Honey and the Moon
Lily and James fluff fic inspired by 'Honey and the Moon' by Joseph Arthur. In 2 parts, with the possibility of a companion based on the ending.
Don't know why I'm still afraid
If you weren't real I would make you up now
Wish that I could follow through
And know that your love is true
And deep as the sea
But right now everything you want is wrong
And right now all your dreams are waking up
And right now I wish I could follow you
To the shores of freedom
Where no one lives
The dying light of the fire was the only thing lighting the Gryffindor common room as Lily Evans sat huddled in the corner, scribbling furiously on a roll of parchment that already went over the edge of the table and sat in several curls underneath it. Her eyelids were heavy and she was desperate for sleep, but she wanted to finish this first… if she didn't finish it she never would and it would haunt her forever.
Most people had assumed that the pretty sixth year Prefect was working hard on some essay and had left her alone- disturbing Lily Evans from study was as safe as poking a sleeping dragon in the eye.
But for the first time ever, she wasn't studying. Instead she was pouring her energy into a letter that could change her life forever.
Finally, her eye lids grew too weary to hold open any longer and she rolled the parchment back up and sealed it, leaving it on the table and heading into bed.
~*~
From where he sat on the stairs to the boys dormitory, James watched Lily yawn and put her quill down and roll the parchment up. He wondered if she knew that whenever she stayed up studying he would wait in the stairwell, watching her, making sure she was alright.
He watched as she left the parchment on the table and headed past the boys stairs. And as he watched her, he could've sworn she looked up the stairs and winked.
No- Lily Evans would never do that. Curiosity got the better of James and after he heard the door up the girls staircase close, he headed down the stairs, back into the common room and picked up the scroll of parchment.
His heart stopped beating when he saw that his own name was written in her delicate writing. When it started to beat again, he sat down in the seat she had only just vacated and unrolled the parchment.
James,
I can't believe I am writing this letter. I have been trying to work up the courage for so many weeks now, but I just haven't been able to. I think the reason I haven't been able to is because I am scared- scared of the possible ramifications this letter. Which probably makes you a little scared reading that- oh I'm just rambling.
I guess I should start how I planned to start.
James Potter, you are the most infuriating person I have ever met. Period. I went to a muggle school and I didn't meet anyone who has the ability to piss me off as severely as you do sometimes. Somehow, sometimes, just by walking into a room you annoy me so much that I have to leave.
You are possibly the meanest person I have ever encountered- the way you bully the Slytherin's is unbelievable- especially Severus Snape. Whilst I agree that he's maybe not the nicest person in the world, you don't need to go around cursing him 'just because he exists'. And Sirius- well, he's just as bad, but this isn't about Sirius and me. It's about you and me- about us.
Yes, you read that correctly. About us.
James, you've never made your feelings for me secret- 98% of Hogwarts knows. Ever since our first year you've trailed behind me, a love sick puppy dog. I know that as I'm writing this, you're watching me. And I know that if I am up later than everyone else, you will sit in the stairwell and watch me until I go to bed. Oh yes, I know these things. I might not follow you around the school and pretend that I just happen to be going the same way, but I do watch you James Potter.
Which is why I am writing this letter. James, through watching you for the last few months I've gotten to know you separate to 'James Potter, bullying git'. You're not that person at all. You've become someone else to me. You're not half bad, Potter. You're funny- you make me laugh, just by watching you and Sirius sometimes. You're, and I know you would never freely admit it, you're smart. I've seen your marks in Transfiguration over your shoulder- you did better than me, Potter and I'm not really liking that so much.
Oh- what was I saying. Liselle just came over and completely interrupted me and now I've lost my train of thought!
James, you've become quiet towards me this year. I was used to your loud 'Evans, will you go out with me?' at completely random moments- though I admit I am still thoroughly embarrassed about the very public display at the Quidditch match in fourth year. When we'd passed into November and you hadn't yet asked me out once, I grew worried and almost went to Madam Pomfrey to see if you were perhaps on some sort of calming potion. And that was when I started to watch you. And here we are now, in June, in the dying days of the year before we separate for two months for the summer.
And that is why I am timing this letter for now. It gives us the summer apart to think things over and come back in September, knowing what we want. Because, I've wanted to ask you this for a while, James. Do you really want me? Or has chasing after me just become a habit and if you were really with me you'd realise you've wasted all these years? And to be perfectly honest, I'm not too sure what I want. From the moment we met you have stirred up giant emotions in me, emotions I didn't even know I could feel. And even now you're doing it to me.
Maybe I am just rambling on and on about nothing. When I give you this letter, you're probably going to read it once and scrunch it up and throw it into the nearest bin. I needed to get a lot of things off my chest and I could never ever say any of this direct to your face without first knowing how you'd react. Yeah, I know, I'm just a giant scaredy cat.
I do have a point to this letter- and I'm getting to it, I promise. See, even though I'm scared of saying this stuff to your face, I know that that scared feeling goes hand in hand with everything else I'm feeling right about now. And I don't know if what I am feeling is the right thing to be feeling, or whether or not I am just dreaming of something so incredibly impossible that when I wake up, I will feel so disheartened because the dream felt so real- you know those dreams? Right now I want things that I have never wanted before- such as you. A point you've probably picked up through my ramblings. I like you James Potter and it is terrifying me right down to the core, because of everything I have listed above. You've turned into the person I love to hate and hate to love.
And I didn't mean to use 'love' there. Well, I did, but I didn't mean it as 'love'. I'm far to young for 'love'- I'm in way over my head there… ignore that, oh please ignore that…
And it's getting late and this letter is long enough as it is- I didn't mean for it to get so long, but you just can't shut me up sometimes. And most of it is pointless drabble, but, well, you're just going to have to read it, aren't you?
I'm going to leave this here on this table for you. I know you're watching me- believe me, it's taking a lot of restraint to stop myself from going up those stairs and shouting at you, just for the sheer joy of yelling at you. You're great for venting frustrations, did you know that?
And if you want to talk, go and sit on the lounge in front of the fire. Don't ask how I'll know you're there- just trust me, alright?
Lily
James rolled up the parchment and put it on the table in front of him and let the words she had written wash over him. He was shaking. As he tried to make his mind focus, he thought he heard something behind him. He pushed it aside, before his mind focused on the end of her letter. Smiling wryly to himself, he stood up and headed over towards the girls staircase. He stood beside it and face into the common room, the smile now a smirk.
'Lily, I know you're sitting there,' he said and after a few moments, turned and looked up the stairs. Lily was indeed standing there, in her nightgown, and she looked furious.
'So- I can sit wherever I want,' she said, folding her arms and glaring at him.
'Not after that letter you can't,' James said evenly. 'What- where did that come from?'
'Didn't you read it properly? It's been building up for so long that if I didn't write it down soon I was going to explode,' she said, taking a step up the staircase a bit further. 'Now, I'm going to bed. Please don't mention that letter again. Not yet.'
She turned and ran up the stairs and James headed back over to the letter and quickly re-read it and focused on one part.
And that is why I am timing this letter for now. It gives us the summer apart to think things over and come back in September, knowing what we want.