It's Sunday now, time for supper and everyone is pouring into the Great Hall, starving, and I've been officially avoiding Hermione and being 'just friend' Harry since Friday night. And it's been killing me. Usually, Hermione and I spend Saturday walking around Hogsmeade or strolling the grounds at Hogwarts or just sitting somewhere, chatting. Yesterday, I went to Hogsmeade with the boys in the morning and we spent the afternoon playing Quidditch. Last night, I went off with Parvati for another dance lesson (I will put them to use someday) and then went to visit Hagrid, by myself this time, like I promised I would.
I usually spend Sundays in the library with Hermione either studying for an upcoming test or reading the Quidditch magazines that she keeps stocked on her table. However, today I spent most of the day chatting with Ginny (surprised me too) and I discovered that we actually have quite a lot in common. She's mad about Quidditch (which I really should've known since she's been a chaser since her third year), she loves sappy romantic comedies, and her favourite song is 'I Could Not Ask For More' by the muggle artist Edwin McCain (it's my favourite too) followed closely by Des'ree's 'Kissing You,' which I happen to know is also Hermione's favourite song. She loves poetry (fell in love with it when she read a poem by someone called Elizabeth Barrett Browning, but she can't remember the name and hasn't been able to find it since), she's a huge fan of Shakespeare and live theatre, and when you put the two together she's in heaven.
I've taken my avoidance of Hermione to the extreme, I've even avoided sitting with her at meals. I hide outside the Great Hall until she enters and then go in and sit as far from her as possible. I don't have to hide today because I am so busy talking to Ginny that I don't realize what time it is and we have to make a mad dash for the Great Hall. We slide in minutes before supper is over and eat as much as we can before all the food disappears. Which isn't much because we can't stop giggling. And I'm having so much fun with her, talking and laughing and trying to eat, that I almost miss the if-looks-could-kill glare Hermione sends Ginny's way. But thank Merlin I see it.
Hermione storms (I feel that this word adequately describes the way she brushes past, close enough for her arm to sweep across my back,) out of the Great Hall and I'm so happy that my plan is working that I start to grin madly. I look at Ginny and she's smirking at me and I'm pretty sure she knows what I'm up to, but I hope she doesn't think I'm using her to make Hermione jealous, and I say exactly that to her.
She laughs and shakes her head. "If I thought that I'd hex you before Hermione could get her hands on me."
Smart girl. "Good, because I really have enjoyed talking with you today."
"Me too, Harry."
I lift a drumstick to take a bite and it disappears just before it reaches my mouth. I look at my empty hand in surprise and start to chortle. "Well, I guess that's that." I see that Ginny's food is gone too. "Are you still hungry because we could always go tickle the pear."
She gives me a strange look and I decide that that probably sounded pretty odd if she doesn't know what I mean. "No, I'm alright, thanks."
"Okay. So, any big plans for tonight, or would you like to talk some more?"
"I'd love to, but I've a paper due in Defence Against the Darks Arts tomorrow and I've barely touched it."
And that reminds me that in all this bother trying to avoid Hermione I've forgotten that we've classes tomorrow and that I also have a paper due, but for Snape, which makes it even worse.
"Bloody hell, me too. Thanks for reminding me, Ginny."
We stand from the table and head out of the hall; I offer my arm to Ginny, feeling playful and 'flirty' (so this is what that means). "May I escort you to the common room, Miss Weasley?"
She giggles, but nevertheless slips her hand into the crook of my elbow. "Of course you may, Mr. Potter."
We joke and laugh together all the way to the common room, where we sit on the couch together and try to tone down the fun and be serious so we can get our work done. It doesn't work too well, but we manage too get our papers done eventually.
At one point in the night, when Ginny has said something that's set me off laughing again, I look over to Hermione's corner and see her watching us. I give her a soft smile before turning back to my work.
* * *
It's Wednesday before Hermione finally confronts me on my behaviour. I suspect she's getting a little suspicious of all the time I've been spending with Ginny, which I have to admit has been quite a lot, but you can't really blame me because the girl is fascinating. I don't tell Hermione that she needn't worry, that I still love her and always will. I also don't bother to tell her that Ginny is mad about Dean. I figure, she shot me down she can think whatever she wants for now, but I'll correct her eventually.
"What's going on, Harry?"
I look up from the assignment I'm working on and lift an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" Ha, I know perfectly well what she's on about.
"I mean, you've been avoiding me since Friday and now you're spending all your time with Ginny."
