A/N: I took this down from ff.n then decided to upload it here. Well, I'm not sure how original this is. Flames and reviews welcomed. Oh right, just a small…
WARNING: This story includes mild self mutilation (In this chapter only), and reference to religion. Please take into account that I'm in no way trying to preach to anyone about religion (I'm was baptized as a Catholic when I was a baby; however, I grew up to be an atheist--much to my mother's disappointment) If any of the aforementioned offends you in anyway, I'm sorry.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or "We're In This Together" by Nine Inch Nails. Concept taken from The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold.
Claimer: A pair of pink shorts with little red and purple flowers all over them, and a fuzzy brown pen with a large monkey head on the end.
Summary: Hermione's in heaven, literally.
…Paper Soldier…
The farther I fall I'm beside you
As lost as I get I will find you
The deeper the wound I'm inside you
For ever and ever I'm a part of
You and me
We're in this together now
None of them can stop us now
We will make it through somehow
You and me
Even after everything
You're the queen and I'm the king
Nothing else means anything
"We're In This Together" -- Nine Inch Nails
I don't remember much about my death, or the time around it. All I know is that it was quick and painless. At least that's how Dumbledore explained it to Harry and Ron. I remember watching them after. The vision of Harry's eyes glazing over and Ron falling to the ground still haunts me. I wish I could have been there, or that they could have seen a ghost of me. Anything just to let them know that I was alright and missed them more than they'll ever know.
I still miss them. Even now as I watch them sleeping. Ron snoring lightly and thrashing about on his bed, and Harry mumbling incoherent sentences from what I can only assume is a nightmare. I imagine running my fingers through Harry's silky hair and sigh. I love everyone I've left behind, but him the most.
Everything about him. Everything he does, or says, or thinks. I'm so proud of how he has handled everything that has happened to him; although, I know that he wishes he didn't exist at times. I watch as his eyes snap open and he stares blankly at the ceiling. It's almost as if he can see me, look right through my eyes into my soul. My stomach tightens as he pushes his covers aside and walks into the bathroom.
He stares at his reflection with disgust, his forehead pressed against the cool glass. The pale light coming through the window falls softly across his face, exaggerating his features. His damp hair hangs limply as he pulls away from the mirror and scowls.
"You're worthless," he mumbles to the still night air. His gaze lands on Seamus' razor, and his pale hand reaches for it. I let out a gasp as his knobby fingers bring the blade to rest on his palm. With one swift motion a thin line of blood sprouts out from his index finger to his wrist. I cringe as the familiar stinging of tears enters my eyes.
Why him? Why now? Why wont someone, Ron, Neville--anyone--wake up and stop him? Why is this happening? Why Harry? Why my Harry?
He watches in twisted fascination as his warm blood trickles down his arm. I turn away as he raises the razor again. My vision fuzzes and I no longer see Harry standing bare-chested in the middle of the boy's bathroom, but Ron's sleeping form. I shut my eyes and will myself to become solid. A ghost, a voice, mist, anything. I imagine shaking Ron, and my eyes snap open as he lets out a moan and blearily opens his eyes.
He looks around confused before shrugging and turning over. His gaze lands on Harry's empty bed, and he sits up fully awake. I watch as he stands up and looks around the dormitory uncertainly. There's a clatter as something falls and he walks slowly towards the bathroom. He pushes the door open and gasps.
Harry is on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest as he rocks back and forth. Tears make their way slowly down his cheeks as he stares at his blood covered hands in astonishment. The razor lays several feet away, gleaming dangerously on the tiled floor.
"Wh--What the Hell were you doing?" Ron asks shakily. "Better yet, what the bloody Hell were you thinking?!"
"I don't know," Harry mumbles as he buries his face in his hands. "I didn't. I wasn't thinking."
Ron just stares at him in disbelief. My shoulders shake with the effort it takes not to scream. I want to reach out and strangle Harry for being so stupid. So desperate for a way out.
"I saw her," Harry whispers. His voice is so low that Ron has to kneel before him to hear. "In my dream. I was fighting Voldermont, then nothing. I was suddenly laying in a field, and when I sat up she was there. She was just standing there, smiling."
"C'mon," Ron says quietly as he helps Harry up. I feel a dull ache in my chest as Ron helps Harry wash and bandage his hands. Ron watches sadly as Harry walks back to his bed. Turning back, Ron bends down and picks up the razor. He stares at it oddly before chucking it in the garbage and going to bed. I smile through my tears as he pulls the covers over himself. I have never been so proud of him in my entire life.
* * * * * * *
Heaven. It isn't as grand as I though it would be. It's nothing but open field with large swaying willows and small streams. I always pictured coming to the big pearly gates and growing wings. I didn't though. I just sort of woke up, only in heaven. There's other people here. I thought I spotted Sirius once, but I think I was imagining it.
I met Harry's mom. She's my mentor. You get mentors here in heaven; although, I don't know why. It's not as if we have to learn to be dead. We already are.
