Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Books 1-5
Chapter 2
Hermione shook her head as she assessed the mess that was her living room. Her trunks were open and overloaded with items she couldn't bear to be without. Random thoughts of everything she would need to do before leaving kept interrupting her focus and she was getting extremely overwhelmed by the entire process.
But, pack she must. She had been increasingly unhappy over the past year and a half. When she had first moved into the flat with Harry and Ron, she had high hopes that they would continue to be close as they moved into being adults. But adulthood had been disappointing in many ways, both with her career and with her lack of a social life. The boys had both been away more than they had been around, and while they were both as solicitous as always when they were home, Hermione had started to feel them growing away from her.
That scared her, not that they were growing, but that she was still dependent on them to make her laugh, to lift her up.
Of course, if she was being truthful, it was Harry's absences that had hurt her the most. Ron always brought presents from the many places he visited and sent owls regularly. Harry's absences were less glamorous and required secrecy. He wasn't allowed to communicate with any of his friends when he was away on official Auror business. It wasn't that she needed presents from Harry, Hermione thought. She just needed Harry.
And that scared her the most. Clearly, Harry and Ron were building their lives and building them in a direction that was not going to include her much longer. Hermione felt that she was stalled, and more and more she was feeling lost in her own skin. She needed to get away, both from the difficult situation at the ministry, but most of all from Harry, so she would miss him less and not be so dependent on his smile to make her feel better.
Clearly, Hermione thought as she started to finally close her trunks, it was for the best to get away and have her sabbatical in Scotland.
There was a tap on the door and the doorknob turned. "Hermione?"
Hermione's heart did a traitorous leap at the sound of Harry's rich tone. "In here" she called lightly.
Harry made his way through the many piles, a sad look on his face. "Hey you."
Hermione knew that face. She had seen it so many times over the past 18 months and it always meant the same thing. "You're leaving," she confirmed.
Harry nodded, "I'm sorry, I wanted to help you, and have a great send off , but I've been put on an undercover assignment with muggles."
"Really?" Hermione's heart started to pound. "There's a threat to muggles? Where?"
Harry shook his head, "officially, you know, I'm not supposed to tell you."
"Oh, right" she felt so distant from him. So far from the boy who trusted her with everything. EVERYTHING, even more than he had trusted Ron.
He looked directly at her and grabbed her hand. "Hermione, I need to ask you something."
Okay, Hermione, thought… breathe in, breathe out. Do not get freaked by Harry holding your hand. "Sure Harry," she said in a voice that was fairly guarded.
"Are you leaving because of me?"
"No Harry" Hermione looked away from him. "I'm leaving because of me."
"I don't understand."
"Harry, you know that you and Ron are my very best friends. I can't imagine not being friends with you, and my being on sabbatical is not going to change that. But ever since we left Hogwarts, I feel like I've lost my purpose, lost focus on who I am and what I need to be doing. The sabbatical is not only for me to do research, but for me to regain my purpose. For me to be clear on what I want for me and my life." and to get all these crazy ideas about you and me out of my head for once and all, she added silently.
Harry pulled her close into a hug. She relaxed in his embrace and inhaled his scent. He stroked her hair and said, "Hermione, I want you to find what you are looking for, I was just hoping you wouldn't have to look so far from home to find it."
Her heart stopped for a moment and she looked up at his eyes, beautiful emerald green pools. No, she thought, he doesn't know what he's saying, he just wants his friends to be here whenever he finally comes home…
But she was drowning, and she was starting not to care…
All of a sudden, there was a thud on the window which startled both of them. Errol, the Weasley owl, slid down the pane and rolled into the apartment in the small opening.
Hermione extricated herself from Harry's embrace and went over to the bird, half relieved and half frustrated at the interruption. "Errol" she laughed "it's truly amazing you're still alive with all of your mishaps." She took the note from his leg, and helped the owl to the corner where he could recover from its latest head injury.
Harry watched silently as she opened the note. It was from Ron, who was responding to the post she had sent a few days back letting him know of her plans.
She looked up "it says that he'll be in Edinburgh in a few weeks getting W3's venture there started." She smiled. "He's going to be there for a month, and will be looking me up."
A odd look crossed Harry's face before he gave a half hearted smile. "That will be nice."
Hermione nodded, then walked back over to Harry. "So when do you leave?" she asked.
"First thing in the morning."
"Can I at least know if my parents are in any danger?" Hermione's eyes pleaded with Harry.
"I'm going nowhere near your parents place, okay?"
"Okay." Hermione moved some piles off the sofa and sat down. "So I guess this is it for a while."
"I'll owl you the minute I finish this assignment and visit." Harry sat down next to Hermione. "I'm going to miss you terribly I'm afraid."
"You'll probably be too busy to miss anyone." Hermione guessed.
"Hermione", Harry cupped her chin with his hand. Her cheeks burned at his touch "I'm never to busy to miss you. Just the opposite - I'm devastated that you're going to be gone so long." And he held her gaze for the longest time.
Hermione could only look at him, her heart pounding.
* * *
Harry held Hermione's face in his hands and wondered how he had gotten there. He found himself very much wanting to kiss her.
Kiss Hermione? Where did that come from?
But, he reasoned with himself, how fair would that be. Here Hermione had just clearly stated how much she wanted to be away from him, and he so wanted to put a smile back on her face. Kissing her was probably going to accomplish just the opposite, especially when he had to leave again.
So he settled for kissing her cheek, and embracing her in a big hug - just like the friends they were. But his heart was pounding, and Harry began to realize how much he really was going to miss Hermione.