was so mean to everyone, even you. Granted, I had a dark lord in my head, but that's no excuse to be short with you. I can't even begin to ask for your forgiveness. But know that I am going to change. I'm going to fix all of this.
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And you're the reason, Hermione. It's all because of you. I can't believe I'm actually writing this, but it's the truth. You're my reason for going on. I wish I had the strength to actually say this to your face, but I guess my Gryffindor courage will only go so far.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
Everyday of my life, I'll see your lifeless body in the Department of Mysteries. How can I ever forget that? I keep replaying it. It's haunting me. I even keep going back to it in this stupid letter.
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
I certainly didn't make it an easy year on you, yet you always stuck by my side. I wish more than anything that I could take it all away and make your fifth year even better than the first four, instead of the most deadly.
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
Hermione, I have to say this. After seeing you in the Department of Mysteries, I thought my life was over. I was lost until Neville said you had a pulse. My reason for living had come back in a rush. If I ever lost you, I'd be losing myself. You are the reason, Mione. Just you.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm a better person just for knowing you. And now that I know what I have to do, I have an added strength that Voldemort will never have. I have love on my side. I don't know if I would ever be so lucky to have your love in return, but I have to tell you that I love you, Hermione. I never knew what love was until I met you. I only knew love as a baby and then it was gone. But now, love is right in front of me and it's you.
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
I want to be an even better person and I know with you by my side, I can do that. I don't mean to put you in an awkward position, but you need to know all of this. I need you, Mione. I know that now. It's strange for me to feel this and to actually want to express it, but I guess that's just what you do to me. You've turned my life upside down and I don't want to make it right. Please reply to this as soon as you can. I anxiously await your reply.
*
Harry stared at the page. Just like her, it was perfect … wasn't it?
"Well, Hedwig, what do you think? Should I send it?" he asked the snowy owl.
The owl hooted loudly and held out her foot, as if to say, "Of course send it! Get it ready and I'll take it now!"
"Ok, ok. Hold on and let me sign it."
He looked at the paper and quickly jotted, Love, Harry at the bottom.
"Ok, girl. Take it to Hermione. And wish me luck," he said as he tied to note to his pet's leg.
Hedwig took off before Harry could change his mind and left him to wait for her reply.