"Hermione," Lily calls as she makes her way through the knee high grass. I sit up slowly and smile at her.
"Hello," I say as she seats herself next to me. She turns to look at me and I feel a shiver run down my spine. Harry's eyes.
"How are you feeling?" She asks quietly, her head tilted to the side. I don't answer and instead turn my gaze away from her. I watch as a small girl with pigtails chases a boy who looks as if he's my age. How am I feeling?
Am I sad? Scared? Do I even feel anything? These questions run over and over in my head as the little girl catches the boy. He smiles real huge, reminding me of a clown, and spins her around. I shake my head as her laughter reaches my ears and turn to Lily.
"I don't know," I shrug. "I'm not sure how I feel. Sad, I guess."
Lily nods her head and pulls her legs to her chest. She turns away from me and stares off into the distance, her eyes glassy.
"I was angry," she says softly. "I was so mad at God for doing this to me. I wanted to be there, on Earth. Alive. I wanted to watch Harry grow, to be there for him. I was sad, too. I was separated from James when I got here. I still haven't found him, but I know I will. Someday."
I watch as a light breeze ruffles her thick red hair. Her yes are closed and a sad smile plays on her pink lips. I reach out and take a hold of her pale hand. She squeezes softly, and I squeeze back.
"I use to watch the two of you," Lily says after a while. The boy and girl are gone, and an old man with pepper gray hair is looking up at the sky. "You and Harry."
"Oh," I say, unsure of what to say next.
"He used to smile so much around you," She says turning to look at me. "Whenever you'd walk into a room I'd see the way his eyes would light up. He was happy. You made him happy. Thank you."
I shrug my shoulder and wipe the tears from my face with my free hand. "No problem," I hiccup. Lily laughs and envelopes me in a hug. Both of us a tangle of limbs and tears with runny noses.
* * * * * * *
My eyes snap open as my body jerks. My heart is racing, and my breathing coming in short gasps. A nightmare. It was just a nightmare, I remind myself as I push up from the dry ground. I reach up a shaky hand and wipe the tears that have formed in the crevices of my eyes. Small, salted droplets of water. I let out a shaky sigh and lean back, resting on my elbows.
It had felt so real. The grip on my arms, the intense pain on my inner thigh. The steely glares and crude jeers, they all seemed to be so real. What if it had happened? I don't remember anything about my death, and it can very well be a memory. A cold shiver runs down my spine, and I roll onto my side. The soft sound of crickets and the humming of the grass swaying in the breeze send me into a fitful sleep.
"Hermione!" A deep voice calls as I make my way down the stone steps of Hogwarts. I turn around in time to see a black haired friend of mine making his way out the massive oak doors. They close behind him with a soft thud, and he smiles as he reaches me.
"Hey," I grin sheepishly. My heart rate increases, and a flush works its way up my cheeks. We walk in silence along the shore of the lake, neither of us needing any words. Harry stops suddenly, his hand snaking down my arm to wrap protectively around my mitten covered hand.
"Do you hear that?" He asks, pulling his wand out. A sudden burst of light, yelling, and everything gets fuzzy. I feel Harry slump beside me as my world turns black. White, blue, a faint yellow. The colors swirl in odd patterns. I'm reminded of when I was little, looking through kaleidoscopes on hot Summer nights. My eyes flutter open and I'm met with dim torch light. Sitting up I realize I'm in a dungeon. My body shakes as I pull myself up.
"Acbee," A rattling voice calls from a dark corner. "She's awake."
"Well, don't just stand there," Acbee answers, stepping into the light. "Get her out and ready for our Lord."
I'm pulled violently to my feet, a dull pounding crawling slowly through my head, intensifying with every passing second. My vision spins and I fall forward, a foul stench reaching my nose as I empty my stomach on the hay covered ground. Acbee laughs and squats down before me. He takes my chin in his hand and tilts my head back.
"It's a pity he wants you to stay pure," He says with a shake of his head. "But don't worry, Princess, we get you after."
My eyes sting as tears make there way down my cheeks. Acbee grins and leans down, his lips crashing on mine in a bruising kiss. I whimper, and try to pull back. His hand snakes down to take hold of my-
"Baby, wake up," Lily pleads frantically. I sit up quickly, my arms flying around her neck. I hold her tightly as strangled sobs barely escaping my throat. "Oh, you poor thing."
"I…I remember," I choke out as Lily rocks me gently. "I'm staring to…"
"Hush, Baby," she says softly, placing feather light kisses atop my head. "It's ok, you're safe."
We sit there for quite some time. Me crying, Lily comforting.
* * * * * * *
"Do you believe in God?" Ron asks as he and Harry stare out at the lake. Harry shrugs his shoulders and throws the last of the orange peels onto the lakes surface. They sit in silence as the peels sink slowly, fading away into a hazy darkness.
"Do you believe in him?" Harry asks as he brings his cup to his lips.