"I'm not spending all my time with her. For instance, I've no idea where she is at the moment." That's a flat out lie, Ginny ditched me about an hour ago because Dean has apparently noticed that she exists and wanted to 'study' with her tonight.
"Whatever, Harry."
I can see that she's about to stomp off to her corner and before she can I grab her hand and pull her down beside me.
"What's bothering you, Hermione?"
She huffs, but doesn't try to leave. "I'm just worried that I've done something to upset you, you've barely spoken a word to me since Friday. And we haven't done anything together at all, you don't even eat with me anymore."
"And?" I prompt.
"And… you're always with Ginny now. I mean, is there something going on between the two of you?"
For a very brief moment I feel like jumping for joy because I'm managed to make Hermione jealous and maybe that will trigger something for her. But it's very brief because I look at her face and she looks so worried that I want to kick myself for doing this to her.
So, I decide to offer her a little of indirect reassurance. "Ginny has ditched me to go study with Dean, the bloke she's fancied for the last three months."
She releases a deep breath at this revelation and looks a bit happier. "Oh, well then."
"You asked for time and space, Hermione."
"I know. It's just, I never thought-"
"That I would back off and give it to you?" I finish for her.
She shrugs. "Yeah, I guess." She finally looks at me and her eyes are sadder than I can ever remember seeing them. "I miss you, Harry."
"I'm right here, Hermione. I'm still your friend."
"I know that, it's just it's not the same."
I don't know what to say to that. She's right, it's not the same, we're just friends now because that's what she said she wanted. Funny, she doesn't seem to want that right now.
She's silent for so long that I think she's done talking and I go back to my assignment because I'm really behind and really need to get it done. I'm surprised that she's not hiding away working on something, it is a school night after all, but then again, this is Hermione so she's probably been done everything for weeks.
"It's Halloween this Saturday," she says and I think maybe it's a hint because every Halloween we have a ball (not costume because we're wizards and witches and Halloween is to us what July 1 is to Canadians, a celebration of the beginning. A little fact I learned from my good pal Hermione is that Halloween day used to mark the first day of the wizarding calendar centuries ago).
I nod in response and pretend to continue with my work, but all my attention is really focused on her.
"Are you going to the ball?"
"I don't really know yet. I don't have a date, but I might go stag. I hear lots of people are so maybe they can hook up with someone there."
She's quiet again and I think she's trying to decide how to take that. "Is that what you want to do? Hook up with someone there, I mean."
Now it's mine turn to look at her like she's daft. It gets the point across.
"I didn't think so, you're really not that type of person." Would that be the horny teenager type because I most definitely am that type. "I don't know if I'm going either, no one's asked me." That could very well be because I've threatened everybody with physical abuse should they even consider it.
I see that for the hint that it is, but I'm not going to take the bait. I've done my share already, it's time for her to take the initiative and put the moves on me.
I will, however, give her a little push in the right direction. "Was there something you wanted to ask me, Hermione? I really have to finish this assignment."
Her expression is unreadable to me and I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have acted so oblivious to what she was saying. "No, nothing."
Well, that backfired and I honestly didn't see it coming. Maybe I've been doing too good of a job being her friend. Maybe she thinks that I'm not interested in her any longer. Could she possibly be that blind? Actually, if the past two years are any indication, yes, yes she could be just that blind.
She's getting off the couch and I really don't think she's going to say anything to me and I'm about ready to demand that she go to the ball with me, when she turns around again. She has that determined look on her face and her hands rise to rest on her hips and I just know that she's ready for battle, but I'm not planning to put up a fight.
I struggle to keep my eyes on the parchment in front of me, trying to appear engulfed in my work. It's a hard battle.
"Harry, since you're not going with anyone and I'm not either, why don't we go together?"
Well, that's not as nice an invitation as it could be. I, at least, would have asked for a date and maybe transfigured something into a flower. And, hey, nothings stopping me from doing just that, so I transfigure my quill into a white rose (her favourite flower) and look up at her with a smile so wide it hurts a little.
I hold out the rose to her. "I'd love to, Hermione. Really, I thought you'd never ask."
She's stunned into silence (something Ron and I thought impossible) and I put the rose in her hand. Her mouth opens and closes but she can't seem to think of anything to say, and then she turns and stomps off to her corner. Ha, good ol' Potter charm.
