Ch 16: Discussions with Dumbledore
"Why don't we go to my office, Harry," suggested Dumbledore as he headed towards the large room where the Order of the Phoenix usually held its meetings. "There are a few things I would like to discuss with you." Harry simply nodded and followed him into the room.
"Harry, grab the sleeve on my robe and hang on," instructed Dumbledore. Looking slightly confused, Harry did as he was told and followed Dumbledore through the fireplace. When his stomach stopped dropping and seemed to return to its normal position below his chest, Harry opened his eyes and gazed around Dumbledore's office.
"I could have flooed here on my own, Professor," said Harry.
"Well, not to the Headmaster's office. There are a number of Floo fireplaces that have very tight restrictions. The fireplace in the Headmaster's office of Hogwarts is one of those. It will only allow the Headmaster and anyone he brings with him to travel through it. Now please have a seat, Harry."
Gesturing to a stuffed chair on one side of his desk, Dumbledore sat down on the opposite side from Harry, leaned back and bridged his hands, placing the fingertips together and tapping them. Harry sat down as well, trying to rein in his racing thoughts. They sat quietly for several moments, each thinking their own thoughts.
Dumbledore began. "Harry, I am very sorry about Percy. If we had had any idea about Voldemort's intentions, we would have done strengthened the protections on him and the rest of the Weasleys as well as the Grangers..."
"Why didn't I see it coming?!?! Why didn't the scar warn me?!?! Everything else Voldemort has done, I've had some kind of warning, some kind of hint something bad was coming. But this time, nothing! Nothing! I used to hate the pain and the scar and the nightmares. But at least I had some idea if Voldemort was up to something. Now, nothing! How can I fight him if I don't know what he's doing?" Harry's voice grew louder and louder as his frustration grew. With his back to the fire, Harry did not notice that the flames in the fireplace were roaring, seeking some escape from the stony confines. Dumbledore noticed, and pulled his cloak more closely around his shoulders as the room became steadily chillier.
"Harry, there are two items I wish to discuss with you. The first concerns your link to Voldemort. I have been very impressed with your improvement in Occlumency over the past several weeks this summer. I strongly believe that it is your hard work, in addition to some of your other special abilities," Dumbledore seemed to smile slightly as he said this, causing Harry to wonder if he knew about the Animagus transformations he and his friends had undergone, "that seems to be helping you block out the nightmares and feelings from Voldemort. Yes, it is unfortunate that you may no longer get warnings about his activities, but he will not be able to learn anything about your activities either, including your training."
"Perhaps, but if I had known what Voldemort was up to, I could have kept Percy from getting killed." Still angry, Harry leaped from his chair and began to pace the room.
"Perhaps, it is difficult to say. But do not lay that burden upon yourself, Harry. You have more than enough to bear," sympathized Dumbledore. "Tell me, Harry, do you feel a little bit cold?"
"No, what I feel is...yeah, you're right. It's freezing in here Professor. Maybe you should start a fire..." suggested Harry and then turned to notice the roaring inferno in the fireplace. Puzzled, he looked back at Dumbledore.
"Perhaps, if you calmed down just a bit, we could talk about the second issue I wished to discuss with you. Please, have a seat again, Harry. Would you care for a lemon drop?"
Harry started to protest, then flopped back in the chair with a resigned sigh and plopped a couple of lemon drops in his mouth. Then he noticed that the room seemed slightly warmer, despite the fact that the fire was slowly dying down. "How did you do that Professor Dumbledore?"
"I did not do anything, Harry."
"Oh. Well then, who...you don't mean I did that do you? I couldn't have. I mean, I don't know how...I don't have that kind of power..."
"No Harry. I believe you do have that kind of power, a very rare and powerful form of magic indeed. And no, I do not believe you understand exactly how you do it either. I have noticed these kinds of changes in air temperature or fire twice before. Earlier, at the Grangers' house, we were working to put out the flames consuming the house when all of a sudden they just went out. They were extinguished much more quickly than we could have managed, even with five of us working together. Later, there was a message on one of the walls, a very nasty message left by Voldemort's lackeys, that was entirely consumed by a burst of flame, along with the entire wall. As soon as the message and the wall were consumed, the fire went out."