"No," Ron answers. He looks at Harry before shaking his head slowly. "Sometimes I try to believe. Pretend he exists, that there is something out there. Mum's always trying to get me to read the Bible and pray."
"I've never prayed," Harry says softly. I fidget uncomfortably as he reaches to scratch his knee. He and Ron have been sitting on the large boulders talking all day. It almost seems impossible that the conversation will end.
"You've never once prayed?" Ron asks, surprise and amazement evident in his voice.
"The Dursley's aren't exactly the religious type," Harry shrugs. I sigh softly, wishing I could reach out to them. "Have you ever prayed?"
"Yes."
"What's it like?" Harry asks with a childlike innocence. A dull pain in my chest signals a change, and my vision blurs.
A room. So completely bare. Bright white walls, hardwood floor, and a bay window over looking the foamy waves of the ocean. My father steps into the room, his face blank off all emotion. He traces the walls, imagining what use to be.
"Richard?" My mother says softly, her hand coming to rest on his shoulder. An iron grip takes hold of my heart, and I double over. Tears threaten to spill as my father turns and buries his head in the crook of my mothers neck.
"She's gone," He chokes out, his voice muffled in her hair. My mothers slim arms wrap securely around my fathers waist.
"No she isn't," She whispers. "She's still here. In our memories, our hearts, our souls. She's our baby, she'll never leave."
A sob escapes my chapped lips as I shut my eyes tightly. Why? Why does it all hurt so much? I feel lightheaded, and very faintly I hear Ron and Harry.
"And the other one?" Harry asks as I blearily open my eyes. "How does it go?"
"The Our Father?" Ron says, shifting his position. Harry nods and Ron's brows sink in concentration. "I don't remember all of it, just small parts."
"Can I hear them?" Harry asks, his gaze focused on the squid as he lazily stretched in the warm sun.
"Sure," Ron answers, a ghost of a smile on his lips. The first one's 'Thy kingdom come/Thy will be done/On earth as it is in heaven', and the other is 'Lead us not into temptation/But deliver us from evil'. "
Harry nods and turns to look at Ron with hooded eyes. They stare at each other, neither saying a word. And I know, that some how, they've come to an agreement of sorts. One for all, and all for one.
* * * * * * *
"This is the road you'll take," Lily says as we walk out of the tall grass and onto a long dusty road. I squint against the sun, and watch as steam rises off the dirt road.
"I'm suppose to walk the whole way?" I ask skeptically. "Can't I just fly or something?"
"Baby," Lily grinned. "This is the afterlife, we're not angels."
"Well, you'd think that if God gave us heaven he'd at least give us a way to travel around," I pout, my arms crossed over my chest. Lily raises an eyebrow, and I roll my eyes. "Beside on foot."
"You're expecting too much," Lily laughs. "Besides, you only get what you deserve."
"And I'm guessing no one deserves wings?"
"Ok, you," Lily says in mock sternness. "Get to traveling."
"But I don't wanna," I whine. Lily sighs and throws her arms up in mock frustration.
"What am I going to do with you?" She asks.
"Give me wings," I grin.
"No," She smiles. She closes her eyes briefly and when they open they're glossy with tears. "Now go."
I look at her carefully, unsure of what to do. She steps back and disappears into the air. Invisible. I hesitate before starting my journey down the long road. My tattered white dress feels heavy on my shoulders by the time night falls, and my stomach growls. Sighing, I pull myself of the road and lie down for a night rest.
"You look just like her," Voldermont hisses as he circles me slowly. "You have here eyes, her mouth, even her smarts. But there's one thing you're lacking, and that's her blood."
I flinch away as a long, pale fingers come up to caress my check. Voldermont's eyes glare down at me, two red slits on rotten skin.
"Do you fear me?" He asks amusedly as his hand travels down my neck and rests on my shoulder. I shake my head. He just smiles and leans forward. His face hovers inches above mine, and it takes all my strength not to cry. I clench my fists, my whole body tightening. Voldermont steps back, a hollow laugh escaping his lips. The group of Death Eaters surrounding us join in the laughter.
"My Lord," Malfoy says as he steps forward before quickly falling to one knee. "Perhaps you can grace the Lady with a kiss."
Loud shouts of approval follow Lucius' request. I take a frightened step back, and stumble on the white gown I've been put in. Voldermont laughs and pulls me close.
"Close your eyes," He whispers harshly, his grip on my arms sure to bruise. "And imagine your orphan boyfriend."
"You ok?" A voice asks as I'm shaken awake. My eyes snap open and I scamper away from the person that's woken me.
"Leave me alone," I plead, my voice coming out bellow a whisper. My heart pounds wildly against my chest as the person stands.
"Hermione?" They ask, squinting down at me. "Is that you?"
"Sirius?" I ask dazed as he bends down. His black hair glows blue in the afternoon sun, and a warmth works its way through my body.
* * * * * * * *
Ok, there's the first chapter. Reviews and flames welcomed!…Please?