Maybe It's Your Eyes
I hate you.
I loathe you.
I know you.
I want you.
I understand you.
… I love you.
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You left me. That's why I hate you.
You died. That's why I loathe you.
You're the Boy-Who-Lived. That's how I know you.
You're perfect. That's why I want you.
You're my best friend. That's how I understand you.
And how can I explain why I love you?
I can't.
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Maybe it's your eyes.
Your eyes, your mother's eyes, eyes of an indescribable shade of green. Eyes that your father fell for, and eyes that I too have fallen for.
When your eyes looked into mine, I didn't see the color. I saw them looking into me. But they didn't need to. You never did need to read me. You simply knew.
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Or perhaps it's your smile.
You always seemed so sad. Whenever you smiled it was like Christmas had come early. It came usually because of something Ron said, or perhaps an embarrassing thing Malfoy did, or perhaps a prediction that came from that lunatic Trelawny. But I suppose she wasn't a lunatic, was she Harry? You died young, just like she said you would, didn't you?
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I remember everything. The day we first met to the day we last kissed. I was going to fight with you, but you so sneaky and cunning, put something in my butterbeer, causing me to pass out while you snuck away. Perhaps you should have been sorted into Slytherin…
If you were alive you would be chuckling. That smile that I love would be on your face and you'd make a remark like I've been spending too much time around Ron, making jokes like that.
I know you so well.
… Correction, I knew you so well.
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I have to keep reminding myself that you're gone. I've already tried numbing the pain by going into denial. But I know that will do me no good.
In general, the world itself is in so much of a better place… but my world….
My world is nothing, a dark shade of gray, a world with a cloud hovering over it that it can never get rid of. A world of shattered dreams and innocence with a false sense of reality and security.
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I think I'm going to live my life alone. I'll have Ron and I'll have my parents and I'll have Ginny… but I won't have you.
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Sometimes I hate people for not seeing that you were just a boy. Just a boy, a mere mortal, not a god.
But people didn't know you the way I did, huh Harry?
They didn't know that you cried over your parents when you looked at the photo album Hagrid gave you. They didn't know what pain the star Sirius brought you when you stared at it each night. They didn't know how your eyes grew a shade lighter when you laughed. They didn't know how you would give up all of your fortune just to have a real family.
They didn't know you loved me.
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So why do I love you?
I love you for everything you stand for. I love that you do anything for your friends to keep them safe. I love the fact that you tried to live up to the expectations everyone sets for you. But you reached them and then you passed them, going higher and higher beyond everyone's wildest dreams.
I love the way you're so innocent, yet you have seen thing most people will never live to see. Your modesty draws me in and yet you walk like a king.
From what I hear, you inherited your father's charm and your mother's wit. I don't know if they had those things, but I know you certainly did. They drew me in too, along with your never-ending kindness and loyalty.
For those reasons and more, I love you Harry James Potter. Perhaps not since the day I met you, at least not in that way, but eventually I learned and that is one piece of knowledge I will never forget.
I suppose that even though I said I couldn't explain why I loved you, I just did. But I still really don't know, and I doubt I'll be ever to fully explain it…
Maybe it's your eyes.
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Author's Note: Just a little angsty fic that I thought up a while back. I like the thought of it, but I'm still not quite satisfied with it, and if you review and give me some pointers, perhaps I'll fix it up and re-post it. That is, if no one thinks it's unrepairable or anything.
I know, I know, I keep switching tenses, but I wanted to accent on the fact that Hermione is still in quite a bit of denial of the fact that Harry's dead.
Anyway, all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thanks!
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