A/N: So… I'm trying to be better about my review replies. I really admire all authors that manage to respond to all their reviews, it really shows wonderful appreciation. Anyway - for those times I miss, or for those of you I miss, and for everyone that takes the time to say a few words, thank you.
A/N 2: Thanks to my betas, Kristin and James, who got this back to me very, very quickly. *hugs them*
A/N 3: Yes, I tacked in a cheesy, yet somewhat appropriate Buffy quote. Old fandoms die hard, you know.
Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.
-Lie to Me
***
Harry rose the next morning with purpose. Some part of him felt like he'd failed Hermione last night.
Sun streamed into the room, but he was satisfied to see that it was still early. His body protested when he threw back the covers, but he ignored his need for more rest. Hermione was more important.
Ron was still sound asleep in the opposite bed, seemingly oblivious to the world around him. Harry dressed quickly, hands shaking with nerves.
He hurried downstairs, trying to be as quiet as possible so he wouldn't wake the rest of the house. In the kitchen, Harry's heart sank when he found its only occupant to be Lupin. He was sitting at the table, idly sipping a cup of coffee and flipping through the Daily Prophet.
Noticing Harry's presence, he gave a tight smile that didn't reach his eyes. Alarm bells went off in Harry's mind. Lupin had something to tell him and, whatever it was, Harry was certain he wasn't going to like it.
"Good morning, Harry. You're up early."
Harry didn't budge. "Yeah. I wanted to see Hermione before she went back to St. Mungo's."
Lupin sighed. "She's-"
"Already gone," Harry interrupted in a hollow voice. "Yeah. I picked up on it."
Lupin studied him. "Why don't you sit down?"
Harry would have preferred standing-it would have helped to make him feel more in control of the situation. But he pulled out a chair and sat down, fixing his old Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher with a stare.
"Well?" he said. "What's going on?"
Lupin set down the newspaper, looking old and tired. Harry felt a pang of guilt for his attitude. He knew Lupin's life was far from easy. The last thing he needed was to become the subject of Harry's frustration.
"Hermione has been… given a choice."
"A choice?" Harry said blankly. "What d'you mean, 'a choice?'"
"You must be hungry," Lupin said in answer. "Why don't you get yourself something to eat? Some orange juice, in the very least?"
"I'm not hungry," Harry said. "I just… I need to know what's going on. Why were her parents attacked? How are they doing? Are they going to recover? What choice?"
There was a moment of silence as Lupin considered Harry's words, broken only by the creaks and groans of the house settling. Lupin leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.
"One thing Sirius was adamant about was that you shouldn't be sheltered. You were growing up faster than any of us would have liked, it would only prove more costly in the end to keep things from you." Lupin gave Harry a ghost of a smile. "I rather think he was right about that."
At the mention of his godfather, Harry stiffened. "He did?"
"He talked a lot about you," Lupin said, watching Harry carefully. "Especially to me. I know you never properly got your chance to know him, but Sirius's main concern was you."
Lupin's voice was slightly unsteady and Harry looked away, focusing on the wall behind him. An uncomfortable moment passed before Lupin cleared his throat. When he spoke, his words were steady, calm, professional.
"We believe Voldemort's intent was to kill Helen and Robert Granger. He failed." Lupin paused to let that sink in. "Both the Grangers should make a full recovery, in large part due to the quick reaction of the Order. We have not discounted the possibility that Voldemort will attempt another attack in the future. Several prominent people can be identified by Mrs. Granger as Death Eaters, something that, I am sure, will be made public. Their danger is no longer tied merely to their association with Hermione. They are… an asset… to the Order and an enemy of Voldemort's."
Harry's mind was spinning. "They'll need protection. Voldemort's not going to want his key people identified-not if he can find a way around it. If they're gone, they won't be able to testify in court. They'll need to be guarded, they-"
Lupin held up a hand, his face grave. "Yes," he said simply. "And that is where Hermione faces her choice. Her parents will be put into hiding, under Order supervision. Where they will go, they will not be found by Death Eaters."
"A Fidelius charm, then," Harry said.
