Gaining Memories
A/N: Ok, go ahead and kill me ...
Chapter 13 - Come to me
Don't you know
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It's a nice pretty, stone ceiling if you looked at it one way. A ceiling that was sure to be boring in the green eyes of Harry Potter, who had been in this room practically every school year. But she, Ginny Weasley, was another story. Sure, her first year she had been here, but all in all, she didn't really thought about it.
So, what to do when only hours ago you had been found by Hermione Granger on the cold dungeon floor, sweating and a heartbeat that went like a Muggle rollar coaster? Sure, take the fiery redhead to the Hospital Wing! Oh, how she enjoyed lying in this bed - staring at a piece of crap that was called a ceiling. How she suddenly came to understand Harry's feelings when he wanted to get out of here.
She liked Madam Pomfrey, but dear Merlin; who shoved up a potions veil in her arse? She had been on constant care by the elder woman, like she could die any minute now. Ginny huffed to herself and turned onto her side in her bed.
But sad thing was ... the literally sad thing that she was in this Hospital Wing (Ginny's version; Place of Doom), is because of a heartbreak.
Shoot the birds!
Kill the gnomes!
Pull Dumbledore's beard!
Yes, Ginny has finally lost her mind!
Ginny pulled the white covers over her red nose as she looked at another empty bed with sad brown eyes. She had been trying to look at it from the good side - joke about it. Make herself go temporarily insane so that she would forget this aching in her heart. But in this situation, jokes are far from doing the right thing. Ginny fluttered her eyes close and she curled up into a ball.
Could anyone possible die from a heartbreak?
It wasn't possible to have this much pain, on to were it literally exhausted her body. She was actually in mutual danger ... and all she could do about it was make stupid jokes about pulling Dumbledore's beard. Even the mental image printed in her head couldn't even make her smile. There was just one thing on her mind only; Draco Malfoy.
She wondered, how this all had started. But soon figured out that she shouldn't been asking how it started, she should be asking herself how to end it all. Yes, Ginny wanted it to end. She didn't want to see his face anymore every time she closed her eyes, she didn't want to see his glazing grey eyes every time she went to bed, she didn't want to feel like crap but yet warm every time he was mentioned, she didn't want to hear his manically voice that soothes her nonetheless every time he opened his mouth, she didn't want to think about him every second of the day, she didn't want to feel his lips on hers anymore.
She didn't want any of it! She wanted to end this misery that he had put her through!
Ginny had been holding them up, but one by one they started to slip from her eyes like little crystals. She sniffed into her blankets and let the tears fall from her puffy, red eyes. Thousands of thoughts raced through her already cloudy mind as she tried to get a grasp on it. But it was useless, all her thoughts where directed at one thing only; him.
Why did she wanted it?
Had she wanted it?
Did he want it?
Has he never thought of her on his own?
Why had it happened to her?
Has she done something horrible to him?
What do they call it? Love?
Does she love him?
Does he love her?
Does she want it to end?
YES! Yes! She wants it to end! She wants this horrible pain that makes her heart feel like it has been struck by an axe go away! The horrible feeling of being betrayed! The horrible feeling of being left alone! The pain that goes through her entire body! The pain ... the horrible pain ... she wants it to go ... ... away.
She wants it to go .. away.
She wants no more pain, no more tears. What she wants is her old self back - back to the time when she loathed his existence. Back to the time when they were still enemies and nothing more. Back to the time when it was all just still kids play. Back to the time when she didn't thought about him willingly. Back to the time when she could face him with sparks. Back to the time when she wanted to kick his arse. Back to the time when she watched Harry fly in the sky instead of a blonde boy. Back to the time ... back to the time ... when she hated him and not loved.
Then, she pushed out all her tears as they landed on her bed, making wet round spots appear. Ginny snuggled closer to her hands and sobbed on a little more.
Slowly, very slowly, did she fall asleep.
No more. No ... more.
