A/N: A hopefully quick update, woohoo! I'm on a roll! Thanks to meag, Rowena, Maegmel, PrettyPadfoot, Marie, laila, rachel, Kalypso, slymom, OrangeCrush, queenbea175, Big T, and funky faerie87 for reviewing! Keep doing what you do, and I'll keep updating. Thanks for keeping my spirits up.
"We Might As Well Be Strangers" is by Keane. Love them. A magazine just recently compared them to Coldplay as their "followers" or some type of "mock music" and gr, stupid magazine! How dare you! Besides a singer, a piano and Great Britain they're completely different. Gr. Just gr.
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Seven Days Later
Chapter Four: We Might As Well Be Strangers
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"GET YOUR FUCKING FERRET HANDS OFF HER!"
I was brought back, quite harshly, to reality at the sound of Harry's voice whipping across the Quidditch field. We broke off to see him running towards us, his wand outstretched in an iron grip as his broom dangled in his other hand.
"I said to get your fucking ferret hands off of her," he stated again and Draco raised his hands in mock defeat, lifting his eyebrows and smirking at Harry.
"Harry," I spat, narrowing my eyes at him. "What the hell are you doing?"
"That's what I should be asking you!" he nearly screamed, his eyes widening at the glare of my own. "You're...you're...you're..."
"Snogging me, yes."
My eyes snapped to Draco as he finished Harry's sentence for him. Harry opened his mouth but quickly shut it in annoyance.
"I know what you two were doing," he finally hissed.
"Obviously," I muttered, shaking my head. "Harry, put your wand down." Draco snickered and I shot him a look...what a perverted bastard.
"Let's go, Ginny." Harry grabbed my arm and tugged me away from Draco, who gave me a small smile before turning around, placing his hands within his robe pockets and humming.
Egotistical prick.
"What the fucking hell were you doing!" Harry muttered angrily as we trudged back to the common room.
"I thought that was obvious," I said quietly. Harry let out a deep moan of exasperation and twirled me around so I was facing him, feet from the Hogwarts steps.
"I'm serious," Harry said, looking me in the eyes as his hands held my shoulders. "I'm being bloody serious, Gin. Snogging Draco Malfoy? What were you thinking?"
"I don't know, I...well...I came down here for a fly and he was there and..."
"And you were so bored you decided to snog bleeding Malfoy?!"
"No! What type of tramp do you take me for, Harry?!"
"You were sno-"
"We've already gotten past that." Damnit, why was Harry being such a complete and total mosquito bite on my fucking ass?! "Look, I don't expect you to understand, but Draco and I...we...well, I don't know about we...I hope we...okay, I know that I...well..."
"You can't possibly love him, or something absurd like that," Harry said, his eyes widening again. "Right? Tell me I'm right, Gin, I don't think I could take another answer."
"I was just comforting him," I went on, avoiding his question and his eyes altogether. "His mum's death really rattled him, and I was comforting him and the next thing I know, he kisses me and I sorta...well...kissed him back..."
"You're avoiding the question."
Damnit.
I sighed, my eyes finding purchase on my shoes.
I don't know.
It was a question I was asking myself, too.
"I don't know," I whispered. Harry sighed deeply, straightening his back as he took his hands off my shoulders. "I just...I think I might be falling for him..."
"How can you be falling for Draco Malfoy? Did he poison you, or something? Love Potion?" His eyebrows scrunching together, he added quietly, "Lust Potion?"
"Harry! Be reasonable."
"Impossible. I'm scarred for life. I come down here for a relaxing flight and I see you snogging Malfoy...it'll give me nightmares for years, Gin. Years. I just want to know what you were thinking, sno-"
"How many times do you have to say that?! Repeating it over and over won't erase my actions! I don't know what I was thinking, I wasn't exactly recording my thoughts while I was snogging the dirty bastard!"
"Why would you snog him if he's a bastard?"
"Because I like him!" I exploded, throwing my hands in the air as I looked at Harry. "I like that he's a bastard, because it makes me feel good that I know a part of him no one else does! I like that he's a bastard because it's so human, so real, ripping that mask off him and finding the vulnerable flesh beneath it. Because he makes me feel real, too, in some way...because he makes me fucking angry and yell and scream and feel all sorts of sinful passion when we argue!"
