Prologue
Edinburgh, Scotland
It hurts to look at him but she can't help it. She wonders why it all happens to him, he didn't deserve it. And now that Christmas is so near she was sure he was thinking of those he lost. She wanted to comfort him, to tell him she was here for him, that she'll do anything to make him feel better but she can't. She knows he thinks of her as someone he almost lost. It's the reason why he barely talks to her now and although it just shows that he cares for her it also cuts him off of her- or rather the other way around.
It's a rather dense assumption for him to have. He thinks just by not talking to her and his other friend the Dark Lord would just leave them out of his list but that's not how things work. Whatever he does the Dark Lord will know that he cares, why would he avoid his friends in the first place if he doesn't care?
Now the only thing she has to do is make him understand.
~*~
Wiltshire, England
His expression of cold indifference betrayed none of his thoughts or feelings. His rage and frustration almost consumed him to act recklessly. He saw the light from his father's wand hit his lifted left arm then instantly, an intense searing pain followed. It took a lot out of him not to flinch but he managed to remain unmoving and impassive as ever.
He saw his father smirk at his unfazed and rather bored look. He felt so revolted at his expression that a sudden urge to thump him in the face ran through him, he was certain it would wipe his smug look afterwards. And although it would be repulsive for him, he knew planting his fist into his father's face would definitely bring him great pleasure. Oh how he despise him.
It began the day his sixteenth birthday came. He finally realized that his so-called "father" was just playing him for a fool. He thought that the coldness he sometimes show him was just pretence to hide the fact that he truly cares. But his father really didn't care a thing about him. His father doesn't care about anything that has to do with him. His father just made him think he cared. And his father thought he'll never figure it out. But he was tired of it and he was sick of him controlling his every move.
He was brought out of his reverie when he heard his father suddenly spoke. Another wave of anger rushed through him at his words. 'The Master would be pleased' he said to him, still with a smug expression, before leaving him without a glance. He forced himself to calm down as he watched his father's retreating back. They thought they've gained their Master's new apprentice in him. His father held enough power in the little group of his that the news was accepted without question. Ha! What they didn't know was he's a fool's gold and they were all foolish to think him genuine. And even if their Master was cautious and distrustful he's still too full of himself that he would never know the betrayal in the thoughts of two of his subordinates, one of them being his well-regarded apprentice no less.
He owes it all to one certain spell. It was rather amazing what Occlumency could do, and he was grateful for having a knack for it. He thought for a second that he'll be discovered the minute those snake-like eyes looked at him yesterday where he first met him, but fortunately for him, the months and months of practice with his professor, who was also gifted at it, paid off, his thoughts didn't leak at all.
He cautiously rubbed his throbbing arm, his jaw tightened as his fingers ran over the burned mark on his pale skin. He imagined his father was now telling his groupies about him proudly. He gritted his teeth furiously. Now he'll be coming back to Hogwarts, after a Christmas vacation, with a new tattoo and a handful of newfangled trouble.
What a really grand way to start a new year don't you think?
~*~
Devon, England
Honestly, he knew she was right the minute the words left her mouth in that late winter afternoon. But he couldn't let her know that, it's not that he didn't think about it before, it's just that he doesn't want to admit it. But when he heard her say it, it just made it more real. Whatever he does that sodding Voldemort will know what he truly feels. Now another reason to spend more time with his favourite professor arises.
At least he could now stop pretending to believe that shunning his two best friends works. He let out a sigh and raked a hand through his unruly hair. As he headed downstairs he couldn't help but feel a wave of trepidation washing over him. It was now time to face the consequences of the foolish move he did. He just hopes that this blunder of his doesn't cost him to lose the only two people he can't and don't ever want to lose.
~*~
London, England
He didn't know why but the moment she walked through the barrier and met his eyes he knew she wasn't his to have. He wanted her but he couldn't say the same for her. He thought she felt the same way before but as they grow old he noticed how different the smiles she gives him and the one she gives their other best friend. If they were still in their fourth year he was sure he'd be filled up with envy and jealousness but now… it's just another thing to add in his 'he didn't know whys' list.
Maybe he knew all along but just didn't want to acknowledge it. But shouldn't he feel like he lost or something? He scratched his head in annoyance. All this thinking are just making his head hurt and leaving him more confused than ever. He glanced at the two of them still talking animatedly with each other as they made their way inside their compartment.
It was so obvious he didn't know why (yet another entry in his list) he didn't notice it before as much as he notices it now. He sat down still in deep thought. Well if he can't have her, he's glad his other best friend could. The only thing bothering him is giving him 'the talk'. It's just that it would be harder to kick his arse if he hurts her, though he doubts the occasion would arise, he knew his other best friend still sometimes gets taken over by his daft side and acts foolishly when something dangerous happens. Just like what he did by the start of their term. Like not talking to them to would guarantee their safety against vvol- volddd- the Dark Lord. 'Geez.' Even in his mind he can't say the stupid name. 'Honestly.' -And now she's making him say it too!
He groaned inwardly. His own mind's making him daft. He shook his head briefly before dropping to his seat. As the train chugged he wondered what this second half of their sixth year brings. With the war going on, he just hopes he wouldn't be daft or worst- dead by the end of it.
Fin for now.
.:. Sorry I've posted this story without being edited by someone else. But I really really need to because I'm afraid I'm starting to forget things I've come up with for this story. Please let me know what you think! r/r!
oh and help! I'm in need of a beta. I've tried in the forum but then she didn't reply.
Au revoir! =)