* * *
It's Saturday evening, just two hours until the ball begins and we've all decided to go to Hogsmeade for a nice dinner before the dance (we being Ron, Lavender (Ron's date, that one was a surprise as they fight almost as often as Ron and Hermione), Hermione and me). Ron and I are already dressed in our finest robes (Ron's are a nice blue that actually goes nicely with his flaming hair and mine are the shade of green that, Hermione once told me, makes my eyes stand out beautifully) and are chatting about Quidditch while we wait for the girls.
"You're mad, Harry. Hufflepuff will squash Slytherin, they have to."
"I'm not saying that wouldn't be fantastic, Ron, I'm just saying that Slytherin has a much better team than Hufflepuff. They really don't stand a chance."
"I'd have to agree with Harry. Hufflepuff's team is horrid." We both spin around to the new voice in our conversation to see Lavender standing at the foot of the stairs looking smashing in a dark purple dress.
I turn to see Ron blushing madly and apparently not knowing what to say, so I step in to give him a chance to gather his senses. I take Lavender's hand and raise it to my lips for a quick kiss. "You look smashing, Lav."
She smiles at me and looks me up and down. "You're looking pretty good yourself, Potter. Better tell Hermione to keep an eye on you or I may be tempted to steal you away."
"You will not." Two voices say simultaneously and Lavender and I both laugh. That is until I look up to where the second voice came from and see Hermione at the top of the stairs.
She's wearing a fitted gown that's a few shades lighter green than my robes. Her hair is pulled up and kind of piled on top of her head (it looks really beautiful) and fairies are sparkling at her ears, I'll have to ask her about those. I'm completely speechless as I watch her carefully descend the steps. I could just stand here all night and admire the way her gown moves with her, she looks like she's floating.
When she finally reaches the bottom and is standing in front of me, I can't think of anything to say, so I stare at her in bewilderment and she laughs nervously.
"He's speechless, Hermione, that's a good thing." I hear Ron tell her and I still can't find my tongue so I smile at her and lean in to kiss her softly on the cheek, close to the corner of her mouth.
"You look indescribably stunning, Hermione." I whisper in her ear.
I pull away far enough to meet her eyes and we're instantly transported to our own world and I think tonight is the night.
"We should get going or we'll be late for our reservations." Leave it to Ron to ruin a perfectly good moment.
I take Hermione's hand and place in the bend of my arm, covering her fingers with my free hand.
"Don't worry, Ron. The hostess likes Harry… a lot."
Yeah, that's right, we're going to La Chanson d'Amour again, but I plan for this night to turn out much better than the last one.
* * *
I'm finding it rather difficult to focus on the conversation at our table. I'm more than a little anxious about is come. All day, I've had this feeling that tonight is it, that one way or another, this quasi-relationship between Hermione and me will be resolved, I just hope that this night doesn't end with me feeling like a daft git and Hermione avoiding me, again.
Hermione and Lavender are on about something, Lavender is talking and gesturing madly and, from the grin on his face, I can tell that Ron is very much enjoying what's being said. My gaze wanders around the restaurant and I see a few students from school, but mostly it's twenty-somethings enjoying their dates. I understand that, there are few things more enjoyable than a romantic night with your special someone. They've a fantastic DJ who keeps spinning romantic slow songs ('At Last' by Etta James had just ended and I recognize the beginning chords of 'I Could Not Ask For More,'). As my eyes wander, I see a man handing his girlfriend a small, black box and I gently nudge Hermione and gesture to the couple. She looks over and we watch as the woman opens the box and gasps at the gorgeous ring inside. Hermione smiles softly and reaches out to take my hand from my lap to hold in hers and I think that someday (in the not too distant future) I'd very much like that to be the two of us.
Drawing my attention back to our table, I glance at my dinner companions. Ron's whispering something in Lavender's ear that makes her grin broadly and look at Hermione and me and I know that he saw Hermione reach for my hand.
"Are you alright, Harry?"
Hermione is leaning close to me to speak in my ear. "Fine. Why do you ask?"
"Well, it's just that you're awfully quiet tonight and the last time you were so quiet you avoided me for a week."
I smile at her. "No worries, Hermione. I'm just enjoying the evening." I give her hand a squeeze and she smiles in relief.
"Oh, good. I don't think I could handle another week like this past one. What with you avoiding me and disappearing for hours on end with Ginny."
I find this opportunity to be far too good to pass up and I give her my most charming smile. "Why, Hermione, are you telling that you're jealous of Ginny Weasley?"
"Oi, what are you two whispering about?"
"Oh, Hermione's just telling me that she's terribly jealous of your little sister."
