disclaimer: I don't own HP, I don't own very much of anything, except some fun earrings. You can't have them, either, they make me cute.
dedication: Look, if I know you at all, this is dedicated to you.
a/n: This is all really fluff. Just making sure I can still write amusing drivel as opposed to all the heavy inner monologue crap I've been churning out. Mentiroso is Spanish for Liar.
So I started writing this with nothing in mind, and finished it with about nothing also. But somewhere along the way I realized I had to explain why Draco was boywatching with Ginny in the first place, so I made something up about it being a bet. Now I know you're all dying to know what caused him to make such a risky bet, and what the bet involved, and how could he possibly lose, but I actually have no idea. My plot bunnies aren't very plot bunnies as they are dialogue/situation bunnies who tend to be a bit sloppy about the details. So go ahead and come up with some hilarious bet that Draco and Ginny would make beforehand to get them into it. Don't forget to make it a Wizard's Bet, that keeps him from backing out of it and all, since magic is magic and all.
"I guess he's sort of cute, if you go for that clumsy puppy dog sort of look," said Draco Malfoy, to Ginny Weasley.
They were sitting at a table in the corner of the library, looking at Seamus Finnigan. "Clumsy puppy dog?" Ginny repeated, in pseudo-shock. "Seamus, clumsy puppy? Oh, I disagree completely."
"What do you think he is, some sort of wolf?" Draco shot back, wrinkling his nose.
Ginny rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. "Yes, Malfoy, I really think he's hot like a wolf. No," she said, "But he's not a puppy dog, I mean, Lord, that's so condescending. It's just like you to say that."
"Wow, you mean I've said something that I would typically say? You've got to be kidding me! That is mind-blowing!" Draco said, sarcasm smothering his words.
"Shut up," she hissed. "Now what do you think about Dean?" She changed the subject, pointing to her steady boyfriend as of late.
"Egad," said Draco, "I try not to think of him at all."
Ginny stuck her tongue out at him. "You agreed to play this game, it's your own fault. Now what do you think? I personally tend to think he's quite handsome."
"And you're not biased at all," said Draco offhandedly. "I don't know, Weasley, I don't go for men, and particularly not Gryffindors. If you ask me, though, I'd say his eyes are a bit far apart."
Ginny stared at him in shock. "Are you mad? Who pays attention to details like that?"
"I'd assume you would, sucking his face off all the time like youre a baby at its mother's teat."
Ginny's face flamed up in a torrid blush and she hit him in the arm, causing him to flinch and pull away slightly. "I do not," she spat at him.
"Oh, terribly sorry," said Draco, not looking it in the least, "I must've been mistaken. You're sucking something lower, then?"
Now Ginny gave an exasperated shriek("Oougf!") and tackled him out of his chair ("Ye gods, Weasley!").
"Take it back!" She said, pulling her wand out at him threateningly.
"Gerroff," Draco grunted, trying to push her off of his chest, where she sat astride him with a death glare and a ready wand. "I'm not your ugly boyfriend, you can't just have your way with me like this."
"Ginny!" Dean Thomas exclaimed, having come around their little barricade of messy book piles and discovered his girlfriend straddling Draco Malfoy.
Ginny gave a little shriek ("Shit!") and clambered to her feet and off of Draco immediately. "It's not what it looks like!" She said very quickly.
"No?" said Dean, slightly skeptical, but with some hope in his voice.
Draco was sitting up slowly, enjoying the show.
"It waswe were playing a game, see" Ginny began.
"A game?" said Dean, his lips turning into a little pout. He put his head in his hand, and seemed to struggle to withhold tears. It was to no avail, however, and very soon was crying.
"Oh for God's sake," said Draco, finally standing, and watching Dean's display with disgust. "Get yourself together. I mean, it's practically an every day occurrence that I steal the affections of someone's girlfriend. I think there's a support group for it, to be honest."
"You did not steal my affections!" Ginny protested, turning around with fire in her eyes. "And stop making this worse!" She turned back to Dean, pleadingly. "Really, it's not as it sounds at all" she began.
"No, she's right," said Draco, and suddenly flung an arm around her possessively, "we've actually had it on since my fourth year, and she was two timing it with everybody else, including you!" He said accusingly, jabbing a finger at Dean.
