A/N: Hello! I hope everyone is having a happy holiday season. Mine has been very tiring, but very fun. We had family visiting from both my side and my wife's side, and our little daughter (20 months) had a blast playing with the aunties and uncles she never sees. And talk about presents! I tried to tell them all that all she wants is a new set of irons or a new driver, but no one listened.
But, of course, you care nothing of this, and only want the next part, right? So here it is. It's a bit shorter then the previous chapters, but that's because it's all new material and therefore unbeta'd (see my A/N at the end for details).
Sleekeasy's the Devil! - Part IV
I left the shopping bags by the door as I entered the sprawling little house. Every time I walk into the Burrow, I always get a little warm fuzzy. Despite its small size and the ever-present mess (despite Mrs. Weasley's best efforts), it just seems to embody family and love. As I walked into the kitchen, I was a little surprised to find my other best friend sitting at the table.
"Hi Ron," I greeted him. "What brings you here?"
"Hey Harry. Just visiting," he responds, though there's something about his eyes that tells me there's nothing `just' about this visit. "How was shopping?" he asks, eyeing the bags though the hallway.
I groan a bit melodramatically as I slump into a chair. "Hellish!"
"Hey!"
"I mean wonderful!"
"Yeah, thanks a lot Harry," Ginny says, a mock pout on her face.
"Just kidding Ginny. You know I'd be doomed without you." She gave me a small smile of acknowledgement before turning to the stove.
"So, what's the big occasion?" Ron asks.
I open my mouth, but then close it immediately. All of a sudden I realized that I haven't considered how my date with Hermione would affect Ron. Would he be angry? Jealous? Confused? Hurt? All of the above?
"Yoo hoo! Harry?"
I shook my head to clear the cobwebs. I figured I should tell the truth; if I were to lie now, and he were to find out later, I'd be paying for it for the rest of the year. "Er…right then. You see…I…umm-" I looked at Ron, and instead of seeing a confused expression (as I would have expected), he looked amused, almost gleeful. "What?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said, but of course he couldn't hide the smile.
"What are you grinning at?" I demanded.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
It suddenly occurred to me what was going on. "You know!" I accused.
"Know what?" he asks, the picture of innocence.
I turn to Ginny. "You told!" I accused.
Ginny raised her hand in defense. "I was with you the whole time!" she protested.
She did have a point. I turned back to Ron and eyed him carefully. It was his turn to raise his hands in defense.
"Oh no you don't!" he says. "None of that Legilimency mumbo-jumbo!"
"Then how did you know?" I ask.
Ron shrugs and nonchalantly turns back to his plate. "Hermione told me," he says simply.
"What?!" Ginny and I say in unison.
Ron looked up. "She came by early this afternoon. Knocked on my door and barged right in."
"And she told you?" I asked. I was a little surprised, though not sure why. I guess I subconsciously thought we would keep our date a secret in case it didn't work out.
Ron chuckled. "Well, you know how sweet and patient our Hermione is. She comes right in, tells me that you and her are going out on a date, and then says I have three minutes to get used to the situation."
Ginny and I couldn't help but laugh. It sounded so much like Hermione. "And did you?" Ginny asked.
"Of course," Ron said, looking affronted. "You're my best friends. Why wouldn't I want you happy? Plus, looking down the `business end' of Hermione's wand tends to make one more accepting of changes."
Ginny giggled, but I was a little worried. "Are you okay with this?" I ask. "I mean, are you really okay with this?"
He grew serious. "Well, I was shocked at first, but yeah, I'm okay with this."
"Really?" Ginny asked, sounding skeptical. I myself was also a bit skeptical at this point.
Ron looked insulted - or at least tried to. "Listen, just because maybe a few times I may have acted a bit jealous at times-"
"A few times?" I interrupted. "Do you want me to make a list of all the-"
"-shut it Potter. As I was saying: just because a few times I may have been a bit jealous back in school-"
"Back in school? Just last week Bill got a nice chess set and you-"
"-shut it Ginny. The point is, I have grown up over the years, whether you guys have noticed it or not. I'm fine with it, okay?" I looked at him closely, and then nodded. "I will admit though, at first I didn't like it," he continued.
"How come?" Ginny asked, curious.
"Well, I was afraid of becoming the fifth meal, which I'm sure you can understand how-"
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, the what?"
Ron looked over his shoulder at me. "You know, the fifth meal?"
"Er…"
"And you know what? I've always been confused by that expression," Ron said, turning to face me fully. "I mean, the first meal is breakfast, and second is lunch, and the third is dinner. So what's the fourth meal? Is it tea? `Cause that's not really a meal, at least not by my standards. But if it counts as meal, then I can see why the fifth meal would be sorta useless, though to be honest, I can easily go with a fifth and sixth meal. In fact, I often do have five or six-"
"Ah!" I interrupted, finally understanding what he was babbling on about. "You mean the fifth wheel, not the fifth meal."