Noticing Harry's silence I continued, nearly spitting in his face.
"I like that he's shown me something secret and forbidden. That for once, I'm trusted with something that important. To him, I'm not the sister of six older brothers, the youngest Weasley, tagalong, admirer of Harry Potter. I'm Ginny Fucking Weasley. An equal."
"He'll never consider you an equal, Gin," Harry muttered.
"He does," I snapped, my eyes brimming with tears, "He will."
"He won't," Harry muttered again, with that maddening calmness. "He's just softening you up to get you into bed with him so he can use it against us."
"Is that all I'm worth?! I'm just a pair of legs, a bleeding walking trophy? Is that all you see me as?!"
"Gin, no! You-"
"He's not Lucius, Harry...he's Draco, his own person. Just give him a chance-"
"To screw us over? To drag us into a trap? I don't trust the Ferret, and why you trust him is beyond any measure of comprehension-"
"His father just murdered his mother! Murdered, Harry! He...he's different, now...He is...really, Harry, he is..."
"Who're you trying to convince, Gin."
"I know he's different," I whispered fervently.
"I don't care what you say, he's a Malfoy and-"
"Well you're a Dursley, and-"
"How dare you!" Harry bellowed. "I'm a Potter!"
"They're still blood relatives," I screamed. "Percy's a Weasley! Hagrid's a half giant! Sirius is a Black!"
"Was," Harry muttered.
I opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out. We stood there, the wind hitting us with the force of our words before I sighed and raked my fingers through my hair as it whipped beyond the constrains of my ears.
"Was," I eventually echoed.
"I don't care what you say, Malfoy's not to be trusted, and I won't allow you to see him privately anymore."
"Have you forgotten? We have our presentation in a few days, and we haven't exactly-"
"Bullshit. I know you've assigned parts, you don't need to rehearse together, alone."
"You can't do this to me, Harry. I'm my own person, you can't just-"
"You see him again and I'll tell Ron."
"Tell him!" I screamed, prodding Harry in the chest. "Tell everyone! I don't fucking give a damn!"
"Ginny, why are you doing this? Why is he so important to you?"
Those words stopped me.
Why was he so important to me?
I might be falling for him, but a crush was never...
"He...he isn't. It's the symbolism of it, Harry. The injustice that a name automatically brings to a person that overshadows any second chances. His mum was just murdered by his father, and still everyone considers him his father's son. It's just..wrong, Harry."
"I don't think that's it," Harry whispered, fixing the position of his glasses.
"You don't think at all, that's it," I replied, glaring at him. I twirled around and stomped back to the common room, relieved to see that I wouldn't have to deal with Hermione's questions.
I nestled into the thankfully empty armchair and sighed, closing my eyes.
Bleeding hell.
~-~-~-~-~-~
Tomorrow we had our presentation and we hadn't met to rehearse. I knew I had my lines memorized but I just wanted the secure knowledge that we would be all right.
I mean, our presentation.
I passed him in the hall and moved to grab his arm but Harry came out of nowhere, stepping between me and Draco. Draco glared at Harry and we passed, no interaction whatsoever.
"Git!" I whispered into his ear.
He didn't say anything, just looked at me before escorting me to my next class.
Eugh.
I skipped lunch so I could get some last minute crunching for my Arithmacy exam. But upon entering the Entrance Hall for dinner, ten minutes later than everyone else, a hand grabbed my arm and I was pulled into the dark alcove next to the doors.
"She-Weasel," Draco whispered.
"Snotty Ferret."
"Touché."
"What do you want?"
"A quick snog before dinner."
"Prat," I muttered, pushing my hands against his chest. "What we really should be doing is rehearsing."
"Oh, don't worry about that. I've got everything memorized and in place in my perfectly sculpted head."
"But I do worry. Oh so much."
He grinned at my sarcasm and before I knew it, the words I'd been dying to ask spilled out of my mouth.
"What are we going to do now?"
"About what? I said not to worry, and I think even you can manage to get a few lines-"
"No, I meant about...about yesterday..."