Ginny's jaw dropped in horror and stared at Draco, shocked.
"You" Dean sputtered, through his tears, "you deceived me?!"
"No!" Ginny screeched, just as Draco said, "I'm sorry, yes."
Dean wiped at his eyes sloppily. "You don't have to lie anymore, Ginny," he said to her gravely, "it's all out in the open now. There's no use."
Ginny was dumbfounded. She tried to protest, but words didn't seem to be able to come out. She opened and closed her mouth several times, staring at him.
"Stop gulping like that dear," said Draco, with a saccharine smile, closing her mouth delicately, "it makes you look like a fish."
"Well," said Dean finally. "I suppose I can understand why you did it. It's a pretty big secret, you and Malfoy" he paused and glared at Draco here, "but if you've really lasted this long, then I guess I understand. And I won't tell anybody. But I'm sorry, I cannot allow you to use me as a beard for your secret trysts."
"Trysts " she whispered, still unable to form full sentences. "Malfoy tryst ?"
"I'll see you around," said Dean, wiping the last of his tears away, and blowing his nose on his sleeve.
Draco's shoulders already began to shake with silent laughter as Dean made his way out of the messy, shadowed corner, and when he was out of hearing distance, Draco let his giggles flow.
"My oh my, Gryffindors have to be the easiest bunch," he said gleefully, letting go of her and stepping away.
"They are not, you are horrible and I hate you!" Ginny hollered, finally regaining her voice.
"Oh pish posh," said Draco, unimpressed with her outburst, "you didn't really love him or anything."
"How did you know that?" She snapped, crossing her arms and looking away.
"Well for one, look at yourself now. If you'd loved him, even a little bit, I'd suspect you would be crying and running after him, trying to make amends. But you're not."
"You don't know anything about love," she snarled, shooting him an angry grimace.
"Gee wiz," said Draco, "and you said I was the condescending one."
She hurled herself against him, knocking him to the ground and hitting him in the stomach with punch after punch.
"You've ruined everything and you're always ruining things. You're just a big-" punch, "fat-" punch, "ruining ruiner!" Punch punch.
Draco didn't seem to be in any pain from her weak swinging, which was slowing down now.
"Come on, it's not as though you were affianced or anything."
"We could have been, you never know!"
"Yes, I do," protested Draco, "you've no ring."
"Maybe he just hasn't gotten one yet!" Ginny said shrilly, though she knew it wasn't true.
"No one proposes without a ring," said Draco, unimpressed.
"Well maybe he was going to. Maybe tomorrow he was going to ask me." Ginny said.
"Even if he was," Draco said, analytically, "you wouldn't have said yes. You were already getting bored of the relationship, of him. Otherwise you wouldn't have been sitting in this corner with me, forcing me to pay off a bet by making me boywatch with you."
A little piece of cobweb floated down from a rafter above them, and settled on Draco's shoulder. Ginny picked it off of his sweater, and, sighing, climbed off of him to curl up in a small ball. "It's not fair," she whispered.
"No, I expect it isn't," said Draco, remaining there on the floor next to her. "But that's how it's happened."
"It's not fair that you have everything. I've got nothing. Not even a boyfriend."
Draco didn't seem concerned with this statement in the least.
"Oh," said Ginny after a while. "Yes I have got one. Dean thinks it's fucking you."
Again, Draco said nothing, examining his fingernails critically.
Ginny clambered onto him again, this time fumbling to unbuckle his belt, her fingers slipping on the carefully engraved silver, over the winding snake of the Slytherin crest.
Draco, unaffected, looked down to observe what she was trying to do. "What exactly is it you're trying to do now?" He wondered.
"Shag you," she said hurriedly, finally getting the belt buckle to cooperate, and watched as the pieces slid apart. "If if I do, I can justjust forget about Dean. And, besides, it'll get Ron bleeding angry, at the same time." Now she plucked open the button to his trousers, and Draco watched, unflinchingly.
"What did I say about your not being able to just have your way with me?" He said, a warning tone in his words.
"Shut up," she said, trying to get his zipper down, and failing, as her fingers, sweaty with nerves, fumbled. The zipper instead became caught for a moment on the track, and she pulled her hands away for a moment and heaved a sigh.