"What?"
"You know, like a car has four wheels, so a fifth wheel would be useless."
His face brightens. "Ah, I get it now." Then he chuckles. "You Muggles are a clever lot."
"I'm not a Muggle," I replied, confused.
"Sure act like one sometimes…anyways," he said quickly, before I could interrupt, "I was afraid of becoming a fifth wheel, but the more I thought about it - with Hermione's wand pointed at my nose - the more I realized that things won't change that much."
"No?"
"No. I mean, you're still going to be my annoying brother, and Hermione's still going to be my know-it-all best friend. The only thing is that I'll have to get used to seeing the two of you kiss," Ron said, making a face at the last thought.
"Well…that's awfully…" I struggled to find the word…
"Grown-up?" Ron offered.
I nodded. "Yeah, grown-up of you."
"Wow, I'm impressed, big brother. I would never have thought it of you."
"Thanks Gin. That's why you're my favorite sister."
"Thanks Ron - wait! I'm your only sister!"
"Yeah, and it was still a close call for favorite sister…the ghoul in the attic made a strong argument."
They traded sarcastic little smiles and nods (but no doubt filled with family love), and then Ginny cocked her head to the side. "But…I thought…I thought you had a…thing for Hermione?"
Ron groaned. "That was ages ago! Man, that's the trouble with knowing the same people for ten years; I can't live anything down! Besides, I have woman knocking at the door of my building all the time!"
"Well," I said, "you do live above Madam Malkins…"
"I thought I told you to shut it. So, you excited?"
I shrugged. "Sure."
They traded looks. "You okay Harry?" Ginny asked.
I nodded. "Of course I'm okay," I replied, though it sounded unconvincing even to my own ears. Ron and Ginny traded concerned, and slightly alarmed, looks, and I couldn't blame them. Ever since the end of fifth year, when I knew that I pretty much had no choice but to take a more active role in the fight against Voldemort, I adhered to one of the most important rules of leadership: always look like you know what you're doing, even when you have no frickin' idea. If I flipped out at the thought of Death Eaters, there's no way anyone who is following me will have any confidence at all. This little rule was actually pretty easy for me to follow, having had years of practice with the Dursleys. It was only a matter of perfecting the skill in a new environment. I don't think either Ron or Ginny had ever seen me in a panic. I mean, sure, they've seen me in a rage, or in solitude, but never panicked. It's no wonder they were worried.
"Listen, Harry," Ginny began. "You'll do fine. Everything will turn out great." There was silence, until Ron broke it.
"Ow! Er, yeah Harry, you'll do fine." Ron threw his sister a dirty look as he rubbed his leg. "Normally when you go out on a date, I tell you to not be yourself, since you are, after all, a git."
"Ron!"
"But this is Hermione," Ron continued, ignoring Ginny's outburst. "She knows everything about you already, and she still wants to go out with you! Seriously mate, you have it made."
I chuckled. "Good point."
"Right then," Ron said, looking pleased. "Just relax and be yourself, and you'll have a great time. Just one thing though…"
"Yeah?"
He waited until he was sure I had his full attention, and then he gave me this really stern look. "If you hurt my best friend, I'll make sure you regret it," he said in a low, menacing voice.
I stared at him in shock, not expecting this. And then I did the only thing I could in this situation: I laughed. I couldn't stop laughing, and it didn't help that Ginny was laughing uncontrollably as well. Ron threw his hands up in frustration. "What? What? It's not supposed to be funny!"
"I know, I know…I'm sorry," I said after getting a hold of myself.
Ron looked put out. "Man, the worst thing is that Hermione laughed at me too," he said in a hurt voice.
And, of course, that caused Ginny and me to laugh again for a few more minutes.
*****************
A/N: Although I'm sure everyone thought Chapter 3 was suitably hilarious (and keep it to yourself if you didn't), some expressed the opinion that it was a bit too much. And, surprisingly, I would agree.
Technically, Sleekeasy's the Devil is the first story I ever wrote in 1st person sarcastic!Harry. Not She Will be Mine, though I posted that first. So, Sleekeasy's has a lot more of the free-form thinking, when I jammed in everything that was going through my head and used a lot of parentheses. Since then, I've toned it down a bit, and I've even edited much of this story for public consumption. So, why then, so much in Chapter 3? It was just too darned good to delete. I mean, that was some inspired sh!t, right? It was like freakin' 8 Mile without the rap! Ok, not really.
Hmmm…I suppose if you thought Chapter 3 was perfect, this actually isn't good news for you. So pretend you didn't read this. Obliviate!
Anyways, this chapter was not part of the original Sleekeasy's, and neither will be the next. The date was originally a few summary paragraphs, but you, lucky you, will get some all-new material. In fact, I'm changing the whole end, so hang on to your hats!
Okay, you can let them go now. Happy New Years!
-->