And not soon after did the doors of the Hospital Wing opened yet again. People, both student and teacher scattered around, pushing the wrong students out, the right one in a hospital bed and then leaving the poor boy student alone with Madame Pomfrey. After she was finished with him, she left the Hospital Wing, with a devious glint in her eyes.
Ginny stirred in her not so deep sleep as she rolled onto her other side.
The boy with blonde hair and grey eyes stepped out of his hospital bed and quickly strode over to Ginny's bed. He gripped the railing and looked over her sleeping form. Faintly, in her dreams, she could hear a strange hissing sound.
She slowly began to wake up again, but held her eyes closed. She knew there was standing someone at her bedside and she didn't want to let the person know she was awake. Ginny could hear the person mumbling under his breath, until she could hear him clearly.
"What have you done!?" The voice spoke, sending chills everywhere in her body and she couldn't help herself but shiver. She knew that voice. The voice she wanted to drone out of her memories. The voice that she was teaching herself to hate.
"Why did you play along!?" The voice demanded more urgently and she felt her bed shook by the trembling vibrations the boy was giving her. Ginny squeezed her eyes shut, pretending to be somewhere else and not here, not here with him so close. Not here in the Hospital Wing. Not here with Draco Malfoy in the room.
"Why you!?" The voice this time hollered throughout the entire Hospital Wing and Ginny slowly sat back right up, ignoring his glare and refusing to meet his eyes. She looked at the wet spots she made earlier with her tears. Ginny felt her lip tremble but she refused ever so clearly to give in.
She could guess it by now ...
... He knew everything.
There was a silence so thick in the air that she could hear his breathing going fast and unsteady. Ginny turned her head to her bed, still not looking into his eyes.
"Why you ..." he repeated, but this time it was like a soft whisper.
There were so many questions in her head, yet she couldn't open up her mouth to ask them. Her mind had left her and her heart ... she could feel it beating faster and running with pain. Ginny sniffed in some air and tried to push back the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes again. How long was this going to continue? How long was she going to cry?
After the long silence, he leaned over her bed so she could see his blonde hair in the little beam of moonlight. "The letter ... it was you, wasn't it?" he asked, but she could barely hear his voice, as if he was afraid to ask it out loud.
Ginny remembered, the letter? Oh yes, the letter was surely hers. It was meant for her as a disclosure so she wouldn't have to lie down in her bed only to see a pair of grey eyes looking back at her.
Why now? Why now? The questions echoed through her head.
Ginny said nothing back to him.
She heard him take in a large chunk of air. "I .. remember, everything. But, why?" was the only thing she heard him say before another long and stretched silence formed in the air. Again, Ginny didn't answer anything because she didn't want to. She didn't want to give an answer on a question she didn't even understand herself. Ginny sunk into silence and concentrated on her heavy breathing.
Neither broke the silence, neither of them wanting to speak. Neither of them wanting to confront what has been played for so long. What had been all just a mere, pathetic game.
She let herself fall against her pillow that brought her a little comfort. She didn't want this anymore - she needed for him to get away from her.
"I ... don't want this."
Ginny's eyes snapped up as he had broken the silence.
H-he didn't w-want .. this?
Why was she feeling so, sad about this? This is what she wanted wasn't it? He didn't want it, and she didn't want it either. Than why was her heart suddenly ripping her apart? Did she somehow, in the back of her mind, wanted him to ... want her? Did she want him to go through all the pain she had to endure just so he could feel like shit because she went through it alone? She wanted him to feel the pain she felt, and yet somehow, she wanted him to want her. Want her back. Because, even if she did not want it, her heart was jumping for any chance to grope him right there on the spot.
But was it worth it?
All that pain she had to endure, eventually leading her to the Hospital Wing. And now he's standing here, claiming to remember everything and that he didn't want it.
Did he wanted no memories of them together? Did she wanted no memories of them together? Were the two of them even together?
Why did everything had to be so damn complicated!
The boy let go of the railing and turned around, his back to her. "I don't want ... you," he had said before he had disappeared out of the Hospital Wing.
And just as she heard the door closing, Ginny Weasley once again started to cry in the lonely night.
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