"You have to pull it outward a bits, and then down," said Draco, "they're vintage."
Bewildered, Ginny looked at him strangely. Then she followed the directions, and looked down at his pants, open.
She could see his silk boxers through the open fly, green and resting elegantly against his pale skin.
Draco, uninterested, looked around him, and spotting a book, propped it open on his chest and began to read.
Ginny was still looking at his open pants, contemplating their situation.
"What are you doing, checking for fleas?" said Draco, suddenly, tilting the book sideways so he could give her a sharp glare. "Get on with it already," he urged.
"Look, it's not as if you're being very cooperative," she snarled, "just laying therereading a book for God's sake."
"You're lucky I'm lying still," he said, "it's far beyond what a Weasley deserves. And honestly, what are you waiting for?"
"I was" she paused. "Well, I was sort of expecting Dean to tell Ron what he'd seen, and if I'd wait long enough in such a suspicious position, Ron would've barged in on us and pulled you off me"
"If you haven't noticed," said Draco, behind his book again, "you're the one on top of me."
Ginny continued, as though she had not heard him. "It would have been exciting, distracting, that sort of thing."
With this, she lifted herself up a bit so that she could pull down his pants.
She now stared at his boxers, embarrassed. "You're"
"You've only been sitting on top of me and telling me you're going to shag me for half an eon now," said Draco, annoyed, putting his book to the side. "It's only natural to prepare."
Ginny turned red and reached for his pants, fully intending to give them back to him and leave.
But Draco pulled her arms tightly against him, and brought her down flush atop him, and kissed her soundly on the mouth.
Ginny, entirely unprepared for the move, despite her talk, gasped against his lips and pulled away abruptly.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Baking muffins," said Draco sarcastically, with an impatient roll of the eyes. He pulled her face down against his again, and resumed their snog.
"You are not, you're kissing me!" She exclaimed, prying her face out of his grasp.
"Excuse me, Miss Obvious," said Draco, rolling them over so quickly that Ginny almost didn't notice that he was on top of her now. But it was rather hard not to notice. "I'm merely following through on your suggestions."
Now that he straddled her, Draco looked much more dangerous and intimidating than ever before. With a menacing sort of smile, he leaned back down and claimed her lips once again, and this time, Ginny allowed herself to melt into it.
When he pulled away for a short breath of air, she sputtered, "You're repulsive."
Draco murmured in agreement, and now buried his face in her neck, kissing.
He bucked his hips into hers, gently, surprisingly gently, and Ginny made a little noise she'd never made before.
Draco kissed her lips again, smiling against them, and his hand crept along her thigh. With it, he pulled her skirt up so that her knickers were against his boxers and then his fingers looped down into the panties and heand his fingersthey just sort of
"I don't believe it," said a voice.
"I didn't believe it when Dean told us, and I don't even believe it now that I see it with my own eyes," said another voice, female this time.
"I'm going to kill you!" said a final voice, and Draco was pulled off of her brutally by Ron, who punched him fiercely in the nose and knocked him out.
"Ginny!" he exclaimed, rushing to his sister and pulling her skirt down so that it covered her knickers. "You're alright, aren't you? I can't believe he tried to force himself on you like that. Actually, I can, he is Malfoy. And a filthy Slytherin," he said, and Ginny could see that over his shoulder, Hermione looked rather suspicious.
"Er," said Ginny.
"How'd it happen?" Wondered Harry, looking around at the secluded corner.
"She must've been studying," said Ron, looking as though he were about to burst into tears. "And this slimy fellow must've just come up behind her and tossed her down on to the floor. Like a filthy pirate!"
Ginny had a sudden image of Draco dressed as Muggle pirate and restrained herself from giggling.
Harry handed Ron a handkerchief, and while the redhead blew his nose loudly, Hermione frowned down at Ginny.
"Is that about what happened, Ginny?" she asked.
"Er," said Ginny.
"Poor thing," said Ron, miserably, "must be scared speechless."
"I'm sure," said Hermione, dryly. She glanced at Draco's unconscious form now. "So, let's see. He managed to get his pants completely off while you were struggling?"
"Er," said Ginny.