The both look at Hermione in confusion. "You're jealous of Ginny, Hermione?" Lavender asks. "Why? Oh no, you don't have a thing for Dean, do you?" She whispers this conspiratorially (probably hoping that I don't hear) and looks like she's stumbled on to the best gossip of the year.
"What's he got to do with anything?" Ron asks, clueless as ever.
I frown at Lavender. "She does not, Lav." (I don't think. I mean, I'm pretty sure she doesn't. She bloody well better not!) I turn on Hermione. "Do you?" I demand.
She scowls at me. "For heaven's sake, no, I do not have 'a thing' for Dean. Honestly, Harry."
"What does Dean have to do with Ginny?" Ron asks again.
"Then why would you be jealous of Ginny?"
Hermione huffs impatiently. "I'm not-"
"Because," I interrupt, "she's bothered by the amount of time I've spent with Ginny lately." I puff my chest out proudly. "She's afraid that Ginny's gone and stolen my heart."
"Ha, like that's possible." Lavender laughs.
"Yeah, Hermione. I'm not that easy to win over."
Lavender giggles. "I don't know, Harry. Hermione really didn't put much effort into winning you."
I watch in amusement as Hermione's cheeks color. "Well, you know what they say, Lav, you can't fight something that's meant to be."
"Really, Hermione, he talks like that about you and you're jealous of Ginny? What are you think?"
"I am not jealous of Ginny, Lavender."
"Good." I squeeze her fingers again and lean in to whisper: "Because you've no need to worry. Ever." I receive a shy smile for my effort.
"Somebody blood well better tell me what Dean's got to do with Ginny," Ron all but shouts.
"Really, Ron. They're only dating." Hermione tells him almost too happily and sits back to enjoy the result of this news.
"What?! I'll kill that sodding git!"
We all share a laugh at Ron's expense before we're kicked out of the restaurant for his outburst. With profuse apologies from the hostess ("I'm really very sorry, Mr. Potter, sir. Please, don't let this little incident keep you away. I'll talk to the manager, I'm sure I can arrange a free meal for you. I mean, it is you after all."), we gathered our cloaks and pushed an irate Ron from the restaurant.
"I told you she likes you."
* * *
I now find myself sitting beside Hermione in the Great Hall, watching our peers dance the night away. As usual at this time of year, several pumpkins have been enchanted to float around the room, their faces aglow with firelight from the candles within. The entire Great Hall has been decorated with orange and black and a refreshment table set up in the corner is loaded with chocolate bats (which actually do fly), figurines of black cats that arch their backs and hiss if anyone gets too close, and various other treats.
I can't seem to tear my eyes away from Hermione, not that I actually have any desire to. She's gazing around the hall, her face alight with happiness, and every so often her gaze lands on me and she gives me the sweetest smile and I just want to melt (I find it necessary, at this point, to inform you that I wasn't nearly this cheesy and soppy before I fell in love with her).
For this special occasion, the professors have found a magnificent DJ who has a great library of both wizard and muggle music ('Monster Mash' by a muggle artist caused an uproar among the younger students while the older kids rolled their eyes, but had a great time dancing to it nonetheless). My only complaint is that he hasn't played many slow songs yet, nothing that I've deemed worthy of my first dance with Hermione.
I soon realize that I've complained too soon as the fates are with me tonight. What better song to dance to with the love of my life than her favourite song. As the first strains of Kissing You by the muggle singer Des'ree (Hermione and I have always shared a fondness of muggle music) filled the Great Hall, I stand from my seat beside Hermione and offer my hand. I smile at her when she looks up at me in surprise and pray that she will accept my offer and not laugh in my face. To my utter relief, she stands from her chair and I take her small hand in mine and lead her to the center of the dance floor.
My heart is pounding and two thoughts flit through my head: 1. I can't believe this is finally happening, and 2. Dear, Merlin, if I step on her feet and ruin this moment I'll hex myself. I slowly turn to her and manage a shaky smile as I pull her close (not too close, I don't want to freak her out now that we're finally at this moment). She puts one arm around my back and pulls me closer (I, of course, go willingly), her head rests on my shoulder. I draw a deep breath, savoring the wonderful scent of her (parchment, ink, flowery shampoo, and… just Hermione). And I'm so unbelievably happy that I just want to weep, hold her like this forever, and never move from this spot. We begin to dance and I wonder if she can feel the mad beating of my heart.
