Chapter 6: Hate, the tie that binds.
A/N: The reason as to why I'm still calling him Johnny is that, that's the way he sees himself. He doesn't know this Harry Potter person and therefore wont refer to himself as such. If he regains his memory I'll call him Harry, but not now.
Johnny watched as Hermione took her wand out of her pocket and waved it to the door and said something he just couldn't understand. The large door then opened and Johnny, for the first time, saw his library.
He was not one to really care about books all that much, but looking at these books, the only way he could describe it was impressive. The walls seemed to be made of books, books on top of books.
He turned his attention away from the old volumes and back to Hermione who had already walked over to a stack and grabbed what she wanted.
"You're mother's wand was good for charms." She said flipping through the pages, "It just never dawned on me until now..."
"The wand?" Johnny asked.
"No, that your memory loss was intended."
Johnny's heart sunk, then what seemed like the next moment it felt as though it could fly.
"You mean that she did a spell on me?"
Hermione stopped looking through the book and shelved it, then brought another large volume towards him.
"Not exactly. I think she combined charms... I think she meant for your father to loose his memory."
"Isn't a divorce easier?" Johnny asked.
Hermione flipped to what seemed to be her desired page, then sat on the floor with the book in her hands. Johnny followed suit, and waited for her to answer him.
"She didn't want to divorce him... She loved him more than almost anything in this world." Hermione said her eyes never leaving the page.
"Almost anything?"
Hermione looked over to him, "You Harry, she loved you even more than her husband."
Johnny shook his head, "you can't know that."
"She didn't give up her life for his. She sacrificed herself for you." She moved her eyes away from his, but not reading the text, "Anyway, she charmed the ring to have a sort of delayed memory charm. She also charmed it to become a portkey, and transport the wearer to a certain location. The catalyst for both charms was a spell that would kill the wearer. She must have done it after they found out about the prophecy. She thought your father would duel Voldemort... He's the one you..."
"I know who he is." Johnny said quietly, "But why? Why do any of it?"
Hermione had chosen a certain spot on the floor to stare at, and was now playing with the hem of her skirt, "She loved him. She wanted more for him... I'm sure she knew that he wouldn't be able to really live if she died... The only way for him to move on, the only way she could save him, was to take herself... The memory of her, away from him," she paused, and looked to Johnny.
He could then see the tears start to fall down her face, "Oh God Harry, what have I done?"
"What do you mean?"
"If you get your memory back, you'll be in hell. Harry, you've had a hard life, and here you are saved from it all... And I take all that happiness away."
"I'm lost."
Hermione looked at him with a puzzled expression.
"I'm not 'happy,' I'm lost and alone. And, afraid really. I'm not a real person, because I don't have anything. I'm hallow inside because everything is gone... And you... you tell me that you can fill that all up for me. I don't really care with what anymore, just as long as I can truly feel something. It's just stupid to measure how much you've given a person in 'happiness' because in the end being happy isn't what makes us who we are."
Hermione smiled through her tear stained face, "How long have you been holding that in?"
"Since before we came here I think," Johnny sadly smiled back.
There was a long pause between the two, Johnny's attention turned back to the books on the shelves, and where Hermione had grabbed the large volume earlier. There seemed to be something glass behind the books, he went to it, and took out a bottle.
Hermione smiled and a small laugh came from her mouth, "I'd forgotten we left that here."
"What is it?"
"Firewiskey. It's an alcoholic drink, we had to use it one night some Death Eaters attacked... For our wounds of course."
Johnny looked to the bottle then to her, "Have I ever been sloshed?"
Hermione nodded, "twice."
Johnny looked to the bottle again, "Do you think I should try for three?"
"I don't know..."
"Come on, I think we deserve congratulations; we have figured out why I have no memory."
Hermione's eyes went wide, "We have to go tell them, the order, your parents-"
"They can wait. They think they know what's best for me, but I know; I need to get drunk."
Hermione smiled, but shook her head, and just as she was about to say something more the door to the library clicked open.
Johnny and Hermione took the Firewhiskey then quickly rushed behind one of the shelves.
Johnny didn't know exactly why they were hiding, after all this was his library, but stood next to Hermione all the same. Shoes shuffling could be heard, from what seemed like more than one person, but no one was talking.
Johnny looked to Hermione who was listening intently, he waited for some sort of recognition, but she still looked as puzzled as he was.
"He's been alive this entire time, you knew about it, and you didn't say anything?" A female voice screeched. It was the dark haired woman that was carrying his godmother earlier, he recognized the voice.
"You were the one who wanted to refrain from talking to me." A man's voice said in a rather sly tone.
Johnny knew that voice, that was the weird man he had over heard before.
"You want me to sit and drink tea with you? I hate everything you are, I hate everything you stand for. But I deserve to know the truth. Hell, forget about me, the Weasleys deserve to know, Neville deserves to know. What in the hell were you doing? What were you thinking?"
"Miss Granger wished for them to not find out and-"
"You're doing what an eighteen year old is telling you to? I can see why you were a Death Eater, you take orders _very_ well."
"Miss Granger said she would not come here unless we did as she said, and before you insult me a second time I would remind you to think about who exactly you are insulting."
"I know exactly who I'm insulting. It's a vile, wretched, ignorant, sadistic asshole, who gets his jollies off by believing he is in some way superior to every other being on this planet because he's a pureblood."
"And you are connected to this vile sadistic asshole for all eternity. I have tried my patience to try to connect to you Samantha, but if you choose to think of me as this.... I don't know what to do anymore. Go on hating me, in the end all you are doing is hating yourself. I have done what _I_ felt was best for Potter, as I always have, but that will never be good enough for you. Nothing ever will. I can't make up for what was done to him or his parents, and in many ways I've become INDIFFERENT to what happened to them. In the end the only thing I would ever change about my life is what I did to you; but it's too late. You'll never forgive me and I don't think I want forgiveness from a person like you."
Loud footsteps exited the library followed moments later by quieter ones. The door shut and Johnny and Hermione exited from their hiding place.
Hermione looked as if she were shocked, shook her head and turned to Johnny.
"You up for that drink?" She asked as she took the bottle and chugged some down.
DISCLAIMER: I do not now, nor have I ever, condoned underage drinking. Just thought I'd add that.