"What about yesterday?"
"On the Quidditch Pitch. Don't act like an idiot, Draco. You may be an arrogant prick and a bastardly ass but you're not stupid."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"Answer my question."
"What question?"
Suddenly Harry's words flooded back to me. He thought Draco snogged me to get down my pants, or up my skirt, as a trophy. To terrorize me, taunt Ron, ruin the Weasley name. I know that's what he thought...
But that couldn't be it...could it?
And before I knew it, I was spilling words again.
"Tell me it meant something, that...that I meant something."
"That's not a question."
"Just tell me!"
Draco hesitated before chuckling, pulling me closer and whispering, "Haven't we talked enough?"
"It...it did mean something to you, didn't it? Our kiss?"
"Of course it did."
"What did it mean?"
Draco blinked at me, his face smooth and without emotion.
"What exactly do you want it to mean?"
"I..."
"It meant I wanted you, and you wanted me. So let's just-"
Oh.
Harry...was right.
He was right.
"Harry's right," I whispered, shoving Draco away from me.
"Potter?" Draco spat, a trace of anger in his eyes. "What does Potter have to do with this?"
"You don't care about me at all," I stated, blinking. "I'm nothing to you but a trophy."
"Now see here, you-"
But I had nothing to say. I didn't want to hear anything he was saying, either. So I turned around and began to walk away...only to have his hand roughly tug me back.
I whirled around and before he saw what was coming I slapped him, hard, across the cheek. The clap was heard throughout the hall and it reverberated against the cold, stone walls.
"Do I, or do I not, mean something to you." His silence reached my ears and after ten seconds I couldn't bear it any longer. "Didn't it mean anything to you?"
"We only snogged!" Draco finally said, avoiding my eyes. "For Merlin's sake, what do you want from me? Professing my eternal love?"
Then it hit me.
I did.
I really did.
I didn't want him professing eternal love, but I did want something from him...I wanted him to tell me I wasn't hallucinating, imagining things. That he felt something, just like I'd felt something...that I was something.
That he kissed me not because he was horny or because he figured it would just be another snog, but because he wanted it to mean something...because I meant something to him and he wanted to share that with me.
And the moment I grasped that I realized that he never would, never did, feel the same way.
"No," I finally said, walking away from him. "I would never want that from a Malfoy."
~-~-~-~-~-~
I was sitting once again in my favorite armchair, gazing into the fireplace. Fire. That's what I was. That's what I was always referred to...Mum used to call me her little fireball. To dad, I was his eternal flame. Never doused. Couldn't be doused.
I was blazing, a temper like a wildfire, soothing like a fireplace on a cold winter's night.
That was me.
But I had been extinguished, for a moment. I had let Malfoy do that to me.
"Gin?"
"Hey, Harry."
"You...okay?"
"You were right," I said monotonously, still gazing into the fire. "You were right."
"I...I'm sorry..."
"Doubtful."
"I don't like seeing you hurt, Gin. Better now than...well...later...it's for the best, really..."
"I suppose it is."
Harry sighed and sat across from me on the couch, handing me a piece of fudge.
"I brought you a piece of dessert."
"Thanks," I whispered, holding it limply in my hands.
"Chocolate makes you feel better."
"A fact every girl knows. Especially Hermione. She'll try to keep it a secret as long as possible, but she's addicted. She's been munching chocolate by the barrels lately."
"Oh," Harry muttered, looking guilty.
"All your fault," I said, laying my head on the top of the armchair. "Avoiding her the way you have, she feels miserable."
"It's not like I want to avoid her, I-"
"Then why do you do it?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.
"Because...oh bloody hell, Gin, it's because I think I love her."
My head snapped up.
I hadn't expected that.
"You think what?"
Harry sighed, closing his eyes as if reprimanding himself for what he had just uttered.
"You love Hermione?" I whispered. "But I thought Ron..."
"He's gotten over her," he stated. "And this whole project's been giving Hermione and I a lot of time together, just the two of us. And you know...I really think I...I love her...but I can't be sure, I've never really loved someone like that before...maybe it's just...inconsequential...anyway, I couldn't do anything about it. Hermione's too important to me to play with as a girlfriend, it could ruin-"
But Harry broke off as he looked up to see me crying.