As Des'ree begins to sing of crying souls and kissing (I suddenly understand why this song makes Hermione want to cry with its beautiful simplicity and truth and I think that maybe Des'ree is a witch because no song has ever worked such magic on me), I hold Hermione tight and bury my face in her hair and marvel at my unbelievable fortune. To be here at this moment, with Hermione's arms around me and her head resting on my shoulder, is just pure poetry. I wish everyone could feel the way that I feel at this moment, but at the same time I hope no one else does because this is just to special to share with anyone.
I lightly trail my fingers up and down her back, barely aware that I'm even doing it, and stop abruptly when I feel her pull away from me. I look down into her beautiful eyes and don't bother to even try to mask any of the emotion showing in mine because at this moment I just don't care anymore; I just want to tell her everything that I've felt for her and thought about her in the last two years, but this moment is too perfect and speaking would shatter the spell that seems to have been cast on us. She briefly returns my smile before I feel her stiffen in my arms and her eyes widen and I wonder if I've done something wrong, but then I see it in her eyes and she pulls me close and buries her face in my neck. I feel her tears against my skin and for a fleeting moment I'm absolutely terrified that I've read her wrong and she doesn't love me and that I've terrified her and irrevocably damaged our friendship by letting her see my feelings. But then her hold tightens and I know that I was right and that she has just realized that she loves me (Bloody hell, it's about time!) and that maybe I love her too and I release a breath that I've been holding for the last two years (and silent lament that I didn't make it to Plan C, which I was rather looking forward to). Relief and happiness and absolute, pure, unadulterated love flood me and I pull her as close as I possibly can and bury my face in her hair again and just breathe her in. I don't say anything, mainly because I don't think I could speak at this moment if my life depended on it, and I can still feel her tears on my neck and I think that crying is a pretty good idea right now, so I do.
I hear the song draw to a close and I wish that it would just play on forever because this moment is just too perfect to ever end. But the song does end and neither of us moves. Hermione just holds me and cries against me and I wish that we could stay like this forever, but the next song is a fast one and people are starting to bump into us and I don't like this at all, so I put my arm around her shoulders and keep her close as I lead her out of the Great Hall and outside. The moon is bright in the sky and large flakes of snow are falling gently and it's so romantic that I wonder is maybe I'm dreaming and I decide that if I am I never want to wake up.
I sit on the top step and pull Hermione into my lap. She's still crying so I just hold her close against me and mutter a warming charm so we can sit here as long as we like. Her arms are around my neck, her tears damp on my collar, and I drop feather light kisses on her hair that I'm not sure she can feel.
I don't know how long we sit here-could be five or fifty minutes and I don't care-when she stops crying and her hold loosens and she just rest against me. We sit in silence for a long while and I've never been a comfortable or as at peace as I am at this moment. I stroke her back gently and just enjoy the moment.
She's the first to speak. "How long?" She whispers so softly that I barely hear her, but I know exactly what she's asking.
"Since fifth year." I answer just as softly and feel her surprise.
"And me?"
I gently kiss her hair and gently squeeze her. "Shortly after me."
"And you've known the whole time?"
"Yes."
She pulls back then to look at me and I see that her eyes are slightly puffy from crying and I'm sure she'll have a headache in the morning and I'm sorry for that. I also see mild surprise and wonder in her beautiful brown eyes. She doesn't speak for a while, just watches me, studying my features as though seeing me for the first time. Which I suppose she is in a way because she's never looked at before like she is now, with such love in her eyes and I'm bowed by the look and feel so honoured that this amazing woman would choose to love me of all blokes, but then I think that she doesn't really have a choice, just like I don't. I was born to love her and I hope that she was born to love me as well.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks and I smile and think she must think I'm a real fool if she expected me to tell her that she was in love with me. I may be a Gryffindor, but even I'm not that brave.
I raise a hand to her cheek and tell her: "Because you had to see it for yourself when you were ready. It never would have worked if you weren't ready for it. It couldn't be forced."
"Will it work now?" She sounds unsure and I love it because I suddenly find that I'm unsure as well. I know I love her and now I know that she loves me, but we are young and it will still be hard.
But it's us, it's Hermione and me, and I know that it will work because how could it not? "Yes, it will."
She takes that in and I can almost see her wonderful brain working it over. And then she nods and rests her head on my shoulder again.
"I know," she whispers.
And we're silent again as my hand resumes stroking her back. And, to my surprise, I find that I don't need to hear her say it, that just knowing is enough for now and I don't need to say it yet because she already knows and she has enough to process tonight. So we just sit together and I've never felt this content in my life and I wonder if anyone has felt so right with the world and then I don't care because I have Hermione in my arms and, for now, everything is perfect.