Trying to hide a guilty look, Harry sputtered, "But, it could have been..."
"I suspected something when the flames in the house went out, and was pretty certain when the wall exploded. I asked Moody to have a good look around, and he said with great surprise that he saw Miss Granger under an Invisibility Cloak. I told him to keep looking, and he finally spotted you beside her. You can imagine our surprise and concern when we realized both of you had decided to follow us despite our..."
"We are getting tired of being treated like children..." began Harry, his anger rising.
"Yes, I understand. Perhaps I made a mistake. Well, two actually. The first was being overprotective of both you and Miss Granger, especially after what we found at the Weasleys. The second was assuming you would actually stay put and not try to get involved somehow. I should have remembered that neither you nor Miss Granger ever give up on an argument so quickly." Dumbledore smiled. "I am sorry, Harry, but we did not know whether there were still Death Eaters waiting to spring a trap or not. I understand it is frustrating to feel like everyone is being overprotective and I am sorry."
Harry looked up and asked "Sir, how did you know to check on Hermione's parents?"
"Well, actually, I believe you gave me the idea."
"What?!?!" "While we were there trying to put out the rest of the fire and determine what had happened, I heard three words that seemed to be screamed into my mind-Hermione and Hermione's parents. I quickly realized that I needed to check on them as well, since she is your other best friend."
"Yeah, I was at the Weasley's as well," admitted Harry. "When I saw what had happened to Percy and the Weasley's house, I just knew that something similar was going to happen to the Grangers. All I could think of was how it would affect Hermione. I didn't realize you could read my mind."
"I cannot Harry. I do seem to have some affinity for some of the mental talents, but I cannot truly read peoples' minds. No, I believe the stress of the situation caused you to project a few of your thoughts to me. That is all. If I sometimes appear to be able to read people's minds, it is due mainly to intuition and my experience in working with many different people."
"Professor, how was I able to put out the fires, or blow up that wall? I've never been able to do anything like that before."
"Nor have you been able to Apparate before either, at least as far as I am aware. You do seem to be developing a number of quite useful talents, Harry. But now to your question. We will try and address the first part of that question over the course of this year in your classes with Professor Winklett."
"How is studying Muggle science going to help with that?"
"There have been very few wizards who could ever influence the natural elements. Consequently there is very little literature that might be of any use. The natural forces you can influence have laws and principles that they follow. Muggles have made extensive studies of these forces for many centuries and their knowledge in many areas far exceeds that of most wizards and witches. I believe that a better grasp of the fundamental principles governing the behavior of air, fire, water, and earth will help you improve your influence over them."
"How? Wouldn't I just use my wand or a spell?"
"Have you used either before to influence the elements?"
"Well, no."
"I believe your will, strengthened by emotion at times, has been directing the various changes we have occasionally witnessed. I think with a better understanding of how the elements behave in nature, you will gain a better ability to influence them."
"OK," replied Harry, sounding unconvinced. "How long have you known I could do this? I mean, I didn't know I could do this."
"Well, that brings up the second part of your earlier question. I began to suspect you might have additional powers at your sixteenth birthday party. Do you remember the boiling drinks, the cold room that suddenly became very warm, the roaring fire, and the slight tremor?"
"Well, yeah, but I thought those were just jokes by the twins. Did you say there was an earthquake?"
"Yes, but it was only a small tremor that shook the table. No, it was not a trick of the twins. I believe it was evidence of one of your unique powers emerging. I'm not sure exactly what triggered it, perhaps it was just a matter of time, I do not know," replied Dumbledore.
"But I wasn't mad or angry or anything like that on my birthday. It was a great day with all of my friends."
"There are other emotions besides anger and fear and mourning. There are other emotions that can be much more powerful than those three."
"Oh. Well, I guess I was really glad to have all of my friends there," mused Harry.
Dumbledore smiled gently.
The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he had been really happy to see all of his friends, especially Hermione. Hermione had looked so beautiful that night and...Harry stopped that line of thought with a start. "We're just good friends, that's all, nothing more. We're just good friends…" he told himself over and over.