"Gin, what-"
"If you bleeding love her, Potter, do something about it!"
"I can't!" he replied, his eyes wide. "Don't you think I would've if I could?"
"It's quite simple," I said, not bothering to wipe my tears away. "Three words. Three words that seem so meaningless, so incongruous...but that's all you have to do, Harry. Tell her you care about her. That she's everything to you. That you love her."
"Gin, you-"
"It's really the least you could do," I continued. "If you have feelings you don't just lock them away. Life keeps moving, you have to learn to move with it. You owe it to yourself and Hermione to at least talk to her about it. She loves you, Harry. She's miserable without you...don't do that to her...if she's really that important, you'd try to make her smile again..."
"Ginny..."
"If you'll excuse me," I said, feeling a bitter tear as it settled on the corner of my mouth. "I think I'm going to bed."
"Gin, wait-"
I was pathetic. So fucking weak. I was fucking crying over Draco Malfoy.
I hated myself. For letting myself get into this...get this entangled in feelings I shouldn't have...
I actually thought I had gotten through to him. That I had witnessed something special, something secret, something so solidly transparent that even I couldn't understand it all, just that I had witnessed it. I thought it meant something to him, too, that I had taken the chance and allowed myself to see it...that being vulnerable and clear to my eyes was reassuring to him, in a way.
But I was being stupid.
He might have been grieving, sure. I might have seen something, sure. But it wasn't worth it...wasn't what I thought it was. Not even close.
I closed the dormitory door behind me and looked at my clenched hand, feeling the stickiness of the chocolate ooze through my fingers.
That was it.
I sighed and walked to the bathroom, placing my hands underneath the faucet. I turned the handle and a hot jet of water sprayed over my hands...I didn't even bother with soap.
I could clean this mess on my own.
I looked up at the mirror to see my face, blotched with anger and stained with tears. I glared at my reflection before looking back down and at my hands and I couldn't help but smile. I glanced back up and stared myself down, feeling the warm water comfort me.
"I wash myself of this mess," I whispered. "I wash myself of you, Draco Malfoy."
~-~-~-~-~-~
"Ginny, we need to talk."
"The name's Weasley, Malfoy."
"What are you on? You-"
"Let's just get this over with and we won't have to converse for the rest of our lives."
"But-"
"Shut it, Malfoy."
Turning to our audience I began.
"'Antigone' is a story about a young girl who's two brothers, on opposing sides, died in a battle. Her uncle, Creon, issued an edict that stated the opposing brother could not be buried and should instead rot as punishment for his betrayal. Burial was a big thing at this time, and without a proper burial it was believed that the soul could not reach any means of restful death. Antigone took it upon herself to properly bury her brother but she was caught and is taken to Creon for judgement. This scene is that scene."
I turned towards Malfoy to see him glaring at me.
"Wouldst thou do more than take and slay me?"
Broke my fucking heart in two, that's what more you did.
"No more, indeed; having that, I have all," Draco said, clenching his fists.
Didn't have me.
"Why then dost thou delay? In they discourse there is nought that pleases me, never may there be!, and so my words must needs be unpleasing to thee. And yet, for glory-whence could I have won a nobler, than by giving burial to mine own brother? All here would own that they thought it well, were not their lips sealed by fear. But royalty, blest in so much besides, hath the power to do and say what it will."
"Thou differest from all these Thebans in that view."
Yeah. I opened up to you. I gave you a chance. Mistake.
"These also share it; but they curb their tongues for thee," I spat.
Damn you, Malfoy.
"And art thou not ashamed to act apart from them?" Malfoy asked, almost truthfully.
"No; there is nothing shameful in believing that..." Damnit. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "No; there is nothing shameful in piety to a brother."
Yes, it is shameful.
"Was it not a brother, too, that died in the opposite cause?"
"Brother by the same mother and same sire," I whispered.
What would Ron do if he found out...
"Why, then, dost thou render a grace that is impious in his sight?" Malfoy asked.