Lupin shook his head. "They're Muggles," he said softly. "It won't work. Too many things could go wrong."
"So what then?" Harry said. "How can they possibly be safe?"
"The Order has its ways," Lupin said. "This sort of thing has happened in the past."
It made sense. Harry supposed there must have been loads of Muggles that would have been valuable assets to the Order. There must be some way to guard them.
"What this means is that the Grangers will be re-located. They'll be given new names, new identities. They'll be supervised by a select few. Confidentiality is essential. All ties to their current life will be cut. They will not be permitted to correspond with… anyone outside of those that know their new identities."
Harry leaned back in his chair, a sick feeling gathering in his stomach. "That means…" comprehension slowly dawned on him. "Hermione wouldn't be allowed to see them, right? Not only that, but she won't be able to keep in contact with them… talk to them…"
"More than that, Harry," Lupin said. His voice turned gentler. "It means she has to choose. It is not our intent to separate families. If Hermione decides she'd rather be with them, she will be relocated along with her parents."
Harry stared. "Relocated?"
Lupin clenched his jaw and nodded. "It is… her choice."
"Her choice?" Harry repeated. "Her choice?"
"She is… old enough now to make those decisions," Lupin said softly. "She's of age now. If this had happened a year ago, it would have been made for her. As I said, the Order does not want to split up families. If Hermione were a minor, she'd be forced to go with them."
Dull horror spread through Harry. "What kind of choice is this?" he said, disgusted. "Choosing between her parents, her family, or her life at Hogwarts, her home, her studies, her friends, m-"
Harry stopped, unable to go on. He sat back in his chair, feeling defeated. "Last night, she must've already known."
"Yes."
Harry stared very hard at the tabletop. Like most of the house, time had left cracks and bumps running over its surface.
"That's an impossible choice."
"No, it's not, Harry." Lupin studied him. "Hermione loves her parents, yes, very much. But her life is at Hogwarts. That is her home, as you put it. I have no doubt she will not give that up."
Harry traced one of the cracks with his fingertips, understanding that this situation was now beyond his control. The idea of losing Hermione, now, when they had what they had, was unbearable. But he couldn't imagine asking her to sacrifice her parents for him. He wasn't certain he was worth that.
"How long does she have?" Harry said.
"Today," Lupin answered. "She has… today. Her parents will be released from St. Mungo's tonight and will be moved to a more secure location at that time."
"Can I see her?"
Lupin hesitated. "I don't know if that's a good idea."
"Please," Harry said, looking up. "I need to see her. This is a decision that-that she shouldn't have to make alone."
"I'm afraid it's one she must make alone, Harry." Lupin's voice was gentle. "Hermione's feelings are rather blind when it comes to you."
Harry's face burned. "I won't try and convince her to stay, you know I won't. Please, I just want to see her."
Lupin got up from the table and went to pour himself a second cup of coffee. Harry continued to stare down at the cracks on the table-one, two, three, four…
"Please, Lupin," Harry said again. "Please just let me see her."
Lupin busied himself with his coffee and avoided Harry's eye. "It is important that her decision isn't influenced by any outside forces."
"And what d'you think her parents are going to say?" Harry burst out. "They don't much approve of me, you know. I reckon they'd do their best to keep her with them." Harry waited a moment. "If you don't let me see her, I'll find a way. You know I will."
Lupin set down his coffee, looking worn. "Very well. Let's go."
For a moment, Harry was certain he'd heard wrong. When Lupin's words sank in, he jumped up from the table, startled. "What? Right now?"
"Yes," Lupin said firmly. "Before Molly wakes up. She'd have a fit if she knew what I was about to do."
"I-okay." Harry followed Lupin into the living room, trying to flatten down his bangs as he went. His mussed appearance suddenly seemed to matter more than it had a minute ago.
Lupin grabbed a handful of floo powder. "Go on, then, hop in. I'll toss the powder."
Harry scrambled into the fireplace. "Hang on-is that it? What do I do when I get there?"
Lupin shrugged. "Do you have your wand?"
Harry nodded, feeling the familiar weight of his wand in his right pocket. "Yeah."
"Fine," Lupin said. "I'm going to get you there. The rest is up to you."