Dumbledore continued smiling.
Breaking the awkward silence, Harry tried to change the subject. "Professor Dumbledore, I have a question. Why wasn't I arrested and thrown into Azkaban or something when I cast the Cruciatus curse on Bellatrix?" asked Harry and then mumbled, "Even though it didn't seem to work very well…"
Dumbledore's smile evaporated, replaced by a grim look. "First, the fact that the curse did not work well for you speaks volumes about your character, Harry. Those who cast the most effective Cruciatus curses have the most vile of natures, the least amount of human compassion and love for life. I am very relieved, though not surprised that you could not cast it well. Second, the Unforgivable curses are normally only punishable when their use is not provoked, for example to torture someone or compel them to do something for you. In the heat of a battle such as you were in, it is very rare for a punishment to be given."
"But I was in a life or death situation when those Dementors came after me last summer. What was the difference then? I didn't even use an Unforgivable curse, I just used the Patronus charm."
"I'm afraid the only difference was in the attitudes of those in the Ministry, Harry. With members of the Ministry able to see for themselves the Death Eaters and Voldemort, they saw the spells you and your friends used in a very different context. I understand this explanation does not seem a very good one, but it is the best I can offer." Dumbledore's eyes seemed to seethe with anger.
"Professor Dumbledore, why didn't you kill Voldemort? I know that according to the prophecy, I guess I'm supposed to, but…you seemed so much more powerful than him. Why didn't you finish him off at the Ministry?"
Dumbledore's eyes shifted from anger to deepest sorrow. "I wish I could have, Harry. If I could have made it so that he could never harm anyone ever again, I would do so in a heartbeat."
"But you could have used the Avada Kedavra. Surely you are powerful enough to kill Voldemort with an Avada Kedavra curse," argued Harry.
"To take a life is no light thing, Harry, even the life of one as horrible and terrible as Voldemort. Even when done in self-defense, or in the defense of friends and allies, killing an enemy is a terrible thing and brings with it an enormous cost. Of course, the price of not doing anything is even higher. To not defend the innocent or powerless, to not protect your family and friends, to not confront evil when it attacks is much worse. I sleep much better knowing that some of my old foes will never harm another victim. I am glad that they are no longer a threat, but I take no joy in their deaths. Taking an enemy's life should always be the final option, only do it if there is no alternative.
But this is a horrible war in which we find ourselves Harry, as are all wars. It is extremely likely that you will find yourself in a battle in which there will be no opportunity to stun, or incapacitate, or force your enemies to surrender and the only choice you will have is to kill or be killed. If you must kill, Harry, do it quickly, without hesitation-for you can expect no mercy from Voldemort or his servants.
But do not be hasty in dealing out death and destruction. You have not been that way in the past, do not change your character, your very nature, now."
Harry pondered deeply upon what Dumbledore had just explained. He thought about when he had almost killed Sirius, thinking he had murdered his parents. How glad he was that he had been merciful then. Then he thought about sparing Wormtail's life and wondered again for perhaps the thousandth time if he had made a mistake in showing mercy.
"Harry, do not continue to doubt your past decisions. Your reactions with both Sirius and Wormtail do you great credit. Do not blame yourself for the return of Voldemort. If not through the aid of Wormtail, Voldemort would have eventually returned with the aid of another."
Stunned, Harry turned to Dumbledore, "Do you really think so?"
"Yes. Voldemort endured countless magical enhancements and changes in order to cheat death. That is why I am not sure even an Avada Kadavra spell will defeat him."
In complete shock, Harry stared. His mind reeled. "How can he be defeated then?"
"I am not entirely sure. But I believe your mother took the correct approach. She invoked powerful, ancient magic when she cast that guarding ward upon you before Voldemort burst into your room that night. Your father gave her enough time to complete the spell that nearly finished the Dark Lord. Amidst my other duties, I have been researching various spells that might help counter and undo some of the spells that Voldemort has used to cling to life. With time, I believe we will discover the necessary spells to counter his efforts and you will be able to develop your powers to the point that you will be able to meet and defeat Voldemort as indicated by the prophecy," explained Dumbledore.
