I know it seems completely crazy and out of character for me…but I have to confess something. Sometimes, only a few days of the year, when I'm feeling really stressed mostly, but not very often at all…Actually maybe only once or twice ever…I've wished that I had a certain scar on my forehead. That bloody Potter gets everything he's ever wanted and hasn't deserved while I stand back and watch.
And I deserve it.
I do.
I haven't associated with anyone of muggle descent, I haven't been contaminated by being near a Weasley. Although just last week I did have a close call, passing the girl in the hallway. I don't know her name; they honestly have far too many kids for me to be expected to keep track of them. She isn't even my year.
But god, she has all this bloody red hair. It's everywhere! It's the only thing a person notices when they look at her, I'm sure…it's hard to be distracted by a sprinkling of freckles or a petite frame when all that hair is yelling at you, blinking like a neon road-sign…But I'm getting ahead of myself. The only reason Weasleys are worth having around is to deal with muggles, and therefore keep them far away from my family and the like.
So there are the Weasleys to keep muggles away; what are there to keep Weasleys away? I don't think she should be allowed to walk in the same hallways as me.
Honestly, shes so open about everything and open to everyone. I bet, if I gave her the chance, she'd even be nice to me.
No, I take that back.
The gryffindors hate me(they're just jealous) and always will.
Not that it bothers me.
The little redhead with the flaming attitude…why should I care if she doesn't look at me the way she looks at Potter? Pouting her lips and going all glassy eyed…not that I've noticed.
But Potter, really, he has this affect on the girls at Hogwarts and I cant for the life of me figure out why…I'm richer, better looking, smarter…and I'm not saying I don't have my own little fan club (because I do, and it definitely doesn't include any Weasleys) but mine isn't quite up to par with Potter's (and believe me, it hurts to admit that.)
But I don't care.
I don't really care about one bloody girl and what she thinks of me. What could she possibly think of me? I'm sure she's grown up despising my family name. So why is it that she seems to look at me with….I don't know, admiration? At times, it seems like she does.
Or is it fear?
She should fear me. She would fear me, I think, if she knew what I truly was. Or would she? The same girl that doesn't fear the half giant, that's actually faced the dark lord and survived without permanent mental damage (I think).
Is she really scared of anything?
The truth is, I'm scared of something. I'm scared of the fact that in the great hall, I search the crowd for a glimpse of red. I'm scared because I cant explain why, in the halls, I glance at each girls face looking for green eyes and a splash of freckles.
I'm bloody terrified every time I wake up, and look in the mirror, and feel disappointment at seeing the lack of scar on my way-too-ghostly-pale forehead.
I'm literally scared to death that the Weasley girl will notice the way I look at her, and equally petrified that she won't.