"Up to me…?" Harry said. "But-but what about Voldemort and… and what about all that nonsense about being a danger to the Grangers? How will I get back?"
"Harry, the last thing I'm going to do is coddle you. You've been cooped up for far too long this summer. It is high time you be allowed to make your own decisions. You will go to St. Mungo's to see Hermione. Your visit and the length of time you spend there will be left to your judgment." Lupin paused. "Voldemort will not rest until he's killed you, yes, but that does not mean you must be left sheltered. Make the best of your life while you have it."
Harry met Lupin's eyes and comprehension dawned. This is what Sirius never had. They forced him to stay inside, this house as a jail.
They can't do it to me too.
Harry nodded. "I'm ready."
Lupin tossed the powder. "St. Mungo's, center 1127, codename 'meatballs.'"
The unpleasant sensation of traveling by floo swept through Harry and he unconsciously held his breath while he swirled around and around in the fireplace. He landed with a thump, drawing in a large gasp of air. Feeling like he'd skinned his knees, Harry scrambled to his feet, checked to make sure he had his wand, and scanned his sorroundings.
He was obviously in some kind of floo-reception room. On one wall was a large blown-up map of the hospital. Next to it was a large window, sunlight streaming in. There was a potted plant next to the door, looking wilted and brown. Above the door was a sign labeled Reserved For the Order of the Phoenix.
It suddenly struck Harry that he was in a very different area of the hospital than he had been in when he'd visited Mr. Weasley back in fifth-year. Of course the Order would have its own wing at St. Mungo's. From the password Lupin had given, Harry would have bet his Gringott's vault that it was a secret wing, one known only to members of the Order.
Dusting himself off, Harry glanced out the doorway, looking in each direction. To his right, a large hallway extended before him, hospital rooms on both sides. Harry could see patients in some, others appeared to be empty. Harry glanced to his left and let out a small gasp of surprise.
There was only a waiting room. Inside, he could see white, plastic tables. Trays lingered behind on some, others were covered in black grime. There was a long counter following the length of one end of the room. Behind it was a bored-looking wizard, face resting on his palm, and he stared dispiritedly into a bucket of food before him.
But what made Harry gasp was the sight of Hermione and her mother, sitting at one of those tables. Hermione appeared to be eating, her spoon swirled around and around in a bowl of porridge. Her mother's arm was in a sling and a long bruise marred the skin of her cheek. She was speaking to Hermione, who was nodding at appropriate intervals.
Summoning his courage, Harry walked towards them, pausing outside the waiting room. He felt like he was intruding. It suddenly occurred to Harry how personal this must be for Hermione. She was part of something he couldn't understand. A family. Parents. Parents in the hospital.
Harry's indecision came to a halt when Hermione looked up from her porridge. She went still when she saw him, eyes trained on his face. Her mother continued to talk, but Hermione wasn't paying any attention.
She set her spoon down on the table, standing up and leaving her mother in mid-sentence. Harry took a step backwards, unsure of himself. Hermione's face was expressionless.
He wasn't used to seeing her that way. Hermione was a guarded person by nature, but she'd always seemed so open about her feelings in his presence. He'd seen every conceivable emotion pass over her face-anger, frustration, sadness, happiness. Now, faced with the coolness of her eyes, Harry found that he didn't know how to respond.
"Hi," he said, trying to smile.
She didn't smile back. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you."
Hermione's mother rose from the table and came out to join them in the hall. Her mouth tightened into a thin line.
"Hermione, dear, what's going on?"
Hermione sighed. "Mum, you remember Harry, don't you?"
Harry thought that was a rather silly question to ask-it was clear from the look in Mrs. Granger's eyes that she more than remembered him. She clenched her jaw as she surveyed Harry up and down.
"Er… hello," Harry said, sticking out a hand. "It's nice to see you again."
Mrs. Granger didn't make any moves to shake his hand and Harry slowly withdrew it, face flaming in embarrassment.
"Of course I remember Harry," Mrs. Granger said. "He's your… special friend."
"Mum."
"Well, what do you expect, dear?" she said shrilly. "What do you want me to say?"