This was all too much for Harry. The attacks at the Weasleys and the Grangers, the murder of Percy, the memories of his parents' sacrifice, the betrayals by Wormtail, the death of Sirius, the discovery of new but uncontrollable powers seemed overwhelming combined with the knowledge that the all-powerful Dumbledore wasn't even sure how to defeat Voldemort except in the vaguest of terms. Harry exploded, along with the fire in the fireplace.
"We don't have enough time!!! Voldemort is back and getting more powerful and you don't have a clue how to beat him!!! I've been here for five years and am nowhere close to being powerful enough to defeat him! He is not going to give me another five or ten years to develop my powers or give me time to train! He's already attacked the families of my two best friends, he won't waste much more time until he comes after me or one of them again!!!" Harry paced quickly back and forth in front of the desk while Dumbledore sat quietly, shivering in the frosty air while waiting for Harry's anger to subside again. "If only I could go back…"
Dumbledore asked him to sit again. After another minute or so, Harry did so disgustedly. Dumbledore then tried to calm Harry down by explaining several possible courses of action, but Harry wasn't paying attention. All he could think of was that he needed more time. Glancing at the side of the room, Harry noticed a silver necklace with a small hourglass-shaped pendant hanging from the chain. He interrupted Dumbledore, "Could I borrow a Time Turner?" Dumbledore stopped to stare at him thoughtfully.
"Harry, I am afraid you cannot change what has already happened. Going back in time to prevent a death is impossible-it has too many unforeseeable effects to attempt. Trying to restore a life through the manipulation of time might unravel the fabric of time itself and destroy the entire present. If it were possible, the Death Eaters would never have been able to kill anyone. The ministry would simply have gone back in time to help the victims escape. You and Hermione were able to save Sirius that night only because he had not been executed yet. You cannot bring back Percy or Sirius or Cedric or your parents or any of Voldemort's other victims this way, Harry."
"No, I understand that Professor. What I mean is that I need more time to train and study."
"Ahh, I see. Even its use in that manner is both difficult and draining. Perhaps you remember how Miss Granger struggled during her third year?"
"Yes, that was what gave me the idea."
"Yes, well, the use of a Time Turner is strictly regulated by the Ministry of Magic. It could take a while to get all the necessary forms and approvals. A request like that could also attract a lot of notice. I believe Voldemort still has spies in many places, including the Ministry. More importantly, the use of a Time Turner is very delicate and must be very limited. It can have very detrimental effects on all those in the current time and cause serious side effects on the one who actually moves back and forth in time if it is used too extensively. Do you understand?"
"Yes, yes," replied Harry impatiently. "I was wondering if perhaps you had one you could lend me from your extensive collection of magical artifacts?"
"Well Harry, even as Headmaster, I would be unable to just give you one without going through the necessary approval process at the Ministry. I do believe I had a Time Turner lying around here somewhere, but I have been unable to locate it since your last visit. If you recall, you were a little upset and broke a few of my things." Dumbledore smiled slightly at Harry as his eyes twinkled.
Slightly embarrassed, Harry looked at his feet for a minute. Confused, he looked back at Dumbledore and then glanced over to the table where he could clearly see the Time Turner laying on top. "What did Dumbledore mean-he couldn't locate the Time Turner? It was right there, wasn't it?"
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "If you will be so good as to stay here a moment, Harry, I have a few things I need to get out of my private chamber. I'll be back in a few minutes and then we'll return to your house." Dumbledore rose and left.
Suddenly, Dumbledore's hidden meaning dawned on Harry. Glancing around quickly at the portraits on the walls, Harry noticed that they all seemed to be asleep. Or at least they were pretending to be asleep. He rose quickly from his chair, strode over to the table and stretched out his hand out for the Time Turner. Grasping the silver necklace, he lifted it quickly, put it around his neck, and made sure it was hidden under his shirt. Then he returned to his chair and waited for Dumbledore.
"All set, then Harry?" asked Dumbledore as he returned a few minutes later.
"Yes, sir," replied Harry steadily.
Stepping into the empty fireplace with a pinch of Floo powder, the two returned to Harry's mansion.
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