I am standing here, the bitter wind chilling my already icy heart, but I welcome it. Anything that distracts me from the continually playing film reel in my head is welcome.
I'm stood here, at her funeral, at the back of course, hidden away in the shade of the trees. I can remember every damn thing. Every painful moment of it.
It started when I graduated from Hogwarts. It was the start of the summer, and me and G- I can't say her name, it hurts too damned much! …And me and her had been dating for almost a year. Now I don't want to give you the wrong impression, we weren't a model couple, all mushy and 'cute', not like Potter and Granger. They were pathetic, still are in fact. Anyway, it was the start of the summer and we met up at her 'Burrow'. Can't really call it a house can I? That would be an insult to homeowners everywhere. So, we were there, with her brothers being there usual hostile selves, like I said, it wasn't all lovey-dovey at all, I hated them, they hated me. We were in her room, talking about nothing, both avoiding what really needed to be said. The situation between the Dark Lord and the rest of the wizarding world was no different that it was before, until worse counts as different. Wonder-boy Potter hadn't managed to get himself killed yet, mores the pity, and there was increasing pressure for everyone fresh out of school to join up with one side or the other…
Ginny paced the length of her room, getting increasingly angry and worried with every step. She looked at the man lounging on her bed, his cold silver eyes following her every move. She went to sit beside him. "Draco, I-" that was as far as she got before he cut her off.
"I know what you're going to say Ginny, and the answer is no. I don't know what I'm going to do! I will not join Dumbledore and his cronies! You think that just because I'm dating you that I'm going to be all goody-goody like Potter? For god's sake Ginny!" he said, getting up and standing in front of her. "We have had this conversation so many times before!"
Ginny glared up at him. "So what are you saying?" she demanded, getting louder with every word. "That you're going to go running to daddy? Join his little group?" she yelled, her eyes daring him to say it. "Or have you already? Is that why you came round today? To show me the little tattoo on your arm then pop downstairs to finish off Harry and the others while you're here?" She saw a delicate pink bloom on his cheeks and realised that he was really mad. His cold eyes bore into hers.
"How long do you think we can go on like this Ginny?" he asked softly "It will just get harder and harder. I don't want to have to chose between you and my duty. But I can't just stay in the middle."
"You don't have to!" she yelled "You can just tell dear old dad that you will not join the Death Eaters and will not bow down to Voldemort!"
He stared coldly at her. "Yeah, great! And so I'll just bow down to Dumbledore instead shall I?" he replied, his voice layered with sarcasm.
"Why do you insist on staying with your father? Have you never thought that you don't have to stay there? That you can fight with us?" she pleaded.
He turned away. "Have you ever considered that I don't want to fight with you?" he asked coldly.
Her eyes widened. "What do you mean?" she asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.
He turned back to face her. "You know what I believe in. I hate muggles. I hate weak wizards. And most of all I hate Potter, and his stupid mudblood girlfriend!"
She looked back at him, anger burning in her eyes. "Then why are you here?"
"Well I'm wondering that myself" he said coldly, smirking.
She felt her eyes well up with tears. She slapped him hard. "You bastard! You never even loved me did you? Don't you feel anything?"
He folded his arms. "Goodbye Virginia." he said icily and apparated away.
~*~*~*~
Six months later.
They faced the Death Eaters at the Ministry of Magic, in the vast entrance hall. It was chaos, the Death Eaters among them, spells flying everywhere. Ginny Weasley battled with one masked wizard after another, stunning rather than killing. She hated hurting people, but for these monsters, she made an exception.
Harry was engaged in an intense duel with Voldemort at the opposite end of the Hall, and Ginny was fighting desperately, trying to get to him to help. She was very much aware of the dwindling numbers of Order members on either side of her, the Death Eaters were slowly gaining ground. She spun away from the collapsing wizard in front of her and met her next opponent.
Draco fought the witches and Wizards in front of him, breathing hard through his mask. He saw a flash of red hair to his right, and purposefully moved in the other direction, not wanting to fight her. He lost himself in the fighting, and realised that they were winning. He turned to duel with the next wizard and -
And that's when it happened. I shouted the words of the killing curse, training my wand on the person in front of me. As the green light shot out of my wand I met her eyes, they widened in surprise as she recognised me. The curse hit her in her heart, and in slow motion I saw her body crumple to the ground, her eyes locked with mine, and in that instant a world of emotions passed between us.
I saw in her eyes the love she had for me, and I knew she recognised that same love in my own eyes. I remember calling out her name, running to her as she hit the ground, but it was too late. I looked down into those beautiful eyes of hers and saw the pain and betrayal in them, and I felt my heart shatter at the accusing look in her glazed eyes. I couldn't believe it. There are no words for the pain I felt, the pain I still feel. I had murdered the one thing in the world that I truly loved. She was my heart, my soul.
Now everything is over. They're all dead. Voldemort, Dumbledore, Granger. Only Potter is left. And me. I sometimes feel I deserve to die, but I know its not true, I deserve worst. And this is my punishment. To live. Every day knowing what I did. Having to live without her. That smile, the very smile that first melted the barrier around my heart. Those eyes, that found a way to look into my soul and bring out the goodness in me. I owed her everything, and I wanted to give her the world. Instead, I killed her. Murdered her. The one I love more than anything else. I can't describe what she meant to me, what she still means to me. She was the one ray of light in my life. The one thing that kept me going. I loved her more that I can put into words. I didn't think it was possibly to feel like this. She made me find my heart again, find the real me that had been locked away beneath the ice for so long.
I can't stop remembering. The softness of her lips as they brushed against mine. Her skin, as soft as silk under my exploring fingers. The smell of her hair, its colour, as red at flames. The fire in her eyes when we argued. The grace of her steps as we danced. The feeling of safety in her secure embrace. Her voice as she whispered sweet nothings in my ear, promising impossible things. The sweetness of her kiss, lingering on my lips long after she pulled away. The way she stood up for what she believed in, prepared to lose everything for what she knew was right. The way she smiled when she saw me walk into a room. The way everything in her matched up perfectly with everything in me. The way her eyes lit up when I first whispered "I love you."
The way those eyes widened in surprise as she crumpled to the ground. The look of betrayal in those eyes as she stared up at me, her life escaping from her body with every passing second. And the way the spark in those beautiful brown eyes faded as she let out her last breath.
I can't stop remembering.
She broke down my barriers and made me come alive. And now she's gone. Gone forever. She was the one thing that mattered to me. The one thing that I loved. She was my world. And I killed her.
She was my everything.