Why would I hurt him like that? Having affections for a Malfoy...
"The dead man will not say that he so deems it."
But he's not a Malfoy...he's just...Draco...
"Yea, if thou makest him but equal in honur with the wicked."
"It was his brother, not his slave, that perished!" I shouted.
It was my idiocy, not my heart, that died, you bastard.
"Wasting this land; while he fell as its champion," Draco recited, raking his eyes over me.
A part of him died with his mother...
"Nevertheless, Hades desires these rites."
"But the good desires not a like portion with the evil," he recounted.
"Who knows but this seems blameless in the world below?"
"A foe is never a friend," Draco stated slowly, enunciating every syllable. "Not even in death."
I know.
"Tis not my nature to join in hating, but in loving."
Loving you. No. I'm not Antigone, Malfoy. I fucking hate you.
"Pass, then, to the world of the dead, and, it thou must needs love, love them. While I live," Malfoy said, looking me in the eye, "no woman shall rule me."
I turned to bow but Malfoy continued to talk.
"I, however, shall willingly submit to thee."
What the hell is he doing? The scene already ended...the class didn't heed a difference but Ms. Clearwater frowned, her notes stalling as she raised her head to glance at Malfoy. He, on the other hand, opened his mouth and I could just see him making up these words as he went along.
"Stupidly, foolishly, I allowed my pride to overtake my sense. I beg for forgiveness, my Antigone."
What?
"Twas a noble act you committed," he continued, taking a step closer. "And like a beggar I shied away from the unfamiliar...it is, however, time to act upon thy deeds."
He couldn't be.
"You once asked of me what it meant. It meant everything I was frightened it could mean."
He was.
"Eternal love, I cannot promise," Draco whispered, now only a foot away from me. "But I bestow myself at your feet, in hopes of a maiden's affections."
"Enough," Ms. Clearwater shrang and Draco looked at her in slight surprise. "That concludes the scene. Next! Ginny, Draco, go outside in the hall and take off your costumes."
I climbed off the stage and the moment we both made it outside I turned, hissing, "What the bleeding hell was that? You could have compromised our grade! Everything we've worked for!"
"Exactly."
What?
"Fucking bitch, you ran away before I could tell you-"
"Ran away? I gave you two fucking chances-"
"Just shut it! Here I am, trying to tell you something and once again, you have to just-"
"I have to just what? Huh? Not lay there and wait patiently for you to get your mouth around words that you'll never say? I'm done with you, Malfoy. Done. So don't-"
"Well I'm not fucking done with you!"
"What, you want another snog? We did that two days ago and I've already got plans with someone else for 'someday'-"
"Did you not just hear me in there?" Malfoy exploded, pointing back at the classroom. He growled before waving his wand and muttering the silencing charm on our portion of the hallway. "Did you just not fucking hear me in there?!"
"What was there to hear!" I screamed, infuriated. "If you wanted to tell me something, just tell me! Don't-"
"Most women would have found that bleedingly romantic! And here you are, pissed off that-"
"You're right I'm pissed," I hissed. "You tell me all our kiss meant to you was just a snog and then you go in front of our class, in front of our peers, in a play, where we're acting, to tell me-"
Exactly what I wanted to hear.
"Exactly what you wanted to hear," Malfoy whispered. "And you know it. And that's why you're pissed off. Because you love me. And you hate me for it."
"You're right," I said, lifting my chin defiantly. "I do hate you. But I don't love you...I never will, never did-"
"Fine," Malfoy spat. "Fine." He then turned around and staulked off, away from class, away from Ms. Clearwater, who had finally wondered where we were and opened the door, and away from me.
He had turned around and walked away from me.
~-~-~-~-~-~
reviewing's good for the soul...
A/N: Wow, that was a long one! Just one more chapter to go! I was planning on finishing with this one but it got a little long...oh well, I think it's for the best. I love that scene in 'Antigone,' and I thought it fit the scenario perfectly. So glad I didn't do the widely overused 'Romeo and Juliet.' I was thinking about including a slight portion of Hermione and Harry's performance, but it just never really fit. Should I have the resolution of their conflict in the resolution of my story? Not too sure...tell me in your review...