"Amazing," said Ron, staring at Draco's crumpled body in disgust. "He's a bloody menace. Who knew it was even possible to do it so quickly, without Ginny noticing. He should be locked up, right away."
"Oh yes," said Hermione, raising an eyebrow at Ginny, who blushed.
"All this talk seems to be flustering Ginny," Ron said suddenly, putting his arm around his pink sister. "Let's just get her to Mme. Pompfrey to make sure she's alright and then we'll go straight to Dumbledore."
He and Hermione helped Ginny to her feet, and as they stepped out of the darkened corner, Harry lingered. "I'll just get her bag," he said, and looked around for it. After a short struggle of digging in a pile, he produced it and appeared at their side again. "Sorry it took a moment, it was under Malfoy's things." He handed it to Ginny, and Hermione cocked her head.
"You do realize, Mr. Malfoy, the serious tone of the accusations that have been brought against you?" Dumbledore said, looking down his nose and over his half-moon glasses at Draco.
"Yes," muttered Draco, arms crossed, face set in a scowl.
"Do you intend, then, to at least attempt to defend yourself?"
"Yes," Draco said, leaning forward suddenly, and glaring at the trio. "I do. I did not try to rape Ginny Weasley. If anything, she tried to rape me."
Ron gasped in horror at this allegation and buried his face in Harry's handkerchief again.
"Lies," he sobbed, between trumpeting noises, "all lies. He's trying to varnish my sister's pure image. Do you know what Ginny is short for? Virginia!" Hermione leaned down and whispered something in his ear. "Ginevra!" He sputtered. "Wait, Ginevra?" He asked, in surprise, turning to Hermione.
Dumbledore looked unaffected by Ron's display of emotion and instead focused on Draco. "Are you sure, then, that nothing you did could even be considered forceful?"
"You don't understand," protested Draco, "She tried it, honestly! If those three had come in a moment earlier, they'd have seen her on me. They're being entirely biased by suggesting that I was the instigator."
"I suppose we should be as impartial as you, Malfoy?" Asked Hermione, a bitter tone in her voice.
Draco shot her a dark glare. "What I'm saying is that you know we're living in a sexist society when everyone assumes it's the man doing the raping, when it was the girl who tackled him!"
"Blasphemy!" Shouted Ron.
"Let's settle down, and see exactly what Miss Weasley has to say," Dumbledore suggested, and motioned to McGonagall and Snape, who opened the door and let in Ginny.
She stepped up to the desk and looked very uncomfortable. "'Ello," she greeted Dumbledore warily.
"Although your brother and his friends firmly agree that it was Mr. Malfoy who tried to be forceful with you, Mr. Malfoy contends that you were the one who was being forceful with him. What do you have to say in regards to this, Ginny?" Dumbledore asked.
"I didn't do it. I mean. I might have sort of fell on him." Ginny lied.
"That is not true!" Sputtered Draco. "That is so untrue, it is just the most untrue untruth I have ever heard! It just reeks of.. of untruthful untruth!"
"Yeah, well so was telling Dean that lie about you and I having something on since your fourth year, you giant fat lying liar lying-pants of lies!" Ginny hissed.
"You are the most dishonest dishonesty spreading dishonesty spreader I have ever encountered" Draco growled.
"Liar face!" She shrieked.
"Enemy of the truth!" He countered.
"Fat, pimply warthog!"
"Bony, flat-chested freckle-faced ragdoll!"
"Death Eater!" Ginny howled.
"You're nothing but a poor, wrinkled, desperate for freedom Weasley who doesn't know a thing about me, you crazy, ragamuffin bint"
And that was when Ginny tackled him out of his chair.
"Ah," said Dumbledore, his eyes lighting up in comprehension.
And so no charges were pressed and no detentions were issued. It was, however, the embarrassing subject of all school gossip for the rest of the year. But somehow, Draco and Ginny managed to live with those consequences.
EPILOGUE:
Draco Malfoy no longer makes any bets of any kinds. He resides in Wales and spends his free time baking muffins and arguing with his wife, Ginny Malfoy.
Ginny Malfoy spends her free time eating muffins and making sure that Draco is entirely consensual when she tackles him.
They have two children and live peacefully happily ever after.
the end