"You could attempt to be polite, at the very least," Hermione said, not looking in Harry's direction. It sounded like she was repeating some well-rehearsed lines. "Harry hasn't done anything to you."
"Oh, he hasn't, has he?" Mrs. Granger said.
"Mum, please," Hermione said, voice more insistent. "Give us a moment, will you? I'd like to speak with Harry alone."
Mrs. Granger clenched her jaw. "Hermione, we've-"
"Talked about this to death," Hermione said. "I know, Mum. I know. I'm asking you to give us a moment. Please."
Mrs. Granger shifted her eyes to Harry and he tried to smile, but his mouth felt awkward and frozen.
"I'm sorry," Harry finally managed. "I never wanted… I'm sorry."
Mrs. Granger stared at him with cool eyes, and Harry felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He couldn't blame her, not really. Not when he was the reason she might lose her daughter.
"Very well," Mrs. Granger said. "Five minutes Hermione. Your father… well, he'll want to see you."
Stiffly, she turned away. Harry couldn't bear to watch her any longer, and he focused on Hermione's face, desperate for some kind of warmth.
Her face was still carefully blank. "What are you doing here?"
Harry was momentarily taken aback. "I… I wanted to see you."
Her eyes closed for a moment as though she was summoning her patience. "Oh, Harry," she moaned. "Don't you ever think?"
Harry swallowed. "Yes, I do. Lupin… he told me the decision you were facing. I just… I just thought you might want some… support."
"Harry, you know what my parents think of you-of us! What kind of greeting did you expect to get here?" Hermione seemed on the verge of tears. "This may be the last time I ever see them, I do not want to spend it fighting with them!"
Harry took a step back, startled. "I-I never thought of it that way."
"No-you never do," Hermione snapped. "Well, I'm sorry, Harry, but you don't. You were only thinking about how you felt about the situation."
Harry grit his teeth and reminded himself she was upset. "That was uncalled for."
"Was it really?" Hermione said, raising her eyebrows. "I know you. I know you want me to tell you that this isn't your fault and that I don't blame you. But I can't right now, Harry. I'm watching my father writhing in pain in a hospital bed, not because he suffered a heart attack or a stroke, but because he was attacked by Death Eaters!"
"I'm so-"
"I don't want to hear about how you're sorry!" Hermione said, her face turning red. "Just-leave, will you?"
There was a lump in Harry's throat. It was with great difficulty that he nodded. "If that's what you want. I guess-I guess coming here was a mistake." Harry was horrified to hear his voice breaking. "I just… I wanted to support… whatever you choose."
Hermione sighed and her eyes seemed to soften. "It wasn't much of a choice," she said gently. "I can't just… you know Hogwarts is my home."
Harry nodded, not trusting his voice.
Hermione took a tentative step towards him. "Look-Harry, you know how I feel about you. That hasn't changed-that won't change. But I really think I need some… space."
"Space?" Harry choked out.
"Not like that," Hermione said quickly. "I just mean… go back to Grimmauld Place, alright? I think… I think it would be best if I didn't see you for a while."
Harry closed his eyes against the pain that washed over him. When he spoke, it sounded like his voice was coming from far away. "Okay. Whatever you want."
"Thank you."
The stranger's voice spoke again. "I'm here when you need me."
"I know."
Taking his chances, Harry reached out to grasp her fingers gently. "I really am sorry, Hermione."
Hermione's lip trembled. Quickly, she withdrew her hand and stepped back.
"I have to be strong for them."
"You are, Hermione," he said. "You're the strongest person I know."
Hermione's eyes filled and the next thing Harry knew, she had her arms around him, face pressed against his shoulder. For a moment, Harry was too stunned to react.
"Hey-Hermione, it's alright…" Harry said. "It's-it'll be okay…"
As suddenly as she threw her arms around him, she drew back, wiping at her eyes. She cracked a small smile and took a step back, gesturing to the waiting room.
"I'll see you later."
Hermione's cool tone was back, letting Harry know that it was time for him to leave.
"Bye…"
With a jerk, Hermione turned